<p>DadII-- that empty feeling comes from looking at the checkbook! lol</p>
<p>Consolation</p>
<p>That would drive me nuts too! I, of course don’t know your hubby, but this sounds inappropriately controlling to me. I agree with kitkat that it sounds like H wants S to make a different choice than the 2 he’s narrowed down to. This should be your son’s decision (as long as you can afford it). Or could it be financial? Are some of the “discards” a better financial deal?</p>
<p>Consolation: What are the two you S is considering? My S is a violinist as well, and their lists were somewhat similar.</p>
<p>Maybe your S could visit the other four schools himself. Maybe he’s not ready to say goodbye.</p>
<p>One of the colleges that rejected S sent him a brochure on their summer program for his intended major! Ya’ think they need a little bit of sensitivity training??? Geesh.</p>
<p>It’s the son who is ready to say goodbye and the Dad who isn’t though. Doesn’t sound like son wants to visit those 4. Sometimes we as parents need to let go of a school we love. I had to do that and now I totally “Love the One He’s With”.</p>
<p>Dad II</p>
<p>There are tons of things you can get over-involved with still–planning for the move to college. I know because I’ve done it. I had a weird feeling after I’d sent all my son’s acceptance letters to the recycling bin–like I should have saved them for something. Remember Meet the Fokkers where they do the shrine wall for their son? That would have been a great place for the acceptance letters.</p>
<p>Owlice,
DS1 spent an incredible amount of time crafting his list. He visited, talked to friends who attend, talked to profs, sat in on classes, read catalogs, talked to mentors in the activities he’s been involved with for suggestions, you name it. A group of his friends who were seniors last year wrote up notes and impressions from their college visits and first-year experiences and shared them with one another. He amassed a huge amount of objective and subjective research. He is planning to share his info with some of the kids he mentors (he has sophs who are already asking!). </p>
<p>In some ways, I think it will make his final decision even harder – there is no obvious clear choice. Each school fits him in so many ways. Nevertheless, I think part of his success with apps was that it had to be abundantly clear to his “targeted” schools that he had done his homework on them and on himself. He used the same essays on the other schools, but the results were quite different. I think that reflected the ambivalence he had about a couple of them – he liked them, but there wasn’t that overwhelming sense of “I belong HERE” that was evident on other apps.</p>
<p>Either that, or his application didn’t land on the right step on the staircase.</p>
<p>Next project: quilt. I think DS should save his rejection letters so he can post them in his office when he’s rich and famous (or a professor at tenure at a competitor school!).</p>
<p>bethie: You caught my typo. I meant maybe the Dad could visit the colleges alone. I said the opposite of what I meant to say!</p>
<p>Wow CountingDown. You should write a primer on how to raise a proactive child. My kids were nothing like that. They visited and got a “feel.” It worked out well, but I would certainly feel very confident having a child who was that organized and active.</p>
<p>That’s IT! CountingDown, I’m putting S in a box in the morning and shipping him off to you!</p>
<p>CountingDown, your son will go far in life! Great job!</p>
<p>My D, while not so actively proactive, got into mentoring mode, too. She lugged most of course catalogs and shiny college viewbooks to the “career office” at her school (“Mom, they do not have any from fancy colleges”), and I heard that kids call her asking for advice on testing and visiting strategies. I think someday she will be walking backwards through her college campus leading a group of prospies and their parents ;)</p>
<p>I think that my H regrets not being better advised and not making better choices about where to apply (hence the fact that he attended 3 undergraduate schools), so he wants S to carefully consider all of the paths he may go down as a result of attending these different schools. (This is the charitable version. 
) H has been irrational throughout the entire process, IMHO! He has gotten angry any time I attempted to discuss finances, and regarded any suggestion that schools were hard to get into and that our S’s chances–like most kids’ chances–were slim at some of them as undue negativity on my part.</p>
<p>None of the schools has met our EFC, but the one that came closest is among the rejects. H will be approaching the schools to discuss this. S’s top choices are Dartmouth and the University of Chicago.</p>
<p>BunsenBurner what a great D you must have for her to be so generous with her own learning/information!</p>
<p>Those are both wonderful choices.</p>
<p>Consolation: If it’s any consolation (LOL) I think many H’s get irrational at this process. I don’t think you’re alone at all.</p>
<p>Mine did, in a very different way.</p>
<p>Good luck to your son as he makes his decision. With those schools we know he can’t go wrong.</p>
<p>When DS is on a mission he is unstoppable. However, those great organizational skills do not apply to 1) his room, or 2) actually <em>turning in</em> completed homework. 
When I tell other parents this, and that his transcript has a healthy scattering of Bs, they look so relieved and say “So there IS hope!”</p>
<p>DS1 took on looking for colleges like he was applying for grad school. Due to some unique circumstances, the grad school aspect is relevant. It makes life a bit more complicated, to be sure. However, he knows up-close and personal the importance of a good school fit, so he had plenty of motivation to find what he needed.</p>
<p>CountingDown: I know you’ve mentioned it before, so forgive me, but where is he going?</p>
<p>Consolation:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I have him beat by one!</p>
<p>One FA package received, one still to go, and of course we still haven’t heard from UMich at all. The one we received yesterday was nothing to get excited over, thats for sure. Still - we have a decent couple in the pocket. It all comes down to the last one - which is really my son’s top choice…which is why he is dragging his feet so much. </p>
<p>He thought yesterday’s FA offer was ok. Doubt he will think the same thing when he sees how it factors in the available resources we have between 529 plan and what I have to give. </p>
<p>He is still sick with stomach virus - so discussion is out of the question at this point. I know three weeks from now this will be all over and I will be fedexing the deposit check somewhere. But I am ready for the decision to be made now!</p>
<p>mythmom</p>
<p>That’s funny–I love the idea of sending Consolation’s hubby off on college visits alone! We can get so caught up in this process–I know I did–that it’s hard to step back at this point.</p>
<p>Going back to the previous page…<br>
mountains, I’d feel upset if my son had been sent that brochure. Bethievt, you made me laugh with your comment, “There are tons of things you can get over-involved with still.” My son leaves next Thursday (!) for his first college visit. I was thinking this morning about things to check out to help him ask good questions while there. CountingDown, someday I will learn to quilt. I’m not ready to yet, but it’s on my list. Consolation, I hope the preferred schools will match the other’s offer. owlice, four undergrad schools? Sounds like my son’s English teacher. They have a College Day where the teachers talk to each class about where they went, what they thought of it, etc. She had quite the list. The day is a good idea. One of the teachers went into lots of student debt for an elite LAC. He had no trouble with payments while working in the business world and making a fat paycheck. Idealism won out, he dropped it for teaching and struggles now. It was good for the kids to hear firsthand. kitkat, hope your boy gets well soon, and the final FA package is better than expected.</p>
<p>We still didn’t get that long-awaited FA offer sent last weekend. The Chicago one took five days, and this is coming from the east coast. It’s frustrating. I will be surprised if it works out, but we want to know that, not guess that.</p>
<p>Oh yeah - once we are done with the selection process - then we get to visit here and look at the extensive lists of what our kids need and don’t need. Plus info on housing and all that. I spent as much time afterward on CC as during the process with #1. </p>
<p>With #1 son, we had “THE STAGING AREA” (yes that is what we called it, how dorky are we) and numerous lists…the nice thing was, that was a first year only thing. They learn very quickly what they need and what they don’t really need. I took off the entire week before which was TOO MUCH - I drove him crazy and likewise - honestly a couple of days would have been fine. I think we spent one day going and getting the final things - and when we got to UM, we still found things he had forgotten and needed to run to Office Max for some extra CAT wire. </p>
<p>The thing is - there will be parts of this we cannot be involved in - that they need to do for themselves. We just need to trust our babies to fly as we have taught them!</p>