<p>OK, I know most of you have been at this place. It’s all brand new to me. </p>
<p>My daughter has been a dream to raise. She is shy in crowds, but very outgoing once you know her. She has always told others that she would rather be with family than do anything else. We both have friends, but she is MY bestfriend. We are VERY close. </p>
<p>I sense that she is nervous. I tell her that yes, she will be homesick but what a great opportunity ahead of her. There is no one from her school that will be attending. She chose her college. She is making most of her decisions. She will be attending UNCG. I think it’s starting to really hit her that she is leaving. I’m positive talking to her about it.</p>
<p>We have been so busy during her sr. year and also filling out scholarship apps. It just hit me like today (like a BRICK WALL) that my nest wil be empty. Selfishly, I just want time to stand still. Yeah, yeah I want to see her grow and succeed - but really, let me be honest. I like seeing her everyday. I like talking to her (and not on the phone). She is my comfort. I need her more than she needs me (I think). As a mom, I do worry about her adjusting to college. </p>
<p>I know she will probably be o.k., and it may be harder on me. Please tell me I’m not alone. Please tell me how you got through. I need a little encouragement.</p>
<p>It will help you to go to the Parent Cafe, read the second thread down, “What do you do with an empty nest.” So many people in the same situation.</p>
<p>Do not despair, it will get better. The grief that you feel will lessen, especially when you talk to her and hear that she is so happy and involved in school. You start to measure time between visits, as they have so many breaks in college. Before you know it, she’s back for another visit, appreciating you even more. You can still text her and call her (but not too much)! And now you can start doing the things for yourself that you’ve been putting off.</p>
<p>Since you have other friends, start doing more with those folks to lessen the shock when your D goes. </p>
<p>As the parent, you can set the good example. As you can imagine, if you act like this will be shocking, it will likely influence your D. Thankfully, you both have other friends. If you treat this as an exciting adventure for both of you, that will be more healthy. </p>
<p>Good luck. This is just the first of a number of separations…first college, then maybe career, then maybe marriage.</p>
<p>I’m sure everyone here has gone thru this to some extent, some more than others. Our fourth and last will leave in Sept. for college, and it will be very different around our house. At least we have had a chance to wind down as the first 3 slowly left- as our activities with kids have diminished, I have picked up activities for myself and find I am really enjoying my time! I think the most important thing is that you make sure you don’t let your daughter see how hard this will be for you. She is going to be dealing with her own feelings about leaving, and may be very homesick at first. You definitely don’t want her to have any guilt feelings about you on top of everything else. I think one thing that has really helped us is that we both got involved in our own interests BEFORE our kids left- that way it didn’t feel like a substitute when they were gone. By the time this child leaves, I will have a number of activities on top of work thru which I have already met new people and which will keep me busy. Try to think of some activity that you have always wanted to do but not had time for, and think about finding a way to take part in it. I have started taking classes, started playing an instrument that I had put down long ago, and started guitar lessons. Also, one of our kids who now teaches has settled very near us so we see her often. Another, who is settled 1000 miles away, still catches flights home fairly often and we can use him as an excuse to take a quick weekend trip to visit. Our 3rd is graduating from a school on the other side of the country, so we didn’t see her as much as the others during college. The nice thing has been to see how much she has matured and how I enjoy our time together even more than before she left. I’m sure having your D move away will be very difficult at first, so keep as busy as possible so you have less time to think about it. Also, we found that when our kids first went away to school, it was better to let them call us than for us to initiate the call. As long as they didn’t call, I knew they were having fun and adapting. With our first, I found that occasionally when I initiated the call, I would catch her in a down moment, and I would only hear the bad things- it was way better to let her work thru it on her own! Good luck!</p>
<p>Note that going away to college now is nothing like it used to be. With cell phones with free long distance, skype, and google hangouts you can see and talk to your kids as much as the two of you work out. </p>
<p>Some kids are the kind where you have to request a proof-of-life text every week or so, others call every day. Your daughter will have to figure out what she needs and what she has time for. </p>
<p>One thing that helps us is for everyone in the family to maintain a google calendar that is shared with other family members. That way, we can see when the others are busy. It also gives you a glimpse of her life.</p>
<p>Skype is good! or facetime! It is not hard to stay in touch these days, that’s for sure. I’m sure you count your blessings that you have a child you want to see rather than one you don’t! It is different but can be a time for growth for you too as well as your D. Go see the empty nest thread and you’ll see you aren’t the only one by far.</p>
<p>You are DEFINITELY not alone. I am extremely close with my girls. Together, we are all best friends. I have been pleasantly surprised, especially with the second one at how electronics have helped. Texting in real time when something cool happens. Almost DAILY pictures on Facebook from one of her friends snapping pictures of things she’s doing and involved in, ocassional conversations on the phone, especially when she has to walk somewhere alone at night. Don’t get me wrong, I still cry…but it’s not NEAR as bad as I thought it would be.</p>
<p>When my oldest went away to college, I was a wreck. Imagining all sorts of misery. I swore I wouldn’t contact her first and would let her take the lead. Again, visions of never hearing from her. Lo and behold, on the first day of classes after orientation, she called me on her walk to class. I cried. She was puzzled. “Mom, did you think you would never hear from me again?” Umm. Yes. My younger daughter is a junior in college now and I would say that she is my soulmate. I worried, although a bit less, about how our relationship would change. It has changed massively, but all for the better. She has had so many interesting experiences and learned so many things. We speak, text or Facetime very often and our conversations have a new depth to them and variety of topics. When she is at home, we do grown-up things together. I miss her when she is away, but our relationship is so rich and special that I mostly just enjoy it.</p>
<p>Which is what you will do. Your daughter isn’t being locked in a box for four years. You will visit her, she will come home, you will speak and share all sorts of things. It’s not the end of your relationship, it really is the opening of a new phase. Embrace it!!!</p>
<p>Like the other parents posted, find things you enjoy doing. My only 2 (twins) left this year for college so I went from 2 to 0. I get together with other moms for dinner, play more tennis, exercise more, etc… Try volunteering somewhere where you might have a special interest. We don’t expect communication everyday now that they have new friends at school but they do send us very long weekly emails with things they’ve done all week. I also sent email with stuff I think they might find funny and interesting. I want to encourage independance while still making sure they’re doing okay.</p>
<p>I went from 2 to 0 as well (twins).
Re your daughter - sometimes you might just have to play “She’s Leaving Home” a few times and have a good cry. Best of wishes. I feel your pain!</p>
<p>Worst thing you can do is make each other feel bad for going on this journey. Your nerves willl amplify hers. so let go be proud and show her you are going to have fun!!!</p>
<p>It is hard, but not nearly as bad as I expected. My son was/is my best friend too, but fortunately I was not his. I panicked the entire year before he left, but I survived. Now I’ve gotten some additional interests which I enjoy very much. But we’ve hit another separation milestone - he will have a far-away summer job this year (sophomore year) and I’m broken-hearted (but happy for him) all over again. When I get sad and lonely for him, I just try to remember how lucky I am that I had all that time with him before and that we still have a good relationship. (hugs)</p>
<p>My youngest (I also have twins) are leaving this fall and while I’m very excited for them to begin a new phase of life, I’m so very sad to see them go… especially since my husband died in June. I’ve never lived alone. I’ll have gone from a household of five to one in two years. :/</p>
<p>When she comes home for her first visit and refers to her dorm as “home” – please forgive her in advance. This isn’t a knock on your household but a radical (but perfectly normal) shift in her world view.</p>
<p>The first time she says it, I guarantee you it’ll be shocking to your ears. Please know that it’s innocent and not meant to hurt…</p>
<p>I was a dope coming home for the first time – needlessly hurt my mom’s feelings like a goofball.</p>
<p>OP, other than my daughter being a junior, I could have written your post. I cried just reading it. </p>
<p>Due to other issues in our family she and I both saw a therapist for a while and the therapist echoed what others have said: start to break away now by finding other activities and focusing on that. Well, at least for me, that makes me feel worse because I feel like what little time I have left with her will be squandered on me doing something else. (As you can tell I’m a very all or nothing kind of person). For me I realize that once she leaves “home” will be someplace else and that’s heartbreaking for me. While I’m excited and happy for her, my heart is breaking. The therapist also pointed out to me that I’m sending her mixed signals. My daughter is very much a homebody and momma’s girl and seeks me out for comfort. While I’m verbalizing that she needs to go away and start her own life, I’m also, subconsciously, making her feel bad about it by telling her how much I’ll miss her and how lonely I’ll be. Which is confusing her more. You (and I) need to be the rock for our children in this situation. My daughter has also dealt with anxiety issues in the past, so it’s key that I be that constant, the one who will push her to be who she needs to be. Someone once told me that the momma bird doesn’t push the baby bird out of the nest because she wants to, but because she has to. (((hugs)))</p>
<p>You are not alone. When people used to ask me how I felt about my D’s leaving for college I would say “I’m happy for them but sad for me!” I remember the day they went off to kindergarten and then, just like that, they went off to college. In both cases, I’d walk by their pictures hanging on the stairs and imagined that things would never be the same - and they weren’t. They were new, and exciting, a mix of ups and downs - a new chapter to be written and told. You will miss her and she will miss. Your relationship will change - but it will be for the better ultimately because she will come out of college a young, independent woman. </p>
<p>T26E4 - so true! And we find ourselves reminding them that it is not a dorm room all summer long! </p>
<p>Funny story The first thing my D did when she walked into the house for the first time after going to college was bust into tears and said “this all seems so BIG!” (She was crammed into a triple that year!)</p>
<p>First of all, enjoy the next 6 months. Treasure every minute without making her feel you’ll be lost without her. </p>
<p>Then do what I did when I hugged my daughter for the last time, on the sidewalk outside her dorm: maintain a smile until turning away, then walk back across campus with tears streaming down your face, like the other mothers. </p>
<p>I miss her so much but I do hear from her, mostly by text, almost every day.</p>
<p>I was the biggest cry baby. My kiddos can all confirm this. All 5 of them.</p>
<p>They went far, far away for undergrad. But… they all came home (local) for grad school.</p>
<p>So now I am just impatiently waiting for grandbabies. And according to the kiddos I will be waiting for a while. Hmpft.</p>
<p>But now, its ALL GOOD.</p>
<p>So, no you are not alone and yep I bawled all the time. For some it gets so much better. For me it was just a question of time. How long it took them to come back home!</p>