I know other people have talked about this before, but I am so sad because I finally confirmed what I have suspected since Christmas: S and his GF broke up. I really, really liked her, and it was obvious that she adored him.
His reasons were honorable, and it was to some degree mutual, but I’m having a hard time getting over thinking about how it must hurt that sweet girl.
Sigh.
I get it. I became very much attached to one of D’s boyfriends. I was devastated when they broke up. It surprised the hell out of me.
Ugh, I have not been through this yet, but my heart goes out to you.
@musicamusica, it has surprised me, too. I did not feel this way when his earlier relationships ended.
How long did it take you to get over it?
S is apparently seeing someone else about whom he is very enthusiastic and with whom he does have more in common. I am finding it hard not to resent her.
I know this is ridiculous. 
Hugs. Mr. B still has hopes that baby kiddo reconnects with her BF he liked so much.
Try to hide your resentment as deeply as possible… I know you know we should support out kids’ choices, but it is so hard to do sometimes because of emotional attachment.
It’s not ridiculous. You fall in love with people and you want to keep them in your life. As our kids get older you want them to form attachments and eventually marry someone you really like. And I did not get “over it”. (though after a few days the copious weeping stopped) I still like that young man. D had relatively serious relationships with two other young men while an undergrad and a grad. I never became attached to either one of those boyfriends. I do like her current fiance. A lot. He is a genuinely good person who has D’s well being as his primary focus. Uh Oh…I am in love again. :-??
My D has been with her boyfriend for 3 yrs. He’s wonderful and a good balance. He’s been on several family vacations with us. They’ve lasted through different colleges and long distance but he is graduated from UCLA and she’s still a junior in college. I see them going separate ways soon and its going to kill me.
I think it will be D that eventually breaks up. I won’t know what to do, I’ll be really heart broken
Adoring someone who does not love you as much is a really terrible fate for a young woman.
Both your son and his ex need to move on and find someone they are happy with. This new GF may still not be the one, but you want them to have as much fun as possible, and you should try to make the new GF part of your family, to support your son but also to enjoy her and your happy son as much as possible.
Can you have dinner with them both soon ? I think that would take a lot of this from abstract to real, and try to trust your son’s choice in the new GF … she is probably very nice (with one successful relationship under his belt, he is likely more aware of what he wants and needs in this one).
20 or even 25 is early … life is long … the right partner is everything. Having lots in common avoids some relationship pitfalls and at least means less fighting over vacations, gift giving, and other supposedly fun activities (there is still lots of life that will involve negotiation and compromise).
And, you don’t know what you don’t know, and it is none of your business either. They broke up amicably and likely mutually … and you should trust your son, who you know, to have made the right decision here … or if it is the wrong decision to bumble through life like most people and hopefully get it right in the end.
I think it’s totally normal! We spend hours and hours of our lives worrying about which college they will attend when what we should be hoping and worrying about is that they find a wonderful person to marry, spend their life with, and be the parent of our grandchildren. 
So it is natural to be invested in that process.
I am attached to son’s girlfriend, but I am not sure it is going to last. Same situation - she is soooo in love with him, but I think he is restless. (They have been on and off for awhile, currently on.) She is so sweet. When he broke up with high school girlfriend and moved on to this fabulous one, I always worried about calling her by the x’girlfriends name at the dinner table! I was cautious for awhile and got over that fear eventually.
I think resentment will naturally subside when you meet and get to know a new one and see he is happy. And who knows, they may reconnect. We just have to take all this in from a safe distance, even when they marry!
Been there more than once. It’s easy to get attached to someone when they are good people, adore your child, and spend time with the family. It can take awhile to get over the sadness sometimes. I’ve told myself I won’t let it happen again but inevitably it has. I’m the warm, huggy kind of parent that loves to bring people into our home and nurture them, feed them, and care for them. It’s just my way and I don’t think I can change it. If my kid loves you, and you love my kid and are good to them, and a good person, my door and heart will always be open to you.
One child is currently dating someone I really, really like but I don’t think its going to last due to my own child’s ambivalence and circumstances.
The other child is dating someone I don’t think is a good fit. THAT one seems to be hanging in there. :-<
Our kids haven’t yet introduced us to anyone they’re dating, so thus far, we’ve been spared this. I count my blessings. My folks didn’t get emotionally invested in any of our SOs until we were engaged or they’d probably have gone nuts, since there are 7 of us.
Take a deep breath and be glad your child is moving forward and happy. Having a relationship which isn’t working isn’t good for anyone.
I think you bond more with the gf/bf when they are younger because you do things for them and with them, and know all about them, and when they are older they pretty much do their own thing and that connection just isn’t the same.
When ds2 broke up with his gf of two years I didn’t think it would affect me as much as it did. While I liked her and welcomed her to our home, I knew it wouldn’t last (how often do first loves last?) and so tried not to get attached. And thought I hadn’t. But I saw her about a month after the breakup and couldn’t believe how sad I was. I still get to see her occasionally, and while I don’t think they’ll get back together part of me thinks how really well suited they are for each other. I didn’t see that until he started dating someone else with whom he wasn’t (that’s already ended).
I’m glad your ds has found someone who he seems to really like. Share your misguided resentment here. 
That’s what the cafe is for!
Our daughter broke up with her boyfriend of two years in October. We thought he was the one. They acted very much in love, and we were totally blindsided by the news. The first week was the worst, but now hubby seems to be okay, but I still am having trouble with it.
@Consolation, our daughter is dating someone and I’m finding it very difficult not to resent him as well.
My 9th grader’s GF dumped him last week. He vows he is not going to have any more GF’s it’s just to hard when they break your heart. Hopefully DS will change his mind. So even though you are sad about your son moving on, I bet there is a part of him that is too…
@Consolation, I get this. My daughter broke up with her boyfriend last October. I didn’t really like him all that much or think that he was right for her, but I really grieved for him. I also felt awful for his mother, who had apparently hit it off really well with my daughter. He is her only child and it must really suck to watch him suffer.
I don’t know if you have a religious faith at all, but I’ve found it very helpful to pray for the “dumped” party. I pray for his broken heart to heal, for academic success, and for him to find someone else to love.
To be honest, I had the reverse of this.
When I broke up with my gf of over a year I missed her parents more than her. Things were awful between us for about 2 months, but I would shoot and hang out with her dad often and would find myself spending a lot of time with the parents alone whenever my gf wasn’t home or on the way.
It was tough, I miss her parent’s still and it’s been just over a year. Her, not so much. She is nice and we are friends, but her parents never did anything wrong.
I know what you mean. My son’s GF is adorable and they are adorable together. I really enjoy seeing her. I’d be upset if they broke up but it wouldn’t be up to me and I know it. I can only support my kid on their decisions. My kids pick good partners and if they end a relationship I know they’ve got good reasons and will be finding someone more suitable for them. Who I might like even better!
Wow, what is it about October? That’s when ds broke up. I learned about the Turkey Drop here on cc. Maybe we’ve uncovered a Halloween Overhaul?
I remember dating a boy for longer than I should have because I really liked his mom.
My D went through a rough patch with her boyfriend around Christmas time. She’s 26 and had been with him for 4.5 years. I think he has tons of red flags but it’s her life and she thought he was the one she was going to marry. I was secretly happy that she was realizing the shortcomings in him but so so sad for her.
Despite the fact that I think there are problems, we really like him. But it’s really sad when these things happen.