<p>Your beloved daughter. I ache for you. So sorry for your heartbreak, momma-three.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry that you have had to deal with so much and still it comes to this. My thoughts are with you and your family.</p>
<p>You are in my thoughts and prayers. Any one of us could be in your shoes now; I’m sure most of us have at least one close friend with a mentally ill parent, child, or sibling</p>
<p>I am so sorry. Hugs and wishes for peace of mind.</p>
<p>So sorry, momma three. Hoping someday she can find the will to help herself and want to change. Wishing you peace of mind. Try to find happiness in the blessings you do have in your life.</p>
<p>I do not know you momma three, but I do know parental pain. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know the physical and mental pain that does not go away.</p>
<p>My thoughts and prayers are with you.</p>
<p>My heart breaks for you, I am so sorry. I will say an extra prayer for you, your family and your daughter.</p>
<p>To all of the above posters and those who have sent private messages,</p>
<p>Thankyou for the years of listening and many eye opening responses as well as some good advice. I had wished that I would have been able to come back here and report that my daughter had been one of those kids that was far out on the edge but made it back. Sadly that has not happened and we have accepted that it will not happen because my daughter is not of the mind or ability to see who she is and what she is capable of. Our hearts are broken and and she has destroyed the core of our family. We will need years to recover from these past three years, and the way in which she has manipulated all of us in some way or the other. It is now in our best interest that we shift our goals from trying to find help for our daughter to trying to get back the joy that our family once had. </p>
<p>The relationship I had with my husband is damaged and it would take a real commitment to get back what we once had. I am not sure I have it in me anymore to work that hard again. I think I knew all along that my daughter was very ill but seeing how my family was not behind me in taking the needed steps only let time and sadly some events turn this into the situation it is today. My daughters illness has made it difficult for me to respect my husband anymore. He should have stepped up a long time ago and not allowed our daughter to do what she has done. Now I have decisions to make regarding my own life, and how I want to proceed. Right now I have to figure out if there is something to salvage in my once happy marraige.
I am not OK, but I am strong and eventually I will see myself out of this hole that has brought my family to this place. Thankyou all once again.</p>
<p>Momma-three, remind yourself everyday that you are “strong”. It will get you through.</p>
<p>I hope that you have someone you can talk to - both friends and perhaps a professional - to help you get through this. Hugs.</p>
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<p>Please tell yourself this every day. You are both strong and have seen the light. YOU CAN GET JOY BACK. It will take time.</p>
<p>One of the classic behaviors of Borderlines is to cause splitting within a family.<br>
[Splitting</a> the Family – What to Do When a Loved One Is Splitting](<a href=“http://bpd.about.com/od/forfamilyandfriends/a/splitfam.htm]Splitting”>Splitting in Borderline Personality Disorder) Posters have brought this up before. You do not have to allow the splitting to occur. You can salvage your marriage and keep the remainder of your family intact. Hard to advise for sure with the limited information here. It would be helpful to here a bit more about what is going on. But, IMO, you can prevent her from ruining your family system. It will take a lot of good therapy.</p>
<p>I have followed all your posts regarding the difficulties your daughter’s behavior has wrought upon your family. I am so sorry for the turmoil and know that but for the grace of God go many of us. The old cliche about everything being darkest before the dawn is actually quite profoundly true. </p>
<p>I wish you comfort in these difficult days and also concur with several who have suggested taking personal time, therapy for healing, and forgiveness, especially for your husband. If at least you can find your way back to your core family happiness with your husband and sons, you will anguish over the (hopefully temporary) loss off your daughter, but you will feel anchored in the love of your family. I urge you to seek this before letting that part go to. Know there are many who support you. You will find a way back.</p>
<p>I’ve mentioned this before, but my parents and I went through this with my older sister in 1999. She was really gone-- entirely, we had a restraining order. She got married and had kids without us, we weren’t there and didn’t meet them. We heard about her life from other people who had bumped into her and noticed that she was pregnant, or that there was another child with her. We didn’t exist in the same world. Our family was emotionally and financially obliterated from all the problems she caused, but we came through in both respects. It took time and a lot of therapy for everybody, and a lot of forgiveness across the board. </p>
<p>In 2006 my sister sent a letter apologizing to my father and admitting all the wrongs she had done and previously denied, and asked for a relationship with us again. We are still keeping a bit of a distance because it’s impossible to trust her after all that has happened, but my mom knows her grandchildren and she’s at their birthday parties and sees their dance recitals, and they come to christmas and all the other family parties. We all talk on the phone every day. Things are not “normal” and probably never will be, there will always be scar tissue on this family, but we’re healing. There is ALWAYS a chance that things could get better and that you can be together as a family again someday. But sometimes, that means being apart for a while first. Sometimes people need to be on their own before they realize how valuable it is not to be alone.</p>
<p>once again…thankyou </p>
<p>Emaheevul07… Thankyou, and I hope all is good for you. I have thought about you often and hope that job search has brought good things your way. You are a terrific young woman with wonderful insight. I really hope you stick with your original goals…you have alot to offer.</p>
<p>M-cubed. Are you and hubby going to counseling? Maybe the marriage can be repaired…</p>
<p>^^^ yes, maybe worth a try? I am sure you are feeling very betrayed.</p>
<p>Good luck M-3, thoughts and prayers are with you.</p>
<p>m-3, it is very likely that the wounds from losing your child are so fresh and hurt so much that it is hard for you to focus on anything else. A others suggested, counseling with the focus on your marriage could be a good starting point for your path to emotional healing. Many cyberhugs to you.</p>
<p>I always get a chuckle out of the Momma-cubed…really I do. It is so upsetting everytime I log in and see momma-three and I wish I could change. It really gives me the willies that so many people thought I had three kids and how I always had to explain my handle…and now with all of this, it is just creepy. I may come back as momma-cubed, eddie…hopefully that name will not be taken. </p>
<p>We are going to start seeing a councelor together. I have been going myself and that is part of the problem. I have been handling too much of this myself, and my husband did not see it all until it was so smack in his face that he couldn’t avoid it anymore. The crap always had to hit him in the face before he saw things. It took long enough, and this time I am just too angry with him because I feel like he allowed things to go too far and he should have done something to ensure this did’nt happen. His laid back attitude is all well and good but not at my expense and not at our families expense. He has seen enough to know that it was going downhill fast but he still sat back literally and watched me deal with our daughter on my own.
I think he is afraid of our daughter…of what she is capable of. That just doesn’t work anymore…so I just don’t know. At least for now our daughter can’t come to our house but who knows how long that will last, or if she will actually keep away. Going forward I am treading lightly…because I don’t want to make any decisions about anything during this healing period. I just hope it will be a healing period and not a respite.</p>
<p>momma-three, my heart is breaking for you. I hope that this is the beginning of your family’s climb out of the depths, and that there are better times in store for you all. I gather that your daughter’s illness is a very difficult one, and that you have done all that you can. It is up to her now. I am hoping to hear better news from you before too long.</p>
<p>I am so sorry. Mental illness often has devastating effects on families. Have you been in contact with a local NAMI chapter? Perhaps some people there would be a good source of real-life support.</p>