<p>I am reading a book by an extremely brave woman, Irshad Manji, called “The Trouble with Islam Today”. One of her main points is that primary difference between Christianity and Judaism (especially Judiasm) and Islam is that the former two religions encourage examination of religious beliefs. Secular humanistic judiasm doesn’t sound strange to me at all.</p>
<p>do these secular bar mitzvahs include standing on a bimah? do they read from the torah? i am very confused. Have been to MANY bar/bat mitzvahs, but never a secular one.</p>
<p>I’ve had friends specifically tell us it was okay to come only to the party or to come late to the ceremony. That seemed very odd to me, I wanted to see the ceremony!</p>
<p>mom60, Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had all week! Invitations on old record albums, indeed!</p>
<p>Speaking of examination of religious beliefs, a recent bar mitzvah shocked the congregation by announcing at his ceremony that he didn’t believe in God. It was actually wonderful, the boy was absolutely sincere and the rabbi’s responses were beautiful.</p>
<p>4Giggles, I am not invited to the secular ceremony, and it is likely that my son will not be able to go, so I may not be able to answer these questions.</p>
<p>mathmom,</p>
<p>lots of people come late, can be somewhat long (3 hrs!) First hour of sat morn service is not related to the bar/bat mitzvah.</p>
<p>Maybe this boy celebrated his Bar Mitzvah in Israel and then had a party at home for friends and family. Or maybe this current celebration is really more of a confirmation for the entire grade at this synagogue.</p>
<p>I know, just seemed weird not having grown up Jewish.</p>
<p>We belong to Ethical Culture which was founded by a rabbi, but tries to combine what’s best in all religions and takes no position on God. We have a “moving up” ceremony, and kids spend the year they are 13 studying some aspect of Ethical Culture and doing some kind of service project. At any rate we don’t call it either a confirmation or a Bar Mitzvah.</p>
<p>4Giggles, I have mostly been to secular bar mitzvahs in Jewish community centers and only one in a temple on the bimah. Most don’t include Torah reading, but at one I attended, someone recited their parsha and haftorah. At another a haftorah was chanted but there was no Torah. These things are very much a mixed bag, with sometimes 10 kids speaking on 10 different subjects and maybe 1 or 2 including something in Hebrew. Students who do a secular bar mitzvah usually attend a “shule” (pronounced shoo-la, I don’t know how you spell it, but it means school) and each one seems to have a different tradition about what’s included in the bar mitzvah. I attended one in New York once that was a Yiddish Shule – in a big New York synagogue with emphasis on Yiddish. It was really interesting.</p>
<p>Chedva, I think the problem some people have is that bar mitzvah means something very specific to observant Jews, and the secular humanists are using the word to mean something quite different. Over many years I have come to accept the secular bar mitzvahs as appropriate and meaningful, although totally different than my own traditional experience. I do see your point about going to church and not mentioning Christ. However, the secular bar mitzvah is in no way a service. It is more of a coming together, a graduation, a ceremonial celebration.</p>
<p>In some ways a secular bar mitzvah is like a commitment ceremony for a gay couple. They call it a wedding but legally and traditionally, it just isn’t. There are plenty of people in our society who are offended by their calling it a wedding. But if you support the couple, you join them in their celebration and understand that they are finding their own version of a centuries-long tradition. I see non-religious Jews as trying to find their own version of a centuries-long tradition, too.</p>
<p>This reminds me of my S.I.L. She had three weddings. First, a civil ceremony in Germany (I believe that is always done seperately.) Six months later a Catholic ceremony in Germany. And a year later a Methodist ceremony in NJ. I imagine they lied to the Catholic priest when asked if they would be raising their kids as Catholics. (They don’t.) It was pretty tacky, in my view. If she wanted to have a party for the Americans who didn’t head over to Germany, I would have done so without the white dress & church service. I know my M.I.L. was behind it.</p>
<p>Calling a party a Bar Mitzvah without the deep religious significance and the years of hard preparation & study required is just pathetic. Call it a birthday party with a Jewish theme, but don’t elevate to a higher level than it deserves.</p>
<p>OT- For different reasons, and all of them legit, I believe, my parents had four weddings (all to each other). Once, during WWII, both families had fled to Russia. But for Polish men to leave Russia, and thus not serve in the Russian army for 20 years, they had to be married to a Polish woman. So, since my mother liked my father anyway, and wanted to help, she married him. Once back in Poland, the families went their separate ways.</p>
<p>Some years later, my mother & father met again, and this time they fell in love. They were sent to Germany after the war, but to different DP camps. They could visit each other. And yes, in Germany, you must have a civil service to be legally married. So they had their civil service. Then they had their religious service, which they considered their real wedding (this was the date on which they celebrated their anniversary). When they were finally eligible to emigrate to the US, the American soldiers, who couldn’t read the German marriage license or the Hebrew/Aramaic ketubah, didn’t believe that they were really married (many people having used marriage as a ruse to get an otherwise ineligible spouse into the US), so they got married again!</p>
<p>“I do see your point about going to church and not mentioning Christ.”</p>
<p>I go to Meeting every Sunday and mentions of Christ are extremely rare. We, like the very religious Puritans, do not celebrate Christmas as a religious matter, nor Easter, nor any other holiday. </p>
<p>Atheists, however, are extremely rare. There are Friendly agnostics, who differ from other agnostics who believe that God is unknowable. Quaker agnostics are more likely to say that God may indeed be knowable, but haven’t yet been presented with the privilege.</p>
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<p>*Shul<a href=“no%20’la’%20on%20the%20end,%20BTW”>/i</a> is the Yiddish word for synagogue. It’s related to ‘school’ in that the synagogue was traditionally the community’s center of learning. I’m surprised that it’s used in the way you mention: it’s traditionally the way Orthodox Jews refer to their synagogue.</p>
<p>Schule, pronounced the way skie says, is German for school.</p>
<p>And Stickershock, you are correct about German weddings. Civil ceremonies are required in order for the wedding to be legal. Church weddings are separate and optional.</p>
<p>binx, that is true, and my family is from Germany (I know you lived there), but I also know “shul” to mean Booklady’s definition. Just edited to take off the “e” b/c there is not an “a” pronounced at the end of “shul” in my experience.</p>
<p>Both of you, binx and northeastmom, are correct. Yiddish is, in large measure a bastardization of German and several other Eastern European languages. Many people who know one can understand the other. Shul in Yiddish encompasses a number of functions of the religious house: a house of worship (synagogue), a house of study, and a house of community. (Of course, there is no real standard way to spell it in English, because Yiddish uses the Hebrew alphabet with Germanic words!) There is no vowel sound at the end. It’s generally pronounced the same way as “school” but with the “sh” sound instead of the “sk” sound.</p>
<p>Hope you didn’t interpret my post to be negating Booklady’s. I know nothing of Yiddish. I just noticed that what skie seemed to be saying was similar to the German word for school, and maybe they use both in different situations?</p>
<p>That is, Schule=school and shul=synogague, and maybe would account for the different useage.</p>
<p>binx, not at all. Chedva, has the explanation. Thank you for the German input. I always like reading about the language.</p>
<p>searchingavalon said:</p>
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<p>Not quite correct. They may not have a public role in a religious service, but these girls will take upon themselves religious observance such as lighting candles every Friday night for Shabbat.</p>
<p>Chedva, I love your parents’ story! I hope they celebrate all four anniversaries.</p>