<p>Bob Turba--a long-time prep school guidance counselor--sent this report to members of the National Association for College Admission counseling listserve this afternoon. His subject line was, "Just when you thought you've seen it all, and he certainly asks a good question at the end.</p>
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One of our teachers saw a student texting during an exam. She took the phone and since it was open, saw that the texts were from/to his mom! </p>
<p>She was helping him on the exam. Not only that, she didn't know an answer and texted him to text his sister who is at another high school in the county. All in the family, I guess!</p>
<p>So, exactly how can we get the idea of honesty across to our students when parents are either complicit or enabling?
<p>I wish this surprised me…I guess the “Race to Nowhere” didn’t hit this parents’ neighborhood yet…</p>
<p>We can’t get the idea of honesty across to our students in communities where parents supercede the educational process as in this article; it’s that simple…</p>
<p>I repeat, this does not even come close to surprising me…</p>
<p>Doesn’t surprise me either! But this is not me! I never even saw their essays they submitted on the Common Application, nor did they ask me for the help on their essays.
High School Classes of '03, '05, '09, '10 …</p>
<p>I was speaking to a principal of a private high school the other day. She mentioned that she was working on a reference for a student, “A lovely girl with so much potential, but her biggest problem is her mother. Constantly hovering and interfering in this poor girl’s life.”</p>
<p>I believe Ann Landers: “In the final analysis it is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them succesful human beings.”</p>
<p>I learned that some parents can’t keep their hands off way back when child #1 was in 1st grade. The assignment was a shoe box diarama of sea life. It was clear at open house night that most parents had done more than give their kid a box and pipe cleaners and said “Have fun.” I know parents who still rewrite their child’s essay even in high school.</p>
<p>add me to the list of parents who hasn’t seen an essay of my daughter’s since 8th grade; and I didn’t see the college essays until after they were submitted…</p>
<p>Parent’s can’t really win in the current legal and educational climate. We are ‘damned if we do and damned if we don’t.’</p>
<p>The example in the cite is extreme.</p>
<p>However, when one of my kids was having trouble getting her homework from the desk at home to the classroom, the teachers got furious with me for not getting involved. “What do you mean don’t contact you with this information?” “What do you mean, just give her the grade she earns? Aren’t you concerned?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I am concerned that she learn there are consequences BEFORE she gets to high school. I already went to high school.”</p>
<p>I was seen as “a bad parent” and the school social worker actually called the house to “discuss” the “unsupportive academic environment at home.” Not kidding.</p>
<p>The schools want it both ways. It’s our fault either way. They’ll just take the “credit,” thank you very much.</p>
<p>Didn’t read DS’s essay, apps, supps, brag sheet and I haven’t asked to see any of his work since 9th grade. His school has edline and I’ve never gone on it.</p>
<p>I have been called a lazy parent by an extreme helicopter parent (he is already having hi 4th grader take practice SAT’s!!!) but not anyone at his school - his school motto is Where Boys Become Men. </p>
<p>The kid in the OP would be expelled before the test was over at his school.</p>
<p>"I learned that some parents can’t keep their hands off way back when child #1 was in 1st grade. The assignment was a shoe box diarama of sea life. It was clear at open house night that most parents had done more than give their kid a box and pipe cleaners and said “Have fun.” I know parents who still rewrite their child’s essay even in high school.</p>
<p>My son’s diarama’s were also the worst. Then there was the 6th grade science project. His looked like a 6th grader did it. Most of the others looked like a PHD in molecular biology did it. </p>
<p>This was not the school he is in now - it was the public school.</p>
<p>Yes, my favorite was in 5th or 6th when they got to “invent something.”</p>
<p>My daughter had invented a rollie bag backpack (which they now sell, btw!), which kind of sort of rolled a little bit.</p>
<p>Some had fully developed wind turbines with glossy brochures from the printer.</p>
<p>It was a sad kind of day, for D, until I splained to her that she had actually built hers, whereas the psychics professor had built his sons. EGAD!</p>
<p>I draw the line as what you would do for a colleague at the office. I proofread my Ds papers if they ask, just like I would proofread a report written by a colleague. My D sent me a paper from college for my comments, but then she also took it to the writing center and gave it to three friends to peer edit as well. I also answer questions when they ask, if I can, about either content or strategies. I have copied and whited out their old tests so they could redo them to study for a cumulative exam, I have glued printed material onto flashcards, etc. I ask them what happened in school that day and we often discuss teacher notes and comments on their work. The only nag is to do some SAT prep. My kids needed a jumpstart on that one. In general I think you can help, without doing and without getting in the way of their learning. I don’t care whether this level of involvement would be called helicopter parenting. I feel that I am on my child’s team, and I need to do what will help that team succeed according to their definition of success.</p>
<p>I have a friend who not only edited her child’s papers in high school, she continues to do this in college!!! Her daughter emails her mom the papers! This really bugs me. Of course this mom is one of the ones who refers to everything in her children’s lives with the royal “we”, as in, we had a lot of homework last weekend and we had to work on a project, or we are looking at an A in Economics, etc. She is in on every homework assignment and gets the kids tutored for many tests (that, I have no issue with). She really dosen’t see that what she does is over the top and in many ways, cheating. But, her kids don’t seem to mind too much and yes, they all have stellar GPA’s. </p>
<p>Of course, my son thinks that I am a helicopter parent because I remind him to eat “real food” on weekends (or he would subsist on ritz crackers with squeeze cheese instead of the chicken that I left in the fridge for him)! I nag him to get off the xbox at 2 AM and I ask him if he is done with his homework/studying for the evening when I see that he is hanging out with his sisters in the early evening (they are older and not in school right now). I should send him to my friends house and see how he handles her rotors.</p>
<p>Helicopter parent? How about a “whitch” for a mom? Best excuse I ever heard: </p>
<p>Junior was having trouble in a first period AP class and on top of that had many absences. Mom came in to explain that it wasn’t junior’s fault but hers. She went on to tell me how she was a witch (I kid you not) and that one day she was experimenting with a few spells when she accidentally turned her son into a weasel ( try keeping a straight face during that parent conference!). She tried and tried to turn him back but had no luck. Her son is now facing difficulty in school because he is nocturnal! I had to get up and excuse myself for a moment.</p>
<p>mtnmomma, that story is incredible. I don’t know how you continued the conversation after that!</p>
<p>That beats by far a story when I was a first grade teacher and I sent a note home to a parent informing her of a discipline problem with her son. This was the level of “consequence” he was up to…“note home to parents.” (beyond time out stage) I got a long letter scribbled back from the mom telling me that she doesn’t want me to come running to her about a discipline issue with her kid because she doesn’t come running to me when she has a problem with him! :)</p>
