<p>There is no activity on the planet with “zero” risk. As said before, you have put your son at far greater risk thousands of times before this. The real issue here is that you are fearing the loss of control. I have overprotective tendancies as well, so I get it. </p>
<p>Every day your son gets a day older, you are losing ground in your ability to control him or dictate how he should feel about things. You might as well get used to it. Your job as a parent is to prepare him for life outside of the nest. He will never become a savvy traveler unless he is allowed to do so without you being there and anticipating any possible complication and solving it for him. From what you’ve said, this trip is planned to the minute, so I think your declarations about his inability to navigate the travel portion here is a straw man argument.</p>
<p>I don’t believe that the real source of objection is the threat of physical harm. A minute of logical thought about the relative risks of many things we face every day, as a number of posters have spelled out, shows that this trip is not risky in the relative or absolute sense.</p>
<p>Nor do I buy the “he doesn’t have a <em>clue</em> what to do when he’s outside his element” argument, he will be chaperoned at all times and surrounded by people who organize and run these trips for a living. It’s not like he could be stranded on his own somewhere.</p>
<p>These two arguments strike me as rationalizations in support of some other reason, and poor ones at that.</p>
<p>
This I believe is the real heart of the matter.</p>
<p>OP, I think you need to do some self-examination to discover what exactly it is you are afraid could happen on this trip. Do you think your kid is going to drop out and move to Israel, become a citizen and join the army after being exposed to the “glamour” of a soldier in uniform? Are you afraid he will become pro-Israel?</p>
<p>If you are worried about indoctrination of some sort, I’d be more worried about him being exposed to crack-pot professors at his school for months at a time.</p>
<p>Your best-case outcome is that your kid delays the trip until after he graduates, and resents your heavy-handedness for the rest of your life. Worst case is you destroy your relationship with him for the rest of your life.</p>
<p>There is a difference between not listening to you and not doing everything that you want. He is growing up, and in the future there will be many more things that he could do that are not what you would want him to do. The danger in cutting him off, and appearing so dogmatic, is that in the future, when you can’t hold your money over his head, he simply wont tell you what he is doing or planning to do, not only leaving you with years and years of worry about what your son is up to, but leaving your son to stumble into potentially far worse things with no advice at all from you. Only you know if this is such an important issue that you are willing to take that risk. Personally, I don’t really like these kinds of trips either, but I wouldn’t see it as important enough to risk such a major relationship in your life - you have to pick your battles.</p>
<p>I think when you are not very familiar with a country, it is difficult for you to have a true picture of the dangers there. I am in the UK at the moment, and there are people here who believe all Americans wander about armed to the teeth. They know all the stories about the British tourists who have been mugged and car-jacked and murdered. But we, who know more, would not advise them never to visit the US because they will get shot.</p>
<p>"I see, so they are all together on one big bus. Sounds like a prime target to me. "</p>
<p>wow, just wow.
using this type of reasoning, everyone should be afraid of traveling on a bus. Cause that makes you a “target”.
you need to get some help because your irrational paranoia is stopping from you from thinking rationally.</p>
<p>Rational arguments will not sway OP from her need to control her son, her paranoid views, and what I suspect is deep-seated anti-Zionism, so it’s silly to continue. I hope her son has a fantastic time and moves really far away from home after graduation–maybe Jerusalem!</p>
<p>notrichenough, I agree with you. Has anyone ever gotten hurt on a Birthright trip?</p>
<p>My parents and I are secular American Jews who would be considered far left wing within Israeli politics. Yes, the goal of Birthright is to build a love of Israel and a sense of connection to Israel among American Jews. Like some right wing Americans, there are right wing Israelis who think that loving a country means you have to agree with every choice its government makes. I don’t believe that about either America or Israel, and no free trip could change my mind…but it would certainly help me to understand where those folks are coming from and how to live among people with an opposite worldview. That’s a big reason I would have gone on a Birthright trip happily if I hadn’t aged out before the program got underway. The reason for foreign travel, and for college itself for that matter, is to learn about people and ideas that differ from what the student learned at home. That might include soldiers, foreigners, people who proselytize different religions, etc. If mom and dad know everything worth knowing, I don’t get the point of leaving home at all.</p>
<p>Any time a student visits a faraway place, domestic or international, in person or via study, there is some risk that they will fall in love with the place/idea and want to live there, far from home. My family has friends whose kids joined the Lubavitchers, which to our way of thinking is running off with a cult. There’s no way to eliminate the risk that one’s children will end up physically or ideologically far away. On the other hand, setting up a scenario where mom and dad are so opposed to exploration that they’re willing to end a student’s education to prevent it increases the risk that the child will cut you out of his life even if you live down the street.</p>
<p>My 19 yo daughter is going to Israel in June with a multi-faith group. I have no worries other than I bet she won’t like the food. Granted, she isn’t hanging out with a bunch of people trying to “indoctrinate” her into some cult, but I have no fears for her safety.</p>
<p>I am pretty sure the OP is the father, not the mother of said student. I know I read where OP said something about the boy’s mother, leading me to believe this is the father posting. I skimmed, but couldn’t find the original post where I saw this.</p>
<p>I think we all assumed the OP was the mom as this forum is female heavy, but for me, I couldn’t imagine a father with this strong feelings of safety. No offense to the fathers here; I just think this kind of worry comes from the females, myself included ;)</p>
<p>well, mother or father, the OP is paranoid . as well as antisemitic. I hope son has a wonderful trip and eventually moves as far away from this hyper controlling parent as possible.</p>
<p>I’m the father and I’m neither paranoid nor anti-Semitic (I am Jewish, however).
You’ve fallen into the classic error of assuming anti-semitism whenever someone doesn’t completely embrace everything about Israel. I have nothing against Israel (much like I have anything against most countries), it’s just clearly a dangerous part of the world and I don’t want my (non street-smart) son going there. Why is this so hard for many to accept?</p>
<p>Soze, D is currently on a birthright trip. Obviously, you have your feelings about the trip, but you posted here presumably to see if others agree or it is reasonable. I think its 100% that disagree that 1. birthright is dangerous, and 2. you should control/leverage support because of his decision to go. </p>
<p>I am convinced there is no safer way to go to Israel. Just about every Jewish young adult I know has been on one of these trips and I’ve never heard one negative comment, let alone about any type of dangerous incident. You are way overreacting. Your son is an adult and he has made a completely reasonable decision. As for the politics, its just a trip. He can take away from it what he will.</p>
<p>Perhaps because of a statement you made a while back about your son having no more connection to Israel than to North Korea.</p>
<p>If your son is Jewish – or has some Jewish heritage even if he is not a practicing Jew – then many people would say that he does have a connection to Israel because its existence is an important part of both ancient and modern Jewish history.</p>
<p>My husband is Jewish, but I am not. Our children were not raised Jewish and do not identify as Jews. Yet if either of them was interested in exploring their Jewish heritage, developing an understanding of Israel – and perhaps even visiting it – could be a legitimate part of that exploration.</p>
<p>It would never occur to me to say that my son and daughter have no more connection to Israel than to North Korea because I don’t feel that it’s true.</p>
<p>Your assessment of the risk does not match published information about the risk of being in Israel (not the West Bank or Gaza) versus the United States.</p>
<p>If your son got a job or internship interview or offer in a part of a major city in the US with a high crime rate, would you object in the same way?</p>
<p>Again, you’re focussing on the trip and not on the parenting issue. Big, big mistake. </p>
<p>You’re a parent who has kept his son insulated from the real world. You’ve travelled the world and have taken no steps to give your son the life skills that would benefit him now. You have no real knowledge of what happens on a Birthright trip, or of how safe it is for a US teen to travel in a group to Israel (hint: for rather obvious political reasons, terrorists don’t want to hit foreign tourists). If anyone’s having trouble “accepting” things, it’s not the other posters on this thread.</p>
<p>What ucbalumnus said. It’s hard to accept because your perception of risk doesn’t match the actual risk. If your son were accepting an assignment as an embedded reporter in Afghanistan, no one would question your stated fear for his safety.</p>
<p>Question for soze: You posted here looking for opinions. It appears the vast majority of responses disagree with you. Will these opinions influence your actions?</p>
<p>You have chosen to restrict the opportunities for your son to develop confidence in himself and knowledge about the world and how to move in it. You are using your past parenting choices to continue to restrict your sons choices.</p>
<p>Now your adult son, wishes to take place in a very controlled travel experience- where he will be chaperoned and where travel arrangements will be made for him. Additionally he will be with peers who share his interest in his heritage and will not be alone if minor or major mishaps occur.</p>
<p>You could continue to shelter your son from learning skills that he could draw on as an adult or you could admit that this very structured program is a perfect opportunity to learn some of those skills.</p>
But this is why you needed to be more specific. If your son had wanted to move in with his drug-addict girlfriend, you would have received a different response.</p>
<p>
I have to say that I’m curious why you asked for our views. Were you surprised that more parents didn’t support your position? Doesn’t that suggest that perhaps you should re-examine your position? I can understand your concerns, but I thought you were going to identify something really bad that he wanted to do. This one is really pretty benign. I think you should count your blessings that he wants to do this as opposed to hitchhikiing through Mexico.</p>