Should I be concerned daughter getting a ride home from a stranger

Parent Cafe
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<p>well the sad thing about my hunting knife episode is that, if you think about it, the guy might have been afraid of ME (all 5’2") or he normally carried a knife in a position to be ready for self-defense. It was tucked behind his butt, with the knife blade pointed down in between the seat back and seat cushion.</p>

<p>Why didn’t I report it to the police? Because when I arrived at my friends in AUstin, they said that’s just country ways and I shouldn’t bother with it. Since I was from far away, I thought they had a handle on what might be new and deifferent for me in the South. </p>

<p>I think a lot of these are issues of gut feelings more than statistics, so that each family will do what is right for their own sense of things. I kept the knife for years, and showed it to my preteen kids to show them the story was for real. They asked me to give it away, so I donated it to a rummage sale.</p>

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<p>If somebody else in the car is carrying drugs and something happens, your kid may also be arrested. This will not occur if somebody else on the bus is carrying drugs. Of course, your decisions will be informed by your own experience…in my case, it was in the middle of the night, freezing cold, somewhere on the interstate, when I realized that the driver had pot in the car. I didn’t bail out early–although I should have. I would only let my kids take a ride from somebody they already know, and even then I would have questions…I would never have them accept a ride from a young driver just to save money.</p>

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<p>As a former hitch-hiker in the 1970s, I would vote against taking a ride with a stranger. I had many, many great rides and a few bizarre rides. The bizarre rides trump all others. Ride sharing is different from hitch-hiking, but it would still be a ride with a stranger.</p>

<p>Bottom line - there is an alternative, so why take a risk with a stranger.</p>

<p>BTW - I have friends that I won’t drive with, because of their driving skills.</p>

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<p>I’m not worried about students accepting rides from “strangers” because they are strangers but rather because the rider has not had the opportunity to judge the individual’s driving habits.</p>

<p>It’s different with a friend. If a student has a friend on campus who has a car, chances are that the student has accepted a ride from that friend to some nearby destination – such as a supermarket. There has been at least some chance to observe that friend’s driving habits, at relatively low risk (because the drive was short and, in an extreme situation, the rider could have gotten out of the car and called a cab to get back to campus). The student probably also knows whether or not the driver is likely to be carrying illegal substances in the car, and whether the driver is likely to be hung over or exhausted on the drive home. </p>

<p>My son, a college senior who does not have a car, has many friends on campus who do have cars. There are some whom he is entirely comfortable riding with. There are others whose cars he wouldn’t get into if they were the last form of transportation on earth. These are people he knows. He has had a chance to make judgments. You can’t do that with a ride board.</p>

<p>As far as I’m concerned, ride board = hitch hiking. I see no difference.</p>

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<p>There is a huge difference bewteen a college run ride board and hitch-hiking. Many schools now actively limit ride postings to students and maybe staff. While this is not 100% safe screening, I sure would take that cut over any random person driving down the road. I have done both several times and the range in who picks you up hitching is FAR more scary than the range of fellow students.</p>

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<p>

As a kid who did college on the chinese noodle and macoroni and cheese plan the ride board was my only option for getting off campus. I’d agree with the above if you jump into the car cold. Whenever I got a ride I’d talk to the driver and get a little info … year, major, dorm, frat, etc … and then checked with friends/acquantanences who might know the driver … and always was able to get some info … so in my case it was far different then hitching (which I also did and WOULD NOT recommend to anyone).</p>

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<p>Same here, 3togo. I was always the driver but I was interviewing the potential riders so I could get the gas money 1/2’ed.</p>

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<p>Then again, maybe you can’t judge a book by its cover. Whoa.</p>

<p>[UW</a> honor student a suspect in Italy rape, killing](<a href=“http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/338518_british07.html]UW”>http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/338518_british07.html)</p>

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<p>Barrons, bizaare things can happen, but to a certain extent you have to be cautious, and then expect the world to be a good place. But where to be cautious, and where to let go is an individual decision. </p>

<p>I’m a veteran of hitchhiking, ride boards, long waits in the LA bus station at 1 AM, mostly before the age of 20. In those days there were all sorts of ways to get around, with or without money. I had adventures en route, and lived by my wits. We were good in those days at figuring out how to get from place to place with minimal cash. Maybe I was lucky. I had my rules, and knew when to say no to a car, when to get out at a stoplight, trusted my gut. Several times I got rides from our citywide ride board, Phoenix to Seattle or Alaska with strangers. Unique experiences, once with single mom that I stayed friends with for a long time. Another time, accompanied by boyfriend, rode with Latino guys who drove me nuts with excessivly loud music, days of it. But the day I spent with their family in the California delta country was memorable.</p>

<p>Now, in our far tamer life, my kids scare the wits out of me with their HS friends and cars. All smart kids, but some are better drivers than others, and my experience with my son’s crowd is that driving while hung over, if better than inebriated, is still not a great idea.</p>

<p>My D recently went up to visit friends at another LAC, 4 hours away, with her home town buddy, who I know is not the best driver. Felt I could say nothing, though I expressed concern, as she’s at the age where I feel this stuff has to be her own decision, and would be a major rift if I raised a ruckus. It is rough on the nerves. They were fine, and she called on arrival as well as en route home. As she is at a small LAC, were she to get a ride home with another student, I’d not mind. It’s a small enough place that a bad rep would not be unknown. But winter driving would change my opinion, and I’d trust the bus far more.</p>

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<p>barrons–</p>

<p>“My kids need to learn to be prudent and careful and to develop good radar about bad situations … but strangers are a lot lower on my list of concerns than for most people replying to this string.”</p>

<p>Good point–many, many abuse & other crimes are committed by people the victim knows (family member, mother’s bf, etc.). But, categorizing the rate of frequency of a risk does not mean that your individual response to a less-than-prevelant risk needs to be muted.</p>

<p>So – most strangers are great, a few are off the charts & a fatal risk. Do you reduce your ‘stranger safety’ (in my mind, never take a ride w/a stranger, no matter what your circumstances–particularly if you are a woman), because statistics show that more crimes are committed by acquaintances? No, you use prudence in all situations w/potential risk of harm (be it a date, ride, etc.). </p>

<p>And…you don’t have to get all down & negative about humanity as a whole about it. Just be practical. :-)</p>

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<p>“Your kids are gonna be with lots of strange students in dorms, lounges, etc. at college too.”</p>

<p>Irrelevant. That is the norm. You are missing the point.</p>

<p>They barely know each other and are going to one person’s house to do what’s supposed to be a formal interview. The OP’s interviewer is jumping the gun here. Keep your clothes on :eek: and say NO</p>

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<p>I haven’t read the whole thread, but that story by p3t is pretty darned scary! We used to use rideboards all the time when I was in college, before we could google or facebook or whatever to check up on folks. Have a safe drive to Ithaca, oldfort! </p>

<p>Did any of your d’s friends know this person? My s has ridden to/from school, but so far only with someone he knows directly or indirectly</p>

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<p>I’m pretty sure the OP has handled the question by now. This thread is over two years old.</p>

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<p>LOL, good catch 3bm103! Looks like it got pulled up in conjunction with the interview thread, as the poster who revived the thread seems to be talking about the interviews.</p>

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<p>Yes, I am 3 years wiser now.:slight_smile: D1 has a car up at school, so she doesn’t have to get a ride with strangers. Her little mini uses so little gas, she could afford to pay for gas herself, so she’ll only give rides to people she knows.</p>