<p>CF, it’s the same in my family, not a gift giving occasion. However, ours was close family only as the whole point was to introduce the families, so everyone invited was invited to the wedding. Parents, siblings, grandparents, and my 3 first cousins I grew up with-- the standard present-at-every-holiday crowd. I don’t think I would have invited anyone that wasn’t invited to the wedding. It also wasn’t a necessary, obligatory thing, like “everyone has engagement parties so it’s just assumed we’ll have one.” We were just really excited and wanted our families to meet, so we had them over. The family blending aspect of marriage is really important to us. </p>
<p>We got our stamps months ago, they are pretty white roses. I am not sure how my mom intends to mail them. My sister said there was about a 50% non-response rate for shower invitations so I hope there weren’t mailing problems with those. I know a lot of people don’t bother to RSVP anymore but I wasn’t expecting that many. I assume maybe 10% of them will still show up and the rest didn’t want to come and couldn’t be bothered. Nobody wants to call and put them on the spot, my mom thought that was very rude, so I have no way to know if they got the invitation. </p>
<p>I feel sorry for this groom, it sounds like somebody dropped the ball, either the post office or the couple themselves. So much goes into planning a wedding and you hope so much that people will come and enjoy it with you, and every mistake makes you look like a social dunce-- or so it feels. Hopefully it was just a couple invitations that went awry. If something goes wrong with mine everyone will probably assume I have no manners and I am not the host and have nothing to do with them short of picking out the paper they’re printed on.</p>
<p>FWIW - I just got a graduation card with check still enclosed that I sent last May returned to me. It arrived back here on Monday - returned by an unknown person who accidentally received/opened the card. Whether that person let the card sit for 10 months before sending it back or just got it, well, I have no idea. I do know that mail can be lost. (I resent the card with the humorous explanation and wrote another check.) </p>
<p>Always take one complete invitation in to the PO to check on the postage needed. We were surprised to find that there was an upcharge for the shape of S and DIL’s invitations (square) and that the postage was not just determined by weight. No one wants their invitations returned and stamped “insufficient postage”!</p>
<p>We did have 2-3 PO delayed delivery mistakes and one correctly addressed invite that was returned as “addressee unknown” 5 weeks later! If people don’t RSVP, it is not rude to contact them.<br> “Hi Jane, I’m making the final arrangements for the shower on the 25th. I hope you received the invitation we sent about three weeks ago, and that you’ll be able to join us.”</p>
<p>I think the take-home lesson here is that if you receive a save-the-date and don’t get an invitation, you should go ahead and make a follow-up call, especially if you would want to attend the wedding. Conversely, if you are missing RSVPs, go ahead and call the invitees, because there is a real possibility that the mailing has gone astray. I know every time our mailman goes on vacation, the substitutes give us mail from other house, often not even the right street. </p>
<p>When you have a catered meal with seating arrangements, it’s CRUCIAL to call and confirm whether the invitation was received and whether or not they will be attending. It is wasteful to pay for people who don’t show up and embarrassing to have people attend that you haven’t reserved a space for on your seating chart. </p>
<p>We did call folks and say something along the lines of my-3-sons with anyone from whom we didn’t get an RSVP. I still believe it is very rude not to RSVP to any invitation that requests one, especially if food is being served. We have thrown many parties as an extended family and I always dislike having to follow up with stragglers who can’t be bothering sending in their RSVPs. It seems little enough to ask that folks call, email or send in a reply card about whether or not they’re attending.</p>
<p>We are having a plated, served meal with a choice of entree’, so we HAD to have responses. So we included self-addressed and stamped envelopes for our RSVP cards and STILL had quite a few “loose” them or forget to send them back in time. Several were also VERY late due to issues with the post office.We did use a postage meeter and they weighed a completed invitation and it was EXACTLY the weight required to buy the pretty “wedding” stamps. Someone had that all figured out! So each invitation had regular first class postage (for the RSVP) AND a pretty extra-postage wedding stamp on the outer envelope! </p>
<p>When we had not heard back from all our guests at 4 weeks or so before the event (and our final numbers were due to the event venue 3 weeks out), we started following up with guests who had not responded. Our daughter’s fiancé’s family are wonderful and they happily followed up with their folks and we did so with ours and eventually got responses from everyone. If anyone is looking at planning a wedding any time soon, I WHOLLY endorse using a website such as wedsimple.com to develop your own “wedding website”. You can put info there for your guests AND manage RSVPs for various events (like the wedding reception, rehearsal dinner, showers, etc) online. So that way, the groom’s family can go on there and enter a reply OR the bride’s family can do it. </p>
<p>We always also put a discreet number on the RSVP card, so we can tell WHO is sending in the card (as sometimes they neglect to indicate their name on their RSVP). It also helps narrow down who needs to be called before the final numbers are due for the caterers.</p>
<p>When we have a very large party (several hundred), we always try to have a fudge factor that the caterer will allow of about 10% or so, since people get sick at the last minute, emergencies come up, sitter cancels, houseguest to be included, etc. That is a savings and seems to work out pretty well. There are still sometimes a few seats and meals wasted but we all do our best.</p>
<p>Since S & DIL asked me to do the calligraphy for the envelopes, the invites were shipped to my house and I mailed them. (I have time to go to the PO and get stuff weighed, etc. ;)) </p>
<p>We had many more than expected RSVP with a yes (100 vs. 60). Because DH and S2 were catering, it wasn’t going to cost us $$$ to add in last-minute folks. S1 & DIL allowed plus ones in the hopes that their many introverted friends would feel more comfortable attending. It worked. S & DIL used a free website from The Knot and built a Google form within the site that loaded RSVP info into a Google Doc, which both they and I could access. They did not use RSVP cards. The website also included many of the things churchmusicmom mentioned (maps, schedule…) They also included a spot on the Google form for food allergies (they knew their friends well and planned around those issues).</p>
<p>About four weeks out, S2, DIL, DH and I did reach out to folks we hadn’t heard from to see if they could come. Our larger concern was the logistics of picking up folks at the airport, room sharing, etc. (Many folks were grad students/just out of school.)</p>
I am not sure how my mom intends to mail them. My sister said there was about a 50% non-response rate for shower invitations so I hope there weren’t mailing problems with those. I know a lot of people don’t bother to RSVP anymore but I wasn’t expecting that many. I assume maybe 10% of them will still show up and the rest didn’t want to come and couldn’t be bothered. Nobody wants to call and put them on the spot, my mom thought that was very rude, so I have no way to know if they got the invitation. </p>
So each invitation had regular first class postage (for the RSVP) AND a pretty extra-postage wedding stamp on the outer envelope! </p>