<p>This doesn’t count as what she said, but this came up today. My MIL was born in Italy and must have been one of the only Italian women who just could not cook. However, she made two things well, or at least that my husand enjoyed. Beef stew and “Sunday gravy.” I make a totally different version of beef stew and both my husband and I asked her many times over the years to show me or share the recipes for those dishes. She refused. My husband was just saying today that he would really like to have her beef stew again,but I have no idea how she made it. Really a shame because it would have been something for her to leave him, since her other son stole eveything else and she left her jewelry to her “real” granddaughter.</p>
<p>Ellebud, thank you. What a lovely thing to say. You are a very classy lady. It’s a shame your MIL doesn’t realize how fortunate her son was to marry you.</p>
<p>and she left her jewelry to her “real” granddaughter.</p>
<p>What the heck? real granddaughter? What is the other one? (please don’t say adopted because if that’s the case, then not considering an adopted GD “real” is just plain evil. )</p>
<p>I don’t “get” the idea of hoarding recipes. Do these crazy people think that they will lose their “specialness” if they share a talent or piece of knowledge. oh my…such low self-esteem to have it all tied up in recipes and other silly things. </p>
<p>BTW…ask your H what about her stew was different? maybe we can figure it out. did it have a tomato base? maybe she used a different cut of beef? What ingredients could you see in it? Maybe it was the root veggies that she used? Turnips? </p>
<p>(lol…maybe she used to buy it and didn’t want to admit it. 
)</p>
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My daughters are her son’s children, so not real grandchildren to her. She only considered her daughter’s kids her real grandchildren. She said that all the time.</p>
<p>Her stew was tomato based and I had never seen that before. My family didn’t do that. My mom’s was a red wine, onions, garlic base.</p>
<p>ellebud,</p>
<p>every time I read your mil stories …</p>
<p>I feel like telling her, “YOUR mother obviously did an extremely poor job raising YOU. Didn’t she ever teach you not to say anything to/about anybody unless you can say something nice?”</p>
<p>On the receipes, my mom a couple years ago pulled out her cookbooks and we had a great time sorting through old receipes that she’d collected over the years including my grandmothers.</p>
<p>My mil’s two of many…said to her son in front of me…“why doesn’t **justforthis **have her tubes tied instead of you having a vastectomy”! - of course I should have a major operation so her son did not have to have a minor one. Another comment to her son in front of me…“if we had retired to Canada, you would have married a nice Canadian lady”!</p>
<p>My husband and I are both lawyers. A number of years ago my MIL called me at work to ask me a really trivial question – which I can’t recall now. But I can recall she said that she was calling me because she didn’t want to bother her son at work. What?</p>
<p>My MIL was generally a very pleasant person (deceased 15 years now). One thing that use to get me was after our two daughters were born (3 years apart) and WE thought our family was complete, she would often say “Now you can have a son!” To which I always replied, “As soon as you give birth to a daughter!” (My DH just has one brother). That usually stopped the conversation!</p>
<p>My MIL didn’t “say” much, but she “did” stuff. The passive-aggressive streak was long in this one.</p>
<p>When we went to move his furniture out of her house, she had a tantrum when he took his telephone. Really? A single princess phone in the room your son just vacated? You know you have 4 other phones in the house, right? We left the phone for her. My brother had to literally pick me up and take me out of the house. He told me I didn’t want to go off on my MIL just yet and over a phone.</p>
<p>My MIL also felt duty-bound to give our telephone number to hubby’s ex-girlfriends, but neglected to tell said girlfriends that he was married.</p>
<p>MIL complained about the wedding being formal and wanted to know why we just couldn’t have a cake and punch reception (that ticked off my mom)</p>
<p>MIL made and wore a not-so-formal dress to the formal wedding</p>
<p>MIL added her dentist and doctor’s receptionist to the wedding list. She also assumed that the wedding invitiations were per household. Of course, I had to call these households and let them know that they could not rsvp for 7 people. MIL claims I embarassed her. Mom made sure the MIL and family wee seated at a table way in the back of the reception.</p>
<p>SIL told hubby that I woud not be a good wife because i was not submissive type. it was apparent that I would not be walking 7 steps behind him.</p>
<p>Long story short- 2 years later I produced a child that looked exactly like her precious son. We pretty much get along, but she still has her passive-agressive streak. I love her and she is a good person, but I haven’t been to her house in about 2 years. I am cordial over the phone and insist that hubby call at least every 2 weeks</p>
<p>I used to communicate a lot with my in-laws. I even visited them with the kids and without H when my work was more flexible than his. I sent pictures, made calls, invited them to family events, and bought all the Christmas gifts. Then, I overheard them complaining about me to each other. Apparently, I was the reason that they did not see us enough and I was too entitled to stay at the “cottage.” Actually, I did 90% of the cleaning of said “cottage” when we were in the same state and I put up with the mice, bugs, lack of shower, etc. with a smile on my face because it was important to my husband. My husband is the one that preferred to be elsewhere. I guess the “extra” years he spent dealing with them made him less patient. I guess they could not bear to accept the fact that the perfect son would not adore them, so they made me the bad guy! After overhearing their shredding of me (behind my back), I went in to “just cordial” mode. They are welcome to visit, they are never excluded, I am polite and make conversation with them when together, but that is all I do. I would have loved to have had a great relationship with them, but I am not a doormat. I pray that I will be a good MIL! I really want a loving multi-generational family!</p>
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<p>Your MIL is a smart lady. Think of where you’d be if you took her advice and invested the money you saved in AAPL.</p>
<p>^ What if she’d invested it in Enron?</p>
<p>You can’t live only for tomorrow.</p>
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<p>Thats one way to look at it.</p>
<p>But its always seemed to me that the people around you who think you should be doing something other than what you’ve chosen to do, usually just have some contrary streak in them that never goes away. If they’d bought APPL she’d complain about that for some reason. These people are literally impossible to please (or silence), and they sulk and simmer when they see that you’ve realized that that’s the deal. You simply have to politely ignore them, and minimize contact.</p>
<p>I assumed that LurkerDad was being sarcastic. If I am correct, then I think it’s a funny comment.</p>
<p>I’m a fortunate one. If my MIL ever had an unkind word to say about me, I never knew it. I loved her and I miss her greatly.</p>
<p>This thread makes me wish there was some kind of business a person could patronize that would send the offending MIL a “tell it like it is, who do you think you are” kind of message. Kind of a “puts her in her place” singing telegram that shows up at her door, belts out the message, and maybe leaves her with a bouquet of weeds (heavy pollen, of course).</p>
<p>Trust me…mom2collegekids…they don’t get it. They are right…always. I suspect that I will be a milX3 in the next 5 years. Boy have I learned my stuff.</p>
<p>…oh tomorrow evening we are taking mil out to dinner. Angelenos…I promise that I am on my best behavior. But if you hear/see police action anywhere in the westside or valley…She did it, not me.</p>
<p>My daughters are her son’s children, so not real grandchildren to her. She only considered her daughter’s kids her real grandchildren. She said that all the time.</p>
<p>wow…I think I would have had some fun with that. Around Christmas and Mothers Day, I would have dropped some innocent-sounding comments about how I was buying my kids’ “real grandmother” (my mom) some super pricey gift (cruise maybe?). ;)</p>
<p>I can relate to ALL of your stories; some more than others (like the daughter’s children being the “real” grandkids…)</p>
<p>But, I, for one, will be one of the first to read ellebud’s memoir when it is published…the fact that you can even sit at the same table, never mind being in the same room as your MIL makes you a superstar IMO…I could never do it…</p>