<p>Although I see where you’re coming from, this definition of adulthood makes me uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Often, when couples have children, there is a period of time during which one parent puts his or her career on the back burner to devote much time to childcare. The parent who is primarily responsible for childcare probably would not earn enough to be considered self-supporting – even if he or she works part time. Does this mean that this person is not an adult?</p>
<p>(Full disclosure: In my husband’s eyes, such a person is NOT an adult – a concept that has caused a whole lot of trouble in our marriage. I, on the other hand, believe that all sorts of people 18 and over can be considered adults – including full-time students, homemakers, unemployed people, retired people, and disabled people, as well as those who have jobs or businesses).</p>
<p>I agree with Marian here. The definition of adults as only fully self-supporting individuals also reduces all people on welfare to the status of child, which I think my mother who struggled to raise me alone and sometimes needed government aid would be miffed about.</p>
<p>I agree with a lot of what Faline said but I don’t think peers always make the best mentors. Peers are great for a lot of things, but I’ve encouraged my kids to seek out mentors who can really guide them – whether it’s a professor, someone at their job who has hard-earned wisdom to offer, or another trusted adult whom they respect. I’m in my fifties and I still seek out mentors who are older or more experienced than I am. I am always very impressed when high school or college students come to the Parents Forum for advice. I think those young people have already discovered that getting help from people who have perspective and life experience can be a really good thing.</p>
<p>Skipped a few posts, but have to say my D ( and I THINK my son, but not sure) are WAY more conservative about the sex before marriage thing than I could imagine. My D gave ME a lecture when she left for school. She lectured me about why I hadn’t given her “the lecture”…(I’m pretty sure I did, but perhaps did not have the same strength of conviction that SHE has, whatever…)…I overheard her with her closest friends this summer, and it seems she’s still holding on to HER values…just sayin’…separate paths I guess…call me naive, but I guess it’s possible…</p>
<p>I was thinking of someone I know who currently cannot work because of a medical problem and is out of her job on “long-term disability.” It would not make sense to me to not call this person an “adult.”</p>
<p>It is awkward that the word “disability” is used in two different ways. In the insurance world, it means “unable to work because of a medical problem.” In the rest of the world, it means something else, and of course many people with disabilities have full-time jobs. </p>
<p>We need a better vocabulary on this subject!</p>
<p>I don’t mind if u disagree with me Marian, you were so polite. But you misunderstood what I wrote. Perhaps you read it too quickly? Perhaps if u looked closer you’d be more comfortable. In your example, post 201, you describe a couple in their own home, where 1 could be called the “breadwinner” and the other the “homemaker”, and asked is the homemaker then not an adult(by our family’s definition)?. PhysicsMom also agreed with you, and the context of her post also indicates she misunderstood our families’ definition.
I am sorry I wasn’t more clear. I ask you to re-read the last part of my post 199, beginning with “we include” [and note I didn’t say- “is limited to”].</p>
<p>Your example does not conflict with our household’s definition. It’s not even close. Note this part of our definition: “We feel if Mommy and Daddy are providing the home and paying the bills just as we did when S was 9, then S is not yet a man even if he’s 22.”</p>
<p>In your example the couple with children are supporting themselves in their own household. My example referred to a S still living in his parents home with parents paying all the bills. HUGE difference.</p>
<p>You’re welcome psych. I hope the other 2 that misunderstood will take a re-read(199) so they can be clearer.</p>
<p>I agree with Physicsmom in her post 202, </p>
<p>which agreed with Marian’s post201, that if the sole definition of adults was self-supporting, then I wouldn’t like that definition either. But where did she get that? It isn’t what I said.
Problem is, both of those posts do seem to be in response to my post 199, and that isn’t how I defined adults. It is only a part of how I define adults, taken out of context and incomplete.</p>
<p>So if physicsmom’s mom would be miffed at the definition Marian used- that an adult was defined solely by self-supporting- well, then I’d be miffed too. I just hope those 2 will see that isn’t how I defined adult. That is how Marian mistakenly thought was how I defined adult; and then physicsmom seems to be basing her opinion of my definition based on Marian’s post misunderstanding of my definition.</p>
<p>This is the 21st century, get over it. **** happens, yes, but with the pill and the correct use of condoms, it’s the not the same as it used to be.</p>
<p>" it’s normal and healthy, but guys just don’t understand that sex is different for girls. I don’t think most girls understand that."</p>
<p>Not all guys are as you describe. There also are some girls who view sex the same way that you think all men view sex. There have been guys emotionally wounded by getting involved with such girls.</p>
<p>Many young adults don’t have intercourse, but I can bet you many do everything but…So when people say they abstained from “sex” until marriage, wonder how many were sexually active, just didn’t go “all the way”.</p>
<p>Oh I don’t disagree Northstarmom. I obviously didn’t make my point very well. I don’t think guys view sex as nothing, and there are certainly plenty of girls who think casual sex is no bigger deal than going out to dinner. But I do think young men are much more likely to view casual sex as no big deal. I think girls are led to believe that casual sex should be no big deal for them too, and I just don’t think that’s true. It’s only my opinion, but I believe that sex is an emotional bonding thing for most women, while for men, it is only an emotional bonding thing if they actually love the woman.</p>
<p>For most of us, it is difficult to de-parent. We want to protect them from everything, and we want them to live their lives by a play book that we have approved. It certainly is jarring to realize that at a much younger age than feels comfortable, we no longer have any right to know what goes on in the private areas of their lives (unless, of course, we are invited by them to do so).</p>