Seek parent views on "Senior Week"

Parent Cafe
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<p>Well, around here, some kids go away for spring break but we’ve always said no to that. For us, the dilemma has been prom weekend. Traditionally, the kids attend the prom (country club) on Friday night and then go down the shore for the rest of the weekend. Same as in my day. My d went to proms/cotillions in 9th, 10th and 11th grades and we restricted her weekend activities to our area, like plays and dinners out. Last yr, we did a day trip to an amusement park. Luckily, her boyfriends/dates didn’t make a big deal of it. </p>

<p>This yr, we asked if she could go to the shore. We tried to really “listen” to her weekend plan and not just shut her down. She is technically an adult at 18 (and she does act responsibly). She wanted to spend the weekend at the beach with her friends and we eventually agreed to it. Her friends chose a motel in a family town, close to (but 2 towns away) from the rowdy, party town many of her classmates went to. This SMALL motel had strict rules (mom & pop run) and the kids were told ahead of time that mgt would be keeping a close eye on them (had extra security on during prom weekends) and they would be asked to leave if there was any trouble. They agreed to the conditions. </p>

<p>Turns out they were able to walk to the beach and restaurants. Although they did go to the other town’s boardwalk one day, they returned to their motel that evening because they weren’t interested in going to the heavy duty parties (turned off by drunken, vomiting seniors). </p>

<p>Since I grew up here and know how many of these sleazy motels work (10 passed out in a room, kids hanging off balconies or worse, jumping drunk into the pool, etc), I would have seen the situation differently if her plans had involved those places. I would have said no and tried to offer safer alternatives. I’m just glad I didn’t have to do that. </p>

<p>She will be faced with more peer pressure than this in just a couple of months and I was pleased at the choices she made. Now, she’s talking about taking trips this summer with her friends to Cape Cod (to stay with her grandma) and to go visit each others’ schools. Kids need to grow up. At least this way, she’s taking baby steps under some sort of supervision. I can still remember the kids gone wild in college, who had never been given any freedom. Suddenly they had no one making their decisions for them and they went out of control.</p>

<p>I agree with the poster who said each kid is different. My oldest has always been a careful kid and seemed to steer clear of problems. Now, my youngest may be a different story. I’m already having to restrict which parties she can attend, because she’s only 12 (and I’m amazed at how many ‘no parent’ boy/girl parties are out there for 6th graders). My oldest never asked to go to them.</p>

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<p>My S (18) and appx. 20 of his friends will board planes tomorrow for grad week in Florida. There are two homes being used - no chaperones.
I know all of the kids going and their parents. </p>

<p>As far as the girl in Aruba goes - same old story. I lived in the Caribbean and go back there at least twice a year so I know what goes on. People (girls and GROWN WOMEN) come down to the islands and become intoxicated with the setting, the “away from it all - nobody will know what I do” mood and they lose their minds. Local men prey on this situation and entice the women into this and that. A bar that I enjoy on the island of Tortola (Bomba’s Shack) actually had to post a sign telling visitng women not to drink too much and not to go home wiht local men - please. They also had to tone down the strength of their “mushroom tea” because the visiting women would drink too much and end up “lost” (again, gone home with some local guy and would wake up in his home the next day). The men who practically make a living at being an island gigilo are called “saga men” by locals. Mind you, nothing criminal would happen - but friends and relatives would be really worried when one of their female family members suddenly disappeared overnight. The girl in Alabama got into the car with three locals she didn’t know and none of her own friends. I’m sure alcohol played a major part in her poor decision-making and willingness to get into that car with strangers. I’m not convinced that those men were responsible…but we just don’t know what happened after she left with them. And, trust me, even if th evidence isn’t solid, Aruba is going to come up with someone to blame to save their island’s reputation and tourism dollars. Today they announced that they want everyone to hold their breath for 24 hours and they WILL have news by the end of the weekend. Hmmm…interesting that they can predict how soon they’ll have it figured out. One way or another - they’re going to “solve” this crime.</p>

<p>Anyway, I don’t think the Aruba case should give anyone pause about spring break, etc. Adults females AND males are preyed upon in resort locations everyday. This case is unusual becasue it was a teen, which is why it’s all over the news. I can point you to dozens of other crimes agaist tourists in tropical settings over the last two months. </p>

<p>I 2 weeks we’ll be leaving for St. John, where the drinking age is 18 and it will be “Carnival” time (where free alcohol is handed out off of the backs of trucks cruising the carnival parade route - drinking and partying reaches it’s pinnacle on Jouvert morning at 4am on 7/4 when the “jump up” takes place - party begins at 4am with drinking, people in bathing suits cover themselves in mud (or bodypaint) and squeeze themselves into a pack of thousands of people girating groin to butt through town while calypso bands play from trucks (interspersed with the trucks handing out the drinks all day). By the time that day ends with fireworks at 9pm, most people have sworn off drinking forever - and well all know how long that lasts. My son is bringing 2 friends along. I’m sure they’ll be drinking while we’re there. And, if my son were a daughter, I probably wouldn’t go near St. John on 7/4.</p>

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<p>Wherever kids go, whatever they do, they just have to exercise care, caution and common sense. Unfortunately that’s not standard operating equipment for every 18 year old.</p>

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<p>My daughter is on her way home from Disney World right now. She and a few friends decided (after being encouraged by their parents) that 5 days in Disney is way more fun that a week in Ocean City. I think Disney World is a very viable alternative to Ocean City. They stayed at one of the Value resorts in the park and took the disney transportation system everywhere they wanted to go. The total cost even with airfare wasn’t much different than a week in O.C.
I’ll send a report when I see her tonight.</p>

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<p>nun, that’s where my S is going. Did they have chaperones? How many went? </p>

<p>I just finished with the lecture…the reminder about drinking and pools and how they don’t mix, the driving lecture, the “noise will get you arrested” lecture, etc, etc, etc…</p>

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<p>My D who is on her chaperoned Europe trip told me that in Italy a guy who knew very few words in English did know 3. He said to her, ME, YOU, BEDROOM. She left him quickly, pretty surprised. I have noticed on this trip,that they are a lot stricter with curfews then last year when my S went, because of this recent incident.</p>

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<p>I wouldn’t even let my senior go on that. His senior class had a “camp out” at school and I was hesitant until I called school and verified that two faculty members would be there. And, oh yeah, he’s a very good kid.</p>

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<p>my daughter did go on a two week hike through canyonlands with her senior class ( chaperoned) and two weeks through Costa Rica junior year ( chaperoned) both though school
after graduation she wasn’t interested and I said no to a cabin trip for grads unchaperoned.
The big trips like to florida or cancun just aren’t real popular here.
Its pretty hard to remember precautions when a little bit of alcohol and sex clouds your thinking.</p>

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<p>I’m a student… a senior and went on the elusive OC trip. Quite eye opening, not exactly dangerous, but eye opening. Cops were everywhere and so many kids get arrested. Hotel owners are not exactly honest and are just itching to get kids thrown out on rule violations so they can re-rent the room and keep your deposit. If any kids says its just having fun with their friends and getting sun on the beach… they’re liars. It’s hard to avoid all the drinking, sex, smoking, snorting, etc. Also, there are no chaperones… anywhere!</p>

<p>I went last year with a bunch of my senior friends and when I was asked to go again this year, I declined. Instead, I went on a cruise with a bunch of friends and had a blast. We talked about Cancun, Bermuda, St Croix, and a few others but safety was a big concern. On a ship there are tons of people (old, friendly grandparent type people… not young hormone driven men) out trying to have good clean fun. I was amazed how many teens/college students were on board alone or with their families. I’m not saying cruises are completely safe because they are not, but they are SAFER. </p>

<p>To the original poster, don’t feel bad. Ocean City is trashy. The experience is overrated and can be quite dangerous.</p>

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<p>momsdream - My daughter just got home from Disney tonight. She had a fantastic time- absolutely no trouble. They didn’t have chaperones (my kids have been to Disney a number of times so D is comfortable there). Stayed at the Pop Century resort and loved it. If you’re 18 you can stay there unchaperoned and the 18 year old could be the chaperone for the 17 year old. 3 girls went together and shared a room. My lecture was about not going off by yourself and certainly not meeting up with anyone else by yourself. Since they stayed at the park I knew they would be dependent on Disney transportation so no need for a car. She took some cash and used a debit card and ate most of the meals in the cafeteria type places to keep expenses down.
A truly “magical” senior week.</p>

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<p>I’m wondering…Do many of you have kids who just don’t want to go on a family vacation? My kids (15 and 18) still like going with us, and we have a very special trip planned for a graduation event. </p>

<p>I don’t know. It just seems like kids get into trouble with drinking, sex, drugs, but they are all “good kids, straight A students, volunteered for 10 years…” It breaks my heart to read about kids dying on college campuses from alcohol and the parents are so shocked because “he was such a good kid.” </p>

<p>I would love to hear though about other families. Do you still go on vacation together?</p>

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<p>weenie not to hijcak the thread but we rarely have gotten a chance summers to go on vacation together since the oldest was 12.( sheis now 23)
Since she was 12 she began volunteering several times a week and the time that she took off for vacation she spent at camp.
The youngest just began volunteering also at 14 and it will be difficult to piece together the one 2 week residential camp she wants to attend and the 2 week photography class along with her tutoring.
However we will try and find time to have at least one or two camping trips, probably just with the youngest as the oldest is working everyday.
We do all take the oldest down to college in august, probably having the two girls take the train by themselves and my husband and I will drive down with the stuff as she is taking a bit more than usual since she will be having an apt this year.
We also will continue our tradition of taking a winter vacation together.</p>

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<p>weenie - My kids still like to go on vacation as a family. As they were growing up, we went on MANY camping vacations both locally and all over the US (taking our camping equipment on the plane and renting a minvan when we arrived) My daughter is graduating h.s. tomorrow and my son is entering his senior year of college. My son goes to college on the opposite coast from where we live and has worked away from home during summers too. Last summer, he was only home for a total of about 8 days at the beginning and end of the summer, but went on a 3 day canoeing trip nearby with my husband during that time, and we have squeezed in other camping trips and cross-country skiing trips into other short breaks he has had. We have not been able to have a regular summer family vacation with all four of us for several years, but this year we will be going on a very special trip (not camping this time) during the one week that he will be home from his summer job before we have to take our daughter to college (Their colleges are on very different schedules, so I am glad we found a time we can all go!) My son does also like to go places with his friends, and that is what is expected at his age.</p>

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<p>Ever since 9/11 the NYC board of education does not sanction senior trips that involve flying, being around water, horses, mountains, amusement parks etc. The Board of Ed will not even approve the days to go on a senior trip they are just absences. The principal “gave” them 3 days but “didn’t know” about the trip. Parents ended up organizing the trip for the kids. </p>

<p>Because of the security guidelines we had to nix any trip that involved flying (didnot want to put anyone on the spot in asking if they had any government issued ID). I just learned last year that the only thing you needed to attend NYC public school was a birth certificate and immunization records. In addtion, no one wanted to take responsibilty for having students leaving country and not being able to come back to the U.S.</p>

<p>Seniors went on a 5 day trip to VA beach. There was a series of meetings and parents chaperoned. The one thing that the kids did find out that there was an 11:00 p.m. “lock down” in VA beach wich means everyone under 21 had to be accompanied by a parent or guardian.</p>

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<p>We used to go on family trips yearly with my sister’s family, but my husband’s employers (last 2) were surprisingly stingy with vacation packages so we haven’t gone for several years. This year we will be taking everyone to the Outer Banks for a week in an upscale rental to also include my parent’s for their 50th.</p>

<p>Re: original post, I’m getting a lot of teeth gnashing from my son who occasionally would get together with kids from his school at the movies or mall this year but that’s it. Suddenly, they are in the last week of school, his best buddies that he can’t stand to lose contact with. I’ve never seen much more than the cars of these kids ,never met the parents. (we’ve only lived here 2 years and most kids have known each other since kindergarten–it’s that kind of small town environment in MD). He claims he doesn’t like the kids in his own age group and doesn’t take classes with them anyway. Geeze, I don’t understand him right now! How do you parents go about getting to know other kids families who don’t live in your neighborhood especially if the kids don’t hang out at your house where you can meet them? (Nothing wrong with our house as a hangout either!!!)</p>

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<p>On the subject of family vacations–</p>

<p>We have a standing yearly get-together in Cape May with extended family. My kids look forward to this all year. Though the 22 year old has had to miss it twice, given a choice, she will always come. This summer, they have both been able to maneuver their work schedules around it. It’s an especially poignant year, because we’ve lost my H’s father and sister since last year. So this year’s gathering will be partly in memory of them.</p>

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<p>It should be noted that the senior trips that I am aware of (public and private schools in NYC area and suburbs) are totally unsactioned by the local schools and have no chaperones. Contrast that to the Alabama trip to Aruba where there were chaperones!</p>

<p>Our private HS has some special trips to Italy for the Latin class, etc. which are chaperoned and seem far less risky – even with the fact that wine can be drunk legally. I know lots of schools have trips for the choir, the band, etc. to lots of places.</p>

<p>One of my friends years ago, in explaining why she would not allow her then senior daughter to go on the trip to whichever island it was, said these American girls in provocative clothes didn’t have a clue about the risks, since in their back home environment the dress styles are acceptable and safe. Add to that of course a place where the drinking age is lower, etc.</p>

<p>Yes, our kids will encounter different things in college, but all the experiences won’t be thrown into one drunken week.</p>

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<p>To those who say “each kid is different”. Natalee Holloway was different, too. She was an excellent student with a bright future that included pre-med at the University of Alabama. Those of you who are familiar with the story from Aruba know that there was heavy drinking and she got into a car with 3 people she thought she knew, having met them while drinking the night before. The boys admit taking her to a beach on the north side of the island. </p>

<p>Maybe your child will avoid the drinking and other temptations that occur at these alcohol-induced hormone-raging gatherings that in recent years have somehow become a rite of passage for many high school seniors. </p>

<p>Maybe they wont.</p>

<p>I have witnessed what happens at these events and my children will not be attending. My son will not attend by his own choice. Not sure whose choice it will be when the subject of senior trips comes up with my daughter, but she isn’t going to Aurba or Cancun or anywhere like that, even if the entire US Army was standing guard as chaperones.</p>

<p>when I was a high school senior (1972), our class trip was a daytrip to an amusement park. Not a week long drunk-fest. </p>

<p>Good luck to all.</p>

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<p>As the kid, I haven’t been a fan of family trips for awhile, but it’s because I have no siblings to do anything with, so it’s just me and my parents. The last two trips we’ve gone on (Skiing, Cancun with me not drinking) my mom has gotten sick and my dad wants to go off and do his own thing… he mountain bikes and can ski black trails. So, uh, family trips aren’t my thing.</p>

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<p>I don’t think kids need to get airfare to spend a wild drunken night on the beach-we used to do it in the woods all the time.( one reason why I moved to the city- more supervision)
I remember when I took my daughter down to Portland for admitted students weekend. I stayed in the hotel and watched cable and was transfixed by the cautionary tales of homeless teens trying to get by on the streets of Portland/trips to places like South Padre island where the raison d’etre is alcohol and girls are unwittingly taped for things like Girlsgonewild. really a contrast to the senior parties I remember where we either stood around a keg in the rain, or crammed ourselves into a house with no parents while some tried to keep a bonfire going out back.</p>

<p>I ran with a pretty wild crowd, but I admit things were a lot tamer then. Most of the things I read about would have never even crossed our minds.</p>