<p>Jym,
Isn’t it amazing how much stamina we have to get through all this? And, you’re right…you just do what you gotta do. As the oldest, that’s been the story of my life.</p>
<p>Jym626 - your story, too is heart-wrenching.</p>
<p>I am so glad I started this thread. All the stories have been a tremendous help, and all the advice has been wonderful (especially the one about finding the long-term care policy!!! Mom has one - it’s up-to-date because payments are deducted every month - but I haven’t been able to find it yet!).</p>
<p>Having a Power of Attorney is great for dealing with everyone from banks to …well, everyone. But get it before the parent goes completely downhill.</p>
<p>Archermom and nedad-
Thanks for your thoughts. They say 10% of the people do 90% of the work, and they aren’t kidding. Yes, it made it “easier” to have POA to deal with all the insurance stuff, change of beneficiary forms, ownership change of policies, bank accounts and such, but still, with the implementation of the Patriot Act after 9-11, most of the financial institutions wouldn’t talk to me over the phone, and insisted that when I came up to the NE to meet with them face-to-face that my Dad be there too (even though I had POA and he was in the hospital). Citibank was particularly onerous. They apparently decided that they could implement their own policy and ignore federal banking regulations . As soon as we could, we closed the account that my dad had with them for over 50 years and moved it. </p>
<p>As for long term and catastrophic are policies, they are great, but read them carefully. My mom’s Catastrophic care policy is unbelievably cumbersome, and the paperwork they require, and the way they want it organized is overwhelming. My dads’ long term care policy had a 100 day waiting period (deductible) and several exclusions that will put us in a potential battle with them. We are not sure it is worth the aggravation in either case. I still recommend these policies-- just read them carefully. </p>
<p>My dad also thought that the long term care policy would cover him if he had to go into a skilled nursing facility. It covers maybe $200/day and only for nursing homes, not for assisted living facilities, many of which, in NY, were $4000-7000/mo when you looked at all the costs (its like buying a base model car, with the cost rising with all the “extras”.) Fortunately dad can still live in his house, with some in-home help. </p>
<p>The BEST thing I ever did was find a GREAT geriatric case manager. She has been a godsend, and is worth every penny. What a relief-- its like having a family member there to stay on top of things, and if my dad needs anything, he can call her before he calls me. She is right there. She coordinates appointments, helps with the paperwork, meds, coordinated some of the in-home care, etc etc etc. When I really found myself drowning in all this stuff, and was spending half of every workday handling my dads affairs, I started the search for a case manager. I couldnt have done it without her. Now that dad is doing much better, we don’t need her as much, but she is there for whatever we need. And she keeps in touch to be sure he isnt isolating himself and getting too lonely. She will also be there to take him to/from the hospital for the upcoming outpatient procedures in a few weeks, so I don’t need to cancel everything again and fly up. It isn’t that serious a prcedure-- but someone has to be there.</p>
<p>Ok-- I feel like an ad for geriatric case management. But, as archermom, nedad and others have pointed out-- it frequently falls on one of the children to handle all of this stuff, and thank heavens there are resources out there to help us as well.</p>
<p>Agree w/Jym-have seem several families w/LTC insurance find out it would have been better to be without-restrictions etc just put them in a larger bind.</p>
<p>Jym. how would one go about finding a geriatric caseworker? We could certainly use one to help out my MIL. H has been hopping down there for all sorts of things that we woudl certainly prefer that someone else could work it through with her. Also help her in getting to doctor appointments as she is not so mobile. I am very interested.</p>
<p>Jamimom-
First I did some word-of-mouth references, by calling some of the eldercare and senior citizens programs in their area. Most have social services or can refer you to private casemanagers. I also used the National Association of Geriatric Casemanagers website, which used to be really helpful, gave names of people in each area, etc. They’ve changed the site, and less is available to “non-members” but it is still a good starting place as well. When you get names, call and interview them over the phone. Prices (usually hourly) vary widely, and you’ll also get a “feel” for whether you think you’ll workwell with the person. I interviewed 3-- and when I spoke to the one I ultimately hired, I just knew-- we clicked-- same philosophy, etc. I wasn’t as wild about the other 2, even though one lived very close to my dad. </p>
<p>Where do you live?? If you are in the NY suburbs, PM me and I’ll give you more info.</p>