<p>jude: It’s better than any novel. I can’t wait to see where all these kids go either.</p>
<p>We made no accepted students visits at all. It worked out.</p>
<p>Spring break is here for our schools! HS senior D is wiped out. She dragged her lifeless body into bed early, decided to surf the net a bit on wifi. I’m looking forward to the visits next week. Should be fun. D keeps getting phone calls from “her” colleges. She feels that she is the driver’s seat now.</p>
<p>But I think, mythmom, that your kids had visited pre-acceptance and really knew where they wanted to go (and obviously made good choices!). If a kid hasn’t visited at all and/or is having trouble deciding, seeing a school through the eyes of an accepted student can be really helpful. Of course, not everyone can visit, due to time or $$. Communicating with current students, studying catalogs, web sites and guide books are all helpful. I guess hanging out here can be helpful, but it’s all just a matter of opinion and the only opinion that matters is the student’s (outside of financial considerations).</p>
<p>Oh bethie, of course it’s wonderful to visit. I was just trying to console those whose kids are too busy to visit or can’t for some other reason.</p>
<p>I still worry that we didn’t go see UofC. It might have been THE ONE. But S didn’t even want to apply. That was my bright idea because the admit rate was so much higher.</p>
<p>Well, it did make him happy because it was his first acceptance, EA. But we never did get on that plane. Money mostly.</p>
<p>It’s so hard watching my D try to get happy about her other schools. I thought she picked where to apply so carefully and realized what a big reach she was going for with the WL school. </p>
<p>I’m doing everything I can to try to get her to go visit her choices again and she refuses saying it won’t make any difference, she knows all she needs to know. My H and I are thinking about overiding her wishes and making her go anyway. Is this a good idea?</p>
<p>Maybe she really doesn’t feel a need to visit… I think you should let go and give her some space right now. You said in earlier posts that she had moved on & was leaning toward U. of Michigan. I’m not too sure that admitted student events at big state U’s are worth all that much, especially if she has already visited the campus in the past. Even with a smaller school – I know that my d. really was not in the mood to visit Barnard after being admitted. She did, but the visit day happened to be her birthday and her heart wasn’t in it. She arrived late, left early, and phoned me to tell me all the events were totally boring and to please go ahead and send the deposit ASAP. Sometimes once a decision has been made people really don’t feel like drawing things out. (My D. had wanted to attend NYU instead, but the financial aid didn’t work out at all there).</p>
<p>I think parents need to give their kids credit for a little bit of common sense and also get past the idea that the kid needs to fall in love with the college. It really is not a marriage – it’s just the place where they will attend school for the next four years. Yes, fit is important, but if a kid makes a decision based on practical reasons rather than emotional ones, it doesn’t make it a bad or a wrong decision. It’s actually quite possible that some kids will make better decisions by not basing their final choice on what the other prospies were wearing at the admitted student events, or on how bored they were by the speech the Dean of Students gave. </p>
<p>So I would say just let your d. know if there is a deadline she has to meet for you to make the travel arrangements, and otherwise let it go.</p>
<p>We’re fortunate that all of S’ colleges (boy, talk about a reversal of roles - it’s now colleges that want S vs. colleges that S wants) are within driving distance. I spent a couple of hours mapping out the visits and making hotel reservations. S does not have a clear first choice at this point, so he is actually looking forward to the visits.</p>
<p>Thanks for the offers of future support mythmom and owlice - I can tell that I will have to take you up on them. Yesterday, D found out that one of the superstar seniors at her school was either rejected or waitlisted by all of her schools (except the state u) - and I could tell that she was stunned. She had already seen so many unexpected rejections/waitlists - but this is the first person she knows who was not accepted at at least one of her top choices.</p>
<p>LIMOMOF2, the lesson I’m taking away from having watched this year is that the crafting of the list of colleges to which one applies is extremely important. Those who apply to all selective schools, and then the state school for a safety, are, I think, positioning themselves for heartache. There are no more “match” colleges, because those, even for a superstar student, are going to get way way more applications than they have seats.</p>
<p>This will likely ease some in the coming years – not a lot, but some – but I think creating the list of colleges carefully is vital for an excellent outcome and will remain so.</p>
<p>I’ve decided that when the time comes for my S, I’m going to tell him that I expect him to get at least three rejections, because if he doesn’t, he’s played it too safe with schools (assuming that’s possible these days!); I hope that will also help him to manage his expectations so that rejections don’t hurt quite so much.</p>
<p>My expectations, too…</p>
<p>Is this IT? What a big letdown. You work on this college thing for N years. Suddenly, it is done. You send in some documents, they send back some fat envelopes. Then your DS or DD goes to one of them and that is it. </p>
<p>I can’t put this empty feeling in words. I tried and … …</p>
<p>DadII, I know that feeling too. Just this morning, I was thinking how my job as proofreader-in-chief, assistant college researcher, and head of financial aid forms is drawing to an end. I think it is why there are so many parents posting whose kids are already in college! And it is nice to take some of the knowledge learned along the way and share it with other students. But, yeah, I said to myself, time to focus on some of my work and my interests. Soon we will be entering a whole new phase of parenting as our kids go off to school this fall. It’s exciting, it’s good, but I know there will be days when I’m going to miss my son so much.</p>
<p>Dad II: My sympathy on having your empty feeling so soon. Has your D decided where to go? Some families are deep in the decision making process. Fortunately, we are done with that. I expect that my empty feeling wont come until after my S is actually in school and my husband and I are alone in the house. That will take some adjusting.</p>
<p>I think that I am actually feeling joy as the application process finishes up. Imagine, joy, after all of this hoping, wondering and waiting.</p>
<p>owlice I echo your observation about crafting the list --I was overwhelmed by my son’s choice to apply to 12 schools–and much work with fin aid – but he had common sense and maturity about the process–selected 3 safeties, 3 reachs and 6 matches–he was wtlisted and rejected at the reaches (ivies) and he “knew” all along saying–I’m not getting in there–too competitive. He was awarded scholarships at 4 of the matches and a full ride to one of several he loved – wash and lee-- I shared the little song he sang previously about not getting into ivies–“tried to get into the ivies but they said no, no, no” sung to the amy winehouse song–rehab–we need to help our kids be excited about what they have offered to them–rather than what they don’t–there will always be others with more, better circumstances, etc. but many more with less. and it is complex time–letting go of our children to the next phase of their lives is our challenge–that desire to make every moment count with them before they go–I’m planning to create something to mark this time–photo collage, quilt–idk–while it is an ending of their time at home as “children” it is their beginning–that is joyful</p>
<p>Thank you calmom, I couldn’t sleep last night seeing my daughter so stressed out. One day it’s Michigan, the next it’s Skidmore. Both are great schools, each very different from the other, but both had the some of the most important qualities she was looking for. She would have a very different college experience at them. But you are probably right that I need to just sit back and not make her revisit the schools if she doesn’t want to. Hopefully, things will become more clear for her by May 1st or some miracle happens and she gets off her WL (can’t count on that or even factor it into the equation).</p>
<p>Dad II, I’ll trade you some empty feeling for some stress! Just enjoy seeing your daughter so happy and look forward to visiting her at school and when she comes back for visits. That’s how I feel for my older daughter, who is so happy at her school. In many ways, I feel much closer to her now and am so amazed by what she’s learning. It’s so great when they’re excited about a paper they wrote and let you read it. Not that I understand a word of it! Philosophy major!!!</p>
<p>Owlice - I agree with you about the importance of carefully crafting the list of colleges. D has started making her list because one of her teachers asked the kids to list their 5 top choices. Naturally, D’s choices included no safeties, two high matches and three reaches. That is something she will have to work on this coming year. We’ll really have to wait and see how those tests all turn out before she makes her final list. </p>
<p>By the way, if I told my D to expect at least three rejections, she would say, “Why are you being so negative?” I will have to keep my mouth shut…lol. Luckily, she has seen what’s happened to the kids this year - while most kids got into at least one of their top choices, only a handful got into their first choice school. So many well-qualified kids got waitlisted and rejected - and especially the one girl I mentioned in my earlier post. I think D will listen when I tell her she has to apply more strategically, both to get accepted and to get good financial aid.</p>
<p>LIMOMOF2, I’ll probably be showing S some of the numbers I’ve seen here on admit rates, so I hope he will not see rejections as so negative, but rather, just a function of doing business. Maybe I’m dreaming…!</p>
<p>Now on to food: lunch today is make-your-own sandwiches, and the speciality bread is a modified Cornell bread (yes, there is such a thing as Cornell bread! 
), freshly-baked, of course. I use garbanzo bean flour instead of soy flour, as I don’t like the taste or smell of soy flour, and I add unprocessed bran, so those of you who’ve been eating tooooo much cheese lately, help is on the way!</p>
<p>(Wow, how crude of me. Pardon!)</p>
<p>We also have rye, pumpernickel, whole wheat, croissants, and petit baguettes in the bread basket.</p>
<p>Sandwich fillings: tuna salad, roast beast, turkey, chicken, grilled tofu, hummus, provolone, Gruyere, cheddar, and Havarti cheeses.</p>
<p>Sides: green salad, macaroni salad, grilled and fresh (raw) veggies, chips, and a variety of fruits.</p>
<p>Desserts: apple struedel, cherry pie, marble cheesecake, lemon cake, and Girl Scout cookies. </p>
<p>Oh, yes, ice cream is always available; this IS the Vigil Lounge, after all!</p>
<p>Plates are to the left; enjoy!</p>
<p>Thanks for the lunch, owlice - I’m starving, and it sounds delicious! </p>
<p>My kids both think that if I tell them about all possible outcomes, I am being negative. I just think it’s better to be prepared. At this point, I know I don’t have to point out the possibility of rejection to my D - she’s seen it for herself with her friends who applied to college this year.</p>
<p>My S immediately narrowed his choices to 2, but my H is determined to force him to visit/revisit all 6 of his choices. Well, 5 of them, anyway, 4 of which he has not formally visited. This is driving me crazy! While I would encourage him to keep his options open, pressuring him to do this, wasting time and energy on it instead of applying for scholarships and finding a summer job, both of which he really, really needs, is just nuts IMHO. S also has 4 significant violin performances to practice for, 5 AP exams, all-state, and doG knows what else. ARGH.</p>
<p>My first thought is that maybe H wants one of the schools that was already eliminated…maybe you and H need to have a little talk away from your S!!!</p>
<p>Dad II, the feelings will probably range all over the map, centering on empty (or worse) when a beloved child finally goes off to the college of their choice. (As I said a couple years ago when my oldest left home, we spend 18 years helping prepare our child for this transition, yet we spend no time at all preparing ourselves.) </p>
<p>But this emptiness soon turns to joy when you hear how happy they are (and of course returns to sharp pain when you get the occasional weepy phonecalls or emails or IMs… which they usually forget about long before we parents do). And soon enough, for most of us, there is the reflected pride and excitement at our children’s accomplishments as they learn more and varied things in new subjects, become so much more aware of the wider world and themselves and the others who share the life journey with them, and create something new and meaningful for themselves and the world.</p>
<p>Just last night, my older S sent me a link to a midterm project he completed for a class in the Architecture department that he switched into this year. My H and I looked at it with astonishment. OUR son created THAT??! We were proud and thrilled and just a little awed. (And his younger brother proclaimed it “genius”. That’s what adoring younger brothers are for, right? 
) You will have similar experiences someday, feeling a sense of satisfaction and joy when you see what your children are doing and experience the persons they are becoming.</p>
<p>Best wishes to everyone on this journey.</p>