<p>Nceph: Apologies. Unfortunately, the kids at school today and this week are using direct comparisons. My kid’s results in comparing to a not-quite-as-stellar-in-academics-male peer (could be your son, IDK): She got waitlisted at a private LAC where he got rejected. He got accepted at another private LAC where she got waitlisted. But he had strong family ties to that LAC.</p>
<p>So my D feels like that process was fair for those two schools. She went in knowing that her pool was more highly competitive, so she worked harder than some of her male peers. I don’t want her to lose that. I do feel for some of the male applicants who seemed to be in a pool of peers that didn’t work quite so hard. The girls joke that the boys got together and conspired to not work so hard – but then again, they do have personal male friends who worked their butts off and deserved everything they got.</p>
<p>And for the future, those girls need to know those boys exist and that this is not a gender war.</p>
<p>Someone I know who went to Princeton and Yale (undergrad/grad, not necessarily in that order) lamented a few years ago that, proportionally, many many fewer kids will have the opportunities that he had. The population in the US has grown tremendously, while the number of slots in these two schools – and many others – simply hasn’t. </p>
<p>The good thing is that there are many more excellent colleges than there used to be; the reputations of many schools have (justifiably) grown as the institutions have grown and improved.</p>
<p>That said, “there really WERE too many qualified applicants” is very true; they are all applying to all these fine institutions. </p>
<p>For the kids who have five acceptances, they can each still attend only one school. The common app must be making colleges wads o’ cash, but at the end of the day, they can still take in only so many students, and lots of spots will be declined.</p>
<p>THAT said: “Daughter insisted I write the deposit check last night and then took over the computer to join the FB group, look for roomies and apparel, etc.” Purplexed, your daughter’s ready to move on; good for her! </p>
<p>That is the place to go after stomping, tearing things up, crying and moaning (all good things to do!) – onward.</p>
<p>purplexed, I’m happy to share tissues, but that one was for me! I’m all teary. </p>
<p>It’s pollen, pollen, I tell you! (Don’t listen to those weather reports; it has NOT been raining here since yesterday! There’s still pollen in the air, and I know that because I need a tissue!</p>
<p>Purplexed, I love this line: “Besides, our role to make sure the kids make enough money to afford therapy later, right?” Especially if D gets her degree in psychology…she’ll be rich!</p>
<p>Truth is male or female, there are just too many outstanding applicants for too few spots. It is absolutely no reflection on how good you are or aren’t. There are more than enough Ivy grads who’ve contributed little to society and plenty of state U grads who’ve gone on to accomplish amazing things. I think the most important factor in our kid’s success in life, will be the support and love they get from us. Things have a way of working out for the best, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.</p>
<p>in our house I couldn’t survive without humor–raising a 12, 16 and 18 yr old as a single mom I regularly employ jokes, (as well as baking brownies) to get thru – my s who was wtlsted at penn and rejected at brown yesterday (rejected at Duke day before) found it stinging, he drove his brother to baseball, started to feel better-- we went to dinner and there was a young man there w his parents who had gotten into Duke, in and almost scholar at Emory, wtlsted at harvard, my s felt his own sting deepen–so he went home and took a nap–he felt much better and by 11 had made up new lyrics to the Amy Winehouse song Rehab–“tried to get into an Ivy but they said no, no, no…” the lyrics went on and it was truly funny—not in any way minimizing the feelings, but hopefully we can lead our kids to get thru these rejections and make their way with what choices they do have…and find the positive in them…good luck to all</p>
<p>you know “you don’t say” that is a great idea–he can hold up his rejection letters and dance around singing it! would be well received as all our kids are in excellent company as hard working, very bright kids who simply were outnumbered…thanks for the idea</p>
<p>Message lost in the angst: losing out to equal or better candidates is fine. Losing out to lesser qualified candidates is not fine. Not one bit fine. Not one darn bit fine. Not one gol darn bit fine. Not one freaking gol darn bit fine. Not one…I’m done now.</p>
<p>"Perhaps I fell for the fervor here or the PR from the colleges, but can’t help wonder whether I could’ve saved a few hundred dollars, lots of time and emotion by doing things the old-fashioned way – have the kid stick to her class level and not try to reach. "</p>
<p>See, we didn’t reach. D thought about applying to Northwestern, Notre Dame, UMich, Cornell. Early in the process (before she got allergic to LACs), she really thought about Kenyon. Ended up not applying to any of those, but somehow never really found those “high matches” either – those 40% or 50% acceptance rates, where she wasn’t automatically in the top 20% of applicants. Perhaps we could have found more LACs like that, but she didn’t want LACs.
She’s is very happy with her choices, but it does make me wonder why all the APs and honors classes, you know?</p>
<p>If the point of high school is to learn, then why did my daughters GC discourage her from taking non-honors Latin and Asian Studies and strongly encourage her to continue with AP Spanish 5 and AP Econ Macro and Micro. His mantra, that I want to cram down his skinny throat, always started out, “Colleges like to see…” Hah! We all see where that gets you! I’m going to do things VERY differently with my next child. If she wants to take underwater basketweaving, she WILL!!</p>
<p>owlice – Of course you’re right. But in our public high school, not EVERY AP or honors is worthwhile. Some are just slogs.<br>
These are my mostly my second thoughts, not hers at all, but she did have a very heavy load all four years.
There was that one teacher, though – oh, boy, did he put the light in her eyes and turned her back around junior year when she was starting to hate the grind. Almost made her turn her back on her chosen field to pursue law and politics. So, yeah, of course – experiences like that have nothing to do with college admissions. But I might have encouraged her to lighten her load a bit.</p>
<p>my son’s gc did same—and while my s did take 6 AP’s total–many kids felt that same pressure and took 10-12 and were beyond stressed–I supported my s in being at his comfort level in choosing his classes–he is in at brandeis, tufts, wesleyan, wash and lee, uf-- he didn’t get into ivies-but he’s ok with that and realizes that if he got in maybe he wouldn’t have wanted that level of competition either.</p>
<p>I didn’t have the guts to override the supposed expert’s opinion. If we had had this outcome and my daughter hadn’t taken the hardest course load offered, I would have been kicking myself until Sunday. Wait. I still am kicking myself. Moms can’t win.</p>
<p>The wild variations in college results extend to Intel finalists, too. S has friends who were rejected/waitlisted at matches, selectives, Ivies, etc. </p>
<p>I worry for DS2. A lot. Guess I’ll be sticking around!</p>
I’m all teary. </p>