<p>^^^Point #2 is certainly food for thought. I think I’ve changed my mind about which is the bigger potential danger–the psychopath or the bad driver!</p>
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<p>Just the opposite at my college. Back in the day, my college had huge ride board in the student union where kids would post notes offering or asking for rides home for the the holidays or other occasions. Riders were expected to help pay for gas and perhaps help with the driving if the trip was long and the car owner didn’t mind a stranger driving it.</p>
<p>It was a way for kids without cars to find a cheap way home and for kids with cars to help defray the expense of the trip. I was one of the latter. I usually took riders whom I knew or who were the friend of a friend. A couple of times I took a kid from my home town at no charge because he was so poor he couldn’t afford even that. I was his only chance to get home. One time did I take a complete stranger. It worked out okay – she was on the verge of getting engaged and when we arrived at her house her parents mistook me for the boyfriend and greeted me very warmly. Their faces fell when I told them I was merely her ride.</p>
<p>I don’t know whether I’d be in favor of D doing such a thing today - in these helicopterish times. But it certainly was routine back when I was in college.</p>
<p>I don’t have any trouble at all with D taking a ride from someone she knows well at school. I trust that she can make a good decision (after I remind her what to look for in a driver ;)).</p>
<p>Freaky story, paying3tuitions!</p>
<p>Inside-out version of the same issue:</p>
<p>As I mentioned on another thread, my husband is annoyed that our daughter (on the same campus as oldfort’s daughter) refuses to accept rides home from strangers and insists on taking a bus, at considerably higher cost. I disagree with his opinion.</p>
<p>With students driving, there is often an issue of fatigue. Kids tend to stay up late, sleep little, and then try to drive. They may be able to get away with this on a fifteen-minute trip to the mall, but I worry about them being too sleepy to handle multi-hour drives on boring interstates.</p>
<p>Taking busses does not necessarily mean spending time in creepy bus stations. There are often charter busses from college campuses to practically everywhere for the main college breaks. The one my daughter takes (over her father’s objections) runs directly from her campus to the parking lot of a major shopping mall in our county, and all the passengers on the bus are students at the college. </p>
<p>When I was in college, I never accepted a ride home at break time from a stranger, although eventually, when I had a boyfriend on campus who lived only five miles from me at home, I did accept rides from him. The one semester when I had a car at school, a girl in my dorm, whom I did not know very well but who seemed to be a perfectly nice person, asked me for a ride and offered to share the costs. I said yes and regretted it later, when I discovered that I was transporting not only her, but her noisy and smelly pet chicken.</p>
<p>It is worth remembering that discussions about transportation right now probably involve Thanksgiving. If a student makes plans to ride with someone now and then feels uncomfortable about it later, there may be no alternatives available since most mass transit will have been sold out weeks earlier. My incident with the girl and the chicken involved a Thanksgiving break. I felt obligated to take her even though I did not want that creature in my car because it was too late to find another way home. A kid who finds out that their potential driver has pulled two all-nighters in a row and is in no condition to drive might face a similar problem.</p>
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Yikes!!! “just his way” “some creep” Those are understatements. I Really hope you reported this to the police so another girl wasn’t victimized by this guy.</p>
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At least it wasn’t a serial killer with a hunting knife. </p>
<p>These stories make me kind of glad I was a commuter.</p>
<p>Look, how about a call to the guy. You may find out things you like or don’t like. VIbes/instinct goes along way. In our small/medium town, a parent frequently calls up another high school parent to “check things out” so ask your D if its OK (or if she would be mortified) if you called and chatted with his folks. Yeah, she’s in college and an adult, but I bet his folks would not have a problem. </p>
<p>And traveling through PA and NY during a holiday means lots of traffic, and I am guessing not much in the way of “remote” areas. In Florida, I have to tell you, a greyhound bus would not be the way to go. There are “college” buses, but otherwise, I would have my D ride with another student before she got on a regular bus alone.</p>
<p>One more comment:</p>
<p>We’re talking about Thanksgiving week driving. Also known as late November driving. </p>
<p>We need to remind our kids, especially the ones going to school in the north country – mine is in upstate New York and drives home through the mountains – that road conditions that time of year can be <em>treacherous</em>. That what seems to be a little rain shower can be freezing rain, ice storm, and black ice over the next hill. </p>
<p>It’s not dumb to have a ‘survival kit’ in the car – bottled water, chocolate bars, blankets, flashlight, and cell phone. And … it’s OK to stop at the rest area or anyplace safe off the road and wait for road conditions to improve. If there’s a motel – great. If not, just hang out and wait. That’s what the food and water and blanket is for! (Just call me and say you’ll be late! We’ll understand!)</p>
<p>I took a ride (not to my hometown but to another college town where my BF was in school) with two guys from my big state u. that I had never even seen until I got in the car. They were suitemates of a high school friend who set the arrangement up for me. </p>
<p>Being a starry-eyed freshman in love, I never even condsidered posiible danger. I assumed my h.s. friend wouldn’t set me up with bad guys. I can’t remember if I told my Mom how I was getting there, prob. not. The ride turned out fine except the car was an ancient VW and I was in the backseat practically on top of the engine. I was almost deaf by time we arrived (1.5 hr. trip). The two guys were very nice and I was never uncomfotable. Wearing the 'Mom shoes" now makes it all look different. </p>
<p>I also took the Greyhound to see the BF after he grad. and moved further away. Maybe it’s just around here but there were lots of odd characters on the bus. I remember feeling nervous and uncormfortable the whole way. I was def. more comfortable riding with another college student. Maybe it was because I was not a seasoned bus traveler though.</p>
<p>I would definitely try to make contact with some other kids who know the driver. Facebook is a great idea.</p>
<p>I think he could be a very nice boy and still be a crappy driver or have a crappy car. I’d encourage her to use the bus – they sort of need to know how to get home on their own anyway. But, it might be a losing battle. (I lose that sort of battle all the time as my husband worries way less than me…)</p>
<p>Yeah, I was going to suggest calling and chatting with his folks - my guess is the folks will recognize your concern, and be helpful without letting the students know that you asked.
If he went to school in your town you ought to be able to find him.</p>
<p>3tuitions–I’m shuddering reading your story re: the hunting knife…!!</p>
<p>I’m worried about my son going away to college but <em>terrified</em> re:my daughter (okay, we have 12 years to go, but still…!)</p>
<p>It would be a more expensive option, but I’ll bet Cornell has some kind of shuttle or transportation to Syracuse where the train station is. If your kid has Student Advantage or you have AAA, you can get considerable discounts on Amtrak.</p>
<p>In my day the ride board was HUGE for getting home for breaks and also for weekend trips … by the time my kids are college I will trust their judgement in situations like this one. Personally I’m about 1000 times more worried about who my daughter goes on dates with in college than anyone who she might choose to accept a ride from.</p>
<p>Well, that too. </p>
<p>I’m worried about everything when it comes to girls…! [mental note to self to make sure daughter takes self-defense classes during middle school!!!]</p>
<p>From my own personal experience, I wouldn’t do it. Chatting with him or his parents won’t tell you whether he has marijuana in the car, or how good a driver he is. I accepted a ride from a stranger on the ride board–he was a fellow student at my school, but his car was an ancient VW bus that would only go about 40 mph and had no heat (this was December, in New England). He wouldn’t let anybody else drive it, and had to stop for a nap when he got fatigued. I suppose I might have learned some of this if I had investigated more, but not all of it. Also, I once gave a ride to a stranger from the ride board, and although I didn’t feel threatened by him, he was weird, and it wasn’t worth it. Another time I accepted a ride from a friend, and he drove reasonably, but his car was a Jeep that was also freezing, and extremely noisy. The bus may be kind of crummy, but you’ll probably feel safe while riding it.</p>
<p>Our son got a few rides home before he had a car on campus jr yr and I cant say the question of the driver’s ability to get him home safe sans accident ever crossed my mind.</p>
<p>In fact I can never remember a news report of a bad accident happening under these conditions, ie student traveling home during term/holiday breaks. I am sure it has happened but far, far more frequent are accidents late following a nite of partying.</p>
<p>If past driving issues were the criteria, your daughter would not get in my son’s car. However since hs he has matured and his driving record is impeccable with the exception of a few non-driving issues(illegal parking, driving w/o his license).</p>
<p>20 years ago… when I was at Cornell the bus options weren’t that great. Greyhound went by way of Syracuse and the trip back to Boston was 10 hours instead of the 6+ you could get if you drove. My first year my parents had me take the bus, from then on I got rides off the ride board. There were always a few people in the car but I don’t remember making contact with them ahead of time except to arrange the ride details (done on the phone back in the stone ages)</p>
<p>In this day, if the bus is close to equivalent in time (I wouldn’t worry about the money, I would make up the money for my kids for an option I preferred) I would have them do the bus. Someone mentioned a charter, that sounds like a great choice what are the drawbacks to that? Again, if it is money I would make up the difference. For a ride, I would want to be able to make some connection either through classmates that the person actually attends school there, or the best idea above is contacting the parents. I don’t think it is unreasonable to ask the driver for his parents phone number.</p>
<p>I was in one accident but it was with a person I knew. It was winter and my roomate’s boyfriend was driving with her in the backseat and me shotgun. The car slipped and we went down into the median on 88. No one was hurt, we were all shook up. But this was a kid whom I had ridden with around town and had no bad feelings about his driving. He was tired and the roads were slick. That can happen with any less experienced driver.</p>
<p>She should also just ASK him who else is in the car, and put it out there that she might have another person and see how he reacts</p>
<p>It will most likely be fine, but to not do a bit of snooping and research is just stupid, imo</p>
<p>The D should at a minimum meet him on campus, have a phone conversation (or a few), talk to mutual friends, etc- that is just smart and in no way reflects on her or him- its just called taking care of yourself</p>