<p>My dearest friend (who lives too far away) just shared the devastating news of her (youthful and vigorous) husband’s advanced colon cancer. The surgeon who spoke with her yesterday after the lengthy surgery left her very hopeless yet confused with his messages “need to make final plan” “tumor not resectable (sp?)” yet in response to her question about experimental treatments, said “we haven’t yet completed all the standard treatments.” He cited a survival rate of 45% over 2-5 years.
Do any of you have ideas long-distance supportive, hopeful words? Colon cancer research centers? I feel so lost as to how to help.</p>
<p>God bless them.
I lost someone I love and owe my life to to cancer. I believe they are now beyond and ahead of me and I take comfort in this.</p>
<p>I hope that what ever time your friend has is a good time, full of love, laughter, mystery and the bonding that, it seems, are only afforded when within sight of the end of our time.</p>
<p>All the best.</p>
<p>jasmom, I have a dear friend who was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer about 3 years ago. Her cancer had spread to her liver and it covered too much of the liver for the tumor(s) to be removed. She has been on weekly chemo ever since and is doing great. Some of her chemo drugs were experimental at first, and they shrank her tumors, but she is now on a different group of drugs because the oncologist felt that she had derived as much benefit as she could from that particular regimen.</p>
<p>Obviously, everyone’s case is different and no generalizations can be made, but I hope you will tell your friend that there is hope. A second opinion is always valuable, especially when differing treatments exist. There’s a lot of info out there on the internet, too. </p>
<p>Best of luck to your friend. She is lucky to have you looking out for her.</p>
<p>Thank you …
Dorothy…, for the reminder of love, laughter, mystery and the bonding that can accompany such pain.
Patsmom…, for a voice of hope from a similar-sounding case.</p>
<p>One of best friends is a ten year survivor of colon cancer. Diagnosed at 40. He’s still going strong. My best friend has just received a “no detectable” finding on his PSA after a reoccurence of cancer after his prostetectomy. Now they can work on his kidney cancer. They are doing wonderful things even when the odds don’t look so hot. Chin-up. Good Vibrations.</p>
<p>Thanks, cur,
Congrats to you and your friends! And I will be passing these thoughts along.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry to hear of your friend’s situtation. Here’s a link to ways to find out about clinical trials for experimental treatments, if you think that’s something they might want to pursue. <a href=“http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/colon-and-rectal[/url]”>http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/colon-and-rectal</a></p>
<p>When my father had prostate cancer, he very much wanted to participate in a clinical trial – unfortunately, the people he contacted took so long to get back in touch with him that by the time he was being screened to get in the trial, his condition suddenly required that he be hospitalized, and the trial was looking for non-hospitalized patients only. He died within the month. Now, there is no way to know if the trial regimen of chemo would have helped him, but it’s frustrating that he was stalled for long in getting an answer back from the medical center – I think it was UC San Francisco. So, if your friend’s husband does look into that sort of thing, he, or your friend, should be very, very persistant in keeping the attention of the trial organizers. Polite phone calls every day, that sort of thing.</p>
<p>Moom…,
Thank you for the link and the advice. I will follow-up re: both.
How sad and frustrating regarding your father. I deeply appreciate your generosity in takiing the time to post.</p>
<p>I have several friends with cancer including advanced cancer.
It’s always important to get a second opinion from the best medical facility one can find.
My friend in D.C. with inoperable lung cancer that had spread to her brain and liver went to Sloan Kettering to get another opinion two years ago just after her cancer was diagnosed. She was given information about some new treatments, and as of last month, last time that I heard from her, was continuing to do very well: working four days a week (her choice) as a psycotherapist, traveling, painting, having a nice life.</p>
<p>One can get excellent free information about research, how to talk to doctors, and many other subjects from the Lance Armstrong Foundation. for just the cost of postage, they send a thick notebook of info that my friends have found very helpful. They also offer free telephone counseling to cancer survivors and their families: <a href=“http://www.livestrong.org/site/c.jvKZLbMRIsG/b.695467/k.A4B3/Cancer_Support.htm[/url]”>http://www.livestrong.org/site/c.jvKZLbMRIsG/b.695467/k.A4B3/Cancer_Support.htm</a></p>
<p>It’s so difficult to offer support when you’re far away. My mother was diagnosed with a somewhat aggressive form of cancer in the summer before my junior year–thankfully after a couple operations, a few rounds of chemo, and radiation she’s in remission. We got lots of cards, flowers, and food. We always appreciated having flowers arround the house. My mother’s good friends and my father’s sisters all came down to visit at one point, which she enjoyed. If your friend isn’t too far away, she’d probably appreciate you coming for a long weekend. Do they have kids? If so, it would be nice if you could take the kids out one night to give the parents some time alone. If not, maybe you could take your friend out for dinner and shopping or a movie. Cancer and other serious illness is hard to be surrounded by, and everybody needs the illusion of a break sometimes.</p>
<p>I agree with NSM that it’s vital to go to a good hospital and vital to get a second opinion. Is your friend near a city? If so, I’d advise trying to get out of the local hospital and into a major hospital. </p>
<p>I don’t know how much you can do besides offering your friend support and someone to talk to, but both those things are very important, particularly if she doesn’t have any good friends at home.</p>
<p>jasmom~</p>
<p>Oh, honey, I’m <em>SO</em> very sorry to hear of the devastating news about your dear friend’s husband. I cannot imagine her shock and grief or her feelings of helplessness and hoplessness. I know, too, how terribly difficult this whole thing must be for YOU, as you watch from afar and wonder how you can best take care of someone you love so deeply. {{{{{{{sweet, gentle hugs to you, your friend, her dh, and their entire family}}}}}}} </p>
<p>I am very fortunate to not have had intimate experience with anyone suffering from end-stage cancer (my family disowned me before my own mother’s battle with lung cancer and refused to allow me to see her before her death–or attend her funeral 
)</p>
<p>To me, it seems the most crucial thing that you can do would be to offer that shoulder of support in the way of a sounding board. Talk to her…often and for as along as she wishes. LISTEN to her…to EVERYTHING, especially to her feelings about these frightening events, things which others may shy away from hearing for the pain and difficulty of hearing them. It won’t be easy for you, but it will be a true mitzvah and one that she will remember for her entire life.</p>
<p>Also, since you are a bit farther away from the situation than she is, make sure that she’s covering all bases and is persistent in seeking the very best care for her husband. You can help her be an advocate for him just as she is, by doing the things that the others above have suggested. </p>
<p>My thoughts and prayers are going out to your dear friend’s husband and to her–and also to YOU. Do remember that sometimes the support people need support too. Take care of yourself, sweetie. </p>
<p>love, ~berurah</p>
<p>jasmom, I am very sorry about this devastating news. I would not give up hope, though. As others have posted, there are plenty of people who have beat a dire diagnosis, at least for a number of years. It is very important to go to a good cancer center. If you’d like to PM me with your friend’s location, I can find out for you where the closest one is. Here is a great website for information, support and hope:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.cancer.org%5B/url%5D”>www.cancer.org</a></p>
<p>Northstar, Thanks for the great link (and the survivor story). I’ll pass the link along at a later date. Free telephone counseling is an amazing service for them to offer.
Corranged, I’m so glad your mother is in remission. Your reminder re: the old standby of flowers, etc. is a good one. If I were closer, I’d cook (and hug). I’m hoping their meeting with the oncologist today will provide them with more of a sense of future steps (including other hospitals, cancer treatment centers, etc.)
Berurah, disownment as a blessing… now there’s a concept. I’m sorry, how hurtful.<br>
I do know that my call – as painful as it was to her to have to tell me – helped her feel less alone. Eventually, I’ll need to listen to all the medical details again, though, because the first time through, all I could absorb was the emotion. Thank you for your post.</p>
<p>Thanks, NYMom, I’ll PM you</p>
<p>
Oh, I’m sorry jasmom…my comment definitely did NOT come out as intended! (I was sick all of last night, so am operating on about 1/2 a brain cell <em>lol</em>.) Obviously I would have welcomed the opportunity to care for my mother and support her through her illness. In fact, I am still plagued by nightmares from not being able to do that (my natural role is that of nurturer). I was trying to convey the fact that I didn’t have any practical knowledge to share, but that my heart went out to your friend’s family and to you too. Sorry if I wasn’t clear. In no way did I then (nor do I now) view my disownment as any sort of blessing. Just wanted to clarify. ~b.</p>
<p>I knew that was what you meant! I’m sure that the loss was more difficult for you (not easier) because you were unable to assist/nurture (that’s what my “I’m sorry, how hurtful” was meant to convey)</p>
<p>In addition to Sloan K in NYC, Anderson in Houston TX is also on the forefront of cutting edge treatments.</p>
<p>I think that there are things you can do to help even though you are not nearby. Helping with some research would probably be very helpful… your friend will have more important things to do than sit at the computer. This is a good place to start: <a href=“http://www.acor.org/[/url]”>http://www.acor.org/</a>. This website also maintains online communites for specific cancers under their mailing lists tab. I took a quick look and it appears the colon cancer group is large. The members of that group will be very helpful in helping to determine which are the best centers for treatment for colon cancer. You could join the list and search the archives for your friend. I agree with the posters who mention Memorial Sloan Kettering and MD Anderson Cancer Centers as among the most progressive in the country but the list members will have personal experience.</p>
<p>Another helpful thing might be to help set up a caringbridge site to help your friend communicate with family and friends without having to live on the telephone. If your friend is overwhelmed, she could share information with you and you could be the editor of the site. This is the caringbridge website:
<a href=“http://www.caringbridge.org/[/url]”>http://www.caringbridge.org/</a>.</p>
<p>I have also seen friends set up online calendars so they can coordinate meals and/or other kinds of help.</p>
<p>We all know the internet is a wonderful source of information and help - you can digest and distill information for your friend.</p>
<p>Good luck and stay strong.</p>
<p>Just passing along my good wishes. It’s still a painful place for me, having lost my dad to colon cancer only 8 months after diagnosis, and while I was an ocean away. I just want you to know I feel for you. Bless you for wanting to help.</p>
<p>Thank you ALL!!! I feel lighter than I have since before hearing the news. I’ll save this thread with all the uplifting and supportive posts as well as all the practical and resource oriented advice. My dear friend is too overwhelmed to process info at this time. Over time I’m sure she’ll appreciate my information and advocacy.</p>