<p>I tell my son I am so excited for him and the adventure he is about to embark on. Then I add, Oh, btw, I will probably cry when I leave you at your dorm. That way he will be prepared for my blubbering. Forewarned is forearmed. Of course, I cried at “The Lion King” and most of my kids’ performances, so maybe my tears won’t have that much of an effect.</p>
<p>As I was driving today, my mental clock was ticking and saying 5 more months. I tear up just thinking about it…</p>
<p>The best thing you can do for your daughter is to develop a rich life of your own. She should not have the responsibility of meeting your needs at this time of her life when she is going to be figuring out who she is. NOT saying it’s abnormal to grieve the end of life as you have always known it, because that is a normal part of our development just as it was normal for us to experience stranger danger when we were toddlers, separation anxiety in kindergarten, etc. If you have plenty of things to do and interests to pursue, you will be less likely to make her feel guilty for taking this next step in her life. And you will be able to prop her up when she has her own days of uncertainty.</p>
<p>You WILL miss her for sure, and there will be days when she is homesick and wondering if she has made the right decision. You can validate all those feelings yet still be strong enough to help her through them if you are strong in your own new life as well. For me, having a part time job, various hobbies, and a weekend place has kept me very busy this year so far (second daughter of two left for college this year), so I’ve been able to weather the storm. My daughter still texts me every day and calls occasionally, but she seems to be happy. I would not feel good if she was miserable and wanting to come home every weekend, flattering though that might be. She is off with friends for spring break and I’m happy she is having such a good time, though it’s the first one without her. She has sent us multiple pictures of her trip, so I can at least take solace in the fact that she thinks of us often. :)</p>
<p>You will get through this, just look at it as an opportunity to make some personal growth of your own, which we rarely had time to do when we were parenting 24/7.</p>
<p>You are not alone.</p>
<p>The 6 months before my oldest left for a distant college, I cried often. She and I didn’t have a close relationship and still don’t. It’s not bad but not close. She came to expect that at every goodbye after a break I would cry. For the first time this spring break visit (she is a senior) I didn’t cry as she left.<br>
Now my youngest is getting ready to leave this fall. She is the light of my life and always has been. She’s one of those people who never says an unkind word, does the right thing, etc. I worry deeply about her because she has been relatively sheltered and the world is a big place. (just read another post about rapes on campuses). I guess this time around I know it will be hard, but it gets better as time goes by. I’m sad the past isn’t the present --but that’s my sadness not hers and she is getting to live her life, have her adventures. Hopefully, I, you, and all the other empty nesters will have some too!</p>
<p>I asked my son if I could make some videos of him singing and playing the piano. He looked puzzled and asked why. When I told him that I wanted to be able to pop in a DVD when I am missing him. He said, “sure mom.” I am going to miss all my impromptu concerts, but I will have some recorded! :)</p>
<p>I have the same relationship with my daughter, it was hard to separate, and we missed her a lot. The first year we talked often but only when she wanted to or needed to. She needed to drive this as a way of separating. She was always eager to come home and yet she missed her college life as well.
The second year, she talked with us daily, usually as she walked between classes and we skyped on occasion. Now, this year, she not only calls/texts most days, she also wants to skype often, discussing her day or whatever is on her mind. I think her need to separate from her parents is past.</p>
<p>Life becomes a new normal. It is also exciting to see our kids become such promising adults and you will relish and wonder how they grew into such an amazing person.</p>
<p>Coquimom, my heart goes out to you, you have had a rough year.</p>
<p>My only child graduated 2 years ago and I crashed while watching the last Toy Story movie with him in Feb of that year. I couldn’t even handle Andy going to college, so how was I ever supposed to cope when my son went?<br>
Believe it or not, the time between now and then will help tremendously. By the time August rolls around, you will be much more mentally prepared than you are right now. It was no longer a shock because I had played the scenario over in my head many times. I knew what was coming and had prepared myself for that day.
After he left, one thing that helped me a great deal (and him,too, I think), was getting care packages together. I think the first couple of months, I sent something nearly every week. It felt great going out and buying little treats like microwave mac and cheese and baking his favorite brownies. I sent socks, shirts, food, and anything else that fit in the flat rate priority box.
Lastly, you won’t believe how much quicker the year goes than during high school. We visited parent’s weekend in October, he was home for Thanksgiving, and at Christmas there was an entire month. He didn’t go back till mid January, and Spring Break was in March. Six weeks later the year was over on May 10 and then he was home for over 3 months.
You’ll see. You’ll do fine. There is much to be said about seeing them become a happy, independent human being and knowing you did many things right. Good luck!</p>
<p>I could have written that post also. It is really hard but D and I are very close and we chat often, even if it’s just a “have a good day” text. </p>
<p>I miss her horribly but I know she is where she belongs - use CC and the parent cafe for support, it helps</p>
<p>Remember, it’s not about where she is, it is about where she is not!</p>
<p>Hang in there</p>
<p>If your daughter is happy with her choice, hopefully you will be more excited for her than sad for yourself. I am very close to my son, but when he left for college last fall I was surprised how easy it was to “miss” him without feeling overwhelmed with sadness. I don’t talk to him much while he is gone but that works for us…if he needs me or I need him we connect. Mostly he seems to get in touch when he wants a) money or b) pictures of the dogs. Also, don’t overestimate the reality of the empty nest. Even though my son is 14 hours away I have not gone more than two months without seeing him. I went there for family weekend, he came home at Thanksgiving and then Christmas (for a month!), and will be back starting Saturday for the week of spring break. Then I go pick him up in May for the summer. You might be surprised how quickly you adjust to your daughter being gone, and actually find it more challenging to “re-enter” life with her home!</p>
<p>I too was dreading my daughter leaving for college…she is my oldest (only girl) and was going 10 hours away. However, she is just so darn happy, it is impossible to be sad. She calls me every day, we text, facebook…it is just not the same leaving for college as it used to be. I also found that the first semester, I barely had time to miss her. We dropped her off, then went back a few weeks later for Parents Weekend, then she came home for fall break, then it was Thanksgiving and before we knew it, winter break. We literally see her once a month… She is now a sophomore, and I am loving my spring break week with her now, hate that she leaves in a few days but am happy knowing she has a place she loves as much as home. Independence is the best gift we could ever give her.</p>
<p>Wow-twins run rampant here. My oldest 2 are twins, but fortunately we have 2 younger ones also. I imagine it will be more difficult for you, coquimom, than for most. A close friend died last year, and their twins left in September for college. The youngest will leave this coming Sept. leaving her husband in the same boat. I know he will also have a hard time adjusting but fortunately had backed off of work during his wifes illness so now is very busy getting back on track. I know he has joined a grief support group, which he says has helped immensely. I don’t think any of their friends truly know what he is feeling, and he has found others in this group that he can really relate to. I wish the best for you hope this process is not too hard on you!</p>
<p>It’s nice seeing them have new experiences and new friends. Try to focus on that. The part I didn’t anticipate was losing contact with other parents, people I was friendly with through my kid’s friendships with their kids. People are busy, time goes by, and after a while you just don’t see each other.</p>
<p>something to look forward to as your daughter gears up for leaving, is realizing that as her life expands, so will yours…you will visit her at her college and begin to learn new things yourself, she will meet people from many places who will sometimes come home with her, she will possibly study abroad and you will take a wonderful trip to visit her. and in the time when she is away you will move forward and find new activities and people to fill your life as well…it sounds so cliched, but it is very true. I got to know new colleges, new states, a new country, and terrific new people once my older kids left for college…welcome the change, as there will be much to be joyful about along with the sense of loss, which is also quite natural…it’s just not all of it.</p>
<p>Your DD sounds like mine. I am going to miss her soooooo much. She wouldn’t even apply to a school anywhere near home, so in the Fall she will be leaving to someplace that requires a flight. </p>
<p>Two years ago, I experienced my DS leaving for college. To be honest, I was depressed for at least a month. However since then, our bond has become stronger and we talk several times a week. I love when he comes home to visit. He is turning into such a great guy.</p>
<p>I hope/pray that my bond with DD will also strengthen. She is such a wonderful person and I can’t wait to watch her grow as an adult in college. I will just have to find something to concentrate on in the Fall to reduce the pain I will feel.</p>
<p>The “happy for my daughter” has always been the cure for the “sad for me.” It is her time to be out there finding her way and I know that we will always be close no matter the distance.</p>
<p>Make sure your daughter knows you will be fine, even if you miss her. Start some new things. I know my kids seemed enormously relieved when I started changing my life before they left. New interests, new people. Try to be excited a little, even if you are also in pain. The kids really are affected by our vibes, so pretending doesn’t work: start actually doing things.
p.s. also having a pet helps a lot: for me, a dog</p>
<p>I was so stressed about my oldest leaving for college. When I had to say my goodbye, I cried on the sidewalk outside of her dorm…and in the airport, plane and car ride home. Four years went by quickly and when the time came for her to move back home after living in Ca for a year with no luck in the hunt for a job, I was selfishly happy to have her back …and nearly two years later when she moved again, I was happy for her …but still miss her just the same</p>
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I LOVE THIS. My Precious Baby King, who is a high school freshman, plays clarinet and one of the things I know I will miss most is those concerts. I’m going to make myself a play list when the time comes and tape him playing all of my favorite pieces. You are a genius.</p>
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<p>^ Yes, this. I couldn’t understand why HS graduation was considered a happy occasion. What was my reward? DD was leaving.</p>
<p>But, yes, I was thrilled for DD, as I will be for DS in August, when my baby leaves too.</p>
<p>When my kids were 7 and 4, I told them that I loved this age; please stay like this. Said the same thing at 8 and 5. But they grow up and things change. It’s part of life and being upset about it doesn’t get anyone anywhere. We can’t help but be partly sad about it, as the parents, and it is challenging to work through it. Love all the input on this thread; there’s a lot of good advice.</p>
<p>My DD is a college junior now and I can assure the OP that we are still as close as ever. Even if she stayed home, everything would have changed because she is definitely not the same person at 20 as she was at 17. Change is inevitable. But if you are close with your daughter now, you will remain close, just in a different way.</p>
<p>As I heard recently, you have to be brave enough to give your kids both roots and wings. It’s not easy.</p>
<p>mtmom0209 - How far away do you live from Greensboro? I’m assuming she’s going to UNorth Carolina Greensboro. I’ll have some advise for you after I know this ~</p>
<p>It’s hard, but look what a great job you’ve done that your child is planning on starting this new journey next year! I feel your anxiety, and will miss my own daughter greatly. However, I am excited for the things that she has to look forward to. While coping with change is tough, it is always inevitable, and we will try to make the best of things by doing some of the things that people on this thread have recommended!</p>