<p>My daughter was “sexted” this morning. A guy from a class she took last semester sent a photo of his privates. She barely knows this guy, she has never seen him for any reason outside of class, they don’t speak, etc. He must have gotten her number from the campus directory.</p>
<p>Her only recourse is to take him to the judiciary board. They will look at the photo and ask the boy if he sent it. If he admits he did they would also ask about what the relationship between them was. If he says there was none, it was a random act, he will be given some form of punishment (write a paper on the evils of sexting, community service). If he says they had some kind of relationship she would have to prove the negative, the whole thing would turn shades of gray, and nothing is likely to come of it except a no contact order.</p>
<p>I got this from the faculty member who oversees the board. I asked if they had experienced this before and he said no. No surprise! He said the policy is the same for most universities. He said they try to get the word out for girls to report this stuff. I told him there was no reason to–word was already out to the boys they can do it and nothing will happen to them.</p>
<p>Zoey, I’m sure that others have be sext. But most just delete the danged thing and forget about it. Same as with obscene phone calls, weird e-mails, etc. If it keeps happening, there comes a point when most of us would take the time and trouble to go through the official channels to get the offender. </p>
<p>I’d like some consequences to the creeps who keep sending money scam spams to me, and post some of these nasty advertisements, but there seems to be nothing effective I can do.</p>
<p>I am sure deleting it is the best thing. But my first thought was to enlarge the picture, write some crude caption about his genital area and paste it to a hallway in his dorm.
Guess I wll never grow up.</p>
<p>I think this is the modern day version of flashers.
I used to attend an all girl HS. You would not believe the numbers of flashers we had to pass by in order to get to school. It was always best to ignore them.
So delete the darn thing and only worry about it when he becomes obsessive. Then I would take it to the police.</p>
<p>I’m sure the smart thing to do is delete and I will tell her that. I really like the idea printing and posting but I’m trying to act like a grown up.</p>
<p>I think it’s the personal nature of it that makes me so angry. This wasn’t spam or a broadcast sext. It was one creep to one girl, a girl he selected for some reason.</p>
<p>Unfortunately she’d probably get in more trouble for posting the picture in the dorm with a degrading caption than he will for sending it in the first place. Irony at its best!</p>
<p>Could it be that his frat buddies took a photo of him while he was drunk and sent it to every girl on campus?</p>
<p>That was my first thought but not so. The follow up text indicated he knew exactly who it was going to. That doesn’t mean that someone else wasn’t using this kid’s phone but she said it was the same kid. She didn’t say how she knew and I didn’t ask. Eeew. I am assuming it was by build/race or maybe his face was in it as well.</p>
I definitely agree that’s the way to go. Colleges have a way of taking complaints and serving as a kind of lightning rod to protect the perps (and their reputations). A friend of mine was raped at Cornell and they took a complaint, suspended the guy, etc. Years later she realized that she should have had him arrested.</p>
<p>“Her only recourse is to take him to the judiciary board. They will look at the photo and ask the boy if he sent it. If he admits he did they would also ask about what the relationship between them was. If he says there was none, it was a random act, he will be given some form of punishment (write a paper on the evils of sexting, community service). If he says they had some kind of relationship she would have to prove the negative, the whole thing would turn shades of gray, and nothing is likely to come of it except a no contact order.”</p>
<p>It’s still worth it for her to do this. It will teach him a lesson, and result in his having a record on campus. Your D also could start lobbying the campus judicial board to do more than give a slap on the wrist for this kind of offense. Obviously, it is happening to many women. Remember, rape began to be taken seriously when women demanded that it be taken seriously.</p>
<p>If make an obscene reference of a sexual nature among an audience that you think will find it funny, and if it instead creates an environment for someone which they perceive to be hostile, you are guilty of sexual harassment. This is the same thing in a visual, rather than a verbal format. Typically, cases of sexual harassment are not handled by a Student Judicial Board, but by the same campus office that would address other issues of equity and justice. All colleges have sexual harassment policies; search the campus website for references to the subject of “sexual harassment” and see what the instructions are for reporting and pursing them.</p>
<p>Another option is to react with humor–he was obviously trying to upset and shock your daughter, why not pass a little sang-froid back? </p>
<p>A return text asking him if part of the image was lost in transmission, since it was rather diminuative might startle him into ending such sexting. </p>
<p>She could put it up on facebook and “tag” it with his name, but facebook would take it down.</p>
<p>Seriously, as a lawyer who deals with a company’s ethics and compliance function, I would recommend that your daughter follow up on this with any and all authorities. These kids better get the message now that this sort of thing isn’t OK or they are going to be losing jobs later on.</p>
<p>I don’t suggest responding in any way to the perpetrator. It seems that he gets his sexual kicks by exposing himself, and the kind of response that fauve is suggesting probably would encourage him.</p>
<p>I just spoke with campus police. They want D to come and file a complaint. They REALLY want to talk with this guy.</p>
<p>I also just spoke with D. She said, “Mom, I’m not going down to campus security and show them my ***** picture…” I told her that the guy had assured me that there was a female officer on duty if she was uncomfortable showing it to a man. She said she has studying to do and it would take too much time. </p>