<p>People need to lighten up. As others have said, we cant invite everyone to everything. And sometimes we select one group for a gathering and another time might select another. Its all ok. Doesn’t mean we were purposely slighted or excluded. Whats wrong with being happy for our friends that they had a nice time, rather than being concerned that we weren’t at that particular gathering. </p>
<p>I have never participated on facebook, but I was taught all of the behaviors mentioned in the OP are rude when they take place in real life.</p>
<p>I can understand feeling wistful that you weren’t invited to you nieces wedding or something like that. But lunch with some friends? Or an outing? </p>
<p>I don’t post very many pics on FB…but if I went out to lunch and wanted to post the picture, I would. I can’t invite every single friend to every single outing. Just can’t happen.</p>
<p>Ruder is for a guest to post when the host didn’t. My sis pared down her July4th celebration a few years ago and was very conscious of not hurting feeling. She was pretty put out to find that a guest HAD posted about it.</p>
<p>Also, some teens and some Uber-Moms do this on purpose with the intent to make people feel left out. (Not saying that this is the case here, but it happens)</p>
<p>I think I am being rude if I show photos of a dinner with mutual friends to friends who weren’t included or tell friends about a party to which they weren’t invited or discuss an upcoming social outing in front of people not invited. It doesn’t matter to me whether the excluded friends are justified or not in feeling offended. I am being rude when I do it… according to my mother and grandmothers, because it is not thoughtful behavior. </p>
<p>My best bet is that this is going to be one of those threads that is both educational & illuminating. 
BTW in the context of what I was taught, this whole post is pretty rude. :(</p>
<p>Honestly I think something good can come out of this scenario. I understand OP’s hurt feelings but if it were me I would conclude that I view the relationship to be closer than it really is. So seeing that FB post allows me to get a more realistic picture of the dynamics of the relationship. I certainly don’t want to go around thinking someone is a close friend, when in reality they are not. I would adjust how I deal with the person going forward once the hurt feelings are behind me. I do not care for unbalanced relationships, they usually are frought with angst.</p>
<p>This thread is rude?</p>
<p>Wait…posting a picture of you hanging out with another friend on Facebook is rude? </p>
<p>This thread IS enlightening. Fortunately, people are able to pick their friend group and change it to what they see fit. I know for a fact that my friends wouldn’t huff about me posting a picture of a social event that they weren’t at. Why? Because we’re friends and we love each other and our relationship in stronger than a picture on Instagram.</p>
<p>There’s a time and place for everything. Not every friend can be with everyone at the same time. My friends and I understand there are different circles of friends. While there may be a group of friends hanging out without one of them Friday night, that does not mean they wouldn’t be invited the next night. </p>
<p>I understand my view is different. I have a TIGHT circle of friends. We’re honest with each other and trust one another enough not to be threatened by two friends going on a cruise without the rest of us.</p>
<p>Niquii77: My post is rude, assuming there is such a thing as polite society and that the internet is part of polite society. It is rude because it is critical of other posters. I am writing I think they are rude. I can’t see a way around that in giving my opinion on the OP’s question.</p>
<p>Basically, I’m arguing against putting friends in a position where their feelings may be hurt and I’m doing just that to “friends” on this board. A conundrum, for sure.</p>
<p>People post photos on facebook to share their experiences. </p>
<p>I like to see what my facebook friends have been doing – it doesn’t make me feel excluded. On the contrary, it makes me feel included – I get to see a part of their lives that I wouldn’t otherwise. Some of the people I like to follow would not be likely to invite me anyway – they live too far away, or I am just a friend and they are posting photos of a family gathering, or there is a substantial age difference and I wouldn’t fit in, or they are doing the sort of stuff that I probably wouldn’t enjoy. </p>
<p>It’s pretty easy to adjust settings on facebook to limit the people who see your posts in their timeline, or to avoid seeing posts in your own timeline that you don’t want to see. At least I’ve figure out who to get rid of the posts from people I’m not keen on without having to unfriend them entirely. (Sometimes it’s a matter of feeling a little bit too included – like seeing a bunch of pictures of your college-age niece doing things you know her parents wouldn’t approve of, and just feeling like its TMI ) </p>
<p>I’m pretty introverted, but I learned something many years ago from my extroverted daughter years ago about social inclusion/exclusion – something I never knew but she was able to teach me as a 7 year old. The way to be included in all the social events is simply to be the one doing all the including. You need to be proactive about hosting your own events, whether it’s a big party or a simple lunch date with one or two friends. </p>
<h1>3 is definitely rude.</h1>
<p>People are Facebook friends with like 1000 people. They can’t all possibly attend anything. </p>
<p>Number 3 could be rude, assuming you are all part of some small social circle but there are plenty of people at work who could be talking about a party that we all know I have no interest in attending. too. I do agree that if your having a bad day looking at a bunch of happy Facebook friends photos is not helpful. But, as others have said…it’s a veneer…</p>
<p>Rude to all three and IMO it’s a big faux pas on the part of many people today. </p>
<p>I don’t invite everyone every time or expect to be invited everywhere, either, and it’s not that I am offended, because nothing people do really surprises me, but it is usually considered rude when people talk about a party in front of those not invited. As noted there can be exceptions, for example, a party in honor of someone else, where it’s clear none of your own circle of friends were invited, but it’s always good to err on the side of caution. </p>
<p>Also, I think it’s a violation of common courtesy to post photos of people, and especially of other people’s children, without their permission. I proactively ask people please not to post my photo, especially if I’m at an event and I suspect they will be sharing photos with mutual, uninvited friends. </p>
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<p>I’ve gotten so tired of people posting my photo on Facebook even though I’ve asked them not to, that now I usually refuse to pose for photos for those people. My family/friends think I’m being unreasonable, but I don’t really care. </p>
<p>Bay, you probably nailed it. Rather than rude, I guess I should look at it as being thoughtless.
It just sort of makes me flinch sometimes as I would not want someone to feel purposely excluded. In a room with A,B,C,and D I would not say “hey, B, C and D, let’s all go for a drink after work”. Very thoughtless.</p>
<p>so if I post on my facebook “had a great lunch with X and Y” then my other hundreds of friends should get offended?</p>
<p>really?</p>
<p>OP here. Most of you are not getting it so obviously I did not explain it well to begin with. I absolutely do not expect to be invited to everthing and that’s okay. But it’s a bit shocking to be the only couple not invited when the bowling group goes out to dinner and then see the outing posted on FB. Just an example, a for instance to see if it makes it any clearer.</p>
<p>or “great neighborhood party!!!”…and not all the neighbors were invited.</p>
<p>Well, yes that would be weird. And rude. Sorry.</p>
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Thank you.</p>
<p>VaBluebird, is this your couple group that meets on a schedule? Well, if oyu guys agreed to hang out every month or so and they didn’t invite you, then that is rude.</p>
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<p>It’s really not a question of hundreds of FB friends being offended. I’m not usually offended when I know that A went out with X and Y but wouldn’t post something like any more than I would announce it over a microphone to room full of hundreds people. It’s giving myself way too much credit to imagine that anyone who was not there cares. And if even one person feels that it’s been too long between our own lunches, then it’s probably one too many. </p>
<p>In person and one on one can sometimes be a different story, but at least then I can make judgments on an individual basis. But it has always been my understanding that it’s rude to talk about an event that might have included someone, but didn’t. </p>