<p>I have a junior in high school who has become increasingly self-centered over the last two years. She was not like this growing up. Now it seems she honestly and fully believes that the world revolves around her. Parents of older children, please tell me she will emerge from this fog at some point and return to the sweet, thoughtful person I thought I raised. I’m hanging in there, but sometimes want to throttle her.</p>
<p>Yes, she will grow out of it and you will survive. Junior year seemed to be the worst for my younger D, and by the time she graduated and went off to college, I was actually starting to like her again-lol!!! Now that she is ready to graduate from college, she is thoroughly enjoyable, thoughtful, and fun- I love her visits home. She even looks back and acknowledges that she doesn’t know how we didn’t disown her!</p>
<p>Sounds like your D was once a nice person, and she will eventually return to that status. Just try to overlook this stage and not make too big a deal of it- deep down she is still the nice sweet girl you remember from a few years ago!</p>
<p>It will probably be just a phase as long as you use this as a learning opportunity for her, which it sounds like you’re doing. It sounds like you’re not indulging her beliefs that the world revolves around her. Keep showing her that other people’s time and needs will always also be considered, don’t let her become a 'resource hog", and expect her to contribute time and effort to household needs (chores, etc). </p>
<p>Teens are notoriously self-centered. If that behavior is indulged, then it continues. If it’s not, then they eventually get the message. :)</p>
<p>Young adulthood is truly a tumultuous time for many. It’s when all the uglies start rearing their nasty heads. Mental illenesses like depression hit with a vengeance. Most of the time we learn to deal with this along with the emotions and responsibilities that come with adulthood. It’s important to teach our children the “right” things so that they know those tenets and have something to which they can return after these stormy times. like lighthouse beacons, they can be. But not everyone does. Sadly some kids choose to stay adrift or lose their way. All we can do is offer the light and shelter from the storm to the best of our abilities and hope that they weather it.</p>
<p>This is all normal, but it isn’t pleasant. My theory is they’re under so much stress and they hold it together at school and with their friends and their coach but if they can let loose and be selfish and snotty at home, you are the closest target. </p>
<p>They come through though. S had a concussion the same night D had a team dinner. She was the captain so had to bring food and be there early. I just assumed (based on past selfish behavior) she would go to the dinner (vs seeing her brother in the ER). I said something to that effect and she looked at me like I was nuts. “I’m going to the hospital.” Duh.</p>
<p>^Sweet. </p>
<p>She will come out of it. Make sure you are not feeding the beast by constantly talking about her schoolwork, college plans, etc. I find when my daughter gets this way the best thing to do is become invisible. I am still there for her, but she needs space and likes to work things out on her own whenever possible.</p>
<p>I have seen it in my kids at various times. I am not sure if my way is right or wrong, but I tend to be right on them if they should behave badly. My thing is that I do understand why you are stressed, but it doesn’t mean we become your punch bags, no more than I would take it out on them if I was having a bad time at work. I think at least I tell them when they are behaving badly. Sometimes I’ll wait until it is calmer, so not to add fuel to the fire, but they don’t get a pass. But every person/family is different.</p>
<p>While most kids do grow out of it, not all do. Do not let her get away with this behavior or she will not grow out of it. Call her on it when she starts acting like this. Just because it’s a phase a lot of kids go through doesn’t mean you have to accept the behavior. The faster you nip it in the bud, the sooner she will get over herself :D.</p>
<p>I appreciate hearing about your experiences. I know at this age they are straining for more independence and against parental control. I understand they need to learn how to “make their own way”, I recall my dad saying I was so unbearable senior year of HS it certainly made leaving for college easier for both of us! He is enjoying my current frustration. “Karma” he says. Lord give me strength.</p>
<p>Let’s hope that she grows out of it before long. You could try to persuade her to get some counseling, though I doubt she would comply. If this goes on for another year or two, I would look into the possibility of it being a personality disorder.</p>
<p>True story: I’m cooking in the kitchen, offspring arrives and parks self at counter. 5 minutes later he spits out: “Why” he says " are you in here bugging me". I use the blank stare technique. He moves to the adjoining room. DH comes in the door and inquires on project progress “I’m stuck, and mom won’t help me, she’s too busy” said with bitter sarcasm. </p>
<p>It will get worse before it gets better, but you will all survive 
I do agree you need to draw a line where you are reasonably entitled to respectful behavior. I also spent a lot of time saying “I am done talking to you about this for now”</p>
<p>Green button that is hilarious. My husband has been fussed at for checking to make sure she’s awake in the morning. “Dad, I can take care of myself”. Earlier this week school started in 15 min and he did not hear her stirring so he called upstairs. She fussed at him for waiting so long to check on her. I kid you not. He just laughed.</p>
<p>Trust me.
As a teen it is normal for most of them to be extremely self centered.</p>
<p>Source:
15 yearold teen</p>
<p>“please tell me it’s a phase” - Probably. </p>
<p>Funny story, Sticker. Of course stuff like that happens with spouses too. Sometimes DH looks at me before dinner suspiciously and says, “did you follow the recipe”? Other times he’ll watch me cook complaining about something (too dry, to saucy, whatever) when I am following the recipe exactly. </p>
<p>One encouraging article that I read years ago claimed that if a kid reached age 11 being reasonably nice, odds were good that after teen angst things would be ok again. Just a warning - the last summer before college may be a trying time. Good luck!</p>
<p>Our D seems to be most difficult to get along with when she’s stressed out. Most of the time, she’s very pleasant. I’ve actually noticed a huge difference since she started her second year of college this past fall. Now she seems to truly enjoy our company.</p>
<p>The best piece of advice that I can give is to learn when to keep your mouth shut. Seriously you can often avoid being drawn into an argument by not taking the bait.</p>
<p>A little arrogance is fine as long as it isn’t too disrespectful. You want enough self-confidence that borders a little on arrogance, but being rude is unacceptable though.</p>
<p>You need to constantly remind her that it’s not her world, not yet at least. Also make her take responsibility around the house. No chores, no car, no new clothes, etc. BTW she will snap out of it but probably not until she has a job and appreciates the riggors of being self supporting.</p>
<p>I think I remember coming here and posting the same thing my D’s Junior year… It was a stressful time for sure. I can say that she got so much better by the end of Senior year and when she went off to college. Be patient and be firm if she gets too over the top. </p>
<p>This too shall pass…</p>
<p>Be careful…I have two teens and don’t think this is entirely normal. I thought it was, but later discovered it can be a sign of anxiety or depression or even just a sign of their inability to deal with their strong emotions and our inability to know how to deal with them and set boundaries (in kind/firm way). It’s a confusing and difficult age for them and we are the mid-wives helping transition them into adulthood. If you judge them on the surface level and label it “self-centered”, you’ll miss the opportunity to understand them better and help them understand themselves. I did this and dealt with the first one with “tough love” and a lack of understanding and compassion. With the second, I had read up more on good communication skills and had some of my own therapy and this helped transform our relationship. (It had not been going well at first.) I think counseling would help both of you greatly. Don’t wait too long or she’ll be gone and you’ll miss the opportunity to help her in a way that will influence the rest of her life.</p>