Well, when I broke up with my HS/college bf of four years, my mom took HIS side. I don’t recommend that … 
I can see myself being like this. I finally got to meet my son’s girlfriend when she spent a couple of weeks with us at Christmas. She is a lovely person and makes him a better person too. I think they could be great together “forever,” but they are only 21 and 22, and live half a world away (really). I worry about their likely breakup. But I try not to overstep my bounds with the kids (that’s why we have each other here).
My daughter has her first boyfriend ever and I have to admit that at first I was very anxious about it. My mind went to all of the ways that a relationship can derail academic goals. My initial reaction kind of shocked me (I kept it to myself of course) because I remember getting extremely angry with my own father when he made that assertion when I announced I was getting married during my undergraduate years. And, my marriage of now almost 35 years never derailed my academic goals or my career.
They are both college freshman, and this is a first relationship for both of them. We haven’t really met him yet, except for a brief hello or two over Skype during the holiday break. However, several times when they were Skyping she did so with her bedroom door wide open (we live in a modest apartment so if you want privacy you must close your door) and they conversed in a wonderfully open, pleasant, and genuinely caring manner. It was so sweet. Where this relationship is going and whether or not it will last is yet to be seen, but I could certainly understand grieving it’s loss, if and when it happens, for no other reason than knowing that no matter what the reason, good or bad, my daughter will be horribly sad.
I know it is not normal, but my parents have stayed friends through the years with my brother’s HS girlfriend from the late 70s. My mom passed away last week, and my dad was going over her bequests with my brother and me today. My mom has requested that a specific item go to the ex-gf. My brother is fine with this. I am glad that my parents have been able to enjoy her friendship for all these years. Wish this could happen more often.
When my daughter broke up with her boyfriend, I was thrilled but I still felt bad for him. She was not kind and didn’t pick her timing very well, but it wouldn’t have been good at any time. I didn’t like him, I didn’t like his father, but I did like his mother. They’d all come on a vacation that included D’s graduation and she went with them on their trip for 2 weeks. During the 2 weeks D decided it was over, but of course had to finish out the time, and then when BF brought her home she wasn’t nice, he was gaga over her, and that didn’t help either.
Current BF is nice, but really they have nothing in common and I don’t expect it to last that much longer. He’s poor, they don’t live in the same city (and are currently 2000 miles apart), so they won’t see each other for months. I’ll feel sorry for him too.
When my sister got divorced, we all wanted to keep the BIL instead of my sister. Sadly, not an option.
=))
As some of you may remember from another thread, I went through an extensive search to find pretty teacups for the GF for Christmas. As I found out, S was concealing the fact that they had broken up because he felt so bad about it and didn’t want to talk about it, and he took the box with him, since I asked him to give it to her when next he drove down to NYC. The upshot is that he still has them. I would actually like to give them to her anyway, as a personal gift from me, and her birthday is in Feb. He and I agreed to wait and think about it. I don’t want to open a wound and make her feel worse. I don’t want him to send it for me lest she think it means he is open to getting back together. She and I are still FB friends.
I really don’t know exactly what to do.
My kids tend to do the one (serious relationships) and done. My heart goes out to all of us parents who are "waiting.) One of my kids and boyfriends and or girl friend took a break. Mr. Ellebud and I kept our deep upset to ourselves. At least we tried to keep our advice/emotions to ourselves. We are also very close to his family.
They are back together. They are closer than before. We are thrilled.
I had the same experience last summer. I really liked my D’s boyfriend (and his whole family who we met multiple times) and she is the one who broke it off… I felt very sad for a while (which took me by surprise). Also I thought my D was “done” in the “mating game” so it was a jolt to me. But it was hard to argue with my D’s statement that “what I thought I wanted in a BF/mate at 18 is not what I see that I want now.” I was proud of her for walking away from a comfortable relationship and agreed that if you are not happy at 20 you should not sign up for 60 more years together. The break-up was done with care and respect and they still occasionally go out in a group together. Both have moved on and now that they have taken off in different directions I can fully understand what D was saying.
So bottom line is the sadness will pass, especially when you see your child moving on and being happy. Give it some time. And trust that your S made a good decision.
Ditto “trust that your S made a good decision.”
And don’t do what my MIL did–wax eloquent about how WONDERFUL the ex-girl friend of your fiancee (now H of 38 years) was and HOW SAD it is that she isn’t around AS MUCH anymore. Let’s just say MIL and I didn’t get on so well.
Still don’t. Argghh.
To be fair ex GF was a great person–just not the one (I got that position!)
Don’t worry, @gouf78, I would never do that. 
I’m not allowed to know the people my kids date enough to become attached I’ve met S’s girlfriend twice and have not met the young man D is dating.
My daughter’s ex boyfriend is a really great guy. We spent vacations together and bonded. It was painful to me when they broke up a year or so ago but they remain good friends so I have some contact with him.
I think if I ever win the lottery I’d still pay if his college loans.
I feel for you as I have been there a couple of times. Last year , our daughter broke up with the man we all thought she was going to marry. We knew it was coming before she told him and it was brutal as he was texting me about what he was getting her for Christmas. We really liked him. Our youngest has been going back and forth with her BF since they started college this past August. The issues are a little different and also challenging there. We are very fond of him, and his parents feel the same way about her.
It really is difficult when someone gets that close to your child , becomes part of your household / gatherings and also traveling with family.
Our oldest’s first love was pretty sad when she broke up with him , close to 9 years ago. It took him awhile , but he finally met a girl and married her…seems very happy . I run into him from time to time and he still gives me a hug.
pizzagirl… you must not have the boyfriend/girlfriend hanging at your house all day, eating a lot of food!! Even if only during the college breaks and summer
There’s a running joke in our family that our daughters’ exes like my husband and I more than them…may be some truth to that 
Tell her you want continued visitation rights to the teacups!
One of my kids met a boy freshman year of college who was a pea in a pod with her. They look alike, have the same mannerisms, and are quirky in the same ways. I admit, I adored him on first meeting – because it was like meeting my own kid, just gender-switched. They were on and off for a couple of years, and now seem to have permanently ended it (even if I do hold a little secret hope that they are not done… but I don’t say that to D, of course). They are still friends.
Oh, I just saw that she never got them 
I understand how you feel, Consolation. S dated a lovely young woman beginning in his senior year of undergrad and then for almost 3 years beyond that. He broke up with her at the end of his first 1L year (she was 1L at another school) and he began dating a young woman who is now my DIL. I love my DIL, but I also love the ex-GF and wish we could have stayed in touch. She wrote me a lovely letter a few months after they broke up and I still have it. I really miss her and wish I knew if she has found someone to make her happy. I Google her a few times a year, hoping to find some sort of wedding announcement.
I meet all of my girls’ BF very early on. Some of them have come on vacations with us, but I have never gotten attached to them. I like D1’s current long term BF very much (likely they will get engaged). At the same time, I don’t really have a relationship with him outside of D1. I don’t text him, call him, or FB him. God forbid if they should break up, I don’t think I would miss him.