“He always gladly accepted whatever I thought he needed…and then brought most of it back unused at year’s end humbly apologizing that he didn’t really need it nor had room for it.”
LOL, sounds like my son.
He also admitted the only time his bed was made and his clothes were hung up in his closet was on day 1. By day 3 the place was a bedlam.
Vacuums are useful!! My carpet gets so disgusting because it’s like living in a combination kitchen, foyer, and bedroom. Especially in the winter, when we track in salt and slush. I’m glad I have a vacuum, don’t know why you guys are hating on it so much.
I also was stunned that at this point you have all these items gathered! I understand your tight time schedule but also, maybe thing about that this isn’t a race to get everything purchased and checked off the list - especially if you see it all as YOUR list and YOUR responsibility to do - let the guys have a hand in it - or let them figure out some of the things they might need AFTER they get there - they can order things online too and not have to bother your busy schedule. 
I also would have to wonder if part of this reaction (or non-reaction) from roomie’s mom is a little jealousy over the fact that you can or did purchase all those items. Maybe she wanted to scrape together some $$$ and get a futon - but knew that couldn’t happen for her till August. Now, she sees her opportunity to shop with her son out the door because the room is already filling up (they are usually somewhat small rooms!) with the stuff you have purchased.
I’m sure you are well intentioned - but try and put the foot on the other shoe.
No on the vacuum. If they need one, they can get one from the school. (I’ve never heard of a school where you can’t sign out a vacuum for a bit.) There is just no room and they likely will not use it.
Do you even know how big the rooms are? A futon would not have fit in my dorm room.
Just let the boys decide what they want. The dear head sounds weird to me but maybe they like it.
It’ll be ok. Less is more when it comes to dorm stuff- especially since they are so tiny!
I’ll definitely second post 42 from abasket–give roommate’s mom some leeway to contribute. She’s sending her son off too and wants to gift him whatever she can afford I’m sure. And some of that could be second hand–either the MW or the frig for example which you’ve already bought. You could be stepping on toes without realizing it.
You are a good mom…just take a breath, and realize that others may not do things your way. I wouldn’t give one little worry about that. If your son is ok with all that you’ve done, you are golden. Next year will be different, and your son will have a really good idea of what he REALLY wants/needs, so enjoy this last rite of passage.
My D had very specific wants/needs, so I was just a method of payment, and dad was the Sherpa. I made up her bed, while she unpacked clothes, dad did the techie stuff and lofted her bed. All told, it was 2-3 hours and we were gone. Year two we had it down to 1-2 hrs, and years 3-4 she flew solo. It’s a process, and your kid will be your guide.
Post 45–My son allowed me to make his bed when moving in the first year. I had to–it was part of letting go. He shrugged his shoulders and went wandering the hall to meet people until his mom was done “fussing” with stuff (which I’m sure he promptly rearranged later on). Then dinner.
Let’s just say I got over that! But it’s hard to let go no matter how old they get.
Bodangles–not all dorm rooms even have carpet. A small broom would be more useful in most cases. And guys are well…“guys”. Most don’t focus on anything to do with dirt until age 25…maybe.
This was our experience, though D went solo year 2. Her first year I DID bring a supply of cleaning products with the plan of a top to bottom clean of her space before her Dad and I headed off…she was mortified at the thought. H and I departed with the suite’s bathroom being as filthy as when we arrived. D survived.
It is really kind of you to get the big stuff for the room and to give the friend your son’s old computer. What I would be concerned about is creating a relationship where the friend is sort of financially dependent on your kid (what happens when that old computer breaks?) and the friend may feel ashamed or resentful in some way, OR start he might start asking for more stuff/expect your son to pay for everything, all the time. Your son may start to weary of “taking care” of the other kid financially, or feel that the roommate “owes him” because of all the stuff he’s (you’ve) paid for. It is hard to live with a friend. Good luck to them, and I hope they will get along. I don’t think you’ve crossed a line yet, (posters OK, since your kid liked them) but stop where you are before you do.
I have 3 sons who are either in college/already out of college. Fortunately they mostly had singles. One had a few posters (mostly from other students who moved out), the other two never decorated at all. The most un-used item was the iron/steamer. (Recently found the one I gave youngest son stashed in the back of closet at home. I just gave it to him during spring break because his brother–who goes to the same college–complained about younger one always going around with wrinkly clothes. Older kid’s clothes aren’t wrinkly because he hangs them up out of the dryer. Younger kid keeps his on the floor, apparently.) No vacuum, but they did/do have brooms/cleaning supplies.
I am going to ignore the other mom’s ignorant comment, but agree with most others that you should slow your roll. You’ve already done plenty on a super-early timeline. I don’t blame the other mom for feeling overwhelmed. I can think of many reasons why she may have said what she said, most already covered here (she feels bad that you’re providing all the “good stuff,” she feels bad that she can’t afford to provide all the things you are).
However, that whole thing with her telling you how YOU should handle drop off – well, it’s none of her business so I’d ignore that. Every school does it differently, and so does every family. It’s a little tricky because you know each other already so maybe there’s an expectation that you’ll do things the same. I mean, the kids won’t have that awkward getting to know you small talk, and neither will their parents. But that doesn’t mean that you have to bow to her wishes on this.
Don’t feel like an idiot. (((hugs))) This is a big step,and there’s no one right way to do it.
Both of mine would have loved a wire deer head. Just sayin. OTOH, they wouldn’t have gotten around to actually hanging it up.
My basement is a perpetual warehouse of household items, furniture pieces. We are in the home stretch of furnishing apartments but I have very much enjoyed feeling like I’m contributing, even if I know that’s a myth I’ve created in my head I wouldn’t be too hard on the OP.
Oh, yeah, I meant to say that I am from Texas and got a kick from the idea of a deer head. Do you have a link?
Our youngest son is a minimalist and took very little other than essentials with him. He was very uninvolved in buying anything for his dorm and told me and his sister to just pick out any bedspread. When my D called him from Target to give him the final choice between 2 that we selected, he just said he didn’t care. We surprised him with a “Frozen” bedspread - we had another one in the trunk with plans to return the “Frozen” one. He started laughing when he saw it but told us “that’s fine- it’ll work”. He eventually did return it.
As far as decorations the boys still don’t really have any now in their second year (unless you count surfboards leaning against the walls). As far as vacuuming, I’m pretty sure they do it every time they change their sheets (never).
takeitallin, That Frozen bedspread story is amazing. I wish I had thought of it!
In theory each family handles drop off the way they want to. But a couple of caveats may apply. One, the school may have things scheduled in such a way that there really isn’t opportunity for parents to linger. This was the case for my son. Two, the people who will actually be in the room should get more say than the other family members. I think you should at least consider that maybe the son’s roommate woujd prefer not to have any parents hanging around. His mom may be voicing concerns she has picked up from him.
Now if your so really wants you there that’s one thing. But if he is indifferent, and it’s at least possible that the roommate prefers you not be, then I think backing off is a good idea.
Both of my kids had a vacuum in their room and they vacuumed almost weekly. The thought of never vacuuming one’s room for 8 months is kind of disgusting.
I would just go ahead to get whatever your kid needs, may it be posters, picture frames, fridge, whatever. You don’t need to consult the roommate’s mom. The only time it is crossing the line is when you ask roommate’s mom to get similar color scheme sheets/comforter.
We didn’t drop our kids and run. We moved them in, checked out what was missing and made many BB&B runs. We have built bookshelves, dresser, double hung the closet, etc.
I think it’s fine to buy decor as long as your son picked out the posters and deer head himself and asked you for them. If he did not, maybe you should put your focus on redecorating something around your own house. It’s very generous that you supplied the refrigerator, etc. They should say thank you and move on. It’s possible also that this other boy doesn’t like t he stuff you picked out at all, and also possible that your son is just going along with it because he cares about your feelings. Which is a nice thing. In any case, time to stop, unless they specifically request something.
Antlers???
The thought of rarely changing the sheets is pretty disgusting too but they all seem to survive.