<p>It is fun reading about other slacker sons. Mine does do his homework, although he doesn’t put a whole lot of effort into it, and often starts at 9 PM. His only passions are video games and reading science fiction. Wants to design video games for a living. He’s still in Boy Scouts because I won’t let him quit completely, which gives him some community service. He did one EC this year because I insisted he do something in high school. He has one friend he does stuff with outside of school (mostly involving video games). I do worry a great deal about his future.</p>
<p>acme, thanks. </p>
<p>I carp here, but honestly, I’m thankful for things like waking up, clean water, flush toilets, work, a reliable food supply… we are, all of us, rich indeed!</p>
<p>AND… we sometimes get cake!</p>
<p>Well for a while my mantra was, “I screwed up my life my way, you’ll screw yours up your way.”</p>
<p>It was only half a joke and a reminder that everyone faces challenges, so matter how perfect his/her life looks on the outside.</p>
<p>And it helped me be less perfectionistic. One thing I know is that my kids have been loved enough to not suffer as as I did/do. That’s progress, even though I had better grades.</p>
<p>LIMOMOF2: D has good grades, but not the grades for one of the programs she wants. She has an awesome background for law school, though, and will go down the food chain until a law school in NY will take her. She never plans on leaving NYC again once she gets back from London. More solid than her relationship. HE is talking about San Francisco and D said, “Not with me.”</p>
<p>I just talked to my son for an hour and a half. About metafiction. About music. And he’s reading my novel. He said he read eighty pages under a tree. He had good notes for me! And he sang. On skype, of course. And don’t worry about him talking to his mom Sat. night; their evening doesn’t start until ten. </p>
<p>So, if he can earn a living, I’ll be happy, because his inner self is growing, procrastinator or no. He has the soul of an artist. We’ll see. He’s really young, being born in the Fall.</p>
<p>Owlice, in many respects it sounds as if “our son” is living a double life!</p>
<p>My S is a CTY devotee. He has classmates/friends who are totally grade-driven. Both of them got into Harvard. One got into Princeton, the other Yale. Neither ever went to CTY or studied a subject outside the typical HS curriculum, as my S did. Neither has ever taken an independent study, as my S did. Both of them have slightly lower SATs than my S, but more perfect grades–all As, as opposed to all As except for a few B+s–and more evidence of “leadership positions” (in one case only Boy’s State which is totally a school favoritism thing). They are very intelligent, but they are not intellectuals. Both of them have taken reasonably rigorous courseloads, but neither has taken a load as broad and as rigorous as my S. </p>
<p>You can draw your own conclusions.</p>
<p>Yes, but our boys will be where they can develop that intellectualism and not be forced to compete or focus on their profession too soon. My S is having an amazing time at Williams and I don’t think HYPS would be the right place for him because he doesn’t want to have to perform and externalize to that degree.</p>
<p>So, our boys will grow and blossom in their environments. My S was talking about an article that analyzing contrapuntal movement in an Aeschylus play. Pretty sure not on the syllabus. </p>
<p>So, for us, at least, it’s all good.</p>
<p>Good lord, LIMOM</p>
<p>6th grade? My son said in middle school that he knew his permanent record didn’t start until 9th. He did what he needed to do for school and learned tons on his own. By 9th, he buckled down and he just kept getting more focused–oh, until senioritis hit this time last year. </p>
<p>It’s great to hear that most kids are narrowing it down. A happy task, but not always an easy one. Then again, as owlice said, we have homes, electricity, running water and food–even if some of it is pretend. We are fortunate!</p>
<p>“One thing I know is that my kids have been loved enough to not suffer as as I did/do.”
Mythmom, Thank you for sharing that observation - I just wrote it down and am mulling it over. I have never feel like a good enough mother but I have certainly tried and I certainly love them - and they know it.</p>
<p>Owlice - I do appreciate my son’s “social motivation” (nice choice of words, BTW). I just wish he would learn the art of self control (he’s very quick-witted, and what pops into his head, comes out of his mouth). I also wish he cared a little less about being “cool.” He thinks that if he is in the “smart” math class or plays in the band, that he’ll be considered a geek. In fact, he makes fun of D because she does all the typical “nerd” things. D doesn’t care - she does what she enjoys doing - and she has a lovely group of friends.</p>
<p>I understand your concern when it comes to your son and his lack of friends - but something tells me this won’t be a problem for long. You said that there are kids in school who like him - when he’s ready, maybe friendships will develop there. My cousin has a son with Asperger’s (I don’t know if your S does) - incredibly smart, but he never had friends when he was young. At some point in HS, he started making friends with kids he met through some of his ECs. I remember how thrilled his mom was when she told us. Now, he’s in college and doing beautifully, both academically and socially. </p>
<p>I think CTY is great for kids. I wanted D to do a program a few years ago, but she felt that she needed the summer to relax. That was fine with me, although I think she would have enjoyed it. S, otoh, is not that kind of kid. He thinks life is all about having fun - I’m hoping reality will set in for him in the near future.</p>
<p>Mythmom - I’m sure your D will find her law school in NY - luckily, there are a wide range of options available both in the city and the suburbs. That’s too bad about your D’s relationship, but if it’s meant to be, they’ll work it out. I can’t help wondering what’s going to happen with my D when her BF goes away to college in a few months. They’re both so young, and they do make a good couple - but they’re just so young! I’m sure they would be better off breaking up, but she hasn’t given me a clue as to what she’s thinking.</p>
<p>As for your son, he sounds like the type of guy who will manage just fine. I can’t picture my S ever being an intellectual - not that he isn’t smart, but he applies his brainpower in different directions…lol. Maybe your S will follow in your footsteps and teach?</p>
<p>Bethievt - I’m not really on here because of S, don’t worry. But truthfully, there are classes the kids can take in middle school that will appear on their hs transcripts (not that he’s taking any of them at the moment…lol).</p>
<p>Haha. Notice how active the board gets when we share concerns about our sons. And then they go on to rule the world. Go figure. Their mothers worry, worry, worry and then they deliberate whether or not we can have the right to vote.</p>
<p>I am thinking this because I showed the film IRON JAWED ANGELS to my Women’s Studies class and the last vote in the Tennessee Legislature about whether or not to ratify the amendment giving women the right to vote was cast as a yes only after the guy received a telegram from his mother. I wonder if this is historically accurate?</p>
<p>Hm. Scary isn’t it to think these sons who can’t pick up their socks (well to be honest, neither can my D; she left a pink pair – mine, borrowed, on the floor and departed for London) may make laws that rule our fates. Haha.</p>
<p>I think I’m going to talk myself into not worrying.</p>
<p>Still reading here. Congrats to everyone whose kids are set. Good luck to those who are playing the waitlist game. We are still in limbo. #2 son still waiting to hear whether the dream school will come up with more money. I think he is ok with his second choice, but he is stressing over having to explain to ex hubby why he turned down #1 choice. (ex- hubby does not help but nontheless he expects that kids can go wherever they want without respect to cost). We are at about a 70k difference over the 4 years - which as a single mom who is probably at the max of her earning capabilities - not really a feasible option. So…lots of anxiety here still!!!</p>
<p>Oh dear, kitkat, so many unreasonable people in the world! Sorry you’re dealing with that. Good thing your son is more reasonable than your ex.</p>
<p>I guess talking about boys is part of the “vigil,” which for me now consists of letting go of my only son. I told him I think it’s okay if he wears flip flops with his tux to prom. I feel a little bit liberated from my prissy, uptight girl-ness.</p>
<p>kitkat</p>
<p>I can think of a few choice words to say to your ex if you’re at a loss for them!</p>
<p>kit kat – what a bind he puts your son in. won’t give but pushes to go–my ex did similar and my son challenged him about it. they are becoming men and find their way dealing with this issue</p>
<p>He came home wearing the sweatshirt, although we haven’t mailed any of the response cards yet.</p>
<p>So it’s official: mommy’s little bunny is going to be a Dartmouth man. [sniff]</p>
<p>This has been the fastest 18 years of my life. Where did it all go?</p>
<p>[Oh, and I called my parents to tell them, and they were <em>disappointed</em>. No wonder I’m a failure.]</p>
<p>Consolation - Congratulations - he will love New Hampshire (a little biased here.:))</p>
<p>Why were your parents disappointed if you don’t mind sharing?</p>
<p>Owlice - The deposit is usually between $300 to $500. I was reading “The Gatekeepers” last night, and there is a section on waitlist and a father was quoted that it was like an “insurance” and it’s worth it. “The Gatekeepers” is a fun read, by the way.</p>
<p>S is flying to the final school as we speak. They are putting on the full court press in trying to recruit him, but he has many tough questions to ask. Yesterday an alum who was has connections to every activity (sport, summer program, HS, quirky interests) S has ever been involved in (including his intended academic field) took him to lunch to sell him on the school. (We were in NJ for Passover and this alum happens to live ten minutes away from my BIL.) The guy clearly had read S’s essays and resume.</p>
<p>I suspect we may have a decision by midweek.</p>
<p>Mountains: The only disappointment we’ve seen so far from people is from those who thought we shuld have insisted he take the full ride, end of discussion.</p>
<p>Consolation: Congratulations! He’ll love it there. And boo to your parents.</p>
<p>CountingDown: Your day is obviously coming, too.</p>
<p>And you too, mountains.</p>
<p>I’m just warning you. You’re going to miss it!</p>
<p>We were supposed to be leaving for Skidmore (last open house tomorrow) in an hour but S does not want to go. S feels he seems to be leaning towards Colby anyway so why bother. And yet he won’t send in the “No” reply card to Skidmore as of yet and we’ve never visited! My point is since we have not visited, there must have been something at Skidmore that he thought was worth the application. By the way, he was bent on visiting Skidmore until about an hour ago. Missing school is not an issue here since spring break starts tomorrow. Thoughts, parents?</p>
<p>Well, Saratoga Springs is just wonderful. I wish we had thought to meet you there, just for fun. Williams is just across the border. It has beautiful restaurants, oh all sorts of things.</p>
<p>Why don’t you tell him you want to see the town and that he doesn’t have to go to the campus at all. Once he sees the town, he may want to.</p>
<p>An alternative is, sign the card, send in the deposit or get in the car, buddy.</p>
<p>(He may be feeling sad about wait list school, but he does need a spot for Sept. since he isn’t interested in gap year.)</p>