<p>Mommathree- I wish that I could help you. If I could make this painful situation better for you, I would. Please know that many of us are out here and care very much about you.</p>
<p>You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.</p>
<p>FG</p>
<p>M-3, so very sorry to hear this.</p>
<p>As so many others have said, you and your family will be in my prayers. You can handle this each day at a time.</p>
<p>So sorry to see the culmination of years of chaos. All you can do is leave a small spot in your heart should she decide to return. We spend so many years raising children and it is shattering when they don’t turn out the way we wanted or expected. For now, it is good to focus on working on your marriage and yourself.</p>
<p>I hope that you get support from whatever mental health facility she winds up at. We had to coroner commit my mother several years ago, and we were flabbergasted when they released her after a few days, saying she was perfectly capable of living on her own and taking care of herself. We were powerless as she just went right back home to her old ways of spending every cent of her Social Security check on crap out of catalogs. At least we got her to start taking one type of medication, though she refused to continue one prescription that she claimed made her too dopey. So, we still have to deal with her manic depression and only gain some respite when she’s in her depressed stage of the cycle. Although patient’s rights are a good thing, and prevent probably a lot of abuse that has been gone through in the past, I wish there were such a thing as family’s rights, to protect the family members that are destroyed by the reckless actions of a mentally ill relative, especially a parent or a child.</p>
<p>Momma-three, you and your family are in my prayers.</p>
<p>Montegut, it is an oft-repeated tale. I know people who have gone through this is the past, and one who is doing so right now. In one particularly tragic case, the mother who was pleading with the hospital to keep her suicidal D for at least another week was informed by a “mental health worker” that it was HER issue, not her D’s. Her D was dead within a week of being released. It is extraordinarily difficult to get treatment for adults who don’t want it.</p>
<p>God Bless and thank you Fall Girl and all other posters for your kind words…I am a person who believes in prayer and its healing power for both the mind and the soul. Please feel free to join me in my prayers for both my daughter and our family. Your prayers and positive energy will be greatly appreciated. As some might recall I have gone through illness myself, and have had another child with a physical illness, but mental illness is so devastating because it leaves the well family members feeling as though they are losing their minds. I have become totally emeshed in this for so long that my life outside of my daughter has trully suffered. I don’t know how to function knowing my daughter is so sick. I am not feeling the joy that is so abundant in all other aspects of my life in regard to my sons, business that I have built up, my own good health and even my husband because I am angry at him.
I don’t want to be angry and I don’t want to feel this way but all I can do is think about the past three years and see all of the things that were staring me in the face. I knew it wasn’t right, I told the therapist and the doctors that things were very wrong. I told my husband that this was not just simply lies , immaturity, rebellion, and impulsivity. My daughter could not feel…she had no real attachment to anyone, she was able to dismiss people… me, her brothers, father, and any boyfriend or girlfriend in her life. I have seen the shell of a person she is, and yet she functioned until she saw that I questioned these actions. She had controlled us through her behaviors, tantrums, and bad language, the scenes outside my house and while I was with clients. In short her dysfunctional life became my dysfunctional life. It is hard to seperate as a parent when your child is sick. I took care of my son when he was sick and eventually he got better. I thought that with love , support and all the doctors we would see her get well. That did not happen and my daughter does not recognize that she is sick. This really is hard and understanding the depth of her illness has taken time. I am sick of being numb and there must be a better way of doing this. I am going to therapy and I hope there will be some relief soon.</p>
<p>“but mental illness is so devastating because it leaves the well family members feeling as though they are losing their minds.”</p>
<p>Fantastic, strong insight M3. The sort of insight that shows you are on your way to healing. I am not being trite------ I’ve lived through this with a loved one as well. There is hardly anything as difficult as your situation. Stay strong, our thoughts and prayers are with you. Things can and do work out.</p>
<p>M-Cubed: I glad that I could give you a little chuckle.</p>
<p>I have been praying for your family.</p>
<p>Please know that we care about you and are here for you.</p>
<p>Hugs to you. The hurt inside when you have to walk away from your child is heartbreaking. I know on previous threads I and some others have mentioned Al Anon. It can help many people who have family or friends with addictions but also those who are dealing with family with mental illness.
I have a friend who once told me that when crisis after crisis hit in her family she was heartbroken. One day she woke up and realized that no matter what was happening in her son’s life she deserved to be happy. Life got better when she began to put her own happiness on the top of the list.
You have tried with all your strength to help your D. She has to help herself. You can put the focus back on your own life and those of your H and sons. I pray your D finds her own path.</p>
<p>I think having a child with a mental illness may be the loneliest place to be. When a child has a tangible, visible, measurable illness - it is so much easier for people to help and offer support.</p>
<p>One of my very closest friends has two children. One with severely incapacitating cerebral palsy, the other with mental illness. People always ask about her daughter with CP, they make a fuss over her, they offer to help when she is hospitalized. They don’t know what to say about her son. Should they ask how he is doing? They don’t want to make my friend uncomfortable, so they avoid talking about him. </p>
<p>If you were to ask my friend who is the more stressful child to parent, it is without a doubt her son. She never knows what to expect from him and she prays that he doesn’t harm himself or another person. </p>
<p>I am so sorry Momma3, we will all keep you in our prayers.</p>
<p>My oldest sister was in and out of the hospital for several years, and finally found a group called Recovery, Inc, founded by Dr. Abraham Low, who wrote a book and started this program to help solve the revolving door of mental patients and their hospitalizations. It wound up being a great program for anyone in need of some help. We’re happy to say, she has not been in the hospital for almost 30 years now. I attended after my son was born, and it was a great help for me in dealing with newfound motherhood. It’s a free program, usually held in meeting rooms at various churches or community centers, and is led by volunteer peers. It’s not meant to supplant a psychiatrist or psychologist, but is a help for those who need a little extra help or don’t want to or can’t afford to seek professional help.</p>
<p>My thoughts are with you and your family. Take care of yourself. I’ve always been a believer in the statement “A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child” - when your children are hurting, it’s the worst for you too.</p>
<p>^^^^^^</p>
<p>That is so true.</p>
<p>Nothing changes until something changes. I so understand your pain Momma-Three and wish I had a solution. I have come to understand that I need to let go because until my kid wants to get better nothing I do or say will make a difference. It is just wasted energy. And I second the Al-Anon suggestion. I went to my first meeting last night. It was so empowering to simply realize that I am not alone. It was difficult to hear people’s stories and their personal pain but I learned something about perspective in just that one meeting and I felt better when I left. The absolute best thing you can do right now to help your daughter is to help yourself first.</p>
<p>Consolation and Montegut,
Such sad stories. I don’t want to derail the thread, but the inpatient hospital psych services are not what they used to be. There are still great programs out there, especially for voluntary patients who recognize their illness and want to get well, but in too many cases, inpatient units have become stabilization services, and the criteria that many insurance companies use to justify a continued length of stay (ie to pay) are strict, with coverage for acute illness or safety issues only. And if the patient is not honest, denies suicidality and seems stable, its hard to keep them in the hospital where they so desparately need to be.</p>
<p>Momma-3 I’m so sad to read this about your sweet daughter. Prayers to you and your family and to your daughter, that God protects and guides her. Take it one day at a time and try to make a conscious decision to be happy today…even if just for a little while. Positive energy is healing for you and everyone around you…take care of yourself. Love and hugs.</p>
<p>Momma - I am heartbroken to hear that things have gone from bad to worse. You did everything you could to help her, get professional help, and even solicit help from online friends. I’m sorry there was not a better outcome for your daughter. </p>
<p>Try hard to forgive your husband and try to repair the relationship. Not everybody is equipped to handle difficult situations, but I’m sure he loves you all very much. Your sons will benefit if you can rediscover the very good parts of your family life that you once enjoyed daily. </p>
<p>Hugs and prayers for you all.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry, momma-3. I also have a child (19 years old) with a severe mental illness, and it is SO hard. He is accepting treatment and doing OK at this point. But we take it one day at a time. I will be praying for you, your daughter, and your entire family.</p>
<p>Worknprogress…Yes, when my son was ill there were physical symptoms that were easily recognizable as being specific to his illness. Whenever one of us were out, and we would run into someone who knew either us or my son, they would inquire about his health and express their concern or offer to help in some way. This is not the case with my daughter not even with my family members who are now aware of the situation. I have not received one phone call or expression of kindness in regard to my daughters condition. My neighbors have seen and heard the outbursts on several occasions and even my neighbors on either side of us who know us for many years just ignore what they have seen or heard as though life is usual at our house.</p>
<p>I understand that people are uncomfortable with addressing mental illness on a personal level because it is viewed as a flaw, as though the afflicted person should or could be in control of their mind and emotions. To be honest as a neighbor I don’t know if I would do anything different if I were in their shoes, had I not had this experience. </p>
<p>The world of mental illness is very lonely and can create isolation because of the shame and feeling that this somehow reflects on the family as a genetic flaw or bad parenting. My father keeps asking me “where did she get this from” and my sibling has not even called to inquire about about our daughter and/or ask how we are doing. I can understand this behavior from strangers but I honestly don’t understand the reaction from family members who know what is going on. I am thinking that people just don’t know how to handle what they may not have any experience with, and maybe feel that by inquiring they are putting us in the position that we would have to acknowledge that there was a problem. </p>
<p>To be honest I am glad my neighbors have not brought it up because I wouldn’t even know what to say other than apologize for the police waking them in the middle of the night or the loud and obnoxious use of terrible language that their children likely heard from my daughter’s mouth. I never felt this way when my son was transported to the ER on three or four occasions late in the evening. The following day every neighbor would stop by to check on our son’s progress. This is a lonliness that I never experienced, and even though my daughters condition is unrealated to our parenting, I feel that people do associate it with a flaw related to us. This of course is my own perception of why people are reacting this way but there must be some truth to my perception since my own family has not reached out.</p>