<p>Northstarmom–that is still under consideration. My husband and I were actually on the road last night but turned around when we could not get D to answer her phone. We didn’t want to spend the night looking for her. As it turned out, she had turned off the ringer and forgot about it. I was pretty frantic by this morning since she is always good about keeping in touch. We may go see her tonight.</p>
<p>alh- Older D’s friends think campus police should see the photo and take it from there. They all firmly believe this is wrong and the guy should at least get enough feedback to know not to do it again. It’s nice to know she has nice friends.</p>
<p>Now that I know the guy’s phone number I still don’t know what to do with it. I’m tempted to call him at 4 a.m. a few times or write his number in all public bathrooms as Call This Number to Reach Helen Bedd!!! Feel free to tell me that I’m immature.</p>
<p>I am so sorry this is happening but admit I laughed out loud when I read your comment about tying a knot. </p>
<p>Why not let your husband call the guy just once to say- I have the picture you sent, if you ever send anything else to or even speak to my daughter again, you will be dealing with me in person.</p>
<p>“Now that I know the guy’s phone number I still don’t know what to do with it. I’m tempted to call him at 4 a.m. a few times or write his number in all public bathrooms as Call This Number to Reach Helen Bedd!!! Feel free to tell me that I’m immature.”</p>
<p>If it ends up that there’s no way to get the police involved, I suggest that you go to a lawyer and have the lawyer call the young man. I think that will get the point across as well as provide documentation of the incident.</p>
<p>Your D is very fortunate to have such supportive parents and friends whom she can turn to in this situation.</p>
<p>The police are usually very good about giving out “consults.” In other words, why not call them and ask them what you can expect? If you hand them your photo and your daughter is angry with you, she may refuse to cooperate which could tie their hands. What are they going to do with a photo and no statement that it was unwelcome? I would suggest that between getting the photo and going to the police, you tell your daughter what you are going to do.</p>
<p>I can understand worries about consequences of reporting to the police, but I think it’s more important to the daughter to take a stand. Also, others would probably learn from this—if there are actually young men who are that dense—that this kind of thing is absolutely WRONG.</p>
<p>Let’s be clear about this: sending pics of your genitals to strangers is hostile, threatening, and anti-social no matter the gender of the sender or the receiver. I don’t think anyone here is saying otherwise.</p>
<p>I agree that a talk with the police would have an effect on this young man, even if your D doesn’t bring charges against him. I’m sure that the police would love to nip this stuff in the bud.</p>
<p>Another update: D will not take the photo to campus police. She would rather ignore this than go through all the potential fallout. She doesn’t know who his friends are or what he is like and that’s a little scary. </p>
<p>My plan: The university needs a sexting policy separate from the sexual harassment policy. Yes, it falls under that category but is a new and separate thing IMO. I plan to call (and call, and call, up the food chain) today and start speaking with people there about having a policy for this and getting the word out that they can get in trouble for it. I think students who get unwanted/threatening texts/photos should have the option of reporting to the campus police. Simply reporting for the record only, so that this person has a file. If another student reports getting something from the same person, campus security could notify the first student of that and ask if the two of them want to start the process of going after this person. In other words, keep a running file on anyone who does this and keep the students who filed informed when another one shows up. When they are comfortable that critical mass has been reached they can act as a group. The university will probably say that they cannot allow students to gang up on one another but I can’t come up with any other way to make students feel it’s safe enough to report.</p>
<p>"Another update: D will not take the photo to campus police. She would rather ignore this than go through all the potential fallout. She doesn’t know who his friends are or what he is like and that’s a little scary. "</p>
<p>Unfortunately, that’s why she needs to get the police involved. If she does, it’s less likely he or his friends will continue or escalate the harassment. Ignoring it is like telling him that what he did is OK.</p>
<p>Agree with NSM. My daughter did a RAD (Rape Aggression Defense) class a few years back and one of the things the police officer teaching it made them do was to yell “No No No” very loudly while defending themselves. Partly to attract attention and, hopefully, help. But also so that if things did go badly and eventually there was a trial of some sort, the answer to did you say ‘No’, would be a definitive ‘Yes’. Your daughter is not saying ‘No’ to this guy’s actions.</p>
<p>I think someone else suggested talking to the police in a ‘what if’ way to find out the options if she did want to report it. Excellent idea.</p>
<p>I am trying to understand what universe phade & toblin live in, where sending offensive pictures of yourself to someone you don’t even know is just another part of your busy day. </p>
<p>I find your defense of this disturbing. Your logic is simple-minded. Take a little bit of your time to research stalking and harassment. If you have any sense at all, you will change your mind.</p>
<p>To OP, I would take this to the police. Stalking is easier to stop if authorities are brought in at the very first incident.</p>
<p>My point exactly. Classifying young adults or adolescents as sexual offenders for such silly actions is prosecutorial misconduct at it’s zenith. </p>
<p>The U.S. has but 5% of the world population yet we have 25% of the worlds prison population. Are we such a bad people, or, are our overseers somehow at fault? Here’s an article from a very right wing news source that may explain. </p>
<p>I’m very fortunate to have grown up in a less connected, less aggressive, more innocent time. My instinctive response to a sext (or a flasher) would be, “eeehm… I’d give it a 3.” :rolleyes:</p>
<p>In all seriousness, I hope things turned out ok for zoey’s daughter… I concur with others here that toblin and phade must have been posting from some other planet… and I think that, barring a police report, the next best response would have been a personal visit to the creep by the two or three largest, meanest-looking guys in the daughter’s life.</p>
<p>It is only “silly” if it is done between friends. The OP’s daughter was not friends with the male involved. Surely toblin, even in your alternate universe, there is a big difference. </p>
<p>Would you defend a spammer, who emailed naked pictures of him or herself to random people?</p>
<p>My son’s cell phone was stolen recently. A few hours elapsed between it being stolen and his actually noticing that it was gone. We immediately canceled his service upon realizing the theft. The next day we were able to access his phone records for the missing few hours and were disturbed to find that his phone was used to send many texts. Of course, the texts were not of a nature that he would have sent. He has attempted to reach the recipients to let them know that he wasn’t in controll of his phone. It’s been a long process.</p>
<p>In other words, maybe this boy never sent the photo. He may not even suspect that someone else was using his phone.</p>
<p>Letitbe, this would be a very different situation if Zoey’s daughter received this text from a good friend who was joking around, or from a boyfriend. But this photo was of a guy she barely knows. She had never given him her phone number.</p>
<p>“A guy from a class she took last semester sent a photo of his privates. She barely knows this guy, she has never seen him for any reason outside of class, they don’t speak, etc. He must have gotten her number from the campus directory.'”</p>
<p>That’s creepy, whether it’s a guy sending it to a girl or vice versa. It was either a drunken joke in very poor taste, or really, really creepy.</p>
<p>collegekidsmom-What happened in your son’s case is not what happened here. He sent follow up texts to remind her of who he was and when he still got no comment he sent one saying he hoped he didn’t “affend” her. Around then is when we had the number blocked from her phone.</p>