<p>You seem to be missing the fact , phade, that what’s an indication of deviance is sending such pictures to people who aren’t one’s lovers. Sure, apparently lots of people in your generation send intimate pictures of themselves to their sexual partners. That is not the brightest thing to do, but it’s very different from sending a picture of your genitals to someone whom you hardly know, which is what happened to the OP’s D. Do you not see how inappropriate and potentially frightening such behavior would be? What if you got such a picture from some man whom you hardly knew? I also imagine that the picture the D got indicated the sender was sexually excited. Would you laugh off or shrug about getting such a picture?</p>
<p>Family wants tougher laws:</p>
<p>Jessica Logan’s nude cell-phone photo - meant for her boyfriend’s eyes only - was sent to hundreds of teenagers last year in at least seven Greater Cincinnati high schools.</p>
<p>The 18-year-old Sycamore High School senior was then bombarded with taunts: slut, porn queen, whore.</p>
<p>On July 3, Jessie hanged herself in her bedroom.</p>
<p>[Family</a> wants tougher laws | Cincinnati Enquirer | Cincinnati.Com](<a href=“Cincinnati News, Sports and Things to Do | Cincinnati Enquirer”>Cincinnati News, Sports and Things to Do | Cincinnati Enquirer)</p>
<p>Tougher laws, however, won’t totally solve the kind of problem that led to that girl’s death. This is why I say that people lack common sense when they send their lovers nude pictures of themselves. Such pictures got passed around even in the days before cell phones and digital photos.</p>
<p>If this pic was indeed sent only to your D, with a follow-up text indicating that it was, I would be concerned. That’s really creepy. As the mother of a D who has had guys pursuing her who didn’t understand the meaning of a polite, “no, i’m not interested, please go away,” I’d be concerned. </p>
<p>I’d advise her to print out the photo and text, or save them, and reply to the guy that she thinks the photo was gross, she has no interest in him and never will, and to leave her alone. And if he contacts her again with any more obscene or intimidating material, take the photo, her response, and his reply to the police.</p>
<p>It may have been a “harmless” prank. Or it may have been the first step in stalking. Either way the kid needs to know it’s not funny. If he apologizes after she tells him she was offended, and leaves her alone, then fine. If not, she needs to march straight to the campus police. It’s less time-consuming to do it now than to deal with it when it’s gotten much worse.</p>
<p>“Tougher laws, however, won’t totally solve the kind of problem that led to that girl’s death.”</p>
<p>I didn’t imply they would. I posted the article as an example of unfortunate consequences.</p>
<p>“I’d advise her to print out the photo and text, or save them, and reply to the guy that she thinks the photo was gross, she has no interest in him and never will, and to leave her alone.”</p>
<p>I’d rather have her have the police have a chat with her instead of the D’s talking to him. Depending on his mental stability, he could take her seeking him out as a come-on even though that would be far from what she would be trying to indicate. I also don’t think that most women would feel comfortable referring to such a picture while communicating with the man who sent it.</p>
<p>Here’s another vote for following this up with the cops. This ‘adult’ (not just a stupid 13-16 y/o who apparently might not know better than to behave this way) who targeted your D is not normal. This is at a minimum harassment and possibly worse, a precursor to more direct action on his part toward your D or another girl. Flashing privates to specific girls they have no relationship with (really, anyone) is not the same as “being free with one’s body” and to equate the two is naive. </p>
<p>Certainly by the time one is in college they should know better than to flash girls whether it be in person or through the cyber method. If the same individual was caught flashing in person on-campus hopefully they’d shortly become an ex-student of that campus at a minimum. I don’t see this as any different.</p>
<p>There’s a big difference between this “sexting” and being the victim of an exhibitionist, which is that exhibitionist’s victims are random—they just happen to be in the vicinity. Your daughter was specifically targeted, which is a lot more threatening, I think.</p>
<p>Phade’s comments made me reflect on the seemingly yawning gap between my generation and his about what is beyond the pale. To me, publicizing a photo of myself passed out would be incredibly humiliating, but lots of kids do that and laugh it off. It’s one thing to be sexual—sexually active, enjoying your body, etc., even for kids in high school or even middle school (this, I can understand), but this overt exhibitionism is really disturbing to me. Maybe it’s that porn is so easily accessible now. It’s eroded tolerance, or lack of, for that kind of imagery. It makes it harder for some kids–the ones who lack good judgement-- to make distinctions. </p>
<p>I think it’s really important to try and get your daughter to understand that this kind of thing can’t just be deleted. She needs to learn to stand up for herself even, or especially, when she’s uncomfortable. It’s my own experience that resisting coercive behavior doesn’t necessarily come naturally (I really didn’t learn how til I was much older). As a matter of fact, kids will often hide behind shrugging it off BECAUSE they don’t want to rock the boat.</p>
<p>Agree - not normal behavior at all. I also think he should be reported.</p>
<p>When I was in college, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, a flasher flashed me one day when I was on the way to class. I was shocked and upset, but I didn’t report him. I reasoned, But he didn’t hurt me. I was wrong; actually, he did hurt me. My shocked reaction was part of his sick sex game. He had no business involving me against my will.</p>
<p>The OP’s daughter should report the sexter. She doesn’t have to be involved in his sex games, which she undoubtedly found creepy, frightening and somewhat threatening. If someone is so contemptuous of social norms and boundaries as to send a stranger a picture of his ****, what else is he going to do? The OP should support her daughter in going to the police and filing a complaint. It’s a kindness to his possible future victims.</p>
<p>This is completely different than young lovers exchanging pictures, a practice that is IMO unwise, but at least consensual.</p>
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<p>Actually, the only thing I would text the guy is, “I’m taking this picture to the police.”</p>
<p>I would not advise my daughter to contact this guy at all, in any way. We don’t know how his mind works, and how he could interpret her message. She needs to take the matter to the police and/or school authorities, and let them do whatever contacting needs to be done. </p>
<p>And phade, if you seriously think this behavior is acceptable, and would consider doing it yourself or condone someone who is doing it, I strongly suggest you think twice, because the police might come knocking at your door.</p>
<p>Let me get this straight, when a boy does this he his a perpetrator, but when a girl does the same thing she is a victim. </p>
<p>I’ve always observed that the truly worst people in society promote themselves to be the among the best by pointing accusatory fingers at others. </p>
<p>Engaging in self-promotion by denigrating others is an old gambit.</p>
<p>A man she doesn’t know beyond saying hello has sent an unwanted photo of his genitals? Police. Now. Part of what’s so insidious about this kind of crime – and I do think it’s a crime or why would the police even have an interest in pursuing it? – is that the victim is so embarrassed and upset that she tends to be too uncomfortable to report it. It’s creepy and weird and completely different from boyfriends and girlfriends sexting to one another. Report it both to the police and to the university. In any case, do not delete, since when he escalates to the point that it’s even more disturbing and clear that an outside force is needed to stop him, you will have destroyed part of the evidence.</p>
<p>And oh yeah, Toblin, I’m one of those really really bad people in society who points accusatory fingers at boys who send unwanted photos of their privates to girls who don’t want to see them. Yup, one of those awful, self-promoting people who embraces the old gambit of denigrating and reporting guys who engage in sexual harassment and cyber-flashing. Good grief, are you serious?</p>
<p>When a girl texts pictures of her genitals to someone she doesn’t know, she’s a stalker, not a victim.</p>
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<p>Sounds like the shoe does fit</p>
<p>Find out who his parents are and forward the photo to his mother, along with the message: “I believe these belong to you(r son).”</p>
<p>Toblin, I’m one of those really bad people too. Can you imagine, I deplore sexual harassment? Oh the shame.</p>
<p>ZOMG, I heartily second NJres’ suggestion! That would be brutally epic.</p>
<p>I am yet another one that is against sexual harassment Toblin. Maybe you would be fine with some casual aquaintance texting unwanted pictures of their genitals to your mother, grandmother, sister, daughter, friend? I am certainly not ok with it. It would be very scary and upsetting for most people.</p>