<p>This week my son asked if he could participate in a student generated ski trip for a weekend. Apparently one of the Moms was talked into renting a condo for the students at the mountain. She told me by phone she was uncomfortable about it but figured they will be going to college soon. That is obviously true. The group is comprised of boys and girls, good kids, good students but no supervision or adults. The number has grown and I am concerned that it won’t stop at 9 but will continue to grow and even encourage extras. They are 17 and l8 year olds. I am the only parent who has said let me think about it, and then no. I am the most hated person on the earth today. I started to think about this - would I leave a coed group of l7 and l8 year olds alone in my house for the weekend? I wouldn’t - so is this different? He says I don’t trust him but that isn’t it - I don’t like the situation. It is a 3 hour drive up and back, I can’t believe there won’t be drinking, and I am concerned that they will be skiing, driving, but also essentially without an experienced brain should something go wrong. I know that some of the kids have gone on summer trips together. I would love some thoughts. I can’t wait for high school to be over!!! I am getting too old for all this thinking.</p>
<p>My daughter would not be taking that trip. And I think the mom who rented the condo may well regret her decision.</p>
<p>WHen my daughter graduated from high school- one set of parents owned a cabin and they were allowing the students to host a two or three day overnight for the whole class. However, the parents were not going to be in attendance.
If the parents would have been there, I would have been fine with it- I didn’t even actually hear about it, until a meeting to plan graduation ( the parents arrange for the local cruise they take immediately after the ceremony)
My D hadn’t told me, because as she put it- she particulary did not want to see a few of them inebriated.
Most of the parents were casual- there was not even going to be driving theoretically- but a few of us, just weren’t comfortable, and since my D wasn’t pressing me to go, it was a non issue for us.
I know that if parents own the property, they are liable for what happens on and off the property, I am not so sure about if you are just renting a condo, but I imagine there is some liability if there is trouble.</p>
<p>My parents would have said “no,” too. And they wouldn’t have done the “let me think about” routine first. </p>
<p>Drinking combined with skiing or snowboarding is asking for disaster all by itself, let alone the rest of it. This could very easily turn into an unsupervised, endorsed, weekend-long party. Those tend not to end well.</p>
<p>I think the Mom who caved into that request is nuts but I understand how the pressure works. She made a point of telling me that she was not going and NOT responsible. OTOH, I would not be in this situation if she hadn’t agreed to rent the condo for the kids! I don’t think I could sleep that weekend if I let him go. I know he is embarrassed - especially being a boy. Sigh!</p>
<p>As soon as I read “student-generated”, I was out. And I’m a student.</p>
<p>Most of my peers wouldn’t have the first clue how to plan something of this magnitude, and I would not feel comfortable with absolutely no adults there should something go wrong. We just don’t have the experience to handle stuff like that.</p>
<p>Also, I think even though the mom who rented the cabin SAYS she is not responsible, she is because it’s her name on the contract. So should something go wrong, should the cabin get trashed, or anything else, she’ll take the heat. I hope she realized that and should have thought about that before renting said cabin.</p>
<p>I will have no sympathy for her should she have to pay something or get into trouble with someone else’s parent. She’s the parent, and there’s no reason she should’ve caved when her instincts were telling her not to go with it.</p>
<p>If it’s not too late (i.e. he hasn’t already told his friends why he can’t go), give him an out. Let him tell his friends that family is coming down for the weekend, it’s someone’s birthday, he’s working, or some other reason, if he wants. Or he can just blame you. Usually the “my mom won’t let me” reason is seen as pretty legitimate amongst friends, especially if he makes it clear that he would like to go.</p>
<p>I like corranged’s suggestion.</p>
<p>I hope the mother also got VERY good insurance coverage for that cabin. I will not let my child attend any event with “unknown” and “growing” number of teenagers without adult supervision. My neighbors left their teenage son in charge of their house while they vacationed in Hawaii, and the small gathering he organized quickly grew out of proportions when friends of a friend of a friend started showing up with dubious “housewarming gifts”.</p>
<p>Dunno, personally I’ve done more than a few drunken weekend-long party trips to friends’ cabins. It’s great fun, and we’ve never had anything bad happen - or come close to happening.</p>
<p>I can see why it’s probably best not to let your daughter go, especially as a parent - that’s the right course. I just want to point out that not every drunken teenage party goes bad places.</p>
<p>^I understand that…but I just think that knowing the judgment skills of my peers, it is all too easy for things to go very wrong very quickly. </p>
<p>Not to mention that should they drink illegally and get caught, again, the kid’s mom would be held to blame.</p>
<p>My friends and I took a weekend roadtrip senior year of high school, and it turned out fine. I understand where you’re coming from, but the problem is that your son will help to spend an entire 9 months on his in starting this August. You have to get started some time.</p>
<p>ABSOLUTELY NOT. For one thing–among many many other reasons–the mom who rented the cabin will probably be in violation of the rental agreement if there’s no adult staying there. It’s hard for me to understand how any responsible adult would think for one second that this plan is ok.</p>
<p>Yes they will be in college next fall–BUT THEY AREN’T THERE YET. You want to make sure that they all have a chance to get there. Hang in there–your CC friends are with you, even if your kid hates you–for a while. Good luck.</p>
<p>NO WAY. I would not allow my kid on an unescorted ski weekend. Recipe for disaster. As for
I just don’t get it. Are we going to sponsor things we disapprove of just because our kids are going to do it anyway?</p>
<p>Don’t worry Riley. You have the right idea. I tell my kids that parents who say NO to their kids have put in more care and effort into the thinking process than the ones who say YES to everything.</p>
<p>We were faced with this when my oldest was senior. Apparently, one his high school friend’s family owns a condo in Vermont. A few friends wanted to drive to Vermont to stay in the condo for a 3-4 day ski weekend. I said, no. They were only licensed to drive for a year (or less). Nobody had driving experience in ice and snow. They were all good kids, but they were 17 or 18 year olds. My son wasn’t happy about our decision, but he accepted it. I have no regrets. Had they gotten into a car accident, I would have had perhaps lifelong regrets. I shutter to think about that. I was not so worried about alcohol. I was not worried about music being too loud and a neighbor calling the police. I was very worried about inexperienced drivers trying to navigate in the snow and ice in Vermont. </p>
<p>I was also worried about my son trying something stupid on the ski slopes to show off. My son was more of a beginner at skiing and at least 2 of the other boys were advanced skiers and they also were advanced at snowboarding. My son had never even tried snowboarding. I was worried that he would injure himself just trying to keep with them.</p>
<p>My children would have never even bothered to ask - both of them know what the answer would be.
Variations on this theme are fairly common around here, and often end badly - they know the details of enough of these to not even want to participate. One weekend condo party a few years ago resulted in the Mom involved going to jail - she was the wife of a well known and well respected physician - just not too smart.</p>
<p>
Yes - in August. In a more controlled environment with lots of adults around. You don’t have to “get started” now.</p>
<p>I agree with you wholeheartedly that this is a stupid idea. And as for the mother who says “she’s not responsible” - she’s wrong. There’s a reason that the owner of the cabin won’t rent it to the 17 or 18 year olds. Not only can she be held liable for damage to the cabin, but if the kids injure someone else, on the ski slope or on the road, she can be held liable for that, too - there’s something in many states called “social host liability.” And she’s the “social host”, even if she’s not there, because it’s her property under the lease.</p>
<p>See if you can convince your son to do a different, smarter trip with a few close friends. My d and 6 girlfriends took a long weekend to a local city. They travelled by bus, stayed in a hotel within walking distance or public transportation from everywhere, and just had a great time.</p>
<p>^Yes, Chedva! My d’s group of four girlfriends has proposed a long summer weekend in a city with good public transportation. We said yes. It will feel exciting and grown-up, without the risks of drinking, driving, etc.</p>
<p>I think chedva and rr are on the right track. The situation I would be trying to prevent from happening - an as yet undetermined throng of inexperienced teens wholly without supervision in a physically dangerous place doing a physically dangerous activity- is what is contemplated from the start. Ridiculous. </p>
<p>Now, I have to admit that if D at this same stage in her life had asked that she and 3 of her more stable friends be allowed to go skiing sans parents I would have considered it. Travel safety would have probably been my greatest concern. Now alter that with large group, then add co-ed , my antennae are straight up. Not for the sex, but for the “show-off” behavior, “I’m wilder than you behavior”, “MTV Jackass” behavior, alchohol, bad judgment and it all ends up back at uh-uh. Nope. Not gonna happen. Come up with a better plan, junior. That one sucks.</p>
<p>I’m with curm on this one…what fascinates me in a kind of sick way is that the kids come to parents with these plans. In my day we at least made up a better story. It really says something about the permissiveness in today’s parenting world that teenagers don’t even have to lie about it anymore …:)</p>
<p>When S was a senior (still 17), a parent of one of his classmates rented a condo near the shore (three or four hours away) so the kids (mixed company) could spend the weekend at the beach. When S asked us, we asked if there would be any adult supervision. S said ‘No’, we said ‘NO’, too. We have no problem with the word ‘No’. It was not that we do not trust our S. He has always been a good citizen. However, you never now who else shows up at these ‘events’ that do not have supervision. Sometimes the good ones are the ones that end up learning a lesson the hard way.</p>
<p>And…as far as the rebuttal used by S and all seniors, “Well I’ll be in college in a few months”, I say “That’s fine, but you aren’t there yet.” </p>
<p>I cannot believe some parents would open themselves up to such liability. I also cannot believe that if someone else’s parents are footing the bill for a rental, that they do not have any personal liability for their own children. I guess some parents just have not learned the fine art of saying ‘No’ when it feels like the right thing to say.</p>