<p>Son will be 24 in October. He graduated NYU in 2011 and lives in Brooklyn & works in Manhattan. He’s got a girlfriend who I’m getting to meet for the first time tomorrow. </p>
<p>I have to not embarrass him (and myself) in front of her. HOW do I do this? I’ve never met a girlfriend of his before. They met volunteering for Minds Matter (tutors and mentors high achieving low income students)</p>
<p>She’s older (27), Harvard grad and brilliant, gorgeous and WAY above my league intellectually and financially (she bought him a Burberry trench coat and is taking him to London for his birthday).</p>
<p>I know I’m going to like her. I know I can’t ask her why she broke up with a guy she had been with for 3 years and was living with to be with my son.</p>
<p>What are some good, safe things to say and what do I not want to say/do?</p>
<p>My advice would be to just be yourself. I’m about to meet the (latest) girlfriend in 2 weeks, too. There was an article about her in the paper (she just won a triathlon in PA) and it quoted her as saying that she was nervous about meeting us.
I’m sure your son’s girlfriend is nervous about meeting you, too. Remember that you raised a son with whom she is in love, so you have points in your favor right off the bat! It is great that she is a successful and lovely young woman, but you are YOU and I’m sure she will love you. BE YOURSELF. Ask her about her work, her hobbies and if she will buy YOU a Burberry coat! :)</p>
<p>Relax. They both want you to like her. She’s probably more nervous than you are!</p>
<p>It sounds like you have a good handle on what not to talk about already. I wouldn’t talk about her specifically at all (avoid talking about Harvard, money, her looks- anything personal) but focus on what they have in common together, like their volunteer work. Did they enjoy it? Do they feel it’s a successful program, and how did they come to be involved with it? You can talk about what it’s like living in NYC ( I assume you don’t) and what you should see while you’re there. Treat her like you would any friend of his you might meet; polite, respectful, interested.<br>
And don’t be too impressed with the Harvard degree, financial success, etc. After all, you raised this wonderful young man that she’s enamored with. You rock! ;)</p>
<p>thanks, they are coming to Philadelphia for something so I’m meeting them near my house for breakfast.</p>
<p>Yes, will talk about the mentoring program as it’s starting soon with the new school year coming up. </p>
<p>I don’t see my son often (although we talk, email, text frequently) so sometimes it is hard for me to remember that he (and his friends) are adults. Which of course makes me feel old.</p>
<p>do I insist on paying/leaving tip? It’s not going to be an expensive meal (maybe $50 for all 3 of us)</p>
<p>Enjoy! Meeting my D’s (now) fiance for the first time was one of my favorite experiences. It was such a joy to see her glowing and so happy with such a wonderful young man (also brilliant, and a prof at Harvard, by the way! But more important, gracious to us and devoted to her.). </p>
<p>I like to take the low key and casual approach.
You can ask about where she grew up, how she likes NYC, etc.
She will love to see pics of your son as a child, and hear stories. (I made one of those online photo albums of my D’s childhood, and he gave me pictures of them together on various outings, etc. Clearly he had been told that I treasure pictures.) </p>
<p>“When a child finds true love, a parent finds true joy!”</p>
<p>You get there early.
Talk to the manager and give him 50 bucks to go towards the bill for your table.
He should tell your waitress what’s what.
That way, paying for the meal is taken care of and no awkward who is paying lull.
If you get money back, then they should bring it to the table and you leave a tip.</p>
<p>^^^ Re payment, if you are the hostess it would be nice for you to pick up the check, assuming that would be within your means. Otherwise, I am sure your son would take care of it.</p>
<p>To avoid awkwardness, I excuse myself to use the ladies room at some point, and on the way let the waitress know that I want to handle the check. Sometimes I give over my credit card at that point. This heads off any awkward fighting for the check scenes. You can tell them they can host when you visit NYC.</p>
<p>Or, as I said, allow your son to take care of it.</p>
<p>OK, I was going to reply, but the gang here has it down. BE YOURSELF! After all, you’re wonderful! You’ve raised a wonderful son, who has a wonderful girlfriend, and you’ll all have a wonderful breakfast together. Try to relax.</p>
<p>I mean, we could try to terrify you by saying that THIS WOMAN could be the gatekeeper between you and your son and you and your grandchildren, but we would never do something like that!</p>
<p>Seriously, the fact that you want to make a good impression makes it a pretty sure bet that you will. </p>
<p>Great idea on ‘pre-paying’ or arranging to pay for check. </p>
<p>Not going to bring the baby pics to restaurant, will have to save that one for later
I remember one where’s he’s about 4 and has himself wrapped in the shower curtain after getting out of the tub (of course in the pic you can’t hear him saying ‘my fancy dress’ as I clicked the picture.</p>
<p>Trip to London - good idea, will ask what sites they are going to visit.</p>
<p>I do know she grew up in/around Boston. I will not be telling her about the summer my son lived there and fell asleep on the T (subway) and had his phone and Ipod stolen from his hands.</p>
<p>Note to self - do not drink coffee tomorrow, meditate and PRAY for mellowness.</p>
<p>“you can NOT have my baby.” - can I say instead, I wonder what your kids would look like if you marry my son?! What happens when you combine Jewish boy and Oriental girl??</p>
<p>Funny, I just went through this with my 25 year old son less than a month ago. She is a girlfriend but they aren’t living together. They met their senior year in college and had recently spent a month in Peru and Colombia traveling.</p>
<p>He called and said she was in town for 4-5 days. He laughed and said to me “we all love travel so knock yourself out on that.” That was the “common” thread (other than our feelings for my son). </p>
<p>Since we got together 3 or 4 times, we moved on to sports (she loves baseball). One night we got together with another couple (my age) who were also friends of my son. That opened up the conversations substantially since they had no reason to be “nervous.”</p>
<p>Relax. Being “too careful” is obvious and tiring (to you and everyone). The London trip would seem to be a start of a conversation.</p>
<p>I’d skip the inquiry about babies/children for now!</p>
<p>zoosermom - my son asked what I was going to do when I retire - less than 8 years from now. I told him I was moving into the inlaw suite they would have for me so I could be a live in babysitter. — silence — on the phone.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t say to be yourself, it depends upon what “yourself” acts like. Be non controversial, ask non offensive questions, smile, be approving. Yes, she is probably more scared than you are. Only say positive, non intrusive things. It’s pretty easy, I advise you to just be boring, and make it about her. Of course, pay for the bill.</p>
<p>My advice, as a thirty-something woman who has met a lot of parents before:</p>
<p>
ASK HER ABOUT THIS! People love to talk about their volunteering experience and their students. It also opens up the conversation in ways that put people from totally different backgrounds on the same level field.</p>
<p>
Communicate this to her. It always put me at ease when a boyfriend’s parents (or even a friend’s parents) wanted to like me. </p>
<p>
Boston and New York are really different - especially if she grew up in the suburbs of Boston and is now a Manhattanite. (Around here, the area turns from city to suburbs - almost rural - very quickly.) Ask her about the differences between the people, the culture, the night life, the amount of privacy, why she chose Manhattan, etc. Ask her how she felt about the Sox win in 2004 and again in 2007. :D</p>
<p>
Do not channel my now ex-boyfriend’s father. The first time I met him, we were all down on the Cape and thinking of going to the beach. He said, “It’s time for me to make love to my wife, so you all might want to go to the beach now.” Awkward.</p>
