<p>I had friends whom I had known since high school (at least 20 years) who moved and never told me they had moved (not even a change of address card). To top it off, I had sent a Christmas gift to their old address. I eventually found out from another mutual friend (maybe six months after the fact) that they had moved.</p>
<p>I think it’s weird. </p>
<p>I do agree that some people will not tell their friends or neighbors if the move was due to financial hardship. That’s what happened to our next door neighbors. Last month, I came home from a short trip to see a moving van parked in their driveway. My son said the movers had been there for two days and he, too, wondered if they were moving. A few days later, I saw the husband in the garage and I approached him. That’s when he told me that they had run into financial trouble and were selling the house.</p>
<p>I wasn’t surprised that they chose not to tell us because we weren’t friends. But it felt weird because we had never had a neighbor secretly move out like that.</p>
<p>I’m struggling with the assumption that just because one isn’t told something, that means it’s a secret. Unless it’s a VERY close friend I am not sure that’s true.</p>
<p>I agree it’s weird. Where I live, real estate is a big deal. And if this were a friend – even a casual one – I would have expected the friend to have mentioned it.</p>
<p>That said, I have a friend who didn’t mention anything at all until her house was on the market. This woman is part of my ladies-once-a-month breakfast club, so I (and the other ladies) thought it was odd that she didn’t discuss it while she was getting the house ready, considering real estate agents, etc.</p>
<p>I have a possible explaination…They may not wanted to tell people too far ahead of time so they wouldn’t be excluded from many social events. Sometimes people start to pull away when they think you won’t be around any more.</p>
<p>Selling a house secretly seems to me to be like running a raise with your ankles tied, especially in this selling environment. Good for anyone who is able to accomplish this. No way our neighbors could have hidden the fact that their house was on the market. They wanted to sell so told everyone so the chances of finding a buyer would be increased. Still took them over 2 years.</p>
<p>I think it odd, given your relationship, but would assume that there were reasons behind the move that they didn’t want to discuss with everyone. I can understand that.</p>
<p>The form letter? A thoughtful gesture in most cases, although from close friends one would expect conversation also. I guess your choice, if you wish to preserve the relationship, is to congratulate them and say nothing.</p>
<p>Maybe they just didn’t want the hassle of people (friends) potentially second guessing them at every turn (“oh you’ll never get that asking price” " you need to fix that room up if you ever want to sell" " you know you need to replace that landscaping") It’s stressful enough without a thousand know it alls… Or maybe they were superstitious and didn’t want to tell anyone until it was finalized. There are too many chances for it to fall through, especially if the buyers financing collapses…
Just my $0.02,</p>
<p>^^Best answer so far, but still not great^^</p>
<p>You see, thats why they moved away from you. You have too many questions. :D</p>
<p>Actually, jadjdads reasons are possible answers you need. Its like not telling anybody you are pregnant until you are past 3-4 months. Dont count your chickens before they are hatched, as the saying goes. Some people think that the deal is only final when they are actually in their new house already. You have to accept the fact that some people are superstitious or do not have time and care for daily barrages of questions and unsolicited advice not only in regards to the selling of their home but in choosing their new home. </p>
<p>Or if you are really close, then its possible too that its easier for them to leave quietly because saying goodbye is too difficult and emotional for them.</p>
<p>I agree with oldfort and jandj. I understand why the OP thinks its strange to be so secretive, but I also see why the movers would want to avoid every conversation being about the listing, the move, etc. People get sick of talking about stressful stuff, esp. if it is a move for financial reasons.</p>
<p>In a neighborhood that is fairly social and “neighborly” I do think think it’s odd…for me, the moving would be an exciting thing to talk about and share! If it was for divorce or $$ reasons, that’s another story, but if you truly are friends (and not just the neighbor who lives down the street) I would be really surprised not to have any inkling of it. </p>
<p>Also knowing the current housing market in this part of the country - even in very nice neighborhoods, it seems to your advantage to get the word out about moving.</p>
<p>We have houses in our neighborhood that have actually been on the market for more than three years. At our monthly neighborhood meeting (drinks and potluck on the first Monday of every month, rotating locations, and yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like), no one bothers talking about who’s moving, because, really, we have no idea when people will actually move out or where they will go then. Once people actually sell, though, there’s a lot of conversation about prices and so on.</p>
<p>I think some people are more private than others, and that’s just the way it is.</p>
<p>Maybe they’re in the witness protection program!</p>
<p>I only say this because I had a girl in my GS troop who lived a block away. They moved to town in August, she became friendly with my daughter, joined the troop, in December there was a fire in the house and by February they left town suddenly. The way I found out the moved is the mother responded to my email telling me her daughter wouldn’t be on a winter campout that upcoming weekend, as they had just moved - the girl had been to the troop meeting the week before where we planned the campout. Just odd…the witness protection was a running joke w my co-leader & I.</p>
<p>When I moved to the suburbs after getting married, I got to know some of the women, and we’d chat about home renovations or trips we were planning or restaurants we’d been to. Then one day, this person I was somewhat close to said “we’re moving.” And within a few weeks, she had moved – she’d already sold her house, found a new one, negotiated a contract, etc.</p>
<p>I was surprised she’d never said a word. We logged a lot of hours together. I think it was probably a couple of things - not wanting to jinx it; worried if it fell through she’d have to answer a ton of “what happened?” and didn’t really want to explain it; not sure if someone else wanted the same house and she’d start a bidding war by saying she liked it…</p>
<p>For these friends of the OPs, I think they didn’t want their pending transactions to be a topic for people to discuss, analyze, and yes, as one person said, second guess. It’s no one else’s business. </p>
<p>The form letter is a little cold though…I think if it was me, I would have the OP over for coffee, said something (not necessarily an explanation) like “we’re excited but sad to be leaving so many good friends like you.” Something.</p>
<p>There are lots of reasons, many of which have been offered here. Divorce, financial, a job offer that wasn’t secure until very late. In the case of the latter it could be very foolish to speak openly about it and have your current employer find out before you have the new job sealed. It could be they don’t want their kids to know until all details are ironed out. To be honest if the neighborhood is very social, that can also equate to being a tad gossipy…a reason some people may want to keep some things private. </p>
<p>At one point I had a neighbor move quickly as her husband was fired due to an indiscretion at work. She was humiliated, didn’t know if she was going to stay with him, the new job was out of the area, had three young kids to worry about. Keeping the neighbors up to date just wasn’t on her priority list. I found out well after the fact when she contacted me via email. I never begrudged the way she left, felt she had her reasons, and have never told anyone else.</p>
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<p>Wow. What exactly do you mean by this? It almost sounds like you are wishing them ill because they may have desired “privacy” in their financial and personal dealings. I hope I’m misreading the tone here.</p>
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<p>Maybe I missed it, but I don’t recall the OP saying these “friends” were his neighbors, only that the two families mentioned and the OP were all mutual good friends. I don’t know that the distinction is all that important, but I think it would be harder to conceal a house for sale from one’s neighbors. It might be very easy to avoid the whole subject if the friends did not live near each other.</p>
<p>I am moving across country in two weeks. The process of getting the house ready for sale hase been going on since Feb. The sign has been in front of my house since June, with a pending or sold sign on it all but one week of that. People are still surprised to hear I’m moving. Heck, it’s the status on my Facebook.</p>
<p>Maybe they thought you knew.</p>
<p>An acquaintance never told me they were moving either and I thought this was really weird. I mean, a move is a big deal even if it’s in the same neighborhood. </p>
<p>For her, what happened was this: 1) this house-frenzy started years and years ago. 2) this person is very selective with her friends and even though we were in the same playgroup and even the same book club, she did not like to share with me. 3) she always told me ‘our house was the ideal house to buy’ 4) one time she bought/sold, she made a huge mistake and once she was in the house, she regretted it. She didn’t use a broker. It was probably very impulsive, although she’s not an impulsive person. 5) the next time she bought/sold, it was overpriced, then she went through a major renovation and finished it in 6/2008 with the plan to sell it and downsize. She still lives there.</p>
<p>I think some people buy/sell in secret because it shows what they’re doing with their money and the decisions they make. Maybe they’re in denial they are moving, or just didn’t get around telling everyone. I used to feel hurt but now I don’t take it to heart. I’m too busy. If they don’t want to share, I couldn’t be bothered.</p>
<p>I understand the OP is offended but I don’t think the fact that someone didn’t call each friend individually and tell, discuss, and explain makes it “secret.”</p>
<p>Nor would I have time afterward to invite each person I know over for coffee and tell, discuss, explain. It’s incredibly presumptuous for people to assume they have any real idea what is going on in other people’s lives.</p>