Seek parent views on "Senior Week"

curmudgeon · June 12, 2005, 12:48pm

I don’t know folks. There is a lot of fear running through this thread, and I am not immune to it. I just disagree about the controls we can realistically place on our 18 year old plus kids, and which ones we should. I’ll admit that I am one of the “one size doesn’t fit all” parents that Gnu was talking about. I do not and will not condone underage drinking or drug use and if I had any hint of a problem in that area my kid wouldn’t be going either. I will not facilitate a known dangerous behavior.

At the same time Suzie’s 18 year old daughter is driving to Alaska, and Mini’s 18 year old is halfway round the world in what could be a less than safe enviroment. Both without chaperones. Both of those choices give me pause, but I don’t think those two parents are wrong in “allowing” them to go, do y’all? I think they used all their parental training and skill and based upon that they made a choice they felt was right given all of the known circumstances. That’s all I was saying, not that someone who made a different choice was mollycoddling their children or wielding their checkbook weapon to control behavior. I do honestly believe that some kids are equipped to handle more than others. Sorry. It’s true. It’s our job as parents to determine who is and who isn’t, and not to wall off the world (as appealing as the Alabama girl’s story makes that sound).

emeraldkity4 · June 12, 2005, 1:09pm

I think there is a totally different persepective from authorizing a trip to a beach with a large group of students where the object is to party and supporting kids who want to use travel as a conduit for further understanding and experience.
Yes getting drunk on a beach with like minded teens is also an experience, but groups of people often make worse decisions than those individuals would do so on their own.
My 15 yr old loves to travel- despite a lot of generalized anxiety, she greatly enjoyed surfing and snorkling in Hawaii last year as well as traveling around NYC/DC. She is currently working to earn money for a trip to Australia next summer where she plans on diving off the Great barrier reef and exploring the outback.
I actually am quite apprehensive about the Australia trip, I have heard stories from parents whose children have participated in other programs where they stayed with host families but where the host family didn’t like teens and left them on their own, but we will be researching this a bit more before I say yes or no.
( it’s called the experiment in international living if anyone has heard of it)

This isn’t to say I also wouldn’t be nervous if my daughter wanted to drive to Alaska or travel to Indonesia. With my particular daughter I am nervous when I hear that her friend that drives her up to Seattle from Portland lets her drive while he sleeps ( she doesn’t have a license she tends to flunk the tests)

curmudgeon · June 12, 2005, 1:31pm

I’m not saying the experiences or motivations are the same but there are risks associated with both, and I’d have to know the kids to know who was more at risk. Since my daughter does not drink or drug , I personally would (might) consider she and friends renting a house at Disney for a week, or going to a non-spring break hangout unchaperoned. Would I let her go to South Padre if I knew she drank, or knew that everyone she was going with drank? Not on your life. As I said before, every kid is different.

Example. Two spring breaks ago (D’s sophomore year) we’re in NYC. D brought a friend. They were 15. They clung to DW and I like leeches. We saw a group of native NY schoolgirls (plaid skirts). Alone. 11-12 y/o if that. I’m trying to hail a cab in that goofy tourist kind of standing in the road waving my arms kind of way. A bus comes by. The leader of the crew jumps out and BEATS on the door of the bus WHAHWHAMWHAM. It opens. “Hey, Driver. This bus go to West Thoity Thoid Street?” Yep. “Come on girls”, and they all trundled on to the bus. My charges were in awe. I don’t know if my kid can do that TODAY, but I know she can turn down a glass of trashcan punch or a joint because she has experience doing that. Every kid is different. One size doesn’t fit all.

gnusasaurus · June 12, 2005, 1:46pm

emeraldkity4 is exactly right. If the goal of the student is to attend a weeklong beach party, that isn’t going to happen with my kids.

A chaperoned trip to further their education with highly responsible friends that we know well may be another story.
The key word in that sentence is “may”. why is today that students, and even many parents, think they have to take these trips together at such a young age?

In our family, we usually choose to do these things together. My kids would most likely suggest we experience this educational trip as a family. All of our kids are going to be on their own soon enough. To encourage them to travel with other 18 years and put themselves in situations where they need to make adult decisions is asking too much of the vast majority of 18 year olds.

Letting children travel unescorted with members of the opposite sex, without a drivers license, without adult supervision, etc is asking for trouble. And, by the way, no matter what the legal age may be, almost anybody 18 years of age would surely fit my definition of a child.

Good luck.

musicmomic · June 12, 2005, 1:48pm

I’ve hesitated to toss in my thoughts on this but because my D and I have been talking about it and because I’m a social psychologist by training, I thought I would offer a couple of thoughts. I think one of the most important points is that the social dynamic has a strong impact on behavior – for everyone. In large group situations, risky behavior increases. When the context is filled with “temptations,” risky behavior increases. Group pressures do have an impact. This does not mean that every person will modify their behavior but on average, that is what happens. So, having an 18-year old go off on their own (without chaperones) is not nearly as dangerous as letting them join a large group of other teens interested in intense celebrations.

Once alcohol is introduced, the good judgment (which is not perfect in most 18 year olds) is impaired and the downward spiral is often set into motion. Hundreds of teens (good, bright, normally responsible teens) are injured, suffer alcohol poisoning, contract STIs, are sexually assaulted and die every year at large, unsupervised group gatherings. The teen in Aruba is only one of many. I think fear of these sorts of large gatherings – spring break, senior trips, etc is quite justified. That doesn’t mean that all outings are bad, but for me, it does mean that locations away from crazed partying, small groups, and parents nearby are better options for teens (including 18-19). I think there is a big difference in being on your own – even in Alaska – and being with a hundred celebrating teens in an unchaperoned beach atmosphere. In general, small groups and more “wholesome” atmospheres are less likely to trigger risky behavior.

I was not an abstainer as a teen. I’m not proud of it. I count my blessings frequently that I survived. I have friends who did not survive it. My college students confirm an even looser atmosphere now – and I live in a non-urban part of the midwest.

My D talked about the situation with Natalee Holloway at a party on Friday night. Many thought that if the student in Aruba had not had alcohol in the past and then drank alot there, then she had no clue how to pace herself and what the effects would be and that may have been a factor. I smiled and said I thought that was a possible factor but a bit naive as many kids who die each year have been drinking heavily for years and decide to leap off a balcony into a pool. I reiterated that there is nothing safe about drinking large quantities of alcohol.

We have been discussing a senior trip for next spring break. This would be with 5-6 girls and their mothers – may go to Puerto Vallarta (not a spring break center for college students). The drinking age is 18 and the girls would be allowed to have a drink under supervision. There would be clear rules for NEVER GOING ANYWHERE ALONE – 3 people is the minumum. Previous trips with large music groups have reinforced this message in Europe and NYC.

We have also talked about never taking your eyes off a drink (whether it’s Coke or rum & Coke) and never letting anyone bring you a drink from a bar. D is not a big drinker and has distanced herself from some friends who chose that weekend style. However, I don’t think she will be an abstainer in college – so, we talk whenever I can find a good time to fit in a caution.

My H and I will not fund or approve any activities that we think are too dangerous. My view is that if you are going to take big risks, they should be for something good. This will remain true at 18 and at 20. I’ve never found “legal age” to be a compelling argument for parenting in one way or another. For us, a child is independent when they are self-sufficient. For some, that comes early, for others, after college when they are paying their own way. Certainly more priviledges come with more age and maturity but not complete freedom to make all decisions.

I was a good student in HS and college and never got into any “overt” trouble. – a good, responsible teen – and I did many things that were dangerous. My mother was not as aware as I am. Had she been, I would not have been in as many of those situations.

I agree that there is not a “one-size fits all” answer. But I would say that a child’s behavior in one setting is not a perfect predictor of their behavior in another. Social dynamic is a powerful force. Regret is not something I’m willing to risk for something with as little long-term payoff as a week of debauchery at the beach. As I told my D when she was a HS freshman and whining about my not trusting her and letting her be at parties where there was no supervision. I smiled and said… “I taught you not to play with matches when you were very young and I trusted that you knew the rules. But, I would not have put matches in your toy box.” She understood the point.

Wishing all of our kids a safe journey through the minefield of late adolescence.

curmudgeon · June 12, 2005, 1:55pm

gnu, where do you draw that line? Can your kids consider college away from home? Coed dorms? New York City? Can they leave campus? Are there restrictions you will place on their leaving campus as 18 year olds?

And I don’t think emeraldkitty was talking about chaperoned educational trips.

Where would you let your kid go unchaperoned this summer overnight? Or is a chaperone required for friends to go to Six Flag’s or a Ball Game which required an overnight stay? What if no members of the opposite sex were with them? What about if they are nineteen? I have a 17 year old, so I haven’t faced this yet and I can assure you ,my imagination is as good as yours and I’ll probably not sleep after making my decision, but I’ll approach each request as I’ve discussed on this thread.

zagat · June 12, 2005, 2:00pm

I would much sooner, and without hesitation, give my blessings for anything constructive that might involve some risk. Smilingly sending my kid off to a booze fest is another thing.

A friend told me recently that she knows her 21 year old daughter, who lives in her home, drinks and drives. She believes there is nothing she can do as the daughter is 21. Brother!

I think my kids are mature and trustworthy. I also know they’re teenagers hell bent on fitting in. While I initially ageed that it was foolish to stop an 18 year old from going to any event, I changed my mind after a first hand look at spring break in Cancun. It’s just a given that every year kids get seriously hurt and worse at such venues.

Hopefully there is a happy inbetween. Many, many kids really don’t want to drink until they pass out but they believe this is tradition and they will be wimps if they don’t participate. It takes on a life of it’s own as they live out the lore. Schools and parents need to promote constructive alternatives. Senior bonding? Tsunami relief and putting energy to a constructive use would be incredibly bonding.

curmudgeon · June 12, 2005, 2:02pm

My kid was doing this every summer since she was eleven, with summer camp before that.

My daughter , when she returns from Girl’s State, will find it amusing that her stick in the mud, grill her about everything dad has become the defender of summer bacchanals. ( Which I never did defend, by the way. I’m with the week long non-bacchanal smaller unchapheroned group trip bunch. Just wanted you to put me in the correct pigeonhole.)

momsdream · June 12, 2005, 2:23pm

I, too, was wondering how the “no way, no how, nowhere” parents draw the line with over 18 year olds and when they’ll feel ok about letting go.

I can understand not wanting to finance it or arrange it. But, if the arrangements are made without parental intervention and the finances don’t require your support, how much control can you reasonably impose? Sure, you can discuss locations, talk about what sort of trip is likely to present more danger, offer suggestions of safe things to do, etc… But, to say “my kid will NEVER get to do any of this”…when you “kid” is over 18, well, it seems a little unrealistic to me. I don’t think our job is to “jail” our kids to keep them from harm. Our job is to encourage safe alternatives and teach them to travel responsibly. We are a traveling family (as you may have been able to tell). My kids have been traveling all around the world since they were infants. I agree with all who have said it’s best that they not travel to the “typical” drunken stuper places (Cancun, etc). But, beyond encouraging safer destinations and ensuring that they’re carefully thought through the arrangements (i.e. Son, how, exactly, will 10 of you fit into ONE car? You’ll need 2), I don’t think it’s reasonable to refuse to allow 18+ yr olds to go anywhere that isn’t educational.

I wonder when posters like Gnu will allow travel? 21? 25? Next September? When?

curmudgeon · June 12, 2005, 2:25pm

I disagree. That is exactly what they need to be doing. I would not send my kid off to Philadelphia to go to Penn if she wasn’t willing to go with friends to Dallas without “supervision” shopping or to the museum or whatever. I personally need to see my daughter take more charge of her existence before I will allow her to be in such an environment (major urban center).

They need to show me adult judgment before they get 1500 miles away, and they can’t show that clinging to their chaperone. Do we think somehow that college provides some sort of magical safety cocoon for eighteen year olds ? I am not advocating throwing them to the wolves but folks, they need to drive to Alaska when they are ready and they need to go to Indonesia when they are ready and they need to go to Penn when they are ready and for some kids that is eighteen, for some it may be never. At seventeen and 6 months my daughter is just now ready to drive her own vehicle alone to volunteer at the trauma hospital in a not so hot part of the nearest smallish city, as she may be coming home at times after dark. We had several detailed lectures about parking lot security, and vehicle security-several dry runs and a few false starts. Progress comes slowly, but on this long slog to adulthood it’s best to keep moving forward.

soozievt · June 12, 2005, 2:46pm

Well, I already posted once on this thread and commented that “Senior trips” both the supervised and unsupervised variety, are not something done in my neck of the woods. I see a couple different things being discussed here. Some are these senior shindigs at the beach or wherever with no supervision. For my kids, the answer would be no. Luckily these are not anything that comes up. Then I hear some talking of supervised trips, and I would say yes, depending on some more information. My kids have gone on many supervised trips (not counting ones with us or relatives). My 18 year old went on a six week teen tour of the western US, western Canada, and Hawaii, a month long tennis tour of Europe, a supervised French trip to France, all while in high school. These were not “senior weeks”. I had no problem sending her on these supervised excursions. My second daughter went on a supervised school trip to Italy and Greece at age 15, has flown to Florida and Philadelphia on her own but stayed at the houses of her friends (parents home in all cases), went to NYC on a supervised trip with her dance troupe, flown cross country to stay at grandparents, etc. This past winter, I let her stay one night in NYC after a college audition, AFTER I left the city and allowed her to come home the next day via train. She stayed in the dorms with friends attending the college (as she has done elsewhere) the only difference being that I was not nearby and she was in the city for the evening with friends. That was a BIG deal for me to do. I chuckled so much at Curmudgeon’s post because some of this is relative…the other kids she met up with in the city do this ALL the time but for my country bumpkin, this was a big deal for me to let her be in the city unsupervised (the friends are all older than her, however). In fact, it is kinda ironic that I have not allowed my kids to do much of this sort of thing unsupervised and here that child is heading to NYC to go to college and will be very much on her own in NYC in a few months and here I normally never let her do that on her own. But, for me, going to college is the beginning of that break in supervision for things like that. I don’t need to allow it before then. In fact, this child said to me recently when telling me what her close friend is doing for “Senior week” from a PHILLY suburb (the week binge at Ocean City), she asked, “do you think if they had anything like that here, you would never let me do it, right?” and I said, “yep, ya got it right”.

I am posting now because my older D came up in Cur’s post. To just clarify, she has finished one year of college and just drove 6000 miles along with two childhood friends, to Alaska where she is now for nine days (my brother lives in Alaska and she is with him now). Believe me, this was a very very very big thing for me to allow her to do, if you only knew the level of supervision that we have required for going over kids’ houses and parties or trips, etc. But for me, one thing that is different is that she is now in college and she is now much more on her own and has gone places on her own while in college…be it Boston, Cape Cod, or NH. She has broken out of the supervised part of her life, in my view. Also, I know this kid and she is the HIGHLY responsible type. She is not a party girl and she mapped out the entire trip ahead of time (the other two are real responsible types as well) and my D called every day as she reached the next destination and if she was gonna be later than predicted, she called every time. Were there risks? Yeah, traveling alone has risks. Believe me, I thought about it. But I have to say this is NOT akin in my book to letting my HIGH SCHOOLER go to an unsupervised trip destination that is meant to be a big party binge with a huge gathering of kids. Nope, I would not do that. This was also risky but not for the same reasons. She was not with boys, not partying, no large groups, and the purpose was travel and to see destinations and to get to Alaska. The risks, as I saw them, had more to do with car troubles, any vulnerability if others saw three girls traveling alone, stuff like that. But it was not the actual activity itself that was full of risky behaviors like drinking and sex and all.

I know what happens in those situations. Too many stories. Even here in our little town, last year after prom, one family (school board member) chose not to be home that night (conjecture is that it was on purpose) so that their kids could hold a post prom party where the parents must have thought it was safer to do so (but they were nuts in terms of liability) and in fact, my own D opted not to go to it (knowing what it would be like) and I have no idea why other parents would not have called to check that parents would be home (I always do) but in fact, one kid got alcohol poisoning and luckily some other kids opted to take him to the hospital when he could not be aroused and he survived (actually he more than survived, and I won’t get into it now but he was a state track star and according to school rules was not supposed to participate in the state meet cause he was caught drinking and his parents got a court injunction to allow him to participate and he won and the team took first but has now given up the trophy…way more to this story but my point is that alcohol poisoning happened in an unsupervised post prom party at a house where parents basically cordoned their kids holding such a party).

Some of these “supervised” senior trips do not sound that supervised to me, or at least nothing like the summer tours my D took or not like the foreign travel educational trips they took through the school. For instance, my niece who graduated last year from a suburban Phila. school, went on a senior trip through school with supervision to Disney World. Now, this is a supervised trip, mind you. I don’t understand but the kids apparently were allowed to go and do whatever they wanted ALL day as long as they were back by curfew (this is not like school trips my kids go on). My niece used very very bad judgement and paid the price though luckily that is all that it was and no danger came to her. But she and another friend had fake IDs and went to Pleasure Island and met two boys (I presume they were a little older) who shared beer buckets with them and a police officer noticed the girls and asked to see their ID and since they were under 18 (Pleasure Island is for over 18), they were found out and reported to the principal who made the girls fly home immediately at their own extra expense and they were not allowed to attend prom or graduation even. And this was a supervised trip. The Aruba situation is heartbreaking to me. I can’t understand the level of supervision on this trip…like why it wasn’t discovered to the next day that she was missing when they went to the airport and how there was not check in at night or even accountability as to where they were at all times. What is the purpose of supervision if they are free to do what they want unsupervised all day and night? So, for me, I am not sure I would be into any of these so called senior trips. We don’t have them so it is a nonissue.

For graduation here, we have an all night event called Project Graduation, organized by parents. It is alcohol free and highly supervised and kids cannot leave the event during the night and cannot go by their own cars. My older D went last year…it involved a sports center with events there and then a cruise on Lake Champlain with casino, music, etc. My younger D is not going to her after graduation mostly cause she is really a junior and it is not really her “class” that she is graduating with, plus she would not want to be out all night as we leave the next day for her summer program. But that is the only senior event here and it is for one night and no alcohol is allowed and it is super duper supervised.

Personally, I do not think we need to allow kids to do all this stuff before college. Once they are on their own in college, and subsequently, they might travel on their own. But these unsupervised trips in high school that are meant as big binge parties and celebrations, are not for me (or should I say, my kids). I am glad this never came up because this is not done in my area.

Susan

soozievt · June 12, 2005, 2:57pm

I think some people are asking at what age will ya let them travel on their own. Travel is not so much the issue being discussed here as going to unsupervised overnight party weeks in high school. There is a difference.

I feel our community does the right thing in sponsoring Project Graduation as a safe alternative for one night of celebrating. Most seniors go to it, in fact.

I do think parents need to let go and allow their kids to do more and more as they get older and eventually be ready to set off for college independently. But I don’t think we have to give away the store in high school just to be ready for college.

These senior week events sound riskier than mere travel, to me. The mix of what goes on is asking for trouble.

That said, I went away over winter break of my senior year in high school (I admitted this to my younger D recently) to Florida with one friend. The place we stayed (unsupervised) was full of high school and college aged partying, no adults. I still can recall some risky incidents at the time. In fact, I ought to remind my mother who harps on me for letting my kids even go on some chaperoned excursions or trips where an adult is at the destination where she is staying. She is very critical and was very against the Alaska trip, yet I did that Florida trip in high school and it was a party scene for sure.

Susan

curmudgeon · June 12, 2005, 3:00pm

Sounds like you know your kid pretty well and you trust her judgment. I hope hope hope that I will be able do the same with my similarly wired kid.

And Susan, the topic has managed to morph into more than just party weeks. (If I’m wrong, everybody just ignore my posts because as I said from the beginning I will do my damnedest NOT to let that happen, and if there was any hint D would partake in the alchohol or drugs available my big foot would stomp down pretty quick.) I’m defending unsupervised travel for 18 year old kids the summer before college in small groups to Disney or Broadway or …

Some posters have said that they wouldn’t agree to any travel without supervision for kids who are going to college in a few weeks. I don’t agree that that is a healthy choice for my daughter. Maybe it’s right for your kid. I don’t know them and you do. That’s what I am discussing, and have been discussing. Again, if I zigged when everybody zagged, I apologize. I do not condone drunken beach parties and my daughter will not be taking part in the debauch with my approval or permission. That should be clear enough. LOL.OTOH, she can, if she chooses and the $ is in the jar, go to a celebratory week with friends we approve of , somewhere without adult supervision. Now to figure out where.

momsdream · June 12, 2005, 3:08pm

I have noticed, in this thread and all of the other senior trip/spring break/curfew threads that there is a pretty common theme. The posters who hold a firm line of saing “no way” are typically posters who have children who have never asked for such a trip. I also noticed that when we were discussing curfews, the people who said “my kid has no curfew” were the same posters who later admitted that their kids rarely go out. I suspect, based on these trends, that the kids who push the limits with trips to far and away places are the same kids who have been pushing for other things all along…the kids who have more experience under their belts, who are more used to freedom, etc. As such, for us parents who allow such trips, this doesn’t feel like THAT much of a big deal…(though, it IS a big deal for them to go away along, no doubt - but not a big enough deal for us to say “no way!”)…we are the parents who have been slowly led to this point for many years…with kids who have always pushed for the edge of the limit (so it’s really not “giving away the store” as Susan states, because the store is pretty much empty after years of slow, methodical sampling of items). Also, like Susan points out, it’s a very Regional thing. Around here, this is normal. The “parent talk” at graduation was “so, where is so and so going next week?” Cabo, Florida, Bermuda, etc…all normal conversation, no big deal.

Anyway, I don’t think those of us who are allowing it are “pushing” our kids to do it or “throwing them in”. This just isn’t THAT different form what they’ve been doing…it’s more like a natural progression. If my son had not had the experiences he’s been part of already, this might feel like more of a hot-button issue for me, I’m sure.

It’s all relative. Just like the parents who think they need to strictly enforce that their kids go so many miles away for school - admitting that they “need” to do it to get their kids to experience being away and on their own. That seemed like such an odd concept to me, trying to understand why anyone would need to do that when kids are so much wanting to be away anyway - regarless of how far from home they are. It took lots of thread reading for me to understand that our kids are really very different and that one parent’s experience can be totally foreign to another parent. It’s really impossible to judge someone’s situation and decisions without knowing their kid, the past experiences and maturity level.

Some of you have good reason for saying - no way! Those reasons don’t necessarily translate to another family, though.

soozievt · June 12, 2005, 3:22pm

Momsdream, yeah some of it is regional and what kids are allowed to do or have been doing. Like I said, my younger child has many friends from Philly, NY area and Boston and they go into the city on their own a LOT and this is not something she has done.

But I also want to clarify that I do not sit in judgement of those who are letting their kids do this or that. I only was saying what I feel comfortable doing. The senior week parties out of town go beyond my comfort level. Unsupervised travel in high school does too pretty much but would have to hear each situation. But what others do, I don’t care!
Susan

momsdream · June 12, 2005, 3:36pm

Sooz-

I didn’t think you were sitting in judgement. My statement was general - not meant for anyone in particular. I don’t think unsupervised travel is appropriate for high school kids. But, we’re talking about graduates - diplomas in hand…18 yr olds. Technically, they’re college students now. Even then, for many kids, this wouldn’t work. It IS a very personal decision…and might only work for kids who have always been at the “edge” of their age group in terms of their experiences. This doesn’t make those kids better or worse than other kids…they’re just all at different places. This is the way it’s always been. This isn’t a sudden “OMG, let’s go away and go crazy!”. Some of these are the same kids who have unlimited credit cards/bank accounts, luxury cars, spend Saturday night at restaurants I can’t afford, think the ballet/theater is an appropriate Sat night date…not drinking til they can’t stand up, etc…and I recall having this discussion on here before and someone asked “what do these kids do for an encore?”…well, they go away - alone. It’s all relative.

gnusasaurus · June 12, 2005, 3:57pm

curmudgeon,

In answer to your first response to me…The general tone of this thread is the question do you let your kids on to these drunken beach bashes or do you not. Your questions have nothing to do with this and you are trying to twist and distort the subject at hand.

In answer to your second response, I don’t know you and am not passing personal judgement on you. I am certainly not pidgeonholing you, as you call it.

You can raise your kids anyway you see fit. And dont take my messages as a personal challenge or criticism. I said in my message what I would not do. You have the right to say and do whatever you want to. They are your kids, not mine.

momsdream · June 12, 2005, 3:59pm

Curm-

I don’t think you zigged or zagged. We’re all on the same page…just voicing different opinions about the situation and our own kids. That’s expected, since this is such a personal decision.

My son’s group of 8 (the other 12 are in a different “group”, different home) met yesterday to make a grocery list and collect the grocery budget from each traveler. They designated leaders for various responsibilities - groceries, park ticket research, designated drivers (I wish they were staying on Disney property - but the homes are in an off-site resort community. They shipped 2 cars down via the auto train earlier this week after learning that they couldn’t rent cars). They coordinated their airline arrival (not all on the same airline) and travel to the resort, mapped the route and decided who would ride in what car based on when they arrive today. I’m glad they thought ahead. I’m sure there will be things they haven’t though of or planned well…and they’ll learn lessons as they go.

Will I worry all week? Of course! And, we have relatives in Florida on standby in case help (or bail - j/k) needed.

curmudgeon · June 12, 2005, 4:02pm

Nope. Just trying to see where another parent draws the line. Nothing personal. We just disagree, but I won’t try to allege some other motivation on your part as you did for me. Thank you for posting . It’s always helpful to have all the data available when making a decision.

dcmom3 · June 12, 2005, 4:06pm

Ok I’m going to sound like an idiot and let me say first off that I have let D#1 and D# 2 go to beach week but here goes:
Here is why NOT to let your kid go to beach week:

When they get arrested or even a citation that requires a court appearance, it may be for several months later which will require a trip to O.C. (or wherever) from college, probably on a weekday, possibly involving a plane trip depending on where they go to college. Examples of what would necessitate a very inconvenient court appearance, maybe during their freshman midterms when they go to school 600 miles away: public intoxication, public urination, underaged drinking, DWI, etc.
I know secondhand but very reliably that there is a lot of drinking and other illegal activity, unprotected sex, sex with other teens they just met, and DRAMA that makes for tears, anger and accusations. Ok not all kids but so many kids from our suburban h.s.
The O.C. Maryland police are primed to keep kids safe, but that also means confronting illegal behavior.

D# 1 got thru relatively unscathed, D#2 survived but a group of boys from her school (all of them college bound, some to Ivies, all were club/team/class presidents) were beaten up by a group of drunken boys from another h.s. requiring a trip to the ER and stitches, and 3 am calls to parents, and no charges pressed because the boys could not be positively identified.

Will we let D#3 go? Not sure, but not real happy about the thought.

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