<p>I have heard of kids who are not really interested in a particular school or in BS at all sabotaging the process.</p>
<p>Has anyone had a child who desperately wants the opportunity sabotage themselves?</p>
<p>My DD is (or was) first in her class. All her teachers love her, one suggested she would be valedictorian in a few years. She does all of her work early if not on time. She turns in all the extra credit offered regardless of needing it to increase her grades. She has mentioned more than a few times that her honors and AP classes are not challenging enough and is looking forward to the rigor of a BS.</p>
<p>So you can imagine my shock to get a phone call from her favorite teacher of her favorite AP that she did not turn in an assignment that counts for 35% of her grade. There are no make ups in this class as my D is well aware of. She has also dropped to a B in her other favorite subject, one that she has self studied for years and comes very naturally to her.</p>
<p>I dont understand why she would do this? Im dumfounded. After both her teacher and I spoke to her privately she admits she deeply regrets this choice and is confused by her own actions. The teacher, having compassion for her and knowing this is stemming from something other than laziness is making a small (quite large actually) allowance and letting her turn in the assignment late BUT it wont reflect on her grade till the end of the quarter, after March 10th. </p>
<p>Any words of wisdom? We both realize this could change the outcome March 10th.</p>
<p>Was this a way of being in control of the process? Fear that a school might say no, so she did something that she was in control of.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, it sounds like she was scared of the outcome. Was this for winter term or fall term? If winter term, maybe it won’t matter as much because they want to see final grades at the end of the year.</p>
<p>Could she have more anxiety about attending BS than she is letting on? My daughter has not sabotaged her chances (yet), but it would not surprise me if she did. Definitely bored and feeling underchallenged in school, wants greater challenge, but also afraid that she somehow won’t measure up to the other kids, or that she’ll have to work so hard that she’ll have no time for EC’s and friends.</p>
<p>Also, could there be pressure from friends for her to stay in her current school system? This is a major issue right now with my kid. Other kids are telling her all sorts of unpleasant things about “snobby prep school kids” and also telling her she won’t get into a good college because she will be “average” compared to all those smart kids in prep school. How about anxiety about leaving home?</p>
<p>I could be totally off, but just looking at all of the possible stresses in the switch to BS, sabotaging behavior in a prep school applicant does not surprise me.</p>
<p>I have thought of that as the reason, I guess I just thought she felt more secure. </p>
<p>Its for 3rd quarter, which we are only a few weeks into. Im very grateful for her teacher to bring it to my attention immediately.</p>
<p>So her grades for fall are impeccable, as are her recs. This would show up if the school does check progress before March 10th but she can still pull an A by end of 3rd quarter since the teacher is making that exception for her.</p>
<p>all good points. Our conversation was interesting. She said she was “tired” of being the best, even if it wasnt a challenge to have that title. She seemed to resent her classmates more than anything else, her teacher suggested the same. She has always been chosen as group leader (and kids fought over who got her in their group) and was seen as a patient “teachers helper” in guiding the other kids. Her teacher says she now works ahead, refusing to share her work and tells the other kids to figure it out themselves. So part of it is maybe fatigue and impatience.
I dont think she has told anyone about applying for schools, her best friends are still at in middle school, so they may know but they most likely arent going to her current school next year either.
As far as not measuring up, its possible although, when I told her she more than likely wont be the best in BS, since almost if not all her peers will have held that place in their own previous schools, everyone will fall into a new place, she actually looked relieved.</p>
<p>After the stress of getting a 3 week assignment done by the weekend I will try to coax more out of her…</p>
<p>Regarding the bs’s actually “knowing” about the fall in grades in a class or two? Who told you that they even care? Sure, I would assume if someone has all A’s and they get accepted and then come June they have all B’s or even a C, a boarding school might raise the issue and ask what happened. But, asking for 3rd quarter grades or even a progress report between now and March 10? I’ve never read anything about that. I could potentially see a school asking for Q3 grades for someone they put on a waitlist, but the thought of a bs school asking for Q3 grades or a progress report before March 10 seems a little silly. In fact, if you believed that was a possibility then I assume your daughter believed it was a possibility as well.</p>
<p>Hmmm… new boyfriend, now she doesn’t want to go to boarding school. She “thinks” that by letting her grades fall will sabotage it. I don’t think so. The truth is, why is she not withdrawing her applications if she really doesn’t want to go?</p>
<p>Maybe burn-out. Bright kids sometimes cycle on and off - and this sounds like post application depression. (revved up on adrenaline to get the apps done, then crash when the waiting period arrives).</p>
<p>But before you consider that - look at other potential causes.
Too easy - especially with a girls - to assume disinterest when it may be iron deficiency. Also vitamin B and low vitamin D levels given the weird weather. Consider a daylight lamp to reset her internal clock in the mornings. </p>
<p>All of the above turned out to be factors with one of our girls and all were simple to fix over time. The doctor found out everyone was D deficient and recommended supplements. Apparently many people are these days and just don’t know it. </p>
<p>The current grades won’t be an issue unless they drop really low. Boarding Schools won’t see spring grades until the end of the term - and then only if they ask - many don’t.</p>
<p>Could she also just be “switched off”? I mean, the end of the school year isn’t far off, and I woudl think there might be a tendency to think: oh well, I am going away soon… so it won’t matter…</p>
<p>Also – DO many schools ask for end of year grades?</p>
<p>I did think of the vitamin deficiency or even seasonal affective disorder. We live on the west coast but actually got a few weeks of winter this year. She was greatly affected by the cold weather and it did make us reconsider sending her to the NE. She also started training pretty hard in her sport and I have been concerned she is not eating enough to maintain (although she is a very “healthy” eater she is thin with a fast metabolism, no fear of any disorder)</p>
<p>As far as the possible boyfriend, no. Believe me, I always look for the signs wondering when she will seem even remotely interested. So far, not as far as I can tell. And, she really really wants to change schools. </p>
<p>I think the shock of the phone call made me believe that everyone will find out she missed an assignment. There is so much work and stress around the applications, fear that anything will affect the process negatively. So if my fear seems silly, well, then Im silly ;)</p>
<p>Her dedication to getting into a boarding school is definitely back. I fell asleep last night early, my husband got up at 5 am to find her still up finishing that assignment. She defined over 1000 words in one night. I dont condone all nighters but she definitely felt the urgency in showing her teacher she respected her making an allowance for her. </p>
<p>I spoke to her about her attitude change with classmates. She explained why she was frustrated with them. She says she was helping them to find the answers on their own, one or two got frustrated and just wanted her to have them copy her answer. So, she was changed groups to kids that were more independent workers. </p>
<p>She just had a sports physical but I am thinking Ill have her blood checked again for any vit or mineral deficiencies. </p>
<p>Thanks everyone for your insights, it helps greatly!</p>
<p>@london203: Only one school to which my son was admitted (Kent) asked for end of year grades, to prove that he was still in good standing. It doesn’t seem to be the norm for most schools.</p>