<p>The Trevor Projects 24-hour suicide-prevention helpline for gay teenagers: 866-488-7386</p>
<p>For background on its development and purpose, here’s WIKI: [The</a> Trevor Project - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Trevor_Project]The”>The Trevor Project - Wikipedia)</p>
<p>[Youth</a> Guardian Services](<a href=“http://www.youth-guard.org/about/]Youth”>http://www.youth-guard.org/about/)</p>
<p>An online resource group for gay youth across the country. If you know of a gay youth who needs support, this is a wonderful group of individuals. I know the young man who founded the group as well as several of the board members. The son of the Chair came to the same sad end as Tyler, committing suicide after being bullied and harassed because he was gay.</p>
<p>Thanks, alwaysamom for posting that info. I’ve shared it with others who can pass that info on.</p>
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<p>Please don’t put words into anyone’s mouth. No one has “suggested” that suicide cannot be prevented or that it’s appropriate to “shrug one’s shoulders” and cavalierly allow someone to commit suicide. But AFTER the fact of a suicide apparently no one saw coming, it’s ridiculous to say “he shouldn’t have done that,” “it would all have blown over,” and “it was way out of proportion.” These are things logical people with healthy minds say or think and criticizing the victim after his death for not having been logical or healthy is completely pointless.</p>
<p>This case and the many others like it in middle, high school, and colleges point out two things to me:
<p>I think in many ways we are becoming a society that seeks to address no. 1 with legal remedy, rather than moral education. After the fact, we can sue and even criminally charge some of these brutes to send a message. Before the fact, no one was helping these brutes develop a moral compass. </p>
<p>as for number 2 above- I think we are becoming a society that values human life only when it is productive and convvenient to do so. When young kids hear about physician assisted suicide, for example, in a way that supports it as mercy killing, they clearly get a message that life is only worth living if there is no pain and one can contribute according to the rules of the society. </p>
<p>My brother committed suicide at the age of 28, after battling depresion for many years. He was bullied and treated very poorly, not because of his sexuality, but because of his disease. I make no excuses for him- he did ultimately make the final decision. But he didn’t get to the “no way out” point in a vaccuum either. </p>
<p>I don’t know the answer here- I’ve spent 12 years wondering if there was any way any of us family, who was a support system for him, could have helped to change the outcome.</p>
<p>These are just a few of my thoughts.</p>
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<p>Is it against the law to publicly name one’s past or current sexual partners if one is being truthful? I don’t know what the law is in North Carolina on this subject, but I suspect it is not illegal there or in any state. If it is, then a whole lot of tell-all autobiographies which line the shelves of every bookstore were written by criminals who somehow got away with an illegal act.</p>
<p>Aside from being in bad taste and rather stupid (think potential employers and google),her actions probably won’t result in criminal charges.</p>
<p>For some reason I find it almost as disturbing that so many college age kids- on this thread and on the same topic on ‘college life’- actually aren’t viewing this event as evil as most of us the adults are viewing it (e.g. making excuses, not seeing it as quite so bad, defending the bullies). </p>
<p>I am hoping it is merely a sign that college kids lack a fully matured brain and the moral reasoning skills they will develop into adulthood. I am hoping that just as many kids in every generation had such views. </p>
<p>But my real worry is it is a sign of something quite terribly wrong about this generation of kids (not the majority of course, but enough of them in their cohort to suggest that they might be more cruel than prior generations). I’m just shaking my head. Is this our future?</p>
<p>Suicide is seldom a rational act. I’ve been suicidal, and looking back, the reasons seem trivial. For instance, in college, I considered suicide after getting drunk and throwing up on front of others.</p>
<p>I was ashamed, and thought my reputation was forever ruined.</p>
<p>Agree with most that has been said, and have tears in my eyes for Tyler.</p>
<p>My wish is that we could create a society so loving and excepting that the shame of being shown doing something very natural for oneself would drive anyone to carry out or even contemplate suicide.</p>
<p>As long as homophobia and sexual prudery exist situations like this will arise.</p>
<p>I feel robbed. (Of course I know this is not the issue – his parents’ loss and poor Tyler’s pain are the dominant issues.) But I stand by my statement. The picture of this boy with his violin makes me sure I would have loved to sit down and chat with him.</p>
<p>How many other people have been robbed of their chance to know Tyler and hear him play?</p>
<p>The two thoughtless kids who did this are not so far from average kids. We may revile their acts, but I don’t think we should convince ourselves that they are all that atypical.</p>
<p>Excellent post mythmom. May I also add that the stories on this thread from the posters who have overcome a suicidal time in their lives are inspirational to me. I know you came back from a very dark place.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, I don’t agree that these kids aren’t atypical. I think most kids would not go over the line like that. I think conscience would kick in, the gut feeling that such an action to humiliate and hurt another kid would be a reprehensible thing to do. …Especially directed at another kid who they do not yet know well and who could very well be completely devastated and severely harmed by the action.</p>
<p>I also don’t think the behavior of these kids, particularly Ravi who set it all up both times, is typical of young adults. While I don’t think he is the only one to behave in this manner, I think such behaviors are in the minority and not typical of most young people.</p>
<p>Pea, I doubt those those on this thread who have considered suicide and come away from that intact consider themselves “inspirational”. Looking at your earlier post, I am guessing that you consider them to be superior in some way to this boy who committed suicide. You have no knowledge of why they managed to do so (maybe counseling, drug that helped them past a stage of mental illness, someone came along the bridge right when they were about to jump, a family member intervened and got them civilly committed, a friend just came along to talk at the right time…). You seem to be assuming that they did this on their own, and your earlier post implies that the boy who died just had some kind of weakness that the other posters here don’t have. </p>
<p>You should pray that suicide never hits in your immediate family – you will feel pretty foolish about your comments on it if it ever does. The complexity and agony of it for everyone involved seem far beyond your comprehension at this point.</p>
<p>I agree with others that this behavior is not typical, and that most kids wouldn’t dream of doing something like this. I also looked at the thread in College Life, and most posters there are outraged at the violation, saddened by Tyler’s death and the torment he experienced, and some are calling for extreme penalties. There is one poster who is a friend of Molly’s, and she is making excuses and presenting ridiculous arguments supporting her position that she did nothing wrong. I can’t judge this poster too harshly. A few years ago, someone I knew and admired was convicted of a white collar crime. This person had done a lot of good in another context, and I found myself questioning whether what he had done should really be considered a crime. It’s human nature to rationalize the bad behavior of those we know and love.</p>
<p>I am shocked by the Duke woman’s actions - Good Lord! Even worse than what she did is the fact that she is being rewarded for it - attention, praise, offers? And I’ve never watched Jersey Shore, but I’ve seen short video clips (probably the most outrageous parts). This is entertainment? When I was young, we watched Ed Sullivan and the Howdy Doody Show, I Love Lucy and Bonanza. What are we coming to?</p>
<p>I’ve been feeling heartsick since learning of this when the story broke. It’s been in the papers and on the air nonstop where I live. Yesterday, I attended a conference at a hotel on the perimeter of the Rutgers campus and couldn’t shake my palpable sadness. Upon leaving the conference, I rode in a parking deck elevator with a young man of college age and said to him, “Tough week at Rutgers, huh?” to which he responded, “I wouldn’t know; I’m not a student here.” Was it remotely possible he hadn’t heard the news? Or did he mean that because he wasn’t personally involved, he wasn’t affected? I was just stunned by his reply.</p>
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<p>Ironic then that today, just one day after my experience in the elevator, I was in the checkout line at the grocery store when I recognized the customer behind me as the mom whose son had held down my kid’s head in a toilet bowl while his friend flushed it in elementary school. I will NEVER EVER forget the hysteria that had built up in me by the time my DH called home that night while away on business (pre-cell phone). And when I confronted that mom, years ago, when she didn’t have the decency to call me or to feel sickened by her son’s actions – she turned on her heel and walked away with a snicker. No shame or remorse whatsoever.</p>
<p>I feel terrible for Tyler, his family, and friends. I think the two people who did this to him should be prosecuted to the fullest extent. I hope that the other young man in the video sues, prosecutes, and does everything he can to make the two who filmed him pay for their callous actions.</p>
<p>With that said, I have to wonder how much of this was the final straw in Tyler’s life. Why did his parents not know about their son? Were they too judgmental or potentially not accepting of their son as a gay man? Why was his sexuality news to them?</p>
<p>While no one deserves to be outed or publicly humiliated for their sexuality, one wonders if the suicide was the straw the broke the camel’s back and not a violent reaction to a terrible decision by his roommates? Had this young man been struggling with this issue for awhile?</p>
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<p>A good friend of mine has always been very close to her kids. Her son speaks to her almost everyday, even now when he is 27. When he told his mother he was gay 5 years ago, she was very upset and saddened by the news. She didn’t care her son was gay, but she was upset that she didn’t know, and her son had to wait for so long to tell her. She some how felt she had failed him because he didn’t have enough trust/faith in her to share something that was so important to him. Once she found out, she was very supportive of him, she even helped him to break the news to his father (her ex husband).</p>
<p>Just because a parent doesn’t know, it does not mean he/she is judgemental. It is not unusual for a child to wait to break the news to his/her parents.</p>
<p>Old, I know of situations like that as well. I also know friends of my son who came out during HS. They were able to do so after they became convinced that ONE of their parents was able to handle the information. They estimated the fathers would not handle the situation well and they were right. In the end, the mothers were told first and then helped the father try to comes to terms with the news. It was imperative that they tell their parents because much of the school already knew.</p>
<p>It’s possible for someone to be gay and not out to their parents for reasons other than fearing their parents would disapprove.</p>
<p>I know someone who told his parents after telling others first. He said he knew his parents would not react negatively because his parents had gay friends and were supportive of gay rights.</p>
<p>He decided to wait to tell them until he felt he was involved in a longterm romance. When he finally told his parents, the parents were supportive and not surprised to learn of his orientation.</p>
<p>Why do so many of you assume he wasn’t out to his parents?</p>
<p>The ONLY “evidence” of this I’ve seen is an article in The New York Post–not one of journalism’s most prestigous sources–that said that, according to two unidentified NYPD cops who informed Clement’s parents that the body found was their son, the parents “may not have been” aware that their son was gay.</p>