<p>My DS is a reasonably good looking kid who is shy. He has not had a girlfriend in his 4 years at HS and now the senior prom is three weeks away and he hasn’t said that he’s going. He has been rather uncommunicative about the whole thing, but I suspect that he asked someone and she turned him down. I don’t know whether any of his friends are in the same boat - I’ve been avoiding the subject so I don’t rub salt in any wound. But I feel very sad about it for him. I can’t imagine that there isn’t one girl in his class who hasn’t been asked and who would love to go with him. Anyone out there in the same boat?</p>
<p>Kids at our school all went in one clump. It’s never been a rule that kids had to have dates in order to go to the prom. It seems sort of odd these days for him to need to ask someone to go with him. Maybe he can go with a bunch of kids. He still could have a good time.</p>
<p>Maybe it isn’t a big deal to him. I didn’t go to prom – actually I think I wouldn’t have been caught dead going to the prom, but I had the support of a community of close friends who felt the same.</p>
<p>My son had planned to go, but then he and the girl he was going with had some kind of falling out and plans were canceled. Then he thought briefly about just going with his best bud – kids do that here, just go with friends of either gender – but they both came up with something they wanted to do instead that night.</p>
<p>Prom isn’t a big deal to everyone. For your son’s sake, I wouldn’t give it more attention than he brings to it himself… which might be none at all.</p>
<p>My daughter went with friends- although I had thought that most of her friends * didn’t * have dates, I found when I was dropping her off, that the reverse was true.
Now my D is gorgeous- and sweet although not so great on the small talk social skills- and she never talks about boys to me.
I knew that there was probably 10 boys that had a crush on her, and if they were the kind who were shy about it, all the better. ( I had always gone out with the not shy type, who can be 
)</p>
<p>But I didn’t know what to say about the no date at that late stage, so I didnt say anything which was wise.
She went and I think she had a good time, she was very happy when I picked her up the next day.
It is hard to get info out of teens,
if he wants to go, I think he should go as there will be girls there without dates and lots of opportunities to dance and maybe get to know someone better.
But if he doesn’t want to go, I don’t think he should force himself.</p>
<p>DS didn’t go. I tried to convince him that lots of girls would like to have him take them just as friends. His rationale was that it was too much money to spend on a friend.<br>
I was a little sad that he didn’t go but in the end, not my life, not my decision.<br>
A few years later I don’t think he has given it a second thought. It’s not the kind of thing you regret or even think about later in life.</p>
<p>My senior S didn’t go. He went as a freshman when a senior girl asked him. He had an exhausting track meet that day in 90 degree heat, had to rush home, rush getting dressed and rush to meet the girl. At the dance he discovered that he just doesn’t like the dance/party scene. Some kids enjoy it; my kid doesn’t. Lots of kids at his school don’t go with dates, but just go with groups of friends.</p>
<p>I didn’t go to my prom and truly never think about it unless someone asks me who I went to the prom with or what my dress looked like. Don’t bring the subject up unless your son does - it really is not a big deal.</p>
<p>oldtimey, I was in that boat when S was a junior. Around here, some kids go stag to Prom (although the only ones I personally knew of were girls). Another mom in the same boat and I suggested to our sons (who were friends) that they could do the same thing. Nothing doing. S said “it’s just too expensive” and claimed he really didn’t care. I didn’t believe him.</p>
<p>Fast forward to Sr. year. He had a gf at that time (from a different hs). Still didn’t go to Prom. It just really wasn’t that important to him.</p>
<p>We do not want to see our kids feeling left out and sad, and regretting missing a “milestone” event. In retrospect, though (my S is now a college junior), I think he truly didn’t care, didn’t miss it, doesn’t regret it.</p>
<p>Me? I’m pretty much over it myself ;).</p>
<p>Things have changed since we were in HS, oldtimey. At ds’s school, most kids don’t go as real, meaningful dates. It’s just a nice dress-up party. He’s already making plans for how him and his group of friends – mostly boys, some girls – will be going to prom next year (he’s a sophomore now).</p>
<p>This past fall, he went all by himself to the Homecoming dance. I drove just him, and he walks up to the door all alone. I couldn’t believe how brave that felt to me, because even if I had even considered going to a dance without a date, I sure wouldn’t have without a posse of friends in tow. I half expected him to call me to come get him, but he stayed the whole time, sitting at a table of boys, next to a table of girls and everyone danced and had a great time.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t worry in the least that he doesn’t have a date. Does he want to go without a date?</p>
<p>At my kids’ HS, a lot of kids skip the prom itself but go to the After Prom activities between midnight and 4. Fun activities and great prizes.</p>
<p>My daughter is going to prom but they are keeping it fairly simple. No limo, just four or six of them going to dinner, and relatively simple prom dresses that they can wear later.</p>
<p>Thanks for the great replies! I don’t think DS wants to go without a date - I think it would just cement his status as not having a girlfriend. I mentioned the suggestion of bunch of guys going with a bunch of girls to my husband to “forward” to my son (he discusses girl stuff with Dad) after I heard that DS and his friends were discussing who to take to the prom. If that became a plan, I haven’t heard about it, and I think DS would have said something. If I thought DS didn’t care about the prom, I wouldn’t feel so sad, but I think he does. Anyway, our HS has a Post Prom party at the school that all kids, not just prom-goers, can attend that’s supposed to be a lot of fun. Maybe DS will go to that.
When I was in HS, a lot of girls would ask guys (cousins, brothers of friends, friends of the family) to go to the prom with them just so they could go to the prom. I asked a girl in DS’s class recently if girls do that now and her response was “No way” - the guy has to ask the girl.</p>
<p>I think the allure of doing all these events dateless is that it won’t cost him anything extra. He’s incredibly cheap, but comes by that honestly. Also, he’s pretty shy, so asking out a girl isn’t on his radar yet.</p>
<p>Do all his friends have dates? Maybe you could host a party for the ones who don’t and then they could arrive en masse to the afterparty.</p>
<p>The majority of kids we know do not have boyfriend/girlfriend relationships so going stag wouldn’t highlight anything unusual. Nevertheless, in our area, they mostly seem to get dates for prom, but are non-romantic pairings based on the wider group of friends. The guy has to ask the girl, but a girl friend of any girl still dateless several weeks out will make it known to male friends of any boys who are still dateless (within the same social circle) that so and so still needs a date and who is X going with, etc. As a result, the guy isn’t even taking a risk of getting rejected and would be considered a cad not to provide the requested escort. </p>
<p>S2 managed to find a girl this year who gets a free prom ticket by virtue of some committee she is on so he only has to pay for dinner, corsage, and post prom. He considered that a “sweet” achievement. </p>
<p>I second the idea of encouraging the OP’s son to attend the post-prom party regardless. I think they are well attended by people who skip the earlier event for whatever reason.</p>
<p>Same comment as many of the rest of these. Going stag not a problem most places. I would guess at a few, it might be problemmatic, but you should be aware of the nature of the school.</p>
<p>What I have heard is that they usually scope it out before they ask - a guy will put a feeler out to see if a girl would go with him before he asks. My younger daughter wanted to go with a boy to a semi recently. She had her girlfriend feel the guy out first and got the guy to ask her. Recently a boy wanted to take my older daughter to a formal at college. He got my daughter’s guy friend to see if she would go. She said, “Ok, as long as he doesn’t expect to hook up with me.” He then asked her properly and was a perfect gentleman.</p>
<p>Your son may want to get his friends to help him out. He doesn’t have to go with someone he has romantic interest in. Often when you go as friends it’s a lot more fun because it’s less pressure. My older daughter went with a guy friend last year. She had a lot of fun because there wasn’t as much expectation. </p>
<p>It’s still not too late for your son to ask someone to the prom. As much as he wants a date, there are just as many girls that would like to be asked. I have 2 very attrative girls, and they are always very happy when nice handsome guys ask them out. So, tell him to reach out and ask a nice girl to the prom.</p>
<p>My prom is in a week, and I am not going.</p>
<p>I am going to a different school’s prom though…</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone should bring up this issue to their child. I am sure every teenager has thought about going to prom, but to some (like me), it doesn’t seem appealing. I’d very much rather go to an amusement park and have a nice dinner, and maybe even have money for new shoes (lol). The only reason I’m going with my friend to another prom is because she asked me, and if a girl has the courage to ask a guy, i think the least the guy can do is say yes, and have a good time.</p>
<p>A friend persuaded some shy boys (who had never dated before) to go to the prom. She told them that in her days, many girls dreamed of going to the prom but would not go without dates. She felt that it is the “duty” of boys to make sure as many girls get to go to the prom as possible. By the same token, it is the “duty” of girls to make sure as many boys get to go to the Sadie Hawkins Dance as possible. Asking someone to a dance does not have to be a big romantic deal – it is simply a nice thing to do! </p>
<p>Wouldn’t it be nice if all girls (and boys) receive an invitation even though they may end up not going for whatever reason? </p>
<p>My S2, a junior, decided to go to the prom this year. The prom is this Friday and he just asked some girl last Wednesday - and she said yes! Apparently, some friend found out she was available before he asked. Anyway, we are still trying to get him outfitted for the occasion. S will try to get relevant info from girl tomorrow so that he can phone in an order for a corsage. Did I say the prom is this Friday? Aargh!</p>
<p>Oldtimeyfan, your S still has 3 weeks! It is definitely not too late for him to find a date and go to the prom.</p>
<p>My senior S did not go to the prom as a jr. last year. Said it was too expensive and he woud go this year as a senior. So as the time for his prom crept closer this year, I inquired several times about whether he was making plans. He mentioned how expensive it was. DH and I offered to foot the bill if he wanted to go (since he didn’t go last yr). The time to buy a tickets came and went. His Prom was last Saturday and he didn’t go. He has never dated in h.s. despite being a varsity athlete who has lots of girl friends. His sch. is huge. I felt sure he could find someone to go with him if he really wanted to. He chose to skip it.</p>
<p>At our high sch., it is mostly girls who go in single gender groups. If the guys don’t have a date, they just tend not to go. Of S’s group of best guy friends, the two who have girlfriends went to the prom and the four or five who don’t have girlfriends…went fishing instead.<br>
I hope he doesn’t look back and regret missing his proms someday but it was totally his choice.<br>
Older S went to the Prom both years (had serious girlfriends both years). He said he would not have gone if the girlfriends hadn’t “forced” him to go,lol.</p>
<p>PackMom, I’m sure your son will never give prom a second thought but if you are like me you may continue to feel wi****l for the missed event. Neither of my boys has ever had a girlfriend, so homecoming and prom are my only opportunities to seem them on a “date.” Our older son always took a gorgeous girl to both events and we loved the pre-dinner parent picture taking parties of the dozen or so couples going as a group. </p>
<p>S2 has been more problematic (as he is in all things) and refused to get a date to homecoming his freshman year. I was devastated and would not let him go stag, which his friends were doing, because I am in that camp that considers it the guy’s duty to ask a girl. He did go to homecoming his sophomore year with a nonromantic date (and the parent preparty was wonderful), but he skipped it again this year (junior). I was in acceptance mode by then but still very sad for myself. I love seeing the girls all dressed up. </p>
<p>For whatever reason his buddies all decided to go to prom, so he got a date but it was initially touch and go as to whether he would or wouldn’t. This is a child (varsity football player) who was in the school’s bachelor auction a couple of weeks ago and could have his pick of dates any time, so I think you are quite right that your son’s decision has nothing to do with fear of not getting a date. Many kids just don’t seem to care about prom.</p>
<p>My S didn’t go to prom either. He used to go to the middle school dances, but stopped cold when he hit high school. I think he went to one. He doesn’t like the music they play–lots of rap–and he doesn’t like the fact that some kids come drunk.</p>
<p>He loved the Friday night dances at CTY, and has had relationships with girls there, but he hasn’t shown interest in dating at his HS. I always figured that it was largely that he didn’t want to conduct his social life under the eye of his parents and friends whom he would have to see every day in school.</p>
<p>I wish that he had had a bit more of a social life in HS, but I guess he was fated to be one of those people who wait until college.</p>