<p>ZG registered for classes at the CUNY and has withdrawn from her private school. This is one of the most sad days of my life. We totally let her down by not asking the right questions and making the right plans, and as her parent, I should have been more clear in voicing my concerns about her choice. She had two options that would have been better and I didn’t articulate as well as I could have how much better they would have been, and now she’s filled with regret and my husband saw exactly what would go wrong. I wish I had really understood that things don’t always work out for the best. I urge all parents to be completely honest with your kids if you have concerns or misgivings about their choice of college. Sometimes the easy or pretty choice isn’t the right one.</p>
<p>Zoosermom, if it’s really that way, is any of this reversible? Especially if she regrets what she’s done? Surely paperwork can be cancelled???</p>
<p>I am sorry. I can hear your anguish.</p>
<p>I believe zoosermom is referring to the original college poor choice, not the move to CUNY.</p>
<p>But ZM, will either of the other 2 options have room for her this fall?</p>
<p>There are more options out there than are evident on first glance.</p>
<p>For example, if your daughter now regrets this decision, perhaps she could work for a semester or a year and inquire about the possibility of applying for reinstatement at her former college, if that college would be a better choice than CUNY, or apply as a transfer to a different college.</p>
<p>There is no law that says that absolutely everyone must do four years of college in a row, all at the same institution.</p>
<p>Hugs, I am sorry this has been so painful :(</p>
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<p>I think you have identified the crux of the problem. At least, for the rest of us.</p>
<p>Sorry to be so blunt.</p>
<p>Thanks guys! She’s going to make the best of things at the CUNY, take as many classes a semester as she can, summer classes and then get to the master’s plus 20 as fast as she can. We allowed her to choose the wrong school for the right reasons and there were a couple of scheduling problems that pushed her off the track. If we had known then what we know now, we never would have let her test into the upper level science courses, and once she ended up missing a couple of classes with hospitalization, we really should have had her pick up a lower level class. Oh, and definitely check the catalog to see how often required classes are given!!! But live and learn, right? We’ll surely know the questions to ask for D2.</p>
<p><em>hugs</em> I know the agony you are going through, and I am thinking of you.</p>
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<p>I was the one who said it!</p>
<p>We were naive enough to think that if a school identified something as a major, then it would be a given that graduation in four years would happen if all classes were passed. We didn’t understand about core requirements and classes scheduled in alternate years and how complicated teacher certification can be in some states. I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, kids who have no family history of college are at a disadvantage, even if they aren’t poor. Poor lamb had no chance with totally ignorant parents. But she does have a plan to save/invest her earnings to buy a condo upon graduation. I think I’m taking this harder than she is.</p>
<p>Your daughter will be fine. The fact that she has enrolled in another school shows she still values education which is among the most important values a parent can teach. If she had withdrawn altogether, that would be the source of much greater concern.</p>
<p>Sorry you are having to go through this, but as one who has ridden a few waves, I can tell you that while some dreams have to die, there will be others. Your daughter sounds very resilient and is moving ahead. That is a HUGE thing. College isn’t always 4 years of rosy happiness filled with intellectual debates over expresso and skipping through the flowering trees! As hard as we all work on this forum to get the right answers for ourselves and others, in the end it is somewhat of a crapshoot no matter WHAT we do.</p>
<p>My dear ZM -
Hindsight is always 20/20. Of course you see clearly now what you “should” have done, said, etc. I KNOW that you were doing the best that you could at the time. The last perfect parent saw His son die on the cross. So that didn’t work out that well, either.</p>
<p>Try to let go of your regrets, and support your daughter where she is now. Things work out. They really do. </p>
<p>God bless.</p>
<p>Please – don’t be so hard on yourself! Was there any way that you could have anticipated your daughter’s health problems? </p>
<p>Is your daughter expressing the same regrets, or is she looking forward to attending CUNY? </p>
<p>All life is about making choices. When they are young, we as parents have to make the choices. When they are age 18, then the responsibility for the good vs. bad choices shifts to them. Yes, of course we can offer guidance and advice – but it is not our responsibility to anticipate every problem for our adult children. </p>
<p>Long after my son dropped out of his first college, I made an “I wish I’d known to tell you” comment about an issue that had been a problem at that college – and my son then told me that he had in fact anticipated that problem before deciding on the college. So give your kid credit for having thought through some of these issues at the beginning as well – the kids weigh the pros and cons, and they go off to college hoping for the best. Most of the time it works out well; sometimes it does not.</p>
<p>I agree hindsight is 20/20. Sometimes life just turn differently from what we planned. We let our son go into the wrong major - it was his interest but he has no ability. Now at age 21 he is going to start all over again.</p>
<p>At that time we thought we’ll let him make some decisions and pursue his choices, part of being an adult and all that, turns out it was the wrong call and parents do know best.</p>
<p>The kindness, wisdom and support imparted here is truly amazing. Thank you.</p>
<p>ZM…it sounds like this has been a journey, but you that there is a plan…and a good one at that. Sometimes the journey isn’t the way we “planned it” but if we get to the destination, it’s all worth it in the end. It sounds like your daughter and you are well on your way to the destination.</p>
<p>ZM - I know how hard this year has been on your D, and therefore on you - just know that going to a CUNY is not the end of the world. Your D may be happier at a school close to home after the tough year she’s had. She can always change her mind if she finds it’s not for her - but I’m sure she’ll do just fine.</p>
<p>ZM,
If she’s healthy, that’s the most important part. If she’s home, that may help her maintain her health and her grades. In a year, you and she can reassess. </p>
<p>It’s wonderful to see someome who is so appreciative of the options she has and seeks to make the best of them. I’m sure she has grown a great deal from this experience and it will help her become a better and more compassionate teacher.</p>
<p>ZM - we only know the downside of the paths we have taken, we have NO idea what problems might have cropped up on an alternate path. </p>
<p>As everyone has said, your daughter is pretty mature and resilient. She will be fine. You cannot fault yourself for what happened. If you were disinterested or pushy, yes, but not for being unaware of the pitfalls of an institution. Even with the right questions, you may have been given vague or even incorrect answers. </p>
<p>Big hug (and a smack along side the head for being too hard on yourself)!</p>