Self-centered Teen - please tell me it's a phase

[aquamarinesea]

<p>aleyna22,</p>

<p>I truly enjoyed reading your post. Thanks very much for sharing it with the other parents on the forum. </p>

<p>

I hate bringing up problems that I have to my parents because I don’t like bringing my guard down when it comes to emotional things, but when I do, I always find it extremely relieving to talk to my parents about things. So my advice is that if you have a selfish, suddenly moody teenager, try to get them to talk about their life and what’s bothering them.

</p>

<p>Excellent advice!</p>

[Nrdsb4]

<p>

Another interesting thing about being at this maddening age (I might be meandering from the main subject now) is that I’ve also come to realize that my parents are actually people, and maybe most teenagers are blind to this fact, which makes them more selfish than they really are. I guess when I was a kid I never thought of them as people who had needs of their own, who just might not be perfect after all. I never thought to consider their problems, which, I’ve found out recently, they have plenty. I now constantly wonder if they’re happy or not, and I look at everyone around me and wonder if they’re happy or not, and maybe I don’t care because I’m mostly preoccupied with myself, wondering if I’M really happy.

</p>

<p>One time my D happened upon me in my room crying. She was stunned, completely stunned and wanted to know what she had done to upset me. I told her it had absolutely nothing to do with her, and this was quite a revelation to her, that I had concerns in my life apart from her and her sister.</p>

<p>That’s what we often refer to when we talk about teens being self centered. It’s not always a rude and rebellious thing, just the notion that the world (or at least the world at their home address) completely revolves around them. This is a normal developmental thing, but it’s our job as parents to help educate them to the fact that the world does not in fact revolve around them and that the great big world outside DEFINITELY does not operate on that assumption. That’s why many of us parents work very hard to teach our kids empathy, about being kind to others, about considering how their actions affect others, etc.</p>

[aleyna22]

<p>I’m glad you guys appreciated my post! Nrdsb4, I actually had an experience like that a few weeks ago. I happened to notice my mom crying and I automatically assumed the worst, which to me was that she was depressed and unsatisfied with her life, when in actuality she had a kidney stone…I guess that reinforced my belief that parent/ child communication is important…and it also reminded me that my parents can take care of themselves and I shouldn’t worry about their lives so much…</p>

[collage1]

<p>Thank you for posting, aleyna–you provided us with a very articulate level of insight into a teenager’s state of mind in a way we rarely are able to experience. I wish you all the best as you go through the exciting steps to come over the next 6 months and, really, it’s okay if you’re not sure what you want to major in yet. Many, many undecideds out there!</p>

[aleyna22]

<p>I actually decided! Uh, a lot can happen in one day. I’ve been mulling over this for months though, and I’ve finally decided that I’m double majoring in psychology and writing and minoring in religious studies. I promise I have an actual reason for that…I’m going to boldly attempt writing the next Great American Novel, and if I don’t at least reach some degree of success, I’m going to be a child psychologist, which of course is a long way away from writing, but I can’t see myself doing technical writing or teaching an English class. I’ve always had a fascination with psychology, and I have an astounding amount of patience with children- that probably has something to do with the fact that I have four younger siblings. And as for religious studies, although I think it would aid my development in both writing and psychology for different reasons, I’m mainly pursuing it for personal enjoyment.</p>

[mwatcoll]

<p>My daughter’s a junior in high school too. One word-ugh! She doesn’t even seem to have the brain capacity to take in the needs of the others in the family. Yet, she volunteers at school for kids with special needs and works p/t in a day care. I have felt like I was losing her this past year and it has been heart wrenching for me as she criticizes me at every turn. They tell me to just put on the armor each day and she WILL come around. The sense of entitlement is uncanny and so different from our generation. I am actually looking forward to the empty nest! Good luck.</p>

[mwatcoll]

<p>Thanks for being brave enough to post that. It gave me some perspective! Good luck to you! A mom.</p>

[Pennylane2011]

<p>aleyna22- another parent here who appreciates your post and your willingness to be open to us. The teen years are difficult ones for you- and for us. Some kids become independent gently- others not. I also recall not being fully aware of my parents’ feelings when I was a teen.
One of my favorite songs back then was Cat Stevens’ Father and Son. Then, I heard it all from the son’s perspective. Now, it’s all from the father’s: “It’s not time to make a change, just sit down, take it slowly”, but the son doesn’t hear it.
Good luck to you in your studies and perhaps, your future novel will be one to help parents. Keep writing.</p>

[Ruthie58]

<p>Aleyna, I’m joining your fan club too. My D2, now nineteen, has also been in a state of perpetual self-psychoanalysis for about 10 years. She’s a very kind and empathetic human who still gets irritatingly self-involved on occasion (the last few weeks…). I think she only lets it out to us parental units, so I generally give her a pass. I loved your post.</p>