<p>Our DD did not go to her junior prom at all…no date and she didn’t want to go with friends. For senior prom, SHE asked a friend to accompany her. This was someone she knew well, who also knew her friends. They had a great time at the prom because really the whole gaggle of kids was friends, not “boyfriend/girlfriend” so there was really no “drama”.</p>
<p>My daughter had no problem asking a friend…and it worked out well…to the OP…could you daughter do this too? Oh…my DD’s friend was a junior.</p>
<p>My son is only going to the prom because the former girlfriend of one of his friends said " if you don’t have a date, i’ll go with you." Being a teenage boy, this took him off the hook of having to work up the courage of actually asking a girl to the prom. When I asked him why he would do this his reply was " because it’s a sure thing". Just from my experience with him, teenage boys are scared to death to ask a girl out. It is usually the girl that must make the first move. Boys really fear rejection. So it has nothing to do with your daughter personally and because she is good looking, boys will even be more afraid thinking that they have no shot so why bother.</p>
<p>i could have written the exact first post! my daughter is too shy to ask anyone to the prom, she said mostly because she didnt know if they would already have dates. i told her to ask her friends if there dates had friends who werent going and maybe they were looking for a date.</p>
<p>i am so peeved at the school for encouraging it to be a “date” event. the girls at my daughters school have even posted fliers saying “wanted: funny, available guy wanted for prom date” </p>
<p>For my senior prom ( back in the olden days :D) ihad to ask 3 guys before the third said yes. AND the first guy i asked who i was so crushing on , said no and then asked me if he thought my best friend would go with him…argggg! </p>
<p>If i remember correctly, the best part of the prom was getting ready for it with friends … </p>
<p>i am still hoping somehow it works out for my daughter. she is going to feel terrible on prom night if she knows all her friends are there having fun and she is home watching reruns of “Friends”.</p>
<p>AND the prom is two days before graduation. stinky timing.</p>
<p>i know this is horrible but it is comforting when i hear of other parents with the same issues.</p>
<p>S said one year there was a girl who stood in the middle of the main hallway of the hs during the morning crush and yelled, “WHO WANTS TO TAKE ME TO PROM?” Everyone laughed, and a guy she was casual friends with said, “I’ll go with you.” “Really?” “Sure!” They went to prom and had a blast.</p>
<p>I’d never have had the nerve to do that in hs, though.</p>
<p>At our international school going single to prom is the norm. There is absolutely no expectation of getting a date. It is a formal dinner-dance held at a location outside the school. There is also no queen and court. A few couples go together (I´m not sure if even these kids don’t each pay for their own tickets) but the biggest drama is deciding who is sitting at each dinner table.</p>
<p>I really don’t understand why there are still places where the all-single option isn’t the norm encouraged by the school. In this day and age, administrators should realize that kids do not need this extra social pressure of forced dating, let alone the feelings of being left out at schools where it is not seen as okay to go with a group of friends. Also, IMO, the whole queen and court selection is an anachronism that reinforces a social hierarchy that is not in the best interest of the majority of students. I’d be curious to know if any schools have taken the initiative to do away with this.</p>
<p>“It seems that some girls seem to be born with the “flirting gene”, or at least develop it along the way. Girls who don’t go out of their way to send out the “signals”, such as my D and yours I suspect, are often thought to be uninterested, unavailable, or just plain stuck up. The male teenage ego is a delicate thing and they usually just operate on gut feelings (hmmm, do they ever outgrow that?)…my S and his friends would never take the time to analyze whether the girl might be shy, busy, nervous, or whatever!”-
Amen, sk8rmom.
As the mother of yet another beautiful, talented, smart, nice girl…this is exactly what I have told my daughter. She has plenty of guy friends, but never has learned how to flirt. I think boys her age just don’t know a girl is interested unless they are hit over the head with it. It has been interesting to observe over the past few years which girls have the flirting ability and which ones don’t! Honestly, most of them I could have predicted at age 5!
I have reassured my D that as she gets older she will meet guys who will be interested in her! I know that is what happened with me. She wasn’t bothered by this too much until this past year. I think it kind of hurts to turn 17 and never been kissed!</p>
<p>Ones of the things I liked about D’s HS was that all dances including Prom were attended in groups with about half of the kids having dates and about half as singles. Tickets were sold as either single or double. It was so nice that everyone had the opportunity to go.Sadly, a lot of schools either require dates or if not, only a few (if any) students go without a date and it isn’t really accepted.</p>
<p>I can’t offer any advice that hasn’t been given, but I can relate to your D. In HS only one guy asked me out (he did take me to homecoming & prom senior year) and I felt very unattractive and bad about myself. Adults were always telling me I was pretty, but I always felt that if I really was, the guys would like me. Thankfully about 5 minutes (really) after I got out of that school, guys from other schools starting asking me out.</p>
<p>Thanks to all for the words of encouragement. Even though I have mentioned asking someone as a “friend” she said she would feel awkward because her friends are actually going as “dates”. I will feel much better when next Saturday is over!! Then 3 more weeks of school and she can look forward to college and new chapter in life :-)</p>
<p>“It seems that some girls seem to be born with the “flirting gene”, or at least develop it along the way. Girls who don’t go out of their way to send out the “signals”, such as my D and yours I suspect, are often thought to be uninterested, unavailable, or just plain stuck up. The male teenage ego is a delicate thing and they usually just operate on gut feelings (hmmm, do they ever outgrow that?)…my S and his friends would never take the time to analyze whether the girl might be shy, busy, nervous, or whatever!”-</p>
<p>Lafalum84, I met my husband in a similar way! I also have a way of standing in a furniture store and calling out “Would someone like to wait on me?” Sometimes you have to get people’s attention.</p>
<p>Agree that combining the dancing with other activities is the way to go for the girl who doesn’t like to dance/ doesn’t have a date. Last year prom was combined with a casino night. Twin Sr Ds both went in a limo with a group of friends, some with dates some without. One danced and gambled one just gambled both had a blast.</p>
<p>OP neither of my girls have ever had a date even now finishing up their first year in college. They were not ready. They knew how to attract male attention but didn’t want to. I think that many of our girls who are bright and have their own lives see having a boy on their arm as a nuisance more than anything so they opt out. </p>
<p>It’s OK. But I completely get where you are coming from, btdt.</p>
<p>shyann: sounds like your screen name is a misnomer ;)</p>
<p>My S is going to prom tonight with a friend who is a Sr this year. Several girls involved in theater and chorus scooped up the single sophomores and juniors as their dates. S feels special (beautiful older girl) and the girls have good looking dates without the romantic pressure.</p>
<p>I will admit, read the OP’s first post and then scanned a few posts, but didn’t read all six pages. I wanted to offer that the ‘dream’ that some kids go into their prom night with is shattered by morning. It is built up so much that it is very hard to live up to the expectations. The ‘going as friends’ can sometimes be a disaster if one of the two changes their mind and wants it to be more than friends. Then they are both uncomfortable. The long term couple can find themselves at a turning point of the end of high school and often there is pressure to become sexually active (if praise God they have waited this long!). They can be in a group of say 12, and if one couple starts fighting it makes everyone squirm. My sons best friend called his mother from the after party literally in tears at 2am asking to be picked up. He sobbed it was the worst night of his life. When my son left at 1:30am he was fine. We are still trying to figure it out.
I guess what I am saying is, often the build up and dream of what it should be is not what the night turns out to be. If surveyed, I wonder how many girls would give prom a thumbs up the morning after…?</p>
<p>I understand your wanting your daughter to feel included. It’s important to her, so naturally it’s important to you! A bad prom experience is worse than staying at home…</p>
[quote]
…with the help of my wildly-popular, always dating, son. It seems that some girls seem to be born with the “flirting gene”
[quote/]
</p>
<p>I have one of each (introvert/extrovert),too. They each take after a parent. One of my high school teachers used to tell me that she enjoyed watching a professional (flirt) in action. I did take it as a compliment. I did have a talk with DD as she was heading off to college, and after she started dating this spring, she said, “Hey, Mom, flirting really works.” I always say I would never have had a date if I had not asked the guys out, and I joke that my husband was ordered to take me out (he was not ordered to marry me, however).</p>
<p>My son’s is tonight and the “leader” of their group of 19 is a beautiful girl who is going solo (all the others have dates). I feel so bad for her, but my son said they gave her choices of dates (the boys were going to do the preliminary asking), but she said there was no one she was dying to go with and she didn’t want to risk a bad date, so she’s going alone! I admire her attitude.</p>
<p>Maybe you could take your daughter away for that weekend? Would be nice to have an excuse not to go help her friends get dressed or have to listen to the pre-prom chatter.</p>
<p>In my son’s group of 15, three were single ladies. He has a group of best friends at school, guys and girls. It is understood that at dances they all go, bring your bf/gf if you have one, but everyone goes. There is always Prama… I would opt for no date over a bad date ANY day.</p>
<p>I love the idea of going away for the weekend. I actually was taken out of the state for my Jr. prom. My mom didn’t like the bf and didn’t want the argument. She was right, he was a snake! We went to the beach and had a great time!!</p>
<p>My daughter, also a smart talented beauty (if I do say so myself) ended up going to the prom three times, all with guys in the marching band. The first two boys were seniors who needed a date. When she had no date two weeks before her senior prom, she took matters into her own hands, put a note on facebook and had a date within a day. None of it was very serious, which took the pressure off. I think the truth is many boys who are not in relationships are shy, and a girl has to put herself out there. For her, high school was a romantic desert for the most part, but college is the proverbial sea full of fish. she seems to have no trouble getting dates, asking for dates, and just generally blossoming socially. So have patience, but for now be proactive!</p>