<p>
</p>
<p>No, no, please don’t; just give it to me. I’ll give it a good home, I promise! It will be with me forever, on my hips, my thighs, my waist… we’ll be good friends!</p>
<p>Okay, okay, better add it to the feast instead, and thanks!!!</p>
<p>Yes lindz, we’re from S. Fla. I can’t believe D got up to go out with sis and friends…she’ll be snoozing in her soup at Seder tonight! She had a great time, but Disney messed about about the time their group was supposed to get in, so they had to wait on their bus a really long time. She said it was really crowded there last night and they had to wait for the good rides. Last year it was so different for my other D, not as crowded and no problems at all. Hope your son had fun!</p>
<p>owlice, that is some score your son has! One cure for a slacker is to let them take a regular class and then be in honors/APs for the others. He will be so bored in the regular class, that will be the end of that. Bright kids like a challenge when it really comes down to it.</p>
<p>owlice: I am not too familiar with schools in the DC area except the nice ones where both kids had summer programs. Go on ugly school lists. There are some on CC. Do a search. I don’t want to name any schools for fear of hurting some tender feelings.</p>
<p>Consolation: Hm. Poor thing. Has to go to Dartmouth! I thought it was a great school and S desperately wanted to go there, and then he didn’t. It sounds as if everything was great there.</p>
<p>owlice: Hm. You think that’s slacker? I thought that was just boy. When people write that their sons like to read, I think their kids are an alien species. My S won the English award from his school as they best in English for the entire school, but he never reads. And his is not neuro-challenged in the way you mean, though he does have ADD. He learned to read at 3 andis considering being an English major, but he never reads so I asked him to please forget it.</p>
<p>Not motivated? Ditto.</p>
<p>Does clubs to be with his friends? Ditto.</p>
<p>Doesn’t read? Ditto.</p>
<p>And guess what? DS was accepted at Williams, Brown, UofC (rejected at Dartmouth, Consolation, sniff, sniff). He really did it his way. Now his friend who was mightily motivated did manage to get himself into Princeton. I think if academics and EC’s are your passion an uber-Ivy like Princeton is a wonderful reward. But for my slacker son? Brown was fine, and he loves Williams.</p>
<p>He’s just in eighth grade! Every time I talk to be kid at college he’s surfing the internet or watching DVD’s on his computer. Sigh.</p>
<p>Get this. He was supposed to write a paper over break for his Greek Drama class (he does like theater). He didn’t. He went to class on a Tuesday and found out it was due Thursday. Hm. Why didn’t he know? He didn’t read the syllabus. So he had two days for a half-semester project/paper. The teacher had said they could do a creative project for one of their papers. He elected to write some music. I haven’t heard it yet. The teacher is a classics prof and a musician. Of course, I was worried. Guess what he got? An “A”, just confirming his slacker world view.</p>
<p>I think you might be imagining a lot more diligence for these boys than actually exists except for a select few.</p>
<p>Oh, Mr. Slacker boy also inherited his sister’s mock trial team (was capt), was co-captain of his academic team, acted in eight plays in four years, played in the chamber orchestra, orchestra, sang in the chorus and the chamber chorus. In fact, he won his schools’s award for "Renaissance Man: and a $2K scholarship to go with it, that FA at Williams let us keep.</p>
<p>His motivations? In large part, hanging out with friends and getting out of class. Oh the stories I could tell. But it’s not polite to dominate conversation in the vigil lounge.</p>
<p>mythmom - your S doesn’t sound like a slacker either - he just likes to pick and choose where he puts his effort. Believe me, there is a difference.</p>
<p>Remember when I said I didn’t want to dominate the vigil lounge? Well, I can’t resist this story.</p>
<p>DD and DS had the same English teacher when they were in 10th and 12th grade. They had to make portfolios, comment on all the work in it. So far so good. Then they had to switch portfolios and read another student’s and evalutate it.</p>
<p>D and her friends did the assignment.</p>
<p>S and his friends wrote about their own and signed each other’s evaluations, in effect lying. They had to write in the character of their friend, so it was a creative writing assignment! But it saved them the work of reading another person’s portfolio. Boys vs. girls. But shame on me. A generalizing feminist. Boo!</p>
<p>2blue, that’s great that the school gives time off for college visits!! I predict one very hairy spring break in my future…</p>
<p>2forcollege, S was in special ed for most of his school career. We yanked him after 7th grade because he wasn’t getting schoolwork anywhere near his level, or even, many times, at grade level. He went to the local middle school for 8th grade and was in honors classes and is now in a competitive-entry science and tech program for high school. The only “regular” classes he has this quarter are Health and Latin; all the other classes are honors/science and tech classes. (“Mom, if I can not do any homework and no studying and get a B, why should I do more?!” Sheesh!!!)</p>
<p>CTY classes have worked well for him overall, but he complains sometimes even about them! I take those complaints with a grain or million of salt, however, because he’d just about rather die than skip CTY. CTY is why I have no money…!</p>
<p>mythmom, thanks; I’ll search for ugly schools here. S has been to some pretty schools – Skidmore comes to mind – so an ugly school or bazillion might be just the ticket! He’s currently a HS freshman; sorry I’d left the impression he’s in 8th. He took the SAT in 7th and 8th for CTY; took the PSAT this year for grins (and scored a 231).</p>
<p>S does read, a lot. And calling the other kids in the club “friends” is probably a bit of a stretch, as I’m sure he’d tell me he has no friends, but at robotics, he and some of the other boys get to talk about computers and programming and all, and, well, he’s gotta love that! S is not at all social, so I have been thrilled that he joined two activities this year! I’d LOVE for him to get involved in drama – goodness knows he provides plenty of dramatic moments at home! – but so far, he’s not interested, dang it!</p>
<p>Good on your son for getting his Greek drama project done! My S did something similar this past week; the difference is that it almost aggravated his parents to death in the process! (I’m tempted to post the results on YouTube, but S has forbidden it.)</p>
<p>Your S confessed to the portfolio scheme?! (To you, I mean!) If my S did something like that, he’d never tell me about it, but then, he doesn’t tell me anything about school, anyway! He “has no homework” this weekend, according to him, or didn’t until I reminded him of an English essay due on Monday. The assignment is posted online!! I know where!!! Sheeeeesh!!!</p>
<p>My S tells me everything. So does D. They figure that I went to Woodstock. I can take anything. It’s probably true. If anything, I’d be worried for them, not angry at them.</p>
<p>The truth is, having to write in a friend’s voice might have been harder than reading the silly portfolio and commenting on it. I’m not sure.</p>
<p>mythmom, that’s great! I think I can take most things – maybe not all, but most – but S worries about things, and sometimes, it’s the dumbest things! He thought I’d be upset that he had become a vegetarian at CTY last year. (This, because of his great love for sushi, has been modified to his being a pescetarian.) That’s hardly something <em>I’d</em> be upset about, since we hadn’t been eating a lot of meat anyway! His worry was needless.</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>On the slacker side, S is registered to take the AP Psych test next month. He hasn’t taken AP Psych; he was going to self-study for it. Someday, I guess he’ll get started…!</p>
<p>owlice: That’s what you call a slacker? A kid who self studies and takes an AP? Wow. That’s the opposite of slacker. It sounds like school just doesn’t do it for him. And we all know that school is mostly about performing to other people’s expectations, and some of those expectations are dumb.</p>
<p>mythmom, for school, he slacks, and so far, he’s not done much about the AP Psych test, either!</p>
<p>And yes, some of the school expectations are, or seem, dumb. He hates what he calls “art projects” for academic subjects. I don’t seem him particularly thrilled with, for example, essay writing for English, either, however!!</p>
<p>That said about the AP Psych test, though, I suggested that he take one of the practice tests today, just the multiple choice, so 1.) he could see what it was like; and 2.) he could see where he needed to apply his efforts the most. He was amenable (well, sort of. It was either that, or work on the English essay!). </p>
<p>There are 100 questions, and 70 minutes is allotted to this. He finished, went back to see whether he could answer any of the ones he’d left blank, and then really was done. It took him 20 minutes. Lots wrong, some left blank, but done.</p>
<p>He said most of the answers he knew were from reading “Scientific American.” That’s great, but doesn’t say much for his reading, on his own time and of his own volition, an Intro to Psych book all through early in this school year! (This is why he’s registered for the test… he took Cog Psych at summer camp, and, because he liked it and did well, got the intro book and read it.) </p>
<p>He will read almost anything. Sometimes when there’s something I want him to read, all I have to do is leave it in the bathroom where he can find it. :D</p>
<p>owlice: I know you’re worried about him, especially because his personality and approach are different. But I don’t think academics will be his problem. If he decides not to take AP psyche, so what? He can take it another year or not at all.</p>
<p>It’s hard not to worry, especially about this boys. D is turning 21 in July, and yes, now I am confident she will stand on her own and make it through life, but it took until this year. I’m really proud of her. And you know what? I’m sure she is not going to have the LSAT score she would wish. But she will become a lawyer. I have no doubt.</p>
<p>When I read about slacker guys I emerge from lurkdom. My darling S’s HS style made me absolutely nuts (notice I use past tense, though he won’t graduate until June). I remember visiting a school with him in junior year, and when they mentioned the average GPA of admitted students, his face went totally white. Visiting an ugly school might have helped, but I don’t think so. (owlice, my H used to tell him he would end up at UDC if he didn’t watch out 
but it really wasn’t that serious.) </p>
<p>But he has several different passions and an amazing intellect–smarter than my H, me, and the dog put together. Next stop: big state U, honors college, program in his biggest passion. (Slacker potential there, too, but I’m not thinking about it.) The best advice I can give you is to look at the whole package. My S spends hours and hours learning on his own. He’s a truly nice, responsible kid who impresses both adults and peers. He spends time with interesting friends. There’s much about school that has bored him (I wish we had had the temperament for homeschooling.) Too much time spent on CC will give you a view of achievement that your S (and mine) may not fit. Try not to worry!</p>
<p>D is at her BF’s for Passover and S is driving me crazy because all of his friends are at their own seders. I will rejoin you both here at the vigil, now that I have a little downtime.</p>
<p>mythmom - I still don’t think your S is a slacker - I think he just comes up with creative solutions to do the projects he is not excited about. He may be a bit of a procrastinator though - but that’s not the same as a slacker. It sounds like he puts a lot of effort into the things that are important to him. By the way, I didn’t realize your D was thinking of law school - that’s great! LSAT scores are not everything. If her grades are really good, then that should help a lot. </p>
<p>owlice - your S sounds like a super-intelligent version of my son, but with the opposite type of personality. They seem to have similar attitudes when it comes to homework and grades - grades in the 80s are fine, what’s the big deal about not doing homework. My S hasn’t taken the SAT yet (he’s only in 6th grade), and I don’t think he’ll be taking it next year either. He’s just not the type. That doesn’t mean he isn’t bright, but he just wouldn’t dream of taking a test that is not required. He would never go to CTY, so it’s just not worth making a big deal out of it in his case. S is a very socially motivated kid - and that is a huge part of his problem. He is more concerned about his friends and girls than he is about anything to do with school.</p>
<p>Making progress here on the decision front! S announced at dinner that he’d eliminated one of his three choices because of the “vibe” he got fro his visit. While he didn’t dislike the school, he just got a better vibe from the other 2. Since this school was also the most expensive option, I’m not unhappy! Tomorrow night we sort through the two runner-ups…</p>
<p>owlice - On your waitlist question, yes, we lose the deposit. The colleges won’t start tapping their waitlists until the responses are in after May 1 (reply cards have to be “postmarked” by May 1). They start calling soon after that, assuming they have to use their waitlist. And this gets better - because of the “ripple effect.” Kids that accept their place at a particular college but stay on another college’s waitlist and then get off and accept would cause the original college to keep on using its waitlist until July or August. I’ve read posts on CC of kids who get off the waitlist when they are already in another college (late August). If that happens to S, H would have to take care of everything because my heart would give out on me at that point.</p>
<p>mountains!! lol!! I’m sorry; I shouldn’t laugh about hearts giving out!! Still lol, however!! </p>
<p>Too bad, but perfectly understandable, about the deposit. Dare I ask whether deposits are wads of money, or an amount not too painful to lose?</p>
<p>mythmom, oh, I’m pretty sure S will take the AP exam. It doesn’t really matter how he does on it. The score can be expunged, he can take it again, colleges don’t ask about AP exams, just courses, and so on. No real pressure aside from a gentle reminder or thousand from Mom to study a bit. 
In part because I think he will be very disappointed in himself if he doesn’t do at least okay. </p>
<p>acme, YAY!!! Congrats!!</p>
<p>LIMOMOF2, cherish your son’s social motivation; the most successful engineering careers aren’t had by the most brilliant engineers, but by the most socially adept ones. I hope someday my son has a really, truly friend, but it hasn’t happened yet. Kids he gets along with, kids he likes who like him, but a real friend… would be great.</p>
<p>CTY isn’t for all kids, certainly. I think it saved my kid in some ways, though; it let him see that yes, there IS a place for him out there. He was much changed after his first CTY summer, and never talks so much as he does in the car on the way home from a session.</p>
<p>geezermom, but… but… if I don’t worry, what will I do instead?!?! Thanks. I know that ultimately, S will be okay. He’ll grow up and be okay, will find his own happiness.</p>
<p>He’d have done really well intellectually with homeschooling, but his socialization needs were great and would not have been served well by it, so off to school he went. I sometimes wonder whether we should have mainstreamed him sooner; tough to tell.</p>
<p>One night recently, right after report cards came out, exH stopped by. I told him S made honor roll (not hard: 3.0 and above), and that he had his first C, in math. ExH looked at me, was disappointed, but then said, “I should be happy about this, right? He is in a hard program, he is in a regular school, I haven’t been called by the principal, he hasn’t gotten into any trouble, I haven’t had to shadow him at school, there’ve been no real problems at school. And, he’s on the honor roll.”</p>
<p>And he’s right! I am happy for all these things. It’s April; there’s been no trouble, no real concern. He doesn’t turn in homework, he doesn’t always do homework, he doesn’t study: THESE are the biggest problems this year at school. That’s progress!</p>
<p>So I baked a lemon cake, and we celebrated. :)</p>
<p>Cream cheese frosting, for those of you who might wonder… :D</p>
<p>Owlice, cream cheese is my favorite frosting, on lemon cake or on carrot cake! Your acknowledgment of all the things you are happy for about your S is profound. We all too often go searching for the things to be un-happy about instead of celebrating the good. Congrats to you for recognizing what’s really important…</p>