<p>I didn’t read the whole thread, but can she go by herself or with a group of girlfriends? My son broke up with his girlfriend last fall and has been very busy in the months since, splitting his time between high school and the local university where he’s taking courses, so he hasn’t had much of a social life with the kids in his high school class. He asked a girl he knows to go with him on a platonic basis, and she agreed, but then got a “real date” and dumped him only a few days before prom. He gamely went by himself, found there were lots and lots of girls in the same boat, and had a marvellous time dancing with them all evening.</p>
<p>My daughter was in an IB program where 2/3 of the students were female and a significant number of the male students were gay. Straight female students tended to have a hard time getting dates, for obvious numerical reasons, and the school’s culture accepted that. There was no stigma in being dateless. Kids tended to go to events – including prom and the homecoming dance – in groups. Some of the members of the groups would be paired off with actual dates, others would not. It was no big deal. Sometimes, kids would attend only one part of an event – such as going out to dinner with a group before a big dance but not attending the dance itself. Again, no big deal. </p>
<p>I wish things had been so laid-back at my high school.</p>
<p>Here’s some perspective on the HS prom thing…</p>
<p>Just remembering my own HS experience. I never went to the prom — turned down the one boy who asked me. (Who knows why?) But the prom queens and popular girls of my HS never really accomplished much in their lives, nor were they very beautiful at the 20+ year HS reunions. However, the “nerdy” girls were so interesting 20+ years later, and oh, so beautiful… </p>
<p>Your daughter’s time will come.</p>
<p>I don’t think I’ll be going to prom either. I really love my class but I don’t know - I don’t have a date or even a guy friend to go with. I’m split between going. I don’t want to go alone and be awkward. Still, it IS my senior prom.</p>
<p>My third child will make it a full sweep for our family - none of my kids went to prom (each for different reasons and with varying feelings about it), the older two went happily to the afterprom activities at the school and D3 is thinking about doing that after her other plans for the evening.</p>
<p>Last year D and a group of great girls rented a limo and went to prom very happily as the Single Ladies!</p>
<p>My S, being one of the shy ones too nervous to ask a girl, is not going to the prom, instead he’s going with some of his friends to an amusement park a couple of hours away.</p>
<p>For the junior prom they had an gaming tournament amongst themselves.</p>
<p>I figure he’ll figure this out in college. I know he likes girls, he’s just immature.</p>
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<p>Not for me! Approaching the end of college now and still have never been asked out.</p>
<p>S2 organized a movement among senior boys to only ask senior girls to the prom even if they had junior or younger girlfriends. They made sure everyone had a date. When I asked him why he said, “We are (school name) 2010 and we take care of each other.” He is at the prom as I write this.</p>
<p>D2 went to the prom with friends. She is now finishing her sophomore yr at college and still has not had a boyfriend.</p>
<p>She will find that special someone! Perhaps many times over. haha</p>
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<p>I’d begin with, “I see you’re disappointed” or “I can feel you are sad” before launching into how wonderful she is and all the great solutions proposed above.</p>
<p>Just take the first moment to get on the same page with her and acknowledge her feelings momentarily. THEN cheer on and propose alternatives, as many good ones are already on this thread.</p>
<p>My 2 cents.</p>
<p>I agree that a surprising number of high school boys are scared to ask a girl out. As a high school teacher I have had a number of boys mention this and after overhearing girls laugh about some boy who did ask them out, but they turned down, I don’t blame the boys. </p>
<p>Last, I have read that it is not unusual for very beautiful girls to not be asked out as young boys may be too intimidated to approach them. College is different, but hopefully not so different she won’t be able to focus on her studies.</p>
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<p>It’s not too late to seize the initiative and ask out a shy guy before you graduate. Think of it as a not-yet-completed item on your “college experience to-do list.”</p>
<p>in my limited experience with women;
I never met a woman who couldn’t get what she wanted.</p>
<p>^^ BTW
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<p>I still have a 25yo DS who is a staff engineer, helping grad students on their thesis projects, at a major university, also has a startup company. Please do put this on your to do list.</p>
<p>idad (post 69), I think that was a very nice thing to try to include all of the senior girls. My S was still thinking about thinking about who to invite when one of his long-term buddies that he has known since kindergarten asked him. I guess that she knew him well enough to know that he would still be in the thinking stage 2 hours before the event if she left it up to him. Most of his friends decided to go with someone that they were friends with to lessen the chance of the drama of a last-minute break-up. Inviting someone from outside the school would mean trying to find someone that either knew all of their friends or who did not need to be constantly entertained.</p>
<p>I would have advice my DD as follows had she not asked out for junior or senior prom:
- Boys are more often than not intimidated by female intelligence and beauty, so if no one asked you out that doesn’t mean they don’t want to but they just couldn’t muster the strength to ask you out.
- There is absolutely nothing wrong in asking a boy out for prom. It is sometime better as you can choose to whom you want to go out with than rely on the fact that some one ask you out.</p>
<p>I didn’t have my first date until my freshman year of college. It was kind of the joke among my circle that I was perpetually single. At our school most kids didn’t go to prom with a date, we go in big groups of friends, so I did still get to go but I never would have gotten to go to any of our dances if I’d needed a date. But then I met the man that would eventually become my fiance my freshman year of college-- about 10 months after prom, actually. You just never know when things are going to turn around, I wish I’d known that in high school-- I’d about given up, and come on, who REALLY needs to date high school boys anyway? 
Now that my sister is 17, looking back I realize I may not have missed out on all that much waiting to start dating until everyone was a little more grown up, including myself. Missing prom over it bites, though, that’s a shame. I am sure it will be different for her in college, her confidence will grow as she gets to know herself better and better and the boys will become more confident, too.</p>
<p>As a tradition prom is related to dating. Not every today’s HS student is ready for that, thus the pressure. Let us parents pressure HS administrators to organize prom in such a way that every HS student has the opportunity to have a fun and non pressure prom. It can be done and it’s done somewhere.</p>
<p>I like lake42ks’s idea.</p>
<p>How did a system ever evolve that pressures students into dating so that they can participate in an important school event? What does dating have to do with school, anyway? School events should be for everyone, without any pressure to pair off into couples.</p>
<p>At some high schools, the culture has evolved informally so that students do not necessarily have to have dates to go to prom (or homecoming dances). But it would be a good idea to formally organize prom in a way that encourages this.</p>
<p>OP, your post could be describing my precious D too. I’ve spent some time observing this phenomenon and have done a little discreet digging with the help of my wildly-popular, always dating, son. It seems that some girls seem to be born with the “flirting gene”, or at least develop it along the way. Girls who don’t go out of their way to send out the “signals”, such as my D and yours I suspect, are often thought to be uninterested, unavailable, or just plain stuck up. The male teenage ego is a delicate thing and they usually just operate on gut feelings (hmmm, do they ever outgrow that?)…my S and his friends would never take the time to analyze whether the girl might be shy, busy, nervous, or whatever!</p>
<p>My D has a lot of male friends, both from HS and in college. As an intelligent, straightfoward young woman she rolls her eyes at the suggestion of flirting and has become accustomed to doing everything with groups of friends - male and female. I’m sure at some point the ice will break and she’ll meet someone special with undeniable chemistry. In the meantime, I suspect our girls may be the lucky ones given the prevalence of sexual expectations and general lack of true caring and commitment in the dating scene now. It’s really more nerve wracking to have a kid who dates a lot!</p>
<p>Btw, D went to prom with a group of 20 “singles” and nearly all of them wished they had taken the $300-500 they each spent and gone to NYC for a weekend of shopping and theater instead! If I had to do it over again, I would have planned something like that for her! Son’s prom is tonight and he’s taking a female friend, not his GF, as they were on the outs when he asked…should be interesting. I’ve warned him within an inch of his life what will happen if he ignores his date to go off with the GF and I told his GF, who’s going with another male friend, the same.</p>