<ol>
<li><p>Is it rude to post on FB that you had dinner with Sam and Deb and Sally and Willy who are members of a larger group when others in the group are excluded? Wouldn’t you just say “had a fabuous dinner at Crab Shack” with good friends?</p></li>
<li><p>Is it rude to post about a wonderful party you hosted with general friends if all local friends on FB are not invited?? </p></li>
<li><p>Is it rude to discuss a social outing at work with some who are going in front of others who have not been invited? </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Or is it just me? Makes me feel excluded and hurt, frankly. I wouldn’t do it without making it clear that the party was for a birthday party for dh’s best friend, for instance, or some explanation of why others weren’t invited.</p>
<p>I think explaining why others weren’t invited just makes it seem like you are feebly trying to come up with a “valid” reason why you didn’t invite others, when in fact you don’t need to justify. Therefore, I never talk about stuff like that and I almost never post stuff on my Facebook, much less something like that.</p>
<p>So my answer is yes, it’s probably a little rude, but you are possibly over sensitive. Of course you are not going to be invited to everything, and most of the time it has nothing to do with any kind of insult or specific exclusion. You can’t invite everyone to everything either.</p>
<p>I don’t think it is rude… I don’t ever think, “Oh, they left me out!” when I see that friends went out. Sometimes I wish I were there, but it has never occurred to me that my friends always need to invite me… I have social lives without some of them, and certainly expect they don’t include me sometimes. Honestly, I think it is kind of self absorbed to expect them to not post that they did something with friends just because they didn’t invite everyone they know on FB that is local… sort of like giving a valentine to every kid in the class. You do it in lower school, but not once you get to middle school and beyond.</p>
No, it isn’t rude. You had a good time with Sam and Deb. Sally and Willy were not there. You saying you had a good time with the former does not mean you wouldn’t have not had a good time with the latter. Sally and Willl have no reason to feel some type of way. </p>
<p>
No, it isn’t rude. Those local friends weren’t there. Not everyone can be at *every * social event. Those who had the party can say they had a good time. No need to downplay the enjoyment they experienced. The local friends have no reason to feel some type of way. </p>
<p>
This is a bit rude. If the group of you guys are having a collective discussion and you suddenly switch the topic to one that excludes them, it is rude. There’s nothing wrong with then broadening the topic, however. It is more the excluding the person from the conversation that is rude than not inviting the persons in the conversation.</p>
<p>Many of these are not rude. Not everyone can hang out with everyone at every occasion. There will be times you won’t be invited. There are time when someone wants to hang out with just one person and not a group of people. Respect that. If you feel excluded, make your own outing and set up your own event. </p>
<p>I disagree. I think it is rude. I once saw photos on FB of a good friend’s 50th birthday party – to which I had not been invited. I was a bit hurt. So Yes, I do think it’s rude.</p>
<p>I post on FB general things – visiting S1 in his city; here’s a pic of the house in the snow; look at the wonderful dinner I made. Nothing that would make someone feel as if I’m excluding them from an important event.</p>
<p>I feel it is more the action that you weren’t invited to the party that was rude rather than them posting a picture that you found rude. </p>
<p>If someone has a get-together, they aren’t allowed to post pictures because someone wasn’t invited? If the party isn’t a secret…why should it be kept a secret? Not posting pictures of an event makes it seem like it should be kept a secret…as if you’re hiding the fact that you had a get-together without them.</p>
<p>I don’t think it is <em>rude</em> per se, but I think it is risky because it can be hurtful to your other friends who were not included. Like VeryHappy, I try to stay away from posting things I think might be hurtful to others.</p>
<p>Its worth separating one’s personal feelings (their reaction) from the intention of others. I dont think any of the 3 examples are rude. The third is perhaps a tad insensitive, but probably was an oversight and not intentionally meant to hurt or offend someone.</p>
<p>People can post whatever they like on their facebook page. They aren’t posting with the intent of offending someone else. Couples can go out, or have others over without feeling obligated to invite everyone. If it makes you that uncomfortable, you can unfriend them on fbk so you dont have to see them share their enjoyable activities.</p>
<p>Well, I posted pics from my D’s wedding on Facebook, and I think (and hope) that friends of mine who were not invited did not take offense. (D and her now H were in charge of the guest list.) It was nice to have some lovely comments from people who had not been invited, but remembered my D from her early years. </p>
<p>But if a neighbor friend posted pics of a gathering with other neighbors to which I had not been invited, I think I would feel bad.</p>
<p>This. While I don’t take lack of invites as personally*, many others don’t feel the same way. </p>
<p>More importantly, it’s better to know about rude behavior from the lack of being invited through such disclosures so you can re-assess the relationship with the non-inviter and act accordingly. </p>
<p>Best to know so one can distinguish true friends from the jerks, the thoughtless, etc…or if the lack of invite was due to one’s own faults such as acting in an anti-social manner on previous invites. </p>
<ul>
<li>Simply state “I’m too busy” if they call up asking for help with something is one easy way many folks…including yours truly deals with this type of situation. :)</li>
</ul>
<p>Social media is full of what people do in their lives. Life is too short to be worrying about who is seeing what and whether they’ll be offended. Life is to short to be getting hurt over pictures of people you weren’t with and places where you weren’t there. If I saw a picture of a friend hanging out with a mutual friend, I’d feel a little left out, but I’d also be glad that they had an enjoyable time out and then proceed to ask them how it was. I know if they’re my friends, they’re not intentionally excluding me. I also know that I’m not going to be invite to every social event that takes place. </p>
<p>If it hurts you that you weren’t invited, express that. Call them. Go out for lunch and have a chat. If these people are really friends, then they will hear you out. Then both of you will be able to work towards an understanding. </p>
<p>I don’t expect to be invited to everything and I’m not hurt when my friends have other friends. Friends get together for all sorts of reasons. I often just go grab dinner or lunch with a group of friends because we happened to all be together. I’m not trying to leave anyone out, it’s just a matter of convenience.
I’m going on vacation with a few friends next week. There’s a close group of about 10 of us that get together about once every other month at my house (we live all over MI and OH). I sincerely doubt the rest of the group will find it rude that we’re going with these 2 and not everyone. </p>
<p>You are not alone. I have a recollection of reading that spending time on FB increases feelings of depression. I’m sure your feelings are the reason. One thing I tell myself is that photos often make events look more fun than they really were. For all you know, the people who went to that party were bored to tears and left early. ;)</p>
<p>Okay, I don’t have a Facebook account and this sort of thing is one of the many reasons why. It is beyond my comprehension why an adult who had a simple dinner with friends would want to announce that fact to everyone they know as if it’s some kind of major life event. Who cares? It’s also beyond my comprehension why any adult would want to crow about the great party they hosted when those who attended have their own opinions of the event and those who didn’t couldn’t care less. It’s the element of egotism in memorializing one’s daily life on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or whatever that I find to be very unattractive and often verging on pathological. If there’s a remote chance that you might hurt someone’s feelings by posting about a social event that already happened, then why do it at all? It’s not important, it doesn’t matter. I can’t think of anything less interesting, or any dumber way to spend my time, than reading about where and with whom one of my friends had dinner last night or what party they threw that I didn’t attend. In pre-social networking days, that sort of information would have been disclosed only to someone who specifically asked how your evening went or whether a particular restaurant or caterer was any good. And that was just fine. [Crawls back into ancient curmudgeon cave.]</p>
<p>Bay…spot on. What a good many choose to post on FB is carefully edited to present a certain image. Some choose the fun, party persona, some the woe is me, life is hard image. I’d much rather read about my friends having fun, even if I wasn’t included, than the Debbie Downer type posts. Sadly,I have a few FB Friends like that who seem to crave the attention and sympathy of others on a near daily basis. Most of my peer group does just what VeryHappy does…kids, house, family stuff. It’s fun, for the most part. </p>
<p>If you are so close to the people who did not invite you…wouldn’t you hear about the party later? This all seems so “middle school.” Time to graduate.</p>
<p>I don’t get people who go out to lunch with a couple of friends and feel the need to announce it on FB, especially with pictures. The whole thing has always seemed so contrived.</p>
<p>I have mixed feelings about posting pics of events with friends. When I first joined FB, I used it as a photo album for good memories that would exist in cyberspace forever, so I posted a lot of those types of things. As my friend list expanded, I stopped doing that because it seemed egotistical (“look how much fun my life is!”), and I post only things like VeryHappy does. My takeaway is that people who use FB should be aware of how others react to certain types of posts, then go ahead and post them if you want to, but be prepared to be the subject of derision or hurt feelings.</p>
<p>I happen to agree with this. I have an acquaintance who posts so many things which makes you just shake your head. Posting pictures of herself wearing a bikini and saying “I know I don’t look that great, but…” Talk about a grab for external validation and basically an announcement that she craves and needs compliments. Posts about surgeries, intimate gifts given to her SO of a sexual nature, amazing feats of her children (“DD took out the trash today! What a great kid!”) that no one wants to hear about. Constant status changes, many of the thought that just occurred to her about some trivial subject. </p>
<p>For many people, Facebook seems to be about getting attention (gotta get that “like”), a way to show everyone how great their lives are, etc., but in fact it actually can give the opposite impression. </p>
<p>Both of my Ds have Facebook accounts, which is why I set one up in the first place, but lately they don’t seem to post much.</p>