We are another family that generally had the kids pay for their spending money. Both started ref’ing soccer at age 12-13 . Older S was very creative in finding ways to make $$$ without having a “real job.”
But, I did give them $50/month when I felt “generous,” which was probably every month. I just didn’t want them to seem to take it for granted, which they never did. Older S had his own credit card, younger S was an authorized user on one of mine. It was much easier to keep up with what I called reimbursable expenses with younger S. He ALWAYS asked if he could use the card before swiping. It honestly was a tad annoying. No, don’t ask to use it for books. Of course do it. But I also reimbursed them for toiletries, gas, car stuff. I have boys, so nothing expensive at all there I guess. And the cars, I always paid for gas, starting in high school because they were doing me a favor by driving themselves. Food off campus - older S lived on-campus (LAC) for 3 years, so he didn’t get much. But basically I would reimburse them for anything purchased at Walmart or a grocery store. Fraternity dues came out of older S’ college fund. Anything left over in their accounts (not a 529 plan) was theirs to keep, so in a way they did pay for it themselves. (Almost all of the $$$ was from my grandfather when he died, so it was never really mine)
So what they spent on their own, I really don’t know because those were their bills to pay.
And I do still have both on my cell phone plan. I hate dealing with those companies and it’s just easier. And yeah, I do pay for them because it’s just easier than trying to collect the $$$. I am lazy. However, I did make older S pay me $50/month from age 12-17ish for his cell phone bill because he REALLY wanted one - when they were still new -and I didn’t want him to have one, so if it wanted one… he was going to pay for the difference in my bill. When younger S finally got his, my bill actually went down, so I stopped making both pay. (younger S paid me for 1 month) Long story short… I do feel a tiny bit guilty about the inequity there, so I don’t mind paying up now, since I can afford it now. When he was 12, we really didn’t have any room in the budget for such things.
$366 a month, paperless, autopay (my $10 per device discount for paperless just changed to $5). It’s insane. I have an 8, H has a 5c, we had to switch to unlimited when they started going away to college (they were supposed to pay for the unlimited extra cost but…).
We gave our kid a bit of spending money, but like others here, she was at a rural LAC in a tiny town, with a great meal plan and great food, and there were a couple of cheap and good coffee shops and a coop grocery/deli. Few places to spend money. Also, COVID, so half a year at home, and most places were closed for another year.
In her junior and senior year she got a job on campus which paid for things like coffee, and in the summers between sophomore and junior and between junior and senior, she had internships that paid pretty well. Even after fully supporting herself through those summers, she had enough money left for paying paying for things like road trips, clothes, presents for friends, etc. Like many of her friends she really like thrift shopping, so the costs for her clothes are pretty low. We helped with medical expenses, which included new contact lenses and such. We also helped with travel home.
I have one already in college and another to go this fall. The one in college… she had a full meal plan and her housing was in a dorm–so no utilities. Her school is in a small mountain town. We gave her a small monthly allowance that was meant to cover toiletries, small school supplies, etc. She had a summer job before heading to college. I told her to save her money for school. (She didn’t listen, but that is a different story.) We told her to plan on getting a pastime campus job. (Studies show that kids who work 10-20 hrs during the week overall do better with time management.) She initially balked at getting a campus job. She found out that her allowance wasn’t enough for “fun”. So she got a job. She is still learning to live within her means. But now is a better time to learn that than once she graduates. This year she is in an apartment. We give her a weekly amount and she is responsible for groceries and utilities and “fun.” We pay her rent. She still has her campus job
I am a fellow parent of an NYC high school senior. He has always been conscious of money because of being privy to certain financial stressors in our family context,
but he has become much more mindful and engaged in a deliberation process of “is this worth it?” after he got his first sizable chunk of money from working as a camp counselor last summer. So I agree with the people in the thread who say that earning money is a great way for a kid to become budget-conscious.
In terms of your question about a reasonable budget: my kid is going to go to a New England small liberal arts college with the campus situated a couple of miles out of a small city downtown. So I think primarily his social life will be on campus. He is getting a full-tuition scholarship for 4 years, and got some financial aid towards room and board. He will be on an unlimited meal plan. We discussed finances, and I told him that I would pay for his trips to/from NYC whenever he wanted (or that I could come pick him up in a car – it’s about a 2.5 hour drive), and that since he is eligible for work-study on campus, everything he earns from his campus job can be his spending money. Obviously we will see how it goes and reassess as necessary, but that’s the plan so far. He is also planning on working as a lifeguard for the city this summer to save up a bit of spending money as a cushion.
S24 never work during HS. But he worked full time at Target making $5K the summer before college. He saved the money for “fun” in college. We paid everything collage related including dorm and 5 days meal plan. Additionally, we paid $500 a month for his weekend dining outside. He spent his own money to buy a nice road bike and join cycling team. Next year, he will move out to apt with 3 friends, we will pay for his rent and thinking of paying him $1200 for food and other house expense. Not sure if the amount is good or not?
My kids lifeguarded in the summers during high school and D23 went to college with 10k saved and S25 will have more like 15k. We gave them an allowance in high school but in college we provide tuition, room, board, plane tickets home and a gym membership (S25 is climber). We’re generous at Christmas. We also bought them each a car.
The kids pay for their own fun, Ubers, gas, car insurance, toiletries, and clothing. This seems to work out to about $300 a month plus $2k a year for insurance. By only working summers D23 still has her 10k balance and knowing S25 he’ll likely work during school as well.
Lifeguarding is a great and often flexible job. Many colleges also nee lifeguards at their pools. Where my kid went, that was the second highest paying student job. The kids who did it were able to earn their spending money with ease.
This is so interesting and was shocked to read about needing designer clothing at some schools. Both my kids attend/ed LACs one in a state with $7 minimum wage and one now receiving $15 minimum wage. We not only required them to work to pay for their fun money, but they also both paid a nice chunk of their tuition. They both did this by working in the summer (research at school, or working jobs while home for the summer.) My D19 worked during the year doing campus security and waitressing. My S25 works for admissions, TAs, does research, last year was a Junior advisor. All jobs he loves. He is in a very rural location and probably spends $1000 a semester, mostly on food.
I have not read through the thread but get her off your credit card. Our kids started their own cc in high school. They worked in high school and in college, their choice. They made enough to go out whenever they wanted to but as stated above, when it’s their money… Lol. They are frugal.
They learned to download books and buy when really needed. Even though their own cc we had access to their accounts since they were set up in high school as minors, lol. Shhh… But what we noticed was they were damn responsible kid’s. Sure they went for sushi with friend’s occasionally and Starbucks but not as much as you would think. My daughter would shop at thrift stores also. It’s kinda cool to do it anyway. But the coolest thing was we sat them down with our banker in high school so they could establish their own credit. She taught them how. We NEVER cosigned anything for them including apartments while at school. They both met with our financial dude also in high school to understand all that and how to set financial goals. They are both incredibly financially responsible as mid 20 year Olds now.
We put some money in their bank accounts from time to time. But they really had pride that they can buy their own stuff. We paid for most of their college. They are extremely appreciative of that. By the way, their college jobs led to internships. It doesn’t always have to be working fast food. My son worked at a new tech division of his college and made $16.00/hour in 2019. My daughters freshman job was at a small school at the schools mail room. It was very quiet/slow and she got paid to study basically. Lol.
If they really “needed” something we would just take care of it. My sons computer crashed. He tried to have the schools IT people fix it but he needed one being in engineering. That I took care of for him. Things like that I don’t expect them to pay for.
I was telling someone today that with the dining dollars concept at our LAC everything seems free. I will see on the account a daily $5.38 for some random drink, but he still has hundreds left on the mandatory dining dollars account. He is going to have a rude awakening in the real world with not spending so much on Starbucks type drinks everyday!
I wanted to add a related note, I am appalled at the young people today and their delivery food charges and habits. We have done Uber Eats for S24 a few times as a special treat when he was overwhelmed with work. Even with promos the cost of sending Five Guys was outrageous. I do not understand how kids use these services.
My husband says his young office workers use it all the time - several times a week. My guess is they are pre kids!
I do buy the UberEats gift cards at Costco during sales but still!
One note
My son was in engineering also. Worked like 10-15 a week but his jobs were campus jobs and they were always great around tests and time off when needed. Plus he did clubs including starting one. Both my kids told me if they didn’t work they would have too much time on their hands. He took 17/18 credit most semesters it seems. He was a ref for sports freshman year making $11/hour. Think he made like $115/week or less. Plenty of money with a full meal plan. He didn’t touch most of it. Yes their job is school, I get that but school and going away is about responsibility. Financial responsibility is part of that. Our kids know how privileged they are especially when seeing college friends with large student loans and they “have” to work in college. Even if she gets a campus job for 5-10 hours/week. My daughter at her Lac babysat for professors. (she had multiple jobs at different times). Earning her own money will do wonder’s for her be naive about money. It’s funny how things change when it’s “their” money. Lol.
We made her get a starter credit card of her own the summer before start of freshman year this past summer. Basically, $250 in a savings account and the credit card is for that amount because she has no credit history. She uses it once in awhile and pays off the balance the same month.
She provides her own spending money, based on part time job earnings from last summer & in high school.
her college only has on-campus jobs for work study students and she is not eligible for work study. And she doesn’t have a car so doesn’t have an off campus job at school right now.
she does not have grandparents who are willing to chip in anything. The one grandparent who’s still alive is of highly sufficient means, but sent her $200 at high school graduation. So there’s no Bank of Grandparents who chip in to the Spending Money Foundation.
She has to pay for Uber/Lyft between college & the airport. It’s about $75-$100 each way. Sometimes we throw some extra $$ into her checking account to help out with that. We buy the plane tickets for her to come home on breaks.
We advised her to go with the recommended budget amount for ‘personal expenses’ on the college’s Cost Of Attendance page. We’ve left it up to her to decide how to spend that money.
also made her read a Suze Orman personal finance book. She complained loudly about this, but she learned a lot from the book.
music to us parents’ ears: hearing our daughter say, “I can’t believe all of this stuff costs so much! What the heck?”
We purposely don’t give her a monthly allowance because for this particular kid to grow up, she needs to figure it out on her own without Mom & Dad hovering all the time like we did in high school.
As a result, she’s gone from wanting to go to Starbucks several times a week in high school to “I’m eating in the dining hall more because I want to save my money.”
medical expenses like medications, doctor visits get paid for our of our HSA account. I got D24 her own card for this before the fall semester started. Charges go against the same HSA account that we use for my, DH, & D26’s medical expenses.
My son eats like a very hungry horse. We made him responsible for keeping the receipts and totaling them up, but usually he would just take a photo of the receipt and send it to me as soon as he left the store. Then I’d reimburse him with Venmo. He spent $400-500 a month on groceries. If he wanted to eat out, that was on him. I didn’t check his receipts and it’s possible I paid for a few beers over that time.
$1200 a month seems like a lot for food and “expenses.” Maybe discuss with your child what expenses you will cover.
My 22 year old lifeguards at college, and during summers, he also refs soccer which pays very well. Is last swimming lesson was probably when he was 8, but he swam recreationally at his grandparents house and down the shore. He and his best friend signed up for the Y lifeguarding course at 17, they were clearly the underdogs (all other participants showed up with their swim team trunks), but they passed in spite of their ugly performance and board shorts.
No one has addressed this point yet, but I think it’s really important.
D attended a NESCAC that we could afford with no FA and no loans. Because she chose the most expensive college as opposed to the ones that offered her money, we did make her take out a very small student loan (around 10k), which she has long since paid off. For context, we could have easily have afforded to give her a spending money allowance.
In her friend group, several students had generous FA. Some were very well off and had second homes. If kids aren’t jerks, they are pretty mindful of the circumstances of their friends and generally went to affordable places. D would often say that when they went out, she was always the one ordering the cheapest thing on the menu. Especially in her freshman year, when her money was very limited, she would forego the soda and the dessert. She was always shocked when some friends, even the ones on FA, would just order whatever they liked.
In her sophomore year, she got a ride home with a friend for October break. This kid was shocked when he pulled up to our house. Because my D was frugal, he assumed she lived in more modest circumstances. (No, our house wasn’t a mansion, but it was very nice.)
The broke scholarship kids might be spending as much as others when they go out, but they are probably not taking fancy vacations, and maybe the kid spending the least money is simply being frugal.
D’s college had a lot of wonderful free events on campus, and of course there were parties, etc…that are typically cheap entertainment. Her college town did have some off campus attractions such as restaurants and a nearby ski area. It does depend on the college and the surrounding town or city. Generally, kids attending college in a city will spend more money off campus. Taking advantage of on campus activities is a great way to meet other students and have fun without spending a fortune.
Our financial planner is H (that’s his career). They are authorized users on our credit card to help build their credit, of course they also have their own credit card. They only use ours with permission, for things like urgent care, flights/trains to and from college, car repairs, books, haircuts… We’ve co-signed for apartments because if not, they’d be homeless, in spite of always having a part time job. However, we don’t pay their rent (although will front money if they fall behind).
