<p>“In 24 hours, 137 posts, and 5721 views.”</p>
<p>-wow</p>
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<p>Is it? The OP said that they would be attending “separate colleges in the same state”. If they’re currently in h/s, how would she know that? And, I ask again, haven’t most colleges started by now?</p>
<p>Most UC schools, CSUs and privates in California have not started</p>
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<p>Yes.</p>
<p>Many people have had some well deserved chuckles. The original post was/is silly.</p>
<p>OK, I read the first page and a half and the top of this page… I’m guilty of not reading the whole thread, even though I hate when people do that. But I want to make these 4 points regardless:</p>
<p>1) How I would react to this depends partly on how old the OP’s son is, and how long he’s been dating the GF. If he’s 17 or 18 (appears that way) and has been dating her for 6 months plus, the odds are likely that they are having sex. Fewer than half the teens in our suburban h.s. graduate as virgins.</p>
<p>2) I totally understand the OP’s anger that their express wishes were denied regarding not having the GF over when they are not home. S asked, parents said no, son defied them. This is an issue that is punishable - although not to an extreme (1-2 weeks of grounding would be pretty fair in my book).</p>
<p>3) If the GF is on the pill AND they used condoms, then they are being safe. But only if BOTH are true.</p>
<p>4) As much as the son defied the parents, there are a lot worse places he could be having sex than in his house. Cars in dark parking lots, for one example.</p>
<p>I have faced a very similar situation. I found out my D was having sex with her boyfriend when she was only 15. I was absolutely crushed, as was DH. That relationship lasted a year. They weren’t having sex at our house, because we were good chaperones. For a while we wouldn’t let her go to her bf’s house - his parents thought they were good chaperones, obviously they were NOT. Eventually we allowed her to go to his house when his parents were home, because we realized that if they were determined to have sex they’d find a place anyway. We told D we did not approve of them having sex at such a young age, and although we weren’t going to stalk her every move we also weren’t going to allow it in our house or allow her to go to his house unsupervised either. We also told her they had BETTER be using condoms, and we put her on the pill (we had been considering the pill anyway due to her menstrual problems). </p>
<p>Now D is a senior. She and her new bf have been together for a year. They both have licenses and cars. I don’t approve of them having sex but I assume they are anyway. I have reminded her that IF they are having sex there had better be condoms (she’s still on the pill). When they are at our house they hang out in the basement, and DH and I don’t check on them very often. She knows I don’t want her having sex but we know they are probably going to anyway, and I’d rather her be in the safety of our home than in a parked car somewhere in the dark. I usually just call down the stairs if I need to talk to her, I really don’t want to walk in on anything… ugh.</p>
<p>D is a good kid, as is her BF. They don’t drink or smoke anything. They get good grades, are respectful to adults, have many worthwhile ECs, and many health friendships. The reality is that most seniors today who are in long-term relationships are having sex. It’s not ideal, but in the end she is the one who will have to live with her decision. We’ve given her the info she needs to protect herself.</p>
<p>toblin,
The original post was not silly. The OP was/is grappeling with an inter-generational crisis of faith and trust.</p>
<p>Some of my posts have been a bit tongue in cheek. But I have tried to respect the OP’s feelings.</p>
<p>News Flash. High school kids are having sex. Lots of them. Lots of sex. It was happening when we were growing up and it is happening now. As parents, you do the best you can. High school kids are still having sex. You have a right to ask that it not happen in your house if that is important to you. They will have sex somewhere else.</p>
<p>146 5,947 </p>
<p>Would we have these numbers if the thread title was “Son has been smoking in our house” ?</p>
<p>ooh we might.
I would freak out more about the smoking cause it is so stinky.
I probably wouldn’t even know about the sex</p>
<p>The numbers indicate how this issue affects us all. We each have our own set of morals. i have tried to respect each entry. My only out rage was at the personal attack i received for the ‘punishment’ i thought was fitting the lack or respect my son had for my house rules</p>
<p>I would object to the smoking too! But that would have been a whole lot easier to figure out though! No sneaking with test messages required for that one.</p>
<p>My son is currently attending community college and his Gf leaves for college in a week. My DS had started having sex with his GF when she was a minor. I was unaware of this until just recently when he came clean and told me everything of his own free will. The recent thing involved too adults.</p>
<p>Concernedmom </p>
<p>Thanks for sharing your personal experience. Your DD was pretty young. Did you ever consider legal methods to protect your daughter? i only ask this since we have some worry now that things are out in the open that GF parents might consider this. i have hear thru my son that they are very upset.</p>
<p>I don’t know what state you are in, but given the length of time that your S and GF have dated, I don’t think it would be any kind of legal issue. We are talking about 17/18 here, and possibly 16/17? I am not a legal person but I think there would be no legal ramifications givin those two age scenarios.</p>
<p>I also advocate for the “pick and choose your battles.” This issue may seem huge now, but you don’t want it to become a detriment to your future relationship. Step back and breathe!</p>
<p>Just worried…i don’t want my son’s life to messed up legally by an unhappy father</p>
<p>age of consent varies from state-to-state.</p>
<p>If son’s life is messed up legally, it wouldn’t be because of an unhappy father(post 155). It would be because of son’s actions.</p>
<p>If her parents consider legal action, your S is certainly in for embarrassment, maybe worse. Those who provided a place for sex could also be in for embarrassment, maybe worse, too. My own speculation is that the girl’s parents will not seek legal action though. I can only guess, but I think that the distance the 2 will soon have due to college will seem likely to end the problem.</p>
<p>If the girl was a minor when they had sex in your home, or if it APPEARS that may have been the case, then you, as the parent may be in for some uncomfortable moments should her parents take legal action. You may not be held liable for any wrongdoing, but it would be very uncomfortable.</p>
<p>OP- Your son could still be charged with having sex with a minor if he was an adult. Depends on your state.</p>
<p>younghoss</p>
<p>And GF’s actions. My son indicates things happened at her home as well.</p>
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<p>If both of them are entering college, they are more than likely very close in age. The “action’s” were not just the son’s, they would also be the unhappy father’s daughter. We are not talking about 18/14 here, it sounds like alike age kids.</p>
<p>The age of consent varies from state to state. Additionally, whether sexual relations constitute a crime in my state (NY) also depends upon the difference in age between the parties. In other words, while the age of consent in NY is 17, the law treats a 17 year old having sex with a 16 year old quite differently that a 30 year old having sex with a 16 year old. I think that approach is fairly common, but may not be found in each state. </p>
<p>In any event, if you want to check out the law in your state, you must do more than simply check the age of consent.</p>