<p>My D was not asked to prom … she went with a group of friends, some with & some without dates. She had a good time. S is a senior this year. He was visibly relieved when he said something about not really wanting to go to prom but everyone says he would regret it if he doesn’t … and both H & I told him we didn’t go to ours (we hadn’t met yet :)) & in the 30+ years since, we have never once regretted not going. He decided not to go, as he just isn’t interested.</p>
<p>It’s not really that big a deal. Guess I must be a dweeb. Full disclosure: I was NOT a fan of high school!</p>
<p>My prom is in a month. I haven’t asked any girls nor do I plan to. I never got to know too many people (girls included) well enough in high school (2200 people) to be able to go to prom with them.</p>
<p>Has any girl without a date yet considered just asking a gay male (but uncoupled at the moment), and only to go as two friends? Seriously.</p>
<p>Or the other way 'round; boy without a date ask a lesbian girl IF you know her well from classes and such, and you find her good company. Just be friends. (That is if she doesn’t have a g.f. and date already). </p>
<p>Tip for boys from S-1 here: go solo, sit with a table of coupled friends, watch for when the other boys go to the bathroom and ask their date to dance at that moment. You get to dance with every girl once. S-1 had fun, although obviously the evening ended early. Better than nothing. At first people wondered why he got to dance with every girl; til they noticed he had no date himself. Variety; the spice of life.</p>
<p>I also like the suggestion from an above poster to invite a soph or jr., espeically if you know someone from the theater or music crowd who’s a soph or jr. They think outside-the-box in many cases, and the night is not their only dramatic evening so it looms not so big in their minds. Just go together and have fun. </p>
<p>Proms began in another era, when it was the first formal dinner and in some cases the last one before a wedding. People didn’t go out to restaurants so much, and it was a big deal to be served a meal by a waiter. Is this really still such a milestone today? Demystify it a bit. It’s just a construct from another era that won’t go away. It’s no miracle if you go; no tragedy if you don’t. At least that’s how we saw it in our household where we had some compromise answers to the classic “Best Steady” date for Prom.</p>
<p>^** P3t**, there was a gay guy in my D’s high school class who was always booked for proms. He was good company, a good friend to many of both sexes, and any girls who asked him to prom were spared any concerns about romantic intentions or obligations for the evening. It worked.</p>
<p>Way too much emphasis on dressing up and spending money for my younger S. He likes a number of girls but there’s no one special and he just can’t be bothered. I have tried to nudge him a bit because I remember wanting to go to my prom SOOO badly. But, like many men who know who they are and what they want (an evening with the game remote), he won’t take a hint and ask a girl. </p>
<p>I hope that those gals/pals/guys that are not going to prom will go somewhere where there are laughs. “How to tame your dragon” or Shrek 99 (or whatever it is) or lasertag or . . . something fun. So much better than sitting at home.</p>
<p>ok so my daughter just told me that she invited a junior to the prom but he hasnt answered her yet and it has been 24 hours… she says that she doesnt care if he says no at this point …she just wants to know one way or the other. </p>
<p>This has been the most wonderfully reassuring thread I’ve read on CC. Thinking back over top students at our school over the years, I realize most did not date - male or female. To accomplish what our kids do these days, often seems to take distraction-free living, especially when it comes to romance.</p>
<p>I too have a smart, beautiful daughter who I happily realized in middle school does not possess the “flirting gene.” Back then I watched through a glass wall as D and her friend discussed something with a male teacher and another male student. My daughter was animated but straight-on with whatever they were discussing. On the other hand, her friend was rolling her shoulders, flipping her hair, and what I call “posturing” - even in front of the adult male! The friend has had many boyfriends, heartbreaks and drama; D has never been on a date. The only time this is even a consideration for her is homecoming and prom.</p>
<p>D didn’t have a date for prom this year either, and as class president, should have been heavily involved in planning the event. When she realized she had a conflict anyway, and no prom date seemed to be materializing, she opted to delegate and attend an out-of-town conference with friends from all over the state. She says she has no regrets.</p>
<p>OP is there a special event such as a neat seminar or concert out-of-town the two of you can attend? It’s kind of nice to be able to say, and believe, you chose a more enriching event over prom. You could even come up with amazing tickets that are too good to turn down to help your D save face.</p>
<p>When senior prom pops up for me, it doesn’t matter if I am asked to attend. My parents have always stated that whatever happens, “It is just part of the master plan” (meaning, Jesus has His plan and so I can just relax, knowing He has my best interests in His heart. This works for college acceptance and any issue.</p>
<p>To all those who say their daughter lacks the flirting gene…
From the mother of teenage boys and her sons, I say THANK YOU!!!
Neither they, nor I, can stand to see it!!! My sons are shy and put off by that. they clam up and can’t even talk to a girl with all the hair flipping and hip shifting. It ‘wigs them out’. They watch them when they do it, but more like one watches a strange beast in the zoo.
Another poster noted that many kids that are high achievers do not have serious relationships because of the time their studies take. I would agree. The only way S2’s relationship works (or so they tell me) is because they do NOT go to the same school. Having a relationship on ‘home turf’ would create way too many distractions!</p>
<p>Your shy daughters will blossom, the flirts will be overrated and their reputations will become tired. The faster boys will still have the moves, but the boys who are now quite and shy will also come into their own… and finally have the courage to ask your daughters out. :)</p>
<p>When my son was a senior in high school he went to the prom but he just hung out with other kids there; he didnt go with a date. Now a freshman in college, he just goes out to movies and such with groups of friends, still not really dating. But on the other hand he is maintaining a 3.8 in his first yr. of college.</p>
<p>ucmom: As someone who did not go to her senior prom (for various reasons too long to go into here), I would tell your daughter to talk to her friends and find a way to go. Maybe she’ll find out about a boy she knows who also doesn’t have anyone to go with. Maybe she will find out that a group of girls are going and she can go with them. Yes, I know it’s “only one night” but I can tell you now that I really wish I had gone to my prom. Just a few days after the prom, a boy I knew said, I wish I knew you weren’t going, we could have gone together. And, at my 30 year HS reunion just a few weeks ago, I found out about about a group of girls I knew (I was on the fringe of their group) who went together. In the scheme of things, prom is no big deal. I had a pretty good social life at college. But it is a rite of passage - and I never went.</p>
<p>To look at the other side, my D does have a boyfriend so she has been set for prom (not till mid-June) for a while. However, with all the drama between them lately, I really wish she was going with a guy-friend or a group of girls. I think she would have much more fun that way (of course, I would NEVER say this).</p>
<p>If your D does not go to prom, I hope she comes up with great plans for that night/weekend. Something she really wants to do so she can have good memories of that weekend as well.</p>
<p>Hey, some kids just aren’t ready for the dating/hookup scene. My college freshman son seems to ignore or miss obvious signals from a few very nice girls (nice, smart, attractive). He’s still doing so as far as I can tell.</p>
<p>He did however decide at the last minute to invite someone to the prom. He picked a friend from freshman year who, had left to homeschool and dance, who called him to talk over homework almost every day that year. Although she was quite attractive, effervescent and socially skilled (hair flipping included), no one had asked her because she’d left the school to concentrate on dance. She said yes. He got together with her a couple of times the next year but never any intention as far as I can see to go beyond friendship and has ignored a couple of invitations to visit her at her college or for a party over vacation. I think developmentally some kids are just less ready and there is nothing wrong with that.</p>
<p>My son observed that one of his friends and a girl who lived down the street were not going to the prom so he suggested to each that they go together (with son and date and another couple or two from our neighborhood). They did and were both glad that my son took the intiative, though it turns out the the girl down the street may be more interested in females so it was less than exciting for son’s friend. OP, could someone play the role my son played?</p>
<p>My sons are prom gigolos. They’ve been to many proms with friends and daughters of my friends. Many moms make prom arrangements if their daughters are to shy to ask someone. Though at my son’s prom, singles were permitted and there were groups of guys as well as girls who went stag. I liked that arrangement. This isn’t Noah’s ark, you know. Nor is it an arranged marriage. Just a fun thing, and a date is just an accent to the whole thing.</p>
<p>New drama in the no date for prom saga…So her best friend who I mentioned got asked by her “kinda boyfriend” just called and asked her if she wanted to go dress shopping with her and her mom this morning. I told her I thought that was insensitive of her to even ask her and my daughter said she is over it and wants to be a good supportive friend and help her pick out a dress blah blah blah. She said it now seems like I’m the one with the problem regarding Prom and it makes her feel like she is a big disappointment to me since she’s not getting asked. I did go to several proms in my day but it was way different back in 1980! Anyway it escalated into a big argument and now I feel even worse! Am i taking this too personally? Does she really not care? Because I swear I get mixed signals from her everytime we speak about it!!! Ugh… teenagers!!!</p>
<p>If you’re getting mixed signals she probably does care, but wishes she doesn’t care. </p>
<p>And deep down she probably appreciates your being sad for her, but be careful with the “disappointment” thing. My daughter was very upset about a tough situation once but wouldn’t tell us anything was going on because she didn’t want to disappoint us. She put on a happy face, then did something really stupid in an attempt to make herself feel better and it just made everything 10 times worse. If she would have come and talked to us about her problem, even though we couldn’t solve it for her we might have been able to help her feel better and avoided a whole lot of trouble. </p>
<p>Apologize, tell her you are in no way disappointed in her, you’re very proud of her, then let it go. And apologize to the friend, too.</p>
<p>I don’t think you were in the wrong for feeling bad for your daughter, but I do think you were in the wrong to chastise the friend - if your daughter didn’t want to go shopping she could have made up an excuse. And the fact that the friend wanted to bring her along, when she already had her Mom there, may have been a way of trying to include your D in the prom excitement, even if she’s not going.</p>
<p>IMO, yes. This is her issue, not yours. Yes, it’s painful watching from the side-lines but it’s what we must do at times. Although this may be a big deal for her, she doesn’t want it to be. Having you share in the drama, unless she wants you to be, makes it a bigger deal.</p>
<p>my youngest was only a freshman when a very popular senior asked him to go to prom. she was very popular, driven, athletic, smart girl. she just never dated anyone. he was shy and uncomfortable, but they went together and had a great time. it was good for both of them–she had an escort and he got to go to a great dinner dance. no strings attached–no drama.</p>
<p>he went on to attend every prom because he had so much fun as a freshman.</p>
<p>my youngest didn’t really care all that much about prom. junior year he had two dates. he escorted two of his best girl friends to the dance. the pictures were sweet and again–all fun–no drama. his senior year he invited an out of state friend to attend. it was great. her parents were good friends of ours, so they came out for the weekend and it was a wonderful time for all! </p>
<p>i think have serious dates for prom makes for higher expectations and lots of drama. </p>
<p>there is nothing wrong at all with taking a good friend to a great high school experience. i have had to chaperone many a dance at the high school where i used to teach–the dancing is not that bad–maybe one or two couples get a little “freaky” but the majority of the kids are having a great time and everyone is dancing (appropriately) with everyone!</p>
<p>don’t worry about her not being asked. i’m sure that many young boys are easily intimidated by beauty and brains. they try to act cool, but they just aren’t as confident as you think.</p>
You get to dance with every girl once. S-1 had fun, although obviously the evening ended early. Better than nothing. At first people wondered why he got to dance with every girl; til they noticed he had no date himself. Variety; the spice of life.</p>