<p>I think what is interesting here, is the varying views on friendship. Maybe I’m naive to believe that I do know what major events are going on in my friends’ lives. Hey, at least I got the form letter. Some people didn’t even get that.</p>
<p>I think it can just be a personality thing. Some people (like my wife) think lots of things are nobody’s business, and that others are nosy or prying if they want to know. Other people are very open about everything, including things you’d really rather not know about, like some of their ailments.</p>
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<p>I agree. I like my privacy in many things, and I don’t really know that I’d go telling all my friends that we were moving until things were all said and done. Some people just don’t need to talk through all those processes with others. Others do.</p>
<p>This is an endless topic in our house: “What’s the big secret?” I say.
“It’s nobody’s business,” my wife says.</p>
<p>The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business.</p>
<p>Some of the most vehement arguments H and I had as young-married had to do with our house search. I felt it wasn’t anyone’s business, and H wanted to solicit his parents’ opinions, share with them our house-price range, etc. I think buying / selling a house does give some insight into someone’s finances, and that’s a major reason I wouldn’t really discuss it with anyone beyond my H. If someone wants to google or zillow the house I buy and figure it out what it’s worth, fine, but I am uncomfortable discussing the fact that I might be looking in XYZ neighborhood or whatever.</p>
<p>We have a neighbor a few doors down who is very nosy and gossipy. I make an effort to keep our conversations light and general, and I’m appalled when the woman blurts out something personal she heard about another neighbor, something I’m sure the person does not want blabbed around the neighborhood. If we ever sold our house, it couldn’t be a secret because there would be a sign on the lawn. But I certainly wouldn’t tell her much about our plans beyond, “Yes we are moving and our house is for sale.” Selling a house in secret though – seems that would take some effort! But clearly these people had their reasons, and it was a nice gesture to at least send the letter after the fact.</p>
<p>Sometimes a house might be sold “in secret” because the agent came up with a good buyer even before the house was listed and before the sign went up. That happens sometimes.</p>
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<p>I can definitely see this. My boyfriend and I are trying to buy right now and though we’re not fighting about it, there are a lot of very personal discussions being had and we do disagree about some things. My boyfriend doesn’t want anybody knowing anything because he doesnt want them to pass judgment about what we can afford. Whenever we mention to anyone where we’re looking, comments come up about the economy in that area and it’s uncomfortable. Other people we know who are buying want to talk about it and a lot of them are searching in a much lower price bracket than we are, and that is uncomfortable. There has also been a lot of up and down madness when circumstances have changed. I really would not want everybody I know to be in on this, it’s not a secret but I avoid talking about it. IT’S REALLY STRESSFUL!!! BF and I talk about it all day every day, when we are out and about it is a welcome relief from having to talk about it.</p>
<p>And when I think about it, I think there are probably several of our good friends who don’t know we are moving. I don’t even think all of BF’s immediate family knows. With the market the way it is here, we might not even find a house for another six months or more. It’s not like it’s a secret but it’s just not something that’s a whole ton of fun to sit and go over with everybody we know, like they’d want to do because people who AREN’T moving think it’s exciting, and really nothing is set in stone until we sign a contract anyway.</p>
<p>funny story - we live in a neighborhood where everyone is generally pretty close and today a GIANT moving truck was in front of my house to move out S’s very few possessions as part of his relocation package. I didn’t think to say much to the neighbors other than mention his job, etc. Never thought about how the truck would be perceived nor how big it would be! Our two closest neighbors were surprised and upset that we were ‘moving’ until I explained the situation this morning and then they thought it was pretty funny. H got a call at work from another neighbor - who was surprised and upset that he wasn’t told we were ‘moving’ until H explained it. Every car that passed today slowed way down to check out the situation. I have no doubt I’ll be fielding a lot more questions later in the day!</p>
<p>I wouldn’t have thought about it much but I can see now that this could really hurt people’s feelings. I’m pretty private and wouldn’t really expect that anyone would feel the need to keep me in the loop but other people really feel differently - I do not think it is because they are nosey - it genuinely hurts their feelings.</p>
<p>I also do think that the current financial situation is why some people do move without letting others know - around here people are in their dream houses - many have designed and built them and leaving is hard on lots of levels. I wouldn’t judge anyone who left without making an announcement but that’s just me.</p>
<p>That’s a perfect example, SimpleRules. Thanks for sharing.</p>
<p>Yeah, I feel like I learned something new today - when we do actually move, hopefully many years down the road, I will make sure to let my neighbors know in a manner that takes their feelings into account. I’m now seeing this as an act of courtesy and respect to people who have grown accustomed to having us around. Without this thread it never would have occurred to me - thanks for bringing it up!</p>
<p>Maybe the OP’s neighbors kept it all a secret because they didn’t want the move discussed on CC? A lot of good it did 'em. ;)</p>
<p>Re-reading the OP, I see that toledo is talking about friends, not necessarily neighbors. I see a real difference. I’d ask for handholding from close friends during the moving process, so they’d certainly know we were leaving, and the reasons why. I don’t feel that I owe much to my neighbors other than keeping the house and yard in good shape, lending stuff when asked, and helping out in an emergency.</p>
<p>I’m not even casually acquainted with more than 2 or 3 families on our small street, so it wouldn’t occur to me to let the neighbors know we were leaving. That may make me a lousy neighbor, but I have never had a party with earsplitting music until after midnight, woken people up on a regular basis by leaning on the car horn before sunrise, allowed my pets to poop on lawns and driveways not my own, parented kids who thought annoying holiday pranks on other people’s property were amusing, etc. - all of which various neighbors have done without much worrying how I feel about it. So I don’t feel any obligation to keep them updated about our plans - but they obviously are not friends.</p>
<p>My dream is to move out of my current home and leave no forwarding address. I hate this house and this town and can’t wait to blow the joint…</p>
<p>Anyway, we had some friends who we were fairly close to, not bosom BFFs but close enough to celebrate things with, etc. Everyone in our group said they had the perfect marriage. One day, we met them while at the playground with the kids. The husband talked to mine and the wife to me. To say I was floored when this woman told me that she and her husband had been DIVORCED for 6 months would be an understatement! I had no clue.</p>
<p>I doubt I would tell my neighbors if I was moving. I might tell some friends but, honestly, I really don’t care for any of my neighbors but one. She has a big mouth so I’d tell her after it was a done deal.</p>
<p>As one who is moving – we have, of course, told many of our friends that we are moving, but there are plenty of people that we haven’t run into, and may not find out until we are gone. And while our next door neighbors know, on this block the neighbors do not all know each other and some of them will be surprised when we move, though they shouldn’t be, if they were paying attention when we had our big garage sale . . . I am tired of talking about it, frankly. People are curious, of course, but telling the story of why we are moving gets old after a few dozen times. And they always ask the same questions “Are you excited?” And quite a few people seem shocked that we would move out of California, and frankly act incredulous and a bit judgmental about different decisions we’ve made/ are making, and are full of advice. Yes, they are trying to be helpful, but I need a break from talking about it 24/7 sometimes. And yes, it is exciting, but sad too. It is not that easy to move, and not always easy to talk about it – it depends a lot on what kind of a day I’m having. I could definitely see why, if someone were upset about losing a job/house, that they really might just want to keep it to themselves as much as possible.</p>
<p>toledo- It sounds as though you are upset that people you thought were closer to you and therefore would let you be privy to more about their lives don’t see things the same way you do. Many reasons already suggested. The “friends” either aren’t really “friends” or will be less so. It hurts to be out of the loop, a rejection. Someone has to be the one to loosen or sever ties. All you can do is move on and accept that they are no longer as much a part of your life as before. I’m sure they will meet new friends in their new locations and your life will be as good as it was with them in it.</p>
<p>Next door neighbors many years ago sold their house to their friends without needing to advertise et al- the moving van was the first clue. Later I asked how the old neighbors were doing and as time went by they no longer knew. As time went by they no longer saw each other- both moved on in their lives. Social circles are fluid- they evolve with changes in lives.</p>