<p>I just read the knife thing. We are picking her up. She is coming home the Fri before because we are leaving early Sat on a trip, so no charter bus from Cornell. I am glad I am not too off the wall with my concerns. She may go back with someone she went to high school with after Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>I’ll take the opposite tack…S has a car at school and needs to drive home (up the East Coast) for the Christmas Break.Its 11-12 hrs and I would love him to have company/passengers.Ive asked him to post on a ride board,etc. I think it would be safer for him.If he doesnt get a passenger we are thinking of options like…stopping halfway at our friends house, stopping less than halfway at one of his friends houses,one of us flying down and driving with him.
I guess if he got a passenger and they wanted to call us or their parents did it would be okay .</p>
<p>Good decision, oldfort. You get to spend more time with her this way, anyway.</p>
<p>I vote bus. </p>
<p>Sorry, I have red flags when it comes to anyone (male or female) taking rides from strangers, college age or otherwise.</p>
<p>Bus.</p>
<p>Cathymee,
That’s funny, I was thinking the same thing. I’ve been bugging my son about finding a passenger for his drive home. He’s done the ride by himself a few times now but having a passenger to save gas expenses and keep him company would ease my mind. I would feel funny if a parent called to ask me about him - he’s 20 years old. If someone has a concern I would hope that they would just ask him.</p>
<p>I know the situation is a little different since I’m a guy, but not having a car at college can make things really hard sometimes. Ive literally walked miles to go to the grocery store or to tutoring before. If someone who is a student offers me a ride, I dont perform a background check.</p>
<p>And I always get rides home from strangers if one of my friends isnt going home.</p>
<p>Most college age kids have been driving at least 2 or more years and should be OK by now if they ever will be. I have seen many reports of accidents with busses having tired drivers and faulty equipment that it would worry me as much as getting a ride with the cars most kids in college have today-which are pretty nice compared to the $500 specials we had in my day. I remember driving my $450 Chevy II to Boulder from Madison, rebuilding the carb on the kitchen table at my friends place and driving it home. That builds character and confidence. I had a ride board person with me on that trip out to Boulder and she stiffed me on the gas $$. After that it was always cash in advance.</p>
<p>My experience with this back when I went to college is the same as coureur. Everyone posted notes on the Ride Board. Half the kids didn’t have cars, so this was their main mode of transportation home. I had a car, and I too usually took riders home on Holidays. Of course I usually only took riders that I knew. But occasionally I took people who got my name from a friend. I never had any problems, and I liked having the company on the long ride home. After reading the post about the crazy hunting knife guy I’m thankful that I was lucky enough to never encounter a nut like that. Today I would not feel comfortable having my D get a ride home from others. Now that I’m older and wiser I would worry, so I always pay for her to take the train home.</p>
<p>Post #19 – very scary – good advice from the waitress!</p>
<p>I wouldn’t want my daughter to ride with someone she hadn’t met. Maybe if it was a good friend of a good friend, but definitely not a random person.</p>
<p>We’ve had several incidents with weird men in the neighborhood over the past several months. Two of them involved my college aged daughter – one guy followed her in his car when she was walking to BART, and another sitting in his car asked for directions and when she looked back he was doing something nasty. Good timing, though, right before she left for college – I hope it has made her more wary of strangers.</p>
<p>Midmo: Just to clarify - I was not taking a stand either way. My point is that it’s hard to know how people drive until you drive with them. Many kids at college go on weekend jaunts to Boston or wherever. Often times they’ve never ridden with the driver before. You’re always taking a risk when you get in someone’s car. Haven’t you ever ridden with someone for the first time? </p>
<p>Someone in the seat next to you on a bus can have a knife too. Or on a plane. Our world has turned into a scary place. </p>
<p>It doesn’t sound to me like someone heading home to the next town is likely to be menacing. I’d think that someone either at home or at school would know that person enough to give the potential passenger a handle on him/her. This is potentially different than a total stranger.</p>
<p>I relied on the ride board for three years. Then again, there’s a lot of things that I did that I would not want my kids to even think about today.</p>
<p>Oldfort: I certainly respect your decision.</p>
<p>Back in the 60’s my parents thought I should ride the bus to and from school (500 miles), which I did a couple of times, until the fellow sitting next to me made a pass (I moved to another seat asap). Once I mentioned the incidence to my folks, they sprang for plane tickets, and my trips were much less exhausting. I did meet one fellow on the bus that year with whom I became friends at school, who later died in Viet Nam…I had read about it in alumni magazine, found his name on the Memorial Wall in DC…I was glad to have known him.</p>
<p>Sorry for the hijack, but mention of the bus brought back memories. </p>
<p>When D went to Grad School, we had two days to find her an apartment and roommate. A fellow was recommended by faculty member, so we met him and they went off to lunch together to see if they thought they could share an apartment. She left it hanging until we conferred, and we both agreed he did not seem like an axe murderer, and others did know him, so she roomed with him for a year…it was just fine. </p>
<p>I would have the same concerns about the driving habits and safety of the vehicle, moving violations, air bags, typical questions I would ask. Enjoy your time with her!</p>
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<p>I feel exactly the opposite. </p>
<p>An intelligent, safety-conscious female college student should know enough to make sure that at least her first few dates with a new guy should take place entirely in settings where she can easily leave the situation if she wants to. </p>
<p>A student who accepts a ride from a stranger is getting into a situation where there may not be an easy way out if the situation turns bad (for example, if the people in the car – including the driver – start drinking beer or the roads become slick and it is obvious that the driver is not experienced with such conditions).</p>
<p>It’s pretty common for students at my son’s college to get rides back & forth from campus using Craiglist for ride sharing - it’s a 5 hour drive and not much available in the way of public transportation. I don’t think its entirely a “stranger” situation though – my son has often done this with individuals he had not known before (both driving his car and as a passenger in theirs) – but there tends to be a day or so of back and forth phone calls and I know my son has backed out of it if anything about the situation made him uncomfortable. During those phone calls I think the basic, small talk introductions go on – they each learn a little bit about the other. So I don’t consider it to be in the same category as hitchhiking – this are new people, not old friends, but there has been at least a day or so of warming up time. </p>
<p>I did the same thing in college, only it was more low-tech, through a ride board that was literally a bulletin board in a central location on campus.</p>
<p>I would note that the fact that my kids carry cell phones makes me a lot more comfortable about everything. If I can call and check up on them, I’m happy.</p>
<p>I’m with the ‘stranger = no’ crowd. I don’t think getting a ride with a stranger is a wise idea, regardless of who the stranger is.</p>
<p>I think unwarranted levels of fear about “strangers” has really become overblown. All our friends were once strangers. 99.99% of kids at any school are perfectly fine. I’d just be sure they were a student and have a chat. If you really worry about getting a ride with a male there are often females looking for riders too. Paranoia runs deep.</p>
<p>barrons, you said “All our friends were once strangers”…while that may be true, I didn’t meet them for the first time in a car, by myself, for an extended drive.</p>
<p>And if you think “unwarranted levels of fear about “strangers” has really become overblown” then perhaps you haven’t read the newspaper lately. </p>
<p>We’re not talking about a girl getting a ride with another girl. Or a boy riding with a boy. And yes, for ME that makes a difference. And yes, I’d still be anxious if the “stranger” was of the same sex.</p>
<p>Call me “paranoid” I prefer to err on the side of safety.</p>
<p>barrons…I’m assuming you are a guy? It’s different w/women…it just is. </p>
<p>I speak as a woman who sees how much unwanted/unsolicited attention you get just from being female as well as a criminal attorney who has read/worked on enough (graphic) cases to last a lifetime. Say what you will about gender equity – women so often are the victims (of men) – often someone they’ve randomly encountered, etc.</p>
<p>Caution doesn’t have to make you paranoid. You can think optimistically, like people and feel good about the world – just remember, though, everyone wasn’t raised the way you were or have your psychological make-up & limitations on behavior. It’s short-sighted to think otherwise.</p>
<p>calmom, while I do not have concerns about students accepting rides from other students, getting a ride from Craigs List would be a concern. The ride board contacts are students(a thing a rider can easily verify) while something like CL can be used by anyone, even those will ill intent.</p>
<p>I’m with Barron on this … and yes I’m a guy … with two parents one of whom is a women, one sibling who is a women, one life partner who is a women, three children one of whom is a women, and with the majority of my closer friends being women.</p>
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<p>I understand that is how you feel … but statistically date rape is by far the biggest risk college women face of being raped. As a parent do I want my daughter to be prudent and careful? Of course. That said, do I expect every one of her dates in college to be somehow vetted by my wife or I because of the risk … absolutely not … and those dates a tremendously bigger risk. So do I want her to be careful about arranging transportation? Absolutely, but I’ll trust her judgement in this less risky situation just as I’ll trust her judegement in the more risky situation of dating.</p>
<p>I grew up in the 60s when we left our doors unlocked and us kids were allowed to wander around town unsupervised. This almost never happens now as it is unsafe. However the typical safety precautions of parents do not deal with the higher risk situations. Kidnappings by strangers are way down than in the past … the vast majority of “kidnappings” now involve situations like non-custodial parents. In the 30s if a kid was taken from a bedroom by a stranger the local town knew and noone else … in the 2000s the whole country knows. Child abuse is commited in the vast majority of case not by strangers but by known people in positions of trust (adult relative, teacher, coach, priest). </p>
<p>The punch line for me … focussing on the risk of strangers is not focussing on where our kids face the most risk … and in many cases strangers or people not so well known are more likely to support a kid having issues with a trusted adult (what you think my brother abused you? you must have misunderstood). My kids need to learn to be prudent and careful and to develop good radar about bad situations … but strangers are a lot lower on my list of concerns than for most people replying to this string.</p>
<p>I would be more worried about an accident because of falling asleep behind the wheel, safety of the car, distracting chatter, and inexperience in driving, especially long distances. My son has taken rides home from, and I understand the convenience, but I don’t feel entirely comfortable about it. I only worry about the possibility of an accident. The only comfort I have is knowing that the person rides with is a responsible student, that my son always wears a seat belt, and that they do get gas before they are on empty. My son offers to share gas costs.</p>