<p>If your daughter doesn’t want to go to the police because it will take too much time she may want to at least give them a call. I received obscene, and what I considered to be threatening, phone calls on my landline phone while in college. The only reply I gave to the guy when he finally spoke to me, first couple were answering machine messages spoken so softly I couldn’t understand, first time I answered the phone was heavy breathing, was “I’m calling the police.” Which was the next thing I did, they sent an officer over who took a statement from me and told me that I did the right thing because you never knew who the calls were from, no caller ID even though this was a couple years ago. I have no idea what ever came of that, but the calls stopped, which is what I really wanted, since I had no idea if I was a random victim or if someone had picked me out for a reason, but getting the police involved stopped him in his tracks regardless.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to understand that there have been minors who have been arrested for HAVING those kind of photos SENT to them. This has been in the news a lot lately. We have made it very clear to our under 18 child that if he gets a photo, he is to delete it immediately. If he goes to the police or any authority figure with it, he could get arrested. It has happened enough times in recent months to be a genuine concern. I just wanted to put that out there. This is apparently not a case involving minors. I don’t want to minimize what happened at all, but I think it if was my daughter I would suggest deleting the photo (after maybe making a copy as evidence) and never, ever talking to said person again or, maybe, warning him that I would go to the police if he bothered me again. I think the numbers are one in five teens having sent or received a sext. I’m not sure that given what is going on in that age range with these photos, that there is a serious threat behind this. Is it inappropriate and wrong? Of course. But apparently, it’s all the rage right now and I’m betting that most of the kids caught up in it are not trying to threaten anyone.</p>
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<p>swimcatsmom:</p>
<p>By your statement I infer that you see no problem if:</p>
<p>Maybe you would be fine with some casual aquaintance texting unwanted pictures of their genitals to your father, grandfather, brother, son, friend?</p>
<p>Your hypocrisy betrays your intent.</p>
<p>“But apparently, it’s all the rage right now and I’m betting that most of the kids caught up in it are not trying to threaten anyone.”</p>
<p>I don’t think that most of the teens who are sexting are sending pictures of their genitals to people whom they only slightly know.</p>
<p>The minors who were arrested for having obscene cell phone pictures had pictures of other minors. They were charged with child pornography. I don’t think this is the case here, particularly when the OP’s D would be going to the police to complain about another college student’s sending the picture to her.</p>
<p>An FYI to the males that think a girl would think this is a good thing?
Not many young women really “like” to look at “it”</p>
<p>Bottom line it is sexual harassment, </p>
<p>Its a crime in Germany it appears.</p>
<p>[Man</a> convicted of sending penis photo by phone | U.S. | Reuters](<a href=“http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSL0628371120080206]Man”>http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSL0628371120080206)</p>
<p>Man convicted of sending ***** photo by phone
Wed Feb 6, 2008 10:41am EST Email | Print | Share | Reprints | Single Page [-] Text [+]
BERLIN (Reuters) - A 21-year-old German man has been convicted of sending a photograph of his ***** to an unknown woman via mobile phone, authorities said on Wednesday.</p>
<p>“We all had a bit of a laugh when we saw the thing,” said Christian Kropp, presiding judge at the court in the eastern town of Sondershausen.</p>
<p>The woman reported the sender to police after receiving the photo attachment of the man’s genitals, the court said. Officers found evidence he may have sent similar images to other women.</p>
<p>The man did not explain his motive but expressed remorse for the photo, Kropp said. He was fined 150 euros ($220) for distributing pornographic material.</p>
<p>(Reporting by Dave Graham; Editing by Catherine Evans)</p>
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<p>regardless of whether it is “the rage” this incident made a college age young woman uncomfortable enough to report it to her mother and that in itself would make me think it needs attention. I don’t know why she is uncomfortable (other than the obvious!) but I would assume there is good reason. There was debate on another thread about snooping in our kids’ text messages as a way to help them and keep them safe. This kid is reporting what she sees as a problem!! For that reason, I don’t think there is any doubt it needs a response. JMHO</p>
<p>OK, alh. I think I would try to figure out how various scenarios would play out if it was my kid. In other words, what is the best-case and worst-case scenario if she goes to the police? Maybe it’s that he gets arrested, the DA thinks there is a solid case, and/or he is convicted or the school throws him out and an example is set. But what if the police question him and then do nothing? Or the DA thinks there is no case? Or the school doesn’t take action – all of which are possible scenarios. Is she going to be better off being on the same campus with him then? Maybe. But maybe he’ll tell lies and so forth the way men who assault do. I think if it was my kid I would really try to figure out all the ways it could go and try to pick a course of action with the likeliest best possible outcome for my kid in terms of her safety, her sense of justice and her future experience on the campus. I’m not sure what fits the bill best in this situation.</p>
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<p>That is why I suggested in an earlier post that perhaps bringing some intimidating male family member or friend to sit in on a meeting with the young man might be a good idea. Maybe I am absolutely wrong, but in my experience when a young college woman is being sexually harrassed at any level, at least some young men on campus are aware of it and the situation is already a threatening one for her. That would be my concern.</p>
<p>If it is all a misunderstanding, he still needs to understand this is not appropriate behaviour towards this particular young woman – and his friends need to understand that too. This is my opinion. That doesn’t make it the right answer.</p>
<p>“But what if the police question him and then do nothing? Or the DA thinks there is no case? Or the school doesn’t take action – all of which are possible scenarios. Is she going to be better off being on the same campus with him then?”</p>
<p>I think she’d much worse off if she looks like she passively (or in his sick mind appreciatively) accepted his obscene picture. He could take that as an invitation to send her more pictures or to do even worse to her or other women.</p>
<p>“If it is all a misunderstanding,”</p>
<p>How could sending someone a picture of one’s private parts be due to a misunderstanding?</p>
<p>From looking at various college web sites, college want students to report these kind of incidents. It looks like colleges are likely to take such things very seriously.</p>
<p>^^If it is a “misunderstanding” of the kind that he is no more than just very very stupid! And perhaps not dangerous.</p>
<p>I am agreeing with you it needs attention.</p>
<p>toblin: Are you arguing that our society has reached the point sexism no longer exists, that there is no longer a double standard? That young men are just as likely to be denigrated for promiscuity as young women? That young straight men as just as likely to be subjected to lewd remarks in the street as young women? That young straight men are just as likely to be victims of sexual assualt as young women? Really? Maybe I totally missed your point? It is late and I’m not that sharp.</p>
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<p>Well, if she told him to never contact her again, that she would get a restraining order if he did (and how about a restraining order as an option at this point?), or sent a big guy to tell him he’d better steer clear, that’s not being passive.</p>
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<p>I was under the impression that this thread was about a young woman being sent these pictures by a male, not a man receiving them from a woman or another man, or a woman receiving them from another woman.</p>
<p>To make it as clear as I can to you - I would have a problem with a member of either sex texting unwanted pictures of their genitals to any other person male or female. I also have a problem with any person of either sex harassing, stalking, assaulting or in any other way behaving in a harmful way to any other person, male or female.</p>
<p>What anyone, male or female, chooses to do with another consenting adult, male or female is their business. When anyone, male or female, forces their unwanted attentions on anyone else, male or female, it is unacceptable. </p>
<p>I am trying to understand why you think it is acceptable for anyone to behave in this way to anyone else, whatever their sex.</p>
<p>^^I posted under the assumption toblin’s posts are in response to post 62. But I don’t know.</p>
<p>alh - if your post was referring to my post, my post was in response to a response on another page (not from you) to one of my posts. Not sure that comment makes any sense whatsoever, but I am tired. Hopefully I don’t read this tomorrow and discover I am babbling. Anyway I was not disagreeing at all with what you were saying. (actually hadn’t read it at that point because I was responding from the previous page). Ok - I *am *babbling now. Goodnight.</p>
<p>zoeydoggie: Hope you were able to work this situation out to your satisfaction. Could you please give us an update?</p>
<p>swimcatsmom:I wasn’t disagreeing with you either but trying to point you to where toblin got excited (as far as I could tell) if you didn’t already get it… but I may not have gotten any of it at that point. We may need our very own up-all-night thread.</p>
<p>similar situation but not virtual. my d (was 15 at time) went to a dance sponsored by a community group. several boys took their pants off in front of group of girls. the group did nothing to the boys and it left the girls uncomfortable enough to tell us their moms. when I called the group to inform them of the girls reactions and my concern I was told “well we didn’t want to embarrass the boys so we didn’t say anything” I explained that by “protecting” the boys from embarrassment the girls felt ignored and perceived that this was okay. it reinforced the idea that girls needs feelings were not to be valued or respected. I know this is somewhat off topic but this behavior predated the sexting which now occurs. We need to educate our kids, young men and women what is acceptable and what is harassment. there are never clearcut answers but I would want to acknowledge the inappropriateness of this and clearly state “don’t do it again”</p>
<p>Update: D will not go to campus police. I asked her to forward the photo to my phone. When she asked why I told her I wanted to see if it was long enough to tie a knot. If I can get her to forward it then I will go to the police. The phone she carries is mine, it’s on a family plan. Meanwhile I called Verizon. They claim they are unable to forward anything from one phone to another but I do have the guy’s number from the tracking I can do online.</p>
<p>My older daughter is also trying to get D to go to the campus police. She has run the story by some of her friends (early to mid-twenties grad students) and they all have said that not getting any feedback would say to them that is was OK. Not that they would ever do such a thing, but if nothing happened they would assume that all was well. Not the result I was looking for.</p>
<p>The husband/father is supporting my efforts without making D hate him since she is currently no fan of mine.</p>
<p>Yes, I would just love to call this jerk and thank him very much for the turmoil he has put our family in for the past 24 hours.</p>
<p>Your D’s college is only an hour away. Why not drop by and talk to her in person?</p>
<p>zoeydoggie: thank you for the news. I am so sorry you are having to spend your time this way. It is interesting your older daughter is suggesting contacting the police, since she is so much more familiar to this type of situation (I’m assuming!) than any of us moms. I wasn’t sure what the older daughter’s friends thought. Are they agreeing that it needs to be followed up or that they would leave it alone if there is no further communication from the offender?</p>