<p>I’m not of the “capricious” category, but neither am I of this rigid category:</p>
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<p>Note that I specifically eschewed the word “better” in a much earlier post, many pages back. In such indistinguishable groups of competitors, it’s not about “better” in any measurable way, from the family’s, high school’s, or discussion board’s knowledge base. It’s merely about permutations and combinations that happen to be preferred this year by X Elite U. The “formula” results from the pool of applications (after institutional “absolutes” are admitted); the mix/match formula does not exist before then, by definition.</p>
<p>I think piecing together the puzzle pieces from all 50 states has some rationality behind it, but quite frankly in my observation it can be somewhat more right-brained (not “rational”) than left-brained, especially in cases of actual or vitual ties to the same school, from the same school.</p>
<p>A friend’s son graduated a few years ago from our HS. At the commencement, of course they read every name, honor, award, etc. His comment: “I really felt sorry for that one poor kid who was average.”</p>
<p>Nope. For Latinate words valedictoria would be the plural of “valedictorium” not valedictorian. And both valedictoria and valedictorium would be false Latin.</p>
<p>Valedictorian is anglicized, so English rather than Latin plurals would apply. Thus, “valedictorians” is correct. </p>
<p>The proper Latin roots could be vale + dicta = “said good-bye” or vale + diction = “word(s) of good-bye.”</p>
<p>Oh, the poor dear. Didn’t get into 4 Ivies, only got into Northwestern and some other unspecified top 20 university. You’ll pardon me while I throw up at the thought that I’m supposed to feel sorry for this kid. Imagine, the consolation of only #12 and some other top 20 university. Not an IVY. How will he ever accomplish anything other than flip burgers. Well, maybe with a non-Ivy top 20 degree, he’ll graduate to the milkshake machine.</p>
<p>I’m disgusted. Truly disgusted. And having just come off a glorious 2 days sending my S off to Northwestern - I hope this young man DIDN’T go there, and that the other top 20 school he got into got him. Because no one wants a whiny loser on their campus. Stay far, far away.</p>
<p>Guys, Gals! Not everyone likes every single college. It does not always have to do with prestige!!!
That is a big point. The applicant should have ONLY SCHOOLS HE/SHE WOULD BE HAPPY TO ATTEND on the list. The list may have to be bigger if one is on the hunt for FA, but hopefully every single school is palatable attendance-wise!</p>
<p>This is a terrible issue: we want our kids to set goals and work hard to achieve them. We also do not want them to be disappointed if they get rejected. It is a mixed message.</p>
<p>Reality: 70–97% of applicants get rejected from the top elite schools. The Naviance shows what the kids look like statistically, but no more. Plenty of similar dots get dissimilar treatment.</p>
<p>“You are not your grades.” “You are not the name of your school.” “You are not defined by what colleges accept you or reject you.” That is the message we have to give our kids, that their future is not completely tied up in this, or their worth. But they still have to work their hardest and dream big!!!
<strong><em>We have to believe that ourselves, too!</em></strong></p>
<p>Actually, I’ve had a fabulous day, to be honest, but thanks for asking!</p>
<p>As I sat at the parents’ reception at Northwestern last night with a few minutes to myself, I was looking around and feeling all purple-pride-y and reflecting back to the fact that when my children were born, they weighed 2 and 3 pounds apiece. They were whisked away to be put on life support. I didn’t know if they would live or die, and I had to have “the discussions” with neonatalogists about whether we should pull life support or not. It was the darkest time of my life, including a two-month hospital stay and nearly a million dollars in medical bills. And I am BLESSED, absolutely blessed beyond all fortune, that these are now two healthy young adults, each starting their college life at top 20 schools that we are fortunate enough to be able to afford. Just incredibly blessed and fortunate. And I’m not the praying type, but I did say a little prayer thanking whatever powers that be for making this day possible. </p>
<p>And then I read this stuff? About people pouting that their kids didn’t get into HYPSM and had to “settle” for a mere top 20? About holding grudges and thinking that their kids were “owed” and comparing their results like a bunch of nosy nellies to all the other kids in the school / town? Man, some people need to grow up, and get some perspective. Unbelievable. People are strange, that’s for sure.</p>
<p>So why doesn’t every parent do that then, performersmom? Why be so singularly invested in --apparently not just 10 schools – but too often 3 schools? Why give so much power to the institutions of higher education, or to their abstract reputations, let alone their rankings, which could change next year? The “message” you describe is sometimes not being delivered, it would seem. (Not referring to anyone on this thread personally.)</p>
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<p>“Dreaming big” =/= 3 schools or 10 schools. Dreaming big = the ultimate which you --the student-- (not the parent) can do in life, with whatever genes & opportunities you have had to support that, and against whatever obstacles of birth or experience you have been dealt. It’s as if parents “decided” that when their children were born those children would win one of the 3 Olympic medals for their sport. Or decided even later, when said children showed exceptional talent in that sport. That is not an example of “dreaming big.” That’s an example of fantasy. God willing that such fantasies come true. How always privileged (not envious) I feel to know any parent whose child has achieved such greatness (or the equivalent of Olympics in their field – grammy, oscar, Pulitzer, whatever). But that is icing on the cake, serendipity that if we’re looking specifically for “the top,” we, and/or our children, are setting ourselves up for likely disappointment, given the odds of competition.</p>
<p>I dream just as big for my children, but it’s not specific destinations: it’s the dream that they will chart their own destination and own that, and succeed perhaps as much as or more than someone who had better luck and/or better “results” (be they academically or in some other area). And my biggest dream is that they will be happy and sure with whatever they do attain, as long as that is the best they seek for themselves.</p>
<p>The truest and most valuable dreams, i.m.o., are the dreams that come from the individual – not a dream projected onto him or her by parents, society, friends, high schools, etc. When those coincide, fine. But I would hate for my daughters to internalize that I felt disappointed that they didn’t meet some abstract dream of **mine<a href=“for%20them”>/b</a>.</p>
<p>It could be a different story 4 years later. If the disappointed kid wants to go to law school, just like the kid who got accepted at Harvard, he might end up at Yale Law while the Harvard kid at State Law.</p>
<p>The HYPMS undergrads are looking down on about 99.9 % of other undergrads. Northwestern undergrads are looking down on only about 99.78% of other undergrads. How the Northwestern folks can live with themselves is beyond me.</p>
<p>I would like to express my gratitude publicly to MomofWildChild for the brief but kind PM she sent me. It’s that kind of remembrance (I shared some personal stuff with her long ago) that fuels the soul, and people who retain such memories deserve an acknowledgement, i.m.o.
:)</p>
<p>I can see both sides of this, honestly. But the advice many of us give to kids is to create a reasonable list that includes reaches, matches, and safeties. I, at least, tell kids who are looking at highly selective schools to include more reaches.
You cannot expect a kid who follows that advice to be ecstatic if he is rejected from all his reaches, whether his reachiest school is Harvard, Northwestern, the local flagship, or Dinkyville College. If the kid included too many reaches that were really beyond reasonable reach, I have less sympathy, of course–and I have a lot less sympathy if the complaint is that somebody else “stole” his place. But gosh, the schools promote themselves relentlessly to these kids–many of them have been on visits, even overnight visits, and they are bombarded with literature–all saying how wonderful the school is, and how much they want you to apply. I think some of them must really feel like the rug has been pulled out from under them when they don’t get the results they are hoping for.
I do think that it’s better to think of 20, 30, or 40 schools as the “top schools,” though, instead of just a handful. It would be better if nobody thought of themselves of “settling” for Northwestern. But I personally know kids who are, in fact, “settling” for the state flagship. It’s a fine school, but those kids believed–rightly in my opinion–that they would have thrived better at some of their reach schools. I think they have a right to be disappointed–at least until they matriculate and discover all the good things about the flagship.</p>
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