This.
My D is a senior now. She gained about that same amount of weight during her first two years. She then took up weight lifting as a way to feel more positive about her body. When she was home her dad would make comments about what she was eating, which of course she resented. I tried to avoid commenting, because she was on the alert for judgmental remarks. Eventually she joined the ultimate frisbee team and started running and now she’s lost most of the weight. It happened when she got motivated on her own. My feeling is that you should not bring it up unless she does, and even then just be supportive.
She just turned 19 so yes, I have been at most of her doctor appointments. I have not been to the appointments she has had at the Health Center at her college. She has never mentioned that she wanted to go alone.
My kids ped had me wait outside for most of the appt from about 13 or so. I have been invited for the parental part (sign here, pay there LOL) in the earlier teens but not so much latter, and if the kids wanted me in for a sick visit vs a well check. It is very surprising a dr will have you in the room for a well check. This is when she does the sex and drugs and rock and roll stuff. And asks about mental health, etc. Is your ped male?
Ah, @Knowsstuff - you are male. That explains why you aren’t really tuned into how fraught this topic is, and you think your own conversations with your mom are comparable. I assure you that they are not. Not saying that a conversation with a male offspring couldn’t go awry, but women have so much more to contend with regarding others judging their looks. Like - 100 times more. So they are generally far more sensitive to it than men are.
@intparent… You missed the part of having 3 older sisters also. Trust me, I lived it. I will never truly understand being male but I do get it living in my situation. I am more sensitive to women’s feeling etc then I think most our due to my own experiences seeing their pain.
we’ve gone through this too with our daughter. she’s put on 25+ pounds since HS. It’s been very hard not to mention anything; she has small bones, most of the weight went to her tummy and it was so so hard not to say anything as she almost looked pregnant at times. This fall, she had a split with the bad BF 
and the stress caused her to lose 10 pounds. I took her out to get some new clothes for fall, and kept commenting how nice they looked on her. SO - that’s been my only comments so far; hoping that the praise of looking good is encouragement.
I stopped going into the exam room with my children when they were in their mid-teens. I would have a conversation with the doctor after the visit, but it is important for teens and young adults to know that they can have frank, honest discussions with their doctors and have their medical privacy respected. Very few teens are going to discuss their sexual health or their alcohol and drug use with a doctor if mom is in the room. It is also important for teens and young adults to take ownership of their own health and medical relationships, and that doesn’t happen when parents are present.
I feel that by the time they have graduated from high school, most teens are better served by a GP or internist rather than a pediatrician. It’s hard to discuss adult health issues in an exam room decorated with teddy bears. A pediatrician is not an expert in adult weight issues (or adult health issues in general). While most pediatricians will continue to see their college aged patients, this is a good time to transition to a “grown up” doctor.
A 19 year old is very aware of having gained weight, and certainly doesn’t need it pointed out by parents. Unless she lives in a cave, she is also aware of the relationship between eating habits, exercise and weight gain. The best thing to do is model healthy behavior without saying a word. Don’t comment on what she looks like or what she eats.
I have been following this thread since it started. I think that one thing to remember is that we all filter through the lens of our own experiences. We all have different relationships with our children. It’s heartbreaking to see that parents have caused serious pain with comments regarding weight. However, I would think that those types of comments were indicative of a deeper issue in the parent child relationship. I think there is a huge difference between comments like “Wow, you gained a ton of weight.” and questions like “Is there anything you have been struggling with at college”. If the student is willing to open up about problems or struggles it could lead to the root cause of the weight gain or a willingness to go to the doctor to explore if there is a medical issue behind the weight gain. My DD frequently discusses with me ways to have a healthier lifestyle. It was one of the things that we focused on when her brother went to college (he has GI/health issues and needs a high calorie diet which made healthy eating more difficult for our family). We have been so excited to eat a more varied diet with less meat and carbs. So, discussing healthy lifestyles is a norm for us and is not emotionally scarring for her. We also discuss things like air-brushing and the unrealistic body images promoted in the media.
As for going to the Doctor with your student, I have also always been present with my kids for all of their doctor appointments. They ask me to go with them. When my son turned 18 he was shocked to learn that he had to sign papers to allow me to have access to his health information. I always ask if they want to go in alone and I have told them that they can use their card to go to the Doctor without me at anytime. I even pointed out where the County Health Clinic is where you can get free birth control and condoms. I will tell you that our Family Doctor was no holds bar with my son in his pre-college appointment even though I was with him. He discussed the risks of STD’s, binge drinking & drug use, depression symptoms that college students experience, maintaining a healthy lifestyle and even an admonishment to get his flu shot at college.
I think that we all must remember that we parent not in a vacuum of one issue, but over a range of time and issues. OP your concern regarding broaching the weight issue indicates to me that you are aware of how sensitive the topic can be and I am sure you will come to the right resolution on how to handle this issue with your DD based on your relationship with her.
@sahmck Great post. I have 2 daughters- one, I could talk to about anything- no subject is untouchable, the other, I have to walk on eggshells around. Even in the same family, you can have differences. They are completely different people.
The open D has her well visit soon. I am not required to go and I don’t want to. She is getting blood work and hates needles, so she will probably want me there. I’m more willing to go, because she will talk about things in front of me. The more private D- no way will I go in a room after she turns 18- as open as I am, she is not. She needs to feel that she is able to talk to her doctor.
I gained weight in the first two years of college. I think some of it has to do with more down time and no home cooked meals plus you stop growing! My mom was a real restrictive eater- no soda, no cookies… it took me a while to adjust my ability to control what I had in my pantry and how I ate it. My mom makes a comment almost every time she is at my house, that she doesn’t understand how I keep all these snacks and cookies in my pantry and not eat them. Not keeping it in the house, works for her, the second I say no ice cream, I want it- we are different people.
OP, only you know your D- it does seem that you think she might not be comfortable with the topic, but maybe she will approach you. Good luck!
Interesting to read about parents still going to MD appointments with children. I had to physically be present in the office to sign consents when my daughter was under 18 but at some point in the exam, starting around 9th grade, the pediatrician asked me to step out of the room. DD said they discussed drug/alcohol/smoking, sex, and mental health issues. I can’t imagine going to the doctor with my dd now.
I agree with the above poster who said we all come to this issue with our own baggage from personal experience. This is super emotional topic for me and I am still in the camp that unless there is some underlying issue, say nothing.
What is her height, weight, and waist circumference, before college and now?
Examples:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199702/body-image-in-america-survey-results indicates that 89% of women want to lose weight (even though fewer than that percentage are overfat or obese).
http://www.med.unc.edu/www/newsarchive/2008/april/survey-finds-disordered-eating-behaviors-among-three-out-of-four-american-women indicates that “67 percent of women (excluding those with actual eating disorders) are trying to lose weight” and “53 percent of dieters are already at a healthy weight and are still trying to lose weight”.
Rate of bulimia must be high too.
Current 20 y/o female college student here. I went from super skinny to BMI of about 23 in HS when I swapped distance running for soccer and didn’t adjust my eating. I wasn’t technically overweight according to my BMI, but I was not in shape. I always wanted to lose 5 or 10 pounds but never saw myself as fat, so I didn’t do anything about it.
Freshman semester of college, I put on only 5-10 pounds, but it was enough for me to finally change things. I have lost 20lbs since then and feel better and am running better than ever. My family didn’t ever comment on my weight directly, but always strove to help me get in better shape for track, which would’ve resulted in some weight loss.
Honestly, it took me getting fed up and disgusted with myself to make the changes I have. Food is addictive, and it takes some big lifestyle changes to make a difference. Also being on my track team helped a lot - I was tired and embarassed of being the “slow chubby one” on the team, and weight loss was a crucial part to getting in shape. I just made health and running fast my goal, losing weight came with that.
Weight loss is hard, especially when you’re living in a dorm and stuck eating at the dining hall - you have no control over the ingredients that go into your food, and there is immense social pressure to join in on junk food consumption. I didn’t really get a handle on my nutrition and health until I got off the meal plan and cooked for myself.
I suppose my advice is not to address it directly. I sometimes wish my parents had said something, but in the end, I think it’s best they didn’t. I lost a lot of weight in middle school since I was trying to run fast (but went too far with it) and that definitely scared my parents. A comment that might help isn’t worth the risk of helping push her over the edge into dangerous habits. I would definitely encourage healthy eating at home - cook healthy dinners, don’t keep too many sweets or snacks in the house. Get out for a walk or go to the gym as a family. Perhaps your pushing will cause her to realize that losing the weight is doable!
89% of women want to lose weight. 
We are at a point where most women of a certain age ARE overweight, it isn’t that sad face worthy. 51% of doctors are overweight or obese. It cannot continue to be a non conversation, talking about weight isn’t a contagion for anorexia. If being overweight is a clinical symptom lets stop treating it as a personal judgement, heck, over 30 yrs ago great ormond street nursing school could reject you for being overweight for their nurse training program. It is what it is.
The scientific evidence regarding the health effects (and even the definition) of “overweight” is mixed at best.
I couldn’t disagree with this statement more. One word: Gravity. Extra weight puts additional stress on your body/joints, such as shoulders, knees, ankles, back, etc. And then there’s the added risk of disease.
Also, there’s a difference between visceral and subcutaneous fat.
Thus, you can look skinny and still be unhealthy.