<p>I couldn’t resist the title. Unlike the original poster for the above thread, I looked forward to the empty nest and it has been great.</p>
<p>But our D, who graduated from college in 2012 and immediately left to live in Australia on a one-year work and holiday visa, is returning in three weeks. I’m so apprehensive. She doesn’t have enough money to relocate somewhere else, so she’ll be at home until she makes enough money to figure out where she wants to live and find a “real job.” She returns with no real plan, having effectively put off the “what to do with my life” dilemma by heading to Australia.</p>
<p>I was wondering why I haven’t been in a great mood lately, and I think this is why. I’ll be very happy to see her and be with her (we skyped often so it never really felt like she left) but having her back under our roof will be a big adjustment.</p>
<p>Have any of you had your kids boomerang back? How did you deal with it? How long before they successfully fledged?</p>
<p>Of course we love our ‘kids’ but having other adults in the house does put a crimp in some things. This is TMI, but that won’t stop me…I was annoyed that I had to wear a bathrobe from shower to bedroom while DS was back home. With just DH and DD, I’d just make the short trip as is.</p>
<p>Anyway, I wish you and your D luck.
Our DS was back home from May graduation, landed a job in August and moved out (locally) in February. Best of all worlds, we see him often but not tooo often.
And we enjoy each other more for the small distance.</p>
<p>I hear ya, martharap! I have one graduating in a week who has a local job and will return. Another graduated in 2011 and has been in China for 2 years. He’s expected (?) back in the summer.
My two years of empty nesting will soon be over and I’m a bit apprehensive about the whole thing…</p>
<p>I “boomeranged” for about 9 months. I was employed full time after the first 3 (and actively looking since before I came home), but I didn’t make enough money to move out. After 9 months I didn’t really either, but I came up with an arrangement that worked.</p>
<p>My parents saw very little of me once I found a job so it wasn’t really an issue-- nothing like being home for breaks from college. I had to be up at 5am for work so I wasn’t staying out late, and by the time I got home and went to the gym and back it was just about time for bed. They miss having me home to take care of the house while they’re on vacation. I think they’d miss me less if my sister wasn’t still in the house at 20, they don’t have an empty nest anyway.</p>
<p>I had similar feelings, martharap, when our oldest daughter returned home a few months after graduating in 2005. I too love my empty nest, so I understand your trepidation. Take heart - your d may feel just as apprehensive as you do, and be very motivated to make her stay at home as temporary as possible. Our d was home for about 7 months. (But who was counting? Well, me.) </p>
<p>She had a full-time job and a part-time job here, so she left early, came home late, and usually worked on weekends. It really was not at all as difficult as I’d feared. Eight years later, I hardly even remember what it was like. After those 7 months, she transferred to an office in the area she wanted, 400 miles away. She’s had a few promotions, is now married, and recently bought a house. It happens!</p>
<p>She offered to pay us rent, but we knew she was highly motivated to move out and told her she could save every penny toward that end.</p>
<p>If it is short term like a couple months, just put up with it. She is your daughter :)</p>
<p>If it is long term, it would be good to have a talk with her. Like roommates in college who should discuss living arrangements and sign contracts, you should talk about how to live together more like “roommates”. Who is going to do what chores? Who is going to pay for what? Rules on guest? Etc, etc, etc.</p>
<p>You don’t want her to revert to being a teenager sitting around playing video games/watching tv/doing nothing all Saturday afternoon, asking “Hey Mom! What’s for dinner?”</p>
<p>Our daughter is here and we are enjoying having her. It is our way of helping our kids save a little money for their next move. DD is a great addition to our household…she has a job, does her own (and ours sometimes) laundry, cooks, cleans, and is generally a pleasure to have around. Like your daughter, ours was abroad but for 27 months. We on,y saw her one time in that absence, so we are happy she came here upon her return.</p>
<p>Our son lived with us when he was between jobs and we similarly enjoyed him.</p>
<p>We also LOVED our empty nest…we will get back there! So will you!</p>
<p>We had 2 come home after graduation; got jobs immediately/within a couple of months.
One stayed 2 years, the other 2.5.
They were adult roommates sharing our home but with a vested interest. All we asked were the common courtesies any adult would expect. And they kept an eye on things while we got to travel.
We liked having them around; sometimes they cooked for us.
We did charge a nominal rent once they had jobs.</p>
<p>I have been in your boat. One came home after graduating and was lucky enough to find slightly below full time work in his field but the pay was low. He lived at home for 18 months. At first it drove me crazy. Finally I sat down and wrote up some of my thoughts and feelings. We set aside a time to meet. I first expressed all the positive things about having him back home before launching into the things that were not working for me. The talk went really well.I stressed that I did not want to control him and they were not rules but boundaries that I needed in able for us to live together in peace. After one year he got a full time job with better pay and benefits. We had to push him to move out. He had become very comfortable back in his old room and house with full refrigerator and washer and dryer.
We had just got used to the empty nest when our older child returned from working in Asia. She had no job. She was happy to be home and we loved having her but it definitely got old quick. She had opinions about what I cooked and what time we ate. After 3 1/2 months she got a job out of town. I found that while we love each other and the idea of living together sounds great in reality we get along much better with some distance.
Good luck to both of you</p>
<p>Multiple boomerangs here as each of the 3 S’s graduated, found, lost, found jobs they would come and go. Oldest is back with us while he tries to sell his old house in his previous state and buy one here where his job is now. DIL, 4 large dogs and a cat are with him and that makes everything a little tight. Alhough animals do live in the basement it is not ideal for them either. DIL takes turns cooking, they maintain their area, but all around it is a squeeze on thier living since they are not kids, 32 and 35. We did nto plan it but it will have been a year by the time they get into their own house now. I try to stay out of their decisions and issues by being respectful. They take care of the house when we travel. But I am looking forward to the empy nest again. DD has neve returned. Supports herself in her adopted city.</p>
<p>2 of my 3 have boomeranged for various lengths of time. My D moved home after college, but found a job and moved out after 2 months. She returned a year later and has been in and out while traveling. She’s going back to school this fall, so I think this is her last stop at the family homestead. S2 has been in a tougher situation. Moved home after college and worked jobs and internships until he earned enough to move out…which he did for the next 2 years. He then went back to school, got a master’s and is now back home working a 3 day a week paid internship which may or may not lead to a full-time job. I truly don’t mind having him home, but I know its not the best thing for him. He’s trying to get full time work, but has not, as yet, been successful. I wonder if we should be “encouraging” him to look harder by making living here a little less appealing. If he wasn’t living here, I don’t think I would be so judgmental about how he is conducting his job search. I think I assumed our nest would be empty on a more permanent basis by now.</p>
<p>This guy I knew in school spent a term in India. When he came back, his family had moved … and not told him. That’s an option. You should have heard him whining on the phone.</p>
<p>I understand, too. My daughter graduated college two years ago and went away and taught out of the country for a year and a half. She came back six months ago, but is living with friends. We are paying part of her rent-- she was able to save some money. Believe me, it is worth the money to have her live on her own. If you are at all able to swing contributing to her expenses, I would say do it. It has made the transition for her being back in the same city so much easier than it would have been-- for her especially. And-- she got a job recently, so we will not need to help her out for too much longer. You might want to think about trying to do it that way. Not that we don’t adore our daughter, but it would have been really, really hard to live together again after altogether almost 6 years of living away (4 college and the year and a half out of the country). We have a great relationship now.</p>
<p>We love the empty nest and now we’ve got a boomerang too. S2 has been back with us since his internship ended at the end of July 2012. He immediately got a p/t job here and had a fulltime job by late Sept.</p>
<p>We haven’t made him pay rent because he’s trying to save up to move out. He really needs to find a roommate. He’s hoping that some of his just graduated friends that were on the five year plan will be coming back here to find jobs thus providing S2 with roommate possibilities.</p>
<p>The saving grace for us is that his job involves quite a bit of travel. He is rarely at home for a whole week at the time.He’s a pretty low maintenance roommate.<br>
I think he really wants to get out on his own but due to the nature of his work (traveling for extended periods) he absolutely has to have a roommate and hasn’t found one yet.</p>
<p>My parents converted my room into an office when I went to college. When I moved back after graduating, I stayed in the space that was available: a foam pad on the floor of a semi-finished part of the un-air-conditioned attic, accessible by ladder.</p>
<p>It took me less than 6 weeks to find a job and an apartment. Not my dream job and not my dream apartment, but it was better than living in an extremely hot 8x8 room, 3x3 of which was the trapdoor over the ladder, and that was my parents’ intention.</p>
<p>It will definitely be hard on our D to be back home, not to mention that she’s going to be miserable about leaving Australia. She’ll be transitioning from life in an exciting, vibrant city (Sydney) to a small, Midwest college town and I think finding a job here will be extremely difficult. Hopefully she’ll have better job options in a larger city about 45 minutes south of here. </p>
<p>I think I’m most apprehensive about the changing energy level in the house. Life is very calm now, and if there’s one thing our D isn’t it’s calm. I don’t mean that in a negative way–she’s full of life and energy and loves to go out and dress up and stay out late–which means the dog barks when she comes back home, and wakes me up, etc etc. So life as we know it will change dramatically–for us all–three weeks from tonight!</p>
<p>Same situation here. D just returned from a post-college year teaching abroad and traveling, having the time of her life, and is now home. She actually lined up a decent temporary job, but has no idea what’s she’s doing with the rest of her life. Although we live in a vibrant and exciting city, that means it will be a long time until she is able to afford to live anywhere but home. (I couldn’t afford it now - I’m just glad I bought a while ago.)</p>
<p>So far it is the honeymoon period, but I’m nervous. I think some of adulthood has to be learned by hard knocks and experience, but it’s impossible for me not to try to help when I’m there. I just don’t think it will be as easy for her to truly grow-up while she’s living with me. And yes, my life has changed already. Aside from D, I have to deal with friends and the bf, and sadly, our house is just not set up for entertaining in any separate space. We have one living room that’s adjacent to my bedroom, so I hate when people stay late, and I hate to be a party pooper.</p>
<p>We’ll see though. The last few years have been so many adjustments, with two kids moving in and out. I’m sure we’ll work out this next phase.</p>