PS You brought back a memory-- back in college, there was one boy whose room was totally coordinated and decorated. He wasn’t gay. But it was very odd considering all the other boys had hodgepodge rooms. His mom went a bit overboard and he had to spend the year trying to explain it… so maybe, let your son off the hook with that? I’m sure they will appreciate all the care packages you can send in the future, however!!!
I had a dust buster in college, used it for snack spills mainly.
As for giving your son decorating items for his dorm room, that is kind of creepy unless he asked.
If the other kid’s family is poor, leave it up to your son what he wants.
The other mom’s comment was out of line, but uh, a futon? Don’t they each have a bed already? Why would a futon make sense unless it was for nookie?
Maybe I’m behind the times, but pull-out couch or futon = two to a bed…
While a refrigerator and a microwave are not essential, they are really, really nice to have. (Some schools don’t allow microwaves, and it’s an inconvenience.) Whether one needs a fan or not depends on the school, but at QMP’s college, a fan was definitely needed at the start and end of the year. Those purchases are not in the category of “decorating.” It is probably a rare men’s dorm room that has a vacuum, but those Swiffer vacuums that are not much heavier than a broom (if at all) are more effective than brooms, and work on carpeted floors, wood floors, tile floors, and linoleum floors. I imagine that other dorm residents might want to borrow a vacuum from time to time. So the OP is doing fine!
Wire deer head–interesting and memorable. I see no problem with it if the son likes it.
“Frozen” bedspread story–excellent!
Futon–it depends on the room lay-out, but some dorm rooms will not have the space for one.
TV–well, maybe not. Aren’t they supposed to be studying? The computer will substitute, when it’s really needed. Also, many dorms have a TV room, and it might be more convenient to go there to watch a show or two, rather than having a lot of the people from the dorm congregating in your son’s room, because he has a TV.
OP, don’t be scared away by the comments…generally, the parent’s cafe is full of well meaning and experienced moms 
I suspect that the other mother is feeling a bit bad about not being able to contribute. Maybe hold off on all of the things and let the boys pick things out , including the roommate.
I get that this is your first experience with sending your child off…that can be overwhelming in itself. I am in the midst of sending off my baby and dealing with all of that . I am taking it one step at a time , while trying to not smother her in the process. I haven’t even looked at the " what to do with an empty nest " thread because I think I will become a blubbering idiot.
I don’t think you did anything wrong , but maybe take a step back for now .
Many years ago, we helped a neighbor who had custody of his daughters…this was a real head scratcher since he was an alcoholic , unstable person. His daughters were the same age as two of ours and he wasn’t in tune to their needs in so many ways , but one was a simple buying them clothes that didn’t come from a Salvation army bin…
One year at Christmas, he told me that he wasn’t going to give them any gift since they didn’t believe in Santa anymore. They were still pretty young.
I interfered , plain and simple and bought them gifts that I told him to give to his girls…with the condition that he could work them off by planting some trees ( he was a landscaper )
I specified that the gifts were NOT from me and he agreed. I asked that he did not let the girls know that I bought the gifts.
That night, while drunk , he brought the girls over…in his truck , no less and made them thank me.
I felt terrible because my intentions were lost and they were embarrassed because they thought our daughters would tell classmates ( which they didn’t )
This was in the 90’s when clothing from The Gap and Limited Two were "the " stores for clothing. I didn’t spend a lot but it didn’t actually help since it caused them humiliation.
I never gave anything to anyone after that , unless in was anonymous
If this is the typical un-airconditioned northeastern dorm room, a window fan may be needed to make the room habitable during an Indian summer in September.
I would also nix the tv and the vacuum. Kids watch tv on their computers, and dorms have vacuums.
I actually got S a nice used futon couch frame on Craigslist–really cheap–as well as a waterproof (essential!) mattress pad and a cover for the futon we already owned. I also got him a few pillows of his choice to go on it. He and his roommate each had their own tiny BR separated by a very small LR, and I thought it would be nice for them to have a couch that friends could also crash on if need be. But if they have one of those tiny rooms that used to be a single back in the good old days, no way will it fit. It is also true that he never used it after freshman year.
My S asked for an iron when he was in grad school. I nearly fainted. 
@oldfort As we know, you have girls. B-)
Wondering if the other mother actually “freaked out on you” in person or you heard that she was upset through the boys?
Honestly, I am not really buying into the whole “she’s upset because she can’t buy these things” deal. I mean at the end of the day these are your sons possessions. I am certain she knows that. Sorry, but politeness, manners and plain old good will toward the family of your son’s best friend should weigh in here as well. If she had some concerns about what you were purchasing, there is a way to broach that subject without “freaking out.” Especially since your heart was in the right place and you thought you were being helpful.
Bottom line is that if the boys are not upset then all’s good. Maybe they are happy to have these extras. And I would take my good old time at drop off. Not her concern.
Or maybe it’s the OP who is over-reacting and interpreted a regular exchange as “freaking out.” We don’t know and never will.
I think the gay remark qualifies as a freakout.
Dorms usually have vacuums for residents to use. I’m having a little doubt that early May is really the only opportunity to shop. Most of us have busy periods and know online shopping is an option. Many families preorder and pick up in the college town or near, rather than haul.
I think that, no matter what reason OP gives for this shopping trip, she preempted the other kid and his mom. And now she’s surprised her “largesse” got this reaction.
This would be different if the two moms had talked before, not just one telling the other what’s a done deal.
I agree many dorms don’t allow a fridge plus a mwave. I’d be surprised if they even sent the room rules yet. And this may bother some, but I’d be tempted to apologize and make peace.
Ah, decorating a little boy’s room. My little boy had the most adorable room! It was a baseball theme, with a fan that looks like a baseball glove and blades that looked like bats … posters that had timelines of famous baseball teams … everything coordinated in camel, burgundy, navy and green plaid … pictures of all the men in the family over time … vintage books passed down from my father, and an authentic Louisville Slugger bat … too cute for words. I had so much fun decorating it!
But, sadly, that time has passed. A dorm room isn’t yours to decorate the way that your kids’ rooms in your house may have been when they were younger. They get to have free rein as to whether they want nothing on the walls or posters covering every square inch. And the vast majority of dorm rooms don’t lend themselves to a futon or any other furniture other than the furniture that exists now. My son’s current room actually does - but that’s only because he’s an RA and has a huge double that he has a single. His previous rooms, you could barely turn around in.
I know it’s hard. But it’s for your son to decorate, your son to own the process, your son to arrange the furniture (even if you think it’s a stupid way to arrange it!), your son to figure out how often he wants to clean it or vacuum or change the sheets or take out the trash.
Please don’t “decorate” his room, beyond being the purchasing agent for items he’s indicated he wants. Your intentions are clearly well meant and noble, but he and his roommate have to navigate it themselves. Believe me, I thought my son and his freshman roommate were fools for unbunking their beds in a teeny-tiny dorm. But I had to shove a (metaphorical) sock in my mouth and let them do their thing.
Boys in particular seem to just want parents to drag in the suitcases, do a few things and get the heck out of dodge. As much as it kills me - because I LIVE to do stuff like this – I have to respect it. Good luck!
Or the gay remark was a non-funny joke.
I had a great excuse for putting his clothes away and making the bed: we were taking all but one small suitcase home. And of course, we had to assemble the futon couch. Even S couldn’t object to that. We had lunch with his new roommate, went to pick up his pre-ordered laptop, etc. We left before dinner.
@zoosermom, I didn’t cry until I was walking away and he couldn’t see me. 
My D also goes off to college in the Fall. I’ll be honest, I had not planned on talking to her roommates mother before we make purchases. Is that common practice?
I wonder if some of this may be coming from the roommate. I know my son wouldn’t be pleased if his roommate’s mom tried to decorate their room.
Where do I get the “Frozen” story? Post number? Love to hear it!
Don’t worry about other parents. Worry about your own kids but try to leave decorating up to your kids. Having a say about your environment and melding with others is as great a lesson as Math 101.
The gay remark probably wasn’t meant to be funny. But no matter what it should be ignored.
Here is another twist on the vacuum. When my D moved into her dorm freshman year, they had a suite with a living room. Big excitement… we got to decorate a living area. My D was all over that and organized who would bring what and we got to bring the couch, wall hangings, area rug, etc. But, not one of them had a vacuum. Real quick right on moving day the carpet and area rug were a disaster. No Vacuum
In the room next door a Mom was leaving her son and he kept trying to give her back a brand new vacuum cleaner in the box. Then he was hiding in his room playing video games. All four cute girls went over to his room to beg if they could borrow the vacuum cleaner. He shyly came in to meet everyone.
So, the vacuum could be a ‘chic magnet’ for some of your shy sons
Believe me… I am the type that would have loved to decorate every inch of that dorm suite. But, I controlled myself and just asked my D to sit down with me and make a list of things needed. Just that was like pulling teeth. I let her try to organize with the other girls. Then I set a budget for ‘decoration’ items, including our leftover couch and got to go shopping with her for the fun stuff.
Most of this happens over summer time when they start truly gearing up. Kids this age cannot think that far ahead… too much ‘in the moment’ with senior year.
Harvest, I think what most people are saying is that the kids should be doing the talking, not the moms.
When ds1 moved in, his roommate had been there a week because he had come early to do intl students orientation. No parents, no exchanging of phone numbers, nothing. I have to admit, it felt a bit anticlimatic. Coming from China, the roomie brought almost nothing. The room looked so spare despite him living there for a week.
When ds2 moved in, his roommate glommed on to us and ignored his family. It kind of irritated me and made me long for an intl roommate! lol I felt kind of bad for his family, who were really nice from all appearances. They brought his older sister, too, who had just graduated from college. Ds1 enjoyed that as she was really good-looking! I think he just felt the need to separate so bad.
Bottom line: You just never know how it’ll go.
The ROOMMATES should talk to each other, not the moms!!!
Also, I’m going to assume that the OP mom knows the dorm room and that there is room for a futon. Many dorms rooms DO have room for a futon. All 3 of mine went/are going to small privates and all their rooms, all their years could accommodate a futon.
Found the “Frozen” post–that is SO my son!
@Harvestmoon1, no, it is NOT the norm. These two families happen to know each other already.